Mood:
chillin'Now Playing: Day 2886-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
So... I got my awaited phone call today regarding Friday mornings surgery. In fact... I got more than just my one awaited phone call today. I got several phone calls today.
Time to hit the self~reset button! And quick!
High five with regards to the morphine family that finally started to provide me a bit of relief late last night into early this morning. I can't begin to tell you how great it felt to actually be able to walk around without being in a world of tumor pain through my lower spine and down my legs. The only problem I have with taking such a strong pain medication is the initial one heck of a powerful KICK! Don't ask me what I was doing the first few hours once it started to literally kick in... HA! I don't even remember falling asleep. Thank GOODNESS for finally getting some relief!
What didn't fair well so much for me was the news from oncology that next months rescan and labs have been bumped up a bit. They also did not feel it is in my best interest right now to proceed ahead with Friday mornings scheduled surgery. What is becoming some sort of cancelation (after-another-after-another) event. Oncology does want me to proceed with both surgeries, but at a much later date, next month. This way they can bump up my rescan to see what changes are taking place right now with the tumors. Regardless if things really are out of my control, internally. At least all of my doctors, specialists and the Cleveland Clinic are now on the same page. I finally feel a bit more at ease.
Instead of our kitchen cabinets being taken over by post-it-notes as reminders of what's next with regards to major house repairs. There are now post-it-notes scattered as medical appointment reminders for the next several weeks. It's still looking to be a very busy month of December. That's not even counting Christmas, but we already plan on celebrating low-key. We still plan on doing our best to keep some of our holiday traditions, but as well starting a few new ones this year. Change... is inevitable. But as well... change can be good!
I was informed today that oncology will still be working closely with Rare Cancer Institutes with my unique medical case. You know what this means... future opportunities' to be presented with the next experimental oncology treatments come 2018. The last opportunity at a chance of taking a really powerful experimental chemotherapy drug was a big ole definite NO from me. However, I am always on the look out for that silver lining.
Hopefully taking a long time-out as I have over the past few weeks will benefit me for a very busy upcoming several weeks.
Got... to... keep... GOING!
"One of the most powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls that are fully lit and willing to show it."
~c.s.
d'oh
We are finally starting to see our very first possums here in the country. Actually... early this morning while checking on our neighborhood kitties. We have a make shift safe winter haven set up in our spare garage for two of our visiting kitties. Papa kitty & Sweetie kitty who actually looks just like a little snow leopard. She is not only sweet, but super fluffy! Sweetie kitty and Papa kitty have actually grown to become close friends over the past few months. At least now they will be safe and warm through out the upcoming winter season.
blessing!
Today was another day of rest in attempts of snapping my body out of this constant pain and funk. Cutie Patootie Babyblue surprised me by pulling a first this evening. I woke up from a nap and looked over to see Babyblue sleeping in Littleblue's spot on the other side of the couch as she stared back at me. All I could do was look back and smile with sheer happiness. It was just what I needed to bring me out of this funk lately. Another instance of just how much she reminds me of our beloved Littleblue. She must had been sent from heaven... Babyblue
hehehe! 
happy
Christmas!
YY! 
I still have yet to get over this constant pain. It is also down right exhausting. Even with new medication that was called into our local pharmacy yesterday. I still have yet to find any sort of relief. My oncologist has been corresponding with Cleveland Clinic and hopes to have at least some sort of insight, possible help by tomorrow morning. This weeks surgery that got rescheduled yesterday morning is still up in the air until I hear back from my oncologist. I am already rescheduled for another scan and labs next month. The way things are looking, it might end up being a bit sooner than later. The only thing that I was told to do for now is rest, rest and more rest. 
~Joy
down
bad in a really long time. 
I should had known better to realize what was making me feel so horribly sick this morning. The cold sweats on top of pain, dizziness and feeling as if I couldn't catch my breath had Eric contacting my surgeons office and the hospital around 7:30am. I really did my best to get lots of rest and take it easy over the weekend. However, when the internal war rears it's ugly head through very unexpected symptoms. There is no warning. 
I have one final chance with surgery that was rescheduled for later this week. I have until then to somehow start feeling better. Internally speaking. Because lets face it. Mentally I am ready! My game face is on! Physically speaking is an entirely different story. If I can't maintain some sort of decent body temperature and blood pressure by the morning of surgery. Everything will officially be called off and not by my doing. But by my surgeons. Any future surgeries or future surgical procedures will as I was told on the phone... be no longer. That thought alone is frightening, because in my mind, it means having to accept being defeated in what I fought against for such a very long time. Yet, I will do everything in my power to somehow get myself physically back on track for surgery later this week. But the reality of it all still doesn't look very promising. Especially when my pain management doctor can't even get me to some sort of middle ground with the tumor pain. Endocrinology gave up on finding some sort of answers to help balance out issues with the inability to stabilize vitally important hormones that help to regulate normal bodily functions. My levels are off the charts due to the ovarian tumors continuing to feed from the hormones that I need in order to maintain some sort of normalcy. It's been that way for months now and it hasn't gotten any better.
snow?" 
I sure hope that it's not going to be another year with hardly any snow. I LOVE snow! The more... the merrier! We also can't wait to see how Babyblue reacts to the snow this year. It will be her very first time to literally see and play in the snow with Snoreo. Embracing her huskiness of such a little firecracker that she is quickly becoming! 
buddies!
While I am recovering next week from surgery. Eric will finally have a chance to make a whole lot of phone calls with regards to errors still being reported by the bank with all three credit bureaus. His VA mortgage loan is one hot credit reporting mess! We are now on complaint #5 with the Federal Consumer Protection Agency. I don't get it... not one bit. How hard is it to report payments being made to the credit bureaus on a monthly basis?. I mean... really! The bank has only successfully reported a mere 2 payments. Still yet to report the other missing ones over the course of the past year. The only post-it notes on the kitchen cabinet for Eric to deal with now is solely regarding the bank. I look at this entire purchase, from start to finish, as one huge disappointment. Although... there is always a silver lining. We have lost a lot. We have gained a lot. But most importantly, we have learned a lot! Maybe too much for my liking. Crazy enough, I have gained a world of legal knowledge that most likely I would had never had prior to this home here in the country.
CONEYS!
Who is the most difficult on the gift 
list to buy? Little ole me. As Eric always says, "You are impossible to buy for on your birthday and Christmas." What he really means, is in general. I don't need anything nor is there anything that I really want that is on the top of any kind of gift list. I assume it's nice to be able to say that in this day and age. But in all reality, what I have experienced through out my medical journey has really allowed me to appreciate the far simpler things in life. Less is more. I would much rather bring a smile to someone else's face. I would much rather hear a family crying for joy over their loved one coming to realization with cancer treatments actually put their cancer in remission. I would much rather see a child not have to suffer through surgery after surgery in hopes of removing cancerous tumors. I used to believe that Gastroparesis was one tough son-of-a-gun! However, what I have learned over the past two years is that there will always be something far BIGGER and much GREATER. 
Enjoy the good days! Learn from the bad days. Hope is a word that has no beginning and no end. Unconditional love and simple hugs go a very long way! I have grown more than most will ever know over the past few years. I am forever changed, but for the better. I have also become one tough cookie! You can't break my shell. Yet, I also know that some things in life can never be defied. What I continue to battle has only gained strength. A losing battle that has made me far more humble and a lot more appreciative for life in general. Amen.
YOUR EYE OUT KID!"
bright
Another most beautiful morning with Sweetie kitty paying us a visit while playing among the trees. When you live in the country, neighborhood kitties are taken care of by everyone. If you find a stray or feral kitty and can catch them. Our county animal rescue and shelter will spay or neuter, along with shots for free. Then the kitties are released back into the wild with a special marking. This is to let everyone know that they have been spay or neutered and considered safe to roam free. 
This morning we had an early appointment for pre-surgical testing. I can't believe that my surgery is already early next week. This month is literally flying on by! One would assume, that we would be hospital pros by now. However, I am not so certain that anyone gets used to living with long term medical issues. Especially anything dealing with cancer. In any way, shape or form. The constant uneasiness, uncertainness and living the remainder of your life while walking on egg shells. It's never an easy feeling. It's never an easy road. But today, we found ourselves walking on the same ole road that we walked just a year prior. Crazy how some things in life come full circle. 
Eric, he still remains a bit uneasy with next weeks surgery. I am more concerned with the real reality of handling two totally different types of pain after surgery. Thankfully my pain tolerance is already off-the-charts, not normal. I can handle a hell of a lot of pain. However, laying around while trying to recover this time around is going to be quite tricky. Two totally different types of pain. In two totally different areas of the body. I was told to expect the worst, this time around, when it comes to post-surgical pain. I don't do well with narcotics due to my body not being able to break down pills and absorb them properly. This is where my port would had greatly come in handy! Hopefully the good stuff, anesthesia, will last me a bit longer this time around so I can sleep away the pain. 
fight coming on this evening!!
happy
Yep, that's how we came up with our new holiday tradition. 
The sugar buzz alone is enough to send someone into a state of sheer sugar bliss! In order to figure out just how high ones blood sugar will jump after eating more than their stomach can handle (Eric still laughing). This is the aftermath, a mere 20 minutes later after Eric inhaled a combination of trying all three stacks of pancakes for Pansgiving. 
We were still laughing!!! 
Hahahahaha! Blame it on the sugar rush from head to toe! I never laughed so hard! It's been a long time coming and we both totally deserved this happiest Thanksgiving yet! The holidays really are about smiles, laughter and sheer, undeniable, pure happiness! Sharing new memories together as family. Our little families second annual tradition was absolutely PERFECT! I wouldn't had changed a thing! 
sunset along the river trails. 
hungry
It seems as if a little someone has already taken over duties of watching mommy bake for the upcoming holidays. Hehehehehe! Such a cutie!
This year things will be different as we continue celebrating Thanksgiving with a new tradition. PANSGIVING!Nothing but pure happiness, peace, joy and undeniable celebratory bliss~
On a different note... unfortunately Eric has to work during this years Thanksgiving and Christmas. Instead of rushing to cook and bake for the holidays. I have decided to prepare food ahead of time for a far more enjoyable Thanksgiving day shared with our little family. There will be no cooking for tomorrow so we can enjoy that extra time together. Creating new holiday memories to last a lifetime. A day of giving thanks for so many blessings we have received this year. All of our silver linings. 
hug me
During this upcoming holiday season. Most of us will be celebrating far happier times with family, friends and loved ones. Let's face it... Thanksgiving and Christmas generally represent time spent with family. For many people, this is the hardest part of the year. Some family members celebrate the holidays alone, absent from family. While for others, the holidays can be especially tough after suffering the loss of a loved one. Even those whom have suffered the loss of a beloved fur child. This time of year can be especially difficult as we continue to grieve far happier memories of days gone by. The holidays aren't always such a happy, joyous occasion. For some, it represents overwhelming sadness. 
Over the past year, myself and my spouse have spent a lot of time grieving from overwhelming loss. Time spent trying to heal from the same overwhelming pain. This is the time of the year that we have dreaded the most. Yet, we are not alone. 