The Road Before & After Surgery

Closing Another Life Chapter.

Sat, 25 May 2013 01:54:14 -0500

BEAUTIFUL WEATHER TODAY! Love it! I am totally a fall-weather gal. I don't do heat nor do my internal organs. I am crossing my fingers this much cooler weather stays with us for more than a few days. I am dreading the upcoming months of heat and humidity, along with it more frequent migraines and seizures.

Today was one of those days that I was able to close another chapter of life. I was also able to be given some additional facts regarding stress and the toll it can take on the human body. Worse when you are sick. I already knew the stress I have endured over the past few years surely couldn't had been healthy. In fact, sadly it has played a part of causing my internal battles to rapidly progress. If I wasn't put threw such unnecessary hellish stress caused by others I would sadly not be in the position I am in today, fighting harder than ever before just to keep my head above water. Medically. Mentally, it sure couldn't had been healthy either. It couldn't had been healthy on either of us. Thank goodness little E didn't have to take a front seat and for that I am grateful for not putting a young child through the unnecessary stress, but instead protecting him from it. I am glad to finally be coming out on the other side. ALIVE. Emotionally? Its going to take quite some time. A very long time I was told to really start being able to fully trust people again. Thankfully I can still put complete trust in my current care with my other specialists. I assume todays news just verifies that when blood goes behind your back contacting your physicians that one thing can be learned for the one physician of over 10+ years who took it upon themselves to state, "Being sick is just all in your head." I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to bring that individual to my next big cancer battle procedure!! Actually I would love to take them to every single one, every three months for as long as I have to endure them. I would also LOVE LOVE LOVE to have that same physician endure the hellish nightmare, "Drano-aka-Hell-In-A-Jug on a weekly basis. Better yet I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have that same individual whom went behind my back and told blood that I am not sick, its just all in your head, to endure every last procedure, test and surgery I have went through my entire life.

Then, maybe just then, they would understand their words were forever damaging. Physically and emotionally.

Their words given to blood who went behind my back without my knowledge after being in the "know" of my medical for years only to cause me more problems and jeopardize my care also lead not just myself but both of us to court for defending the exact thing I have gone through since at the young age of 6 months old, now proven on medical facts/documents, "I am sick." I have been sick. Instead, we were sued for blogging feelings of defending oneself of being told I am not sick based off of my physician meeting with them over a year ago, without my knowledge or written consent. We had to endure a senseless court hearing being sued for over $25,000 by blood all due to defending those who believed this same physician, that being sick is just all in your head. Why? If this isn't enough to literally MAKE you sick, then I don't know what would?...

As of today, the final decision was made regarding not just internal investigations but other HIPAA violation investigations in regards to personal off-the-cuff opinions and medical information being released without my knowledge and blood not being on any HIPAA forms. For those who have witnessed first hand the pure stressful HELL we both endured, but mostly myself, we were advised, "Internal reprimands would take place." We were aware of this over a month ago as the physician admitted to meeting with blood, those not listed on my HIPAA privacy forms. I can't begin to tell you the hell I have went through and outlandish attacks from those who actually believed such off-the-cuff comments from someone who isn't even a specialist and blood making me out to be a mockery of not being sick. Being made out to clearly be someone I am not and constantly trying to defend such accusations has destroyed any sense of self I had left. This has other specialists who have treated me for years scratching their heads on how any doctor could go past HIPAA guidelines then state a patients conditions is just in their head. This is even after my last surgery (5 years ago) provided hard color copy photos that showed an internal walking time-bomb that could only be fixed with temporary band-aids. The surgery wasn't successful by any means. It was a complete nightmare BUST.

Disappointed? YES. It has also taken a toll emotionally. It has caused me many days of depression and high anxiety. It has also made me severe ties with most of those involved. I don't trust. Rightfully so. Thankfully there are still those I can trust although only two remain in this city. Everyone else resides out of state. Professionally I have been told the healing process can now start but it will take a lot of time. Months. Even years. I doubt I will ever be able to forgive anyone involved in such a horrible act of betrayal and trust. Having individuals, blood tell everyone you know or have known for most of your life, those you even grew up with that I am not sick, due to off-the-cuff physician comments then in turn sue you and walk away, for ME to pick up the pieces is in my opinion, "Unforgivable and Unforgettable."

Call me the "Little engine who 'thought' she could." Maybe "can't" seeing I tried that ONE LAST TIME to talk to blood and listen, as well as one can with hearing issues, to work things out. The end result was another conversation that went absolutely no where. I assume you can say, I was always the type of person that in dealing with life problems, I always chose to sit down with all parties involved and work things out. I don't sit well with brushing things off under the table or pretending as if they never happened. No one can go through any normal emotions when turning a blind eye. It doesn't work for me. It also doesn't work when those who hurt you feel they don't owe you anything, that includes an explanation and sincere apology by all parties involved.

I can handle being sick better than anyone I know. I have done so as to my knowledge for over 9 years. Not to my recent knowledge with all prior medical records since birth, "6 months old."

Truth isn't always two sides of a story, especially when only one side has been told. Over this past week we were advised by a professional, "Its too late to continue fighting for your dignity because what has been told to others by those involved has only been one side. Sadly, others believed it without even giving you the benefit of the doubt. You will never be able to change the opinions of others but you can always take heart in knowing you now have the real truth. In writing."

Another chapter of my life officially closed today. My body can't handle anymore stress and by golly, it has been through enough. I wouldn't wish my 2 year nightmare on anyone, "HOWEVER" there is a lot to be learned. There are valid life lessons we have learned from going through such a bad experience. Thank goodness for finding out the hard way that if a physician who isn't any type of specialist feels the need to disclose medical information, listen to those not on HIPAA or makes off-the-cuff inappropriate comments, then clearly they should had never been on team with other doctors to start with whom are specialists and take my unique medical condition VERY SERIOUSLY. It is a complete disgrace to them, but mostly me, the patient.

As of this month I had to change primary care physicians once again since leaving my prior doctor of over 10+ years back in January. Its not in the best interest for me to continue seeing the same connected health group that involves the prior doctor. I am happy to say as of today I found a new, permanent primary care physician whom put right on top of my medical chart-online, "No contact from so and so and so and so as well there will be no contacting his office." This also took effect with several other of my treating specialists. One stated late last year, "Family now has an option to be either in or out when it comes to COMPLETE support. If they choose out then they stay out. They are interfering with your care and will respect you as adult, you are a not a child. If they ever again doubt if you are sick, they are all welcome to an arms length worth of factual medical records."

As Eric said this evening, "If only your old family doctor did the same thing as others and respected your HIPAA privacy then you would had never endured such hell from blood overstepping boundaries."

I ended a very long, highly emotional and stressful day with a walk at our local park, reflecting on the past that I now bury along with my prior identity as I take the final step starting a new life with a new name and soon a new home. I pray that the good Lord allows me to find some sort of peace and happiness again and that my health never again has to suffer by the hands of others.

-Rainbow Bright/VV

Busy Day!

Fri, 24 May 2013 03:09:05 -0500

Thank goodness for vibrate mode on cell phone alarms! Its been one busy day and of course Eric must had fell back asleep once his cell phone alarm went off so thank goodness for my back up alarm!

Today I finally was able to get back into physical therapy. Gosh knows I needed it! I have been feeling BLAH lately... I assume after the cancer procedure and bad news that went with it, things kind of went downhill and my zest for life went with it. I have been doing my absolute best pulling myself out of the wicked slump. Its been tough as nails, but I am slowly getting back to feeling a bit more like myself. Maybe not so much internally seeing I doubt I will ever get back to how I used to feel, full of energy. For now I am doing everything I can to get some energy and spunk back! My trainer was ecstatic to see me again and promised that although there will always be set backs, she will continue working with me. Thank you for someone who also understands! AMEN.

The first tanning bed session went A-OK. I didn't get burnt so that's a plus! Eric didn't get burnt either although we are wise enough to start off s l o w l y... It will be nice to not look so sick-pasty pale. Hopefully the light will help me a bit too and also with any creeper depression that I have lately been fighting off. My hair surprise that my dear hair-rescuer friend Annette ordered from Australia got magically lost in transit over a week ago. Good news came via email and they found the missing package. WHOOP! Hey, I might not be able to travel anymore but my new hair surprise has so far seen the world in less than 2 weeks. Hahahahaha!

Bear kitties chemo clinic appointment went very good this week as the cancerous mass continues to shrink in size. They are hoping he will only have to endure 1-2 more rounds of chemo treatments-pill & injection. Poor guy has gone through so much but we are so happy that he has gotten another chance at life. He went from being given only 2 weeks to live and now they feel he will be in remission for at least a year or longer. Thank you to Bear's super incredible Oncologist and her team of fur Angels! Xoxoxoxoxo

After taking my physical therapy trainers advice this afternoon, Eric & his friend did some re-arranging of furniture and work out equipment in the house. Since we have to keep a close eye on Oreo its been impossible to use the treadmill seeing its in one of the back spare bedrooms that we made into our work out room. I can't have Oreo in the front part of the house and me in the back not knowing if he needs help moving or has to go outside. Now after re-arranging everything I will once again be able to use the treadmill in between therapy appointments. YEAH!! Thanks to the work-out movers and for being patient with the Supervisors constant changes. ME. Hahahahaha!

CHEERS to a better weekend & a GP-FREE Memorial Day!!

V-T-B-Vitamin, Tanning, Birthday Blog...

Thu, 23 May 2013 03:02:19 -0500

11 hours of sleep and this gal is STILL tired!

I am now up to taking 11 pills including vitamins of all sorts on a daily basis. I have to put up reminder notes on the kitchen cabinet just so I don't forget anything. Yes, NUTS! I am still using my 'Nutribullet' machine so I am getting plenty of fruits and vegetables via liquid form. Why am I still fighting the impossible? I assume because I still have a ton of FIGHT still left in me although once again this week I have had my moments of doubt. The feeling of just "giving up" because this battle is certainly a TOUGH one! Amen.

Last week one of my specialists expressed concern that maybe I am not getting enough light. Sunlight-heck, any light at this point! So...this afternoon Eric surprised me with a 2 month membership to our local tanning salon. Hmmmm?.... I would usually be excited about going to the tanning salon and getting some R&R time in the tanning bed however I am growing a bit frustrated with finding some energy. Any energy! They say even tanning bed bulbs-light can provide Vitamin D for the body in low doses-10 minute sessions. At this point I said, "Oh, what the heck!" I will have to bring a dark kitchen towel from home to protect my eyes since I sure don't need to aggravate my seizures but at least I won't be looking like 'Casper the Friendly Spring ghost' anymore. Hahahahaha! Most would say with cancer and other serious medical conditions, "Why in the world would anyone step into or lay down on a tanning bed?" Here's my input: If you are at the point where there are no further medical options and your specialists are just utilizing temporary band-aids then by all means, "WHY NOT?"

<As it reads on the tombstone:

She passed after a long medical battle...However..."BY GOLLY! SHE PASSED TAN & HAPPY!"

Hahahahaha! Yes, I can laugh at myself because sometimes I even find my journey a hard-to-believe-on. I assume others in my shoes will also find a few chuckles out of that one! Heeheeheehee...

Guess who's birthday is today? LITTLEBLUE! My, how the big dinosaur has grown over the years and at 5 years old she is now topping the scales at over 55 pounds. Pretty large for such a small puppy! HA!! Of course we celebrated her day with the rest of the fur gang via floor style, just for Oreo so he could also share her birthday treats. Also, so he could once again show his pearly whites to the curious kitty gang, hahahahaha! He might not be able to walk again just yet but Oreo still has a ton of spunk! We can't believe Littleblue can still fit into her birthday 'PAWTY' shirt from when she was over a year old. OK, maybe it didn't fit quite so much like a shirt, more like a tank top now. After taking some photos Eric said, "They look so happy!" Littleblue had a great day and a few walks across the street at the local park to boot! This evening? ZZZZZZ.....

Here's crossing our fingers for a much cooler and drier upcoming Memorial day weekend! Possibly a short notice trip out west pending on if a friend of mine is coming into town and can watch the fur gang. We have a list of potential homes to look at and this gal is willing to test the travel waters via-plane! I told Eric, "When it comes time to move its going to be short and sweet. Here today and POOF! gone tomorrow!" Call it the, "Stress Protection Program." Similar to the "Witness Protection Program" but the only difference is, I am going into hiding to protect myself from stress. Hahahahaha!

A Lesson About True Family For Those Facing Serious Illness.

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:59:00 -0500

"True support walks in when everyone else walks out."

I read that recently and the simple power of that saying brought me to tears. I have learned that lesson since my child's diagnosis of cancer.

Anyone who has faced a serious illness as a patient knows that you quickly learn what a true family support system really means. They are the ones who should first be there and who are present for you in any way you need them. Some people you love will disappoint and not rise to the occasion, and some people you never expected will be your biggest supporters, strangers.

It is hard not to resent families who are there in the crisis, and then leave once the immediate crisis is over. There are families who are not there for the long haul, for the good and the bad that a disease may bring. The initial drama draws everyone in, but sends them running afterward.

I have learned, especially when you are living a nightmare, that it takes a strong family to stay with you throughout the crisis. A family who keeps checking in and knows the journey is not necessarily over once you are in remission.

Some families are not capable of handling illness nor have the emotional capacity to handle a crisis of another. Some just feel its too much of a burden, then walk away. This knowledge does not make it any easier for us, the patient, as we wade through the process of dealing with disease. I see regularly the comments of patients and caregivers who talk about families lost since diagnosis. Some are surprised and profoundly saddened by the lack of support from those expected to help the most. However, many happily note those friends and even strangers who surprise them with support in a time of great need.

If you’re a patient or caregiver, craft a strong support network–both in person and online. If you have a chance to do so, be the kind of true support people are often searching for in their lives when they need it the most.

DZL M.D.

Starting The Week On A Drano Note...

Tue, 21 May 2013 03:43:38 -0500

Here we go...Another dreaded day of treatment and another cycle of migraines that I 'thought' were gone after taking the new migraine medication. Since I can't do Drano and strong migraine medication at the same time, the ole head games have once again reared their ugly heads. Add an unexpected seizure, no auras-pre warnings and you have the makings of a bad start to the week.

UGGGG!

Eric has three more days to finish up duties at the Armory however has completed his monthly drills. They are hoping to have him finish up his last three days over the next few weeks since his contract is officially up June 14th. Its like closing one life door and opening another.

Bear kitty is back to acting more like his old self before cancer. He will be receiving his third round of chemo meds later this week with only one more to go. Bear has even started eating solid food again! No more canned food and hiding in the kitchen anymore. He is much more social now which means he is feeling a million times better! Oreo continues to slowly recover from his stroke/seizures. He is now doing longer laps in his wheelchair when encouraging him to walk using treats. Its been far less stress on all of us because its hard seeing human life in any form struggling with illness. I don't know how anyone can just sit back, watch and not do everything in their power to help those in need. Well...I guess I can. We both can. We have been on that receiving end.

My thoughts and prayers go out to fellow GP'ers who were affected by the devastating tornadoes in Oklahoma as well their family, friends and loved ones. It seems one would think the government would declare tornado alley-midwest areas as a place unsafe to live. If they isolated and banned the areas as unfit for anyone to live then maybe lifes would be saved. It seems the most deadliest storms always occur in this section of the United States. Why allow anyone to live in a place that will always be considered high risk? Amen.

*Many thanks to those who always keep us updated on various Gastroparesis research/information. I always felt that when people choose to feed their infants solid food too early in life that it will lead to future GI problems. Now there appears to be data that proves the theory to be true! I know of a few individuals who started their children under the age of 1 on solid foods, adult foods when they should had continued using baby food/formula for various stages of life. The result of feeding infants under the age of 1 a diet consisting of adult-solid foods that GI organs which are still developing can't handle? Severe food allergies, constipation/dysmotility issues and GI development problems. Sometimes I regret not speaking up when watching toddlers/young children being fed adult foods and now seeing the consequences come to life. I would never wish Gastroparesis on anyone, nor especially a child because GP is for life.

Support For My Illness, Friend Support Comes Hard...

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:39:35 -0500

I first got sick when I was 13/14... I don't really know because I didn't grow up in a home that allowed me to be sick. I just remember that's when the rashes started and not being able to pull stiff fingers out of my pockets. By the time I was 18, my knee was collapsing, I had scarring rashes, and fatigue that laid me out for a month. 19... pneumonia, pleurisy, and extreme fatigue... etc, etc, etc...

I'm 29, now, and have had a hard fight to find people who want to accept and understand. One thing that triggers me terribly is to have someone say something like, "you are always sick" or "you are always tired"... I just want to kick them in the arse. My sister is one of those people... and new friends always are those people.

I get why my sister can't accept it... our parents are disabled and they were always sick with either physical or psychological illness growing up. It still hurts but I don't press her to accept it and generally don't bother her with the various icky parts of being sick.

New people are hard to handle. Those I consider close friends, I usually try and explain the situation... almost everyone has been so kind and responsive and made me feel validated and encouraged. One, last year, she made some snarky comments and it is still bothering me. I considered her a great friend, confided in her, spent lots of time with her, and found out she was talking about it with my roommate w/nothing short of immature gossip-status. I skipped her wedding and have a hard time seeing her now... a year later.

I guess this is long, I'm just trying to reconnect with the reality of my life and I'm using this as a way to articulate all the things I've buried over the last few months.

I am 29, I have 2 autoimmune diseases and 4 additional chronic illnesses. I consider myself in GREAT health all things considered though I do have some acute flare up stuff going on in this moment. I feel like I have the flu at least 300 days of the year and probably 30 days of the year, I feel like I've been stomped by a dinosaur, eaten by a teryadactyl and then pooped out, stomped, buried 10 billion years, and burned as fossil fuel. Those are rough 30 days...

Thanks for letting me vent.

-SngleSckGrl

Bidding A Bittersweet Farewell...

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:27:03 -0500

If yesterdays specialist visit was informative then today's emails and texts from concerned parties was the informative icing on the cake ! Call it the ole game of a well predicted hand. Thank you to the dealers who let us know what's going on when we have absolutely no idea what is going on.

On a different hand...

Eric had a few meetings today while at the Armory with his superiors regarding re-enlistment options. Of course this may sound WONDERFUL to the average healthy person or even to someone who is sick but has an abundance of family support. For us, this meant an hour long debate that ended with the most obvious decision. Sadly there is just no human way possible can we attempt any type of re-enlistment that would had put Eric only 5 years away from full Army retirement benefits. Why? Its clear. We have ZERO support. ZERO physical support. Trust me, Eric is even starting to become exhausted keeping up with working, chores, normal every day life then adding to the mix the over whelming things that come along with being chronic/terminally sick. Its IMPOSSIBLE for us to find a way, any way to make things work so he could continue another 5 years in the Army.

Bidding a bittersweet farewell...

Eric had to do the job once again explaining to Supervisors the unique situation called, "Our life" and how we live without support. Physical support.The reactions once again he said from concerned parties was, "PRICELESS!" No one gets it, not a normal person in this world with any sort of heart or common sense will ever get it. No one has really got it nor understands it but clearly we have no support. There is no physical support and its hard enough juggling life as we speak. Adding a re-enlistment just isn't in our cards. After a long afternoon and an hour trying to rack our brains coming up with ideas we sadly came to the realization. After 15 years it is time to part ways with the Army.

Life can be really disappointing but 'really' disappointing when others around you are a complete disappointment. Hey, we tried. We REALLY tried but it just isn't feasible. Not in this lifetime.

So... After a very depressing afternoon for both of us, <Me-Facts once again realizing just how much my illness is effecting more than I would like to say in this thing called life. Seeing first hand let downs from those whom we should had been able to always rely on. <Eric-The same.

This evening at least I was able to bring a few chuckles and a huge smile on his face by giving him a few early Army retirement gifts. Of course these are a few "inside" jokes, but it was just what he needed. I think we both needed, although minus for me the pizza and liquor. Hahahahaha!

Bidding a bittersweet farewell to 15 years in the Army surely isn't easy. I assume if we both had that wonderful thing called, "Support" it wouldn't be so hard, very disappointing and extremely depressing, but in the end we will always have each other. Amen.

Continuing To Make Sense Of Things!

Sun, 19 May 2013 04:38:32 -0500

Rain, rain, rain, rain...

Looks like its going to be another three days of on & off rain... S I G H... Sure makes for a good time just to curl up on the couch with the fur gang. Eric has his last weekend at the Armory since his contract is up early June. It will be 15 years total that he has been an active member in the Army. This of course on top of his full time job at the Sheriff's department. Since he only had another 5 years before being eligible for retirement benefits its going to be a sad departing. I assume if (and a BIG IF because we don't) we had support from either side things would be different because then he could had easily finished out the next five years. They are even willing to make sure he isn't deployed due to medical reasons-helping me here at home and with treatments, etc, etc, etc. I already warned him that they will probably figure out a way to keep him in the Army for another five years but to be careful seeing we don't have any help from either side and if he did sign up for the last 5 years it will call for me asking friends to step up to the plate. They have already stepped up more than they should have and continuing doing so in and out of state.

What a weekend!

I had a follow up appointment with my specialist today in which it turned out to be a very good visit. Informative visit! Since they now have all my medical records since birth we can finally make sense of things that otherwise were mysteries to be solved. A few days ago I started having the ole strange bruising again. I was aware of some bruises on my legs and side of my stomach but what I couldn't see were the ones under my arm and on my back. Now since we have prior reports its easy for my specialists to resolve issues due to flair ups that didn't just start after my GP diagnosis but were there for most of my life. The odd bruising, rashes and blood issues aren't so odd anymore, its actually an auto immune condition that shows a history of flair ups which are to be expected. For now it looks like lots of rest on Saturday then back to the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment for Sunday and Monday.

With it being a dreary, rainy and wet weekend you can at least say I won't be missing out on much. For the most part the strong migraine medication helped kicked this last cycle out so my head will be ready for the next two days of treatment. THANK GOODNESS!

At least we were able to head out this evening for a bit. I needed some time to clear my brain. We both did because there has been so much going on that sometimes you just need a break. Amen.

WOOHOO! For NEW Migraine Med!

Fri, 17 May 2013 00:29:32 -0500

THANK THE HEAD GODS! THERE IS A MIGRAINE MEDICATION THAT WORKS!!

Yep, I finally caught up on allllllllllllll my sleep, actually make that I slept 10+ hours today. Once I finally woke up from my new migraine medication coma it was already 4:30pm.

YIKES! Talking about the day just flying on by! Hahahahaha!

The down side of this new medication is I have to postpone Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug until Saturday seeing you can't mix both. The other down side is this means another few days of all clear fluids-chicken broth, ice pops, fudge ice pops, sports drinks, etc. No worries seeing "Been THERE, Done THAT!" Actually, so many times I have lost track through out the years. Hopefully with breaking the four day migraine cycle it will also ease up the frequency of my seizures and any seizure auras.

It rained once again last night into the early morning hours which makes for one humid, buggy, wet day. At least it was a bit cooler than yesterday so we were able to finish planting the rest of the wildflower and sunflower seeds. By now my neighbors should be used to the "Masked Gal!" BOO! Same with walking the fur gang, masks, masks and more masks. The only time I don't wear masks is when indoors. Hey, only 4 more months of masks to go. GEES!

With being on fluids one certainly does get tired of the same ole, same ole so this evening since still needing lots of moving around we headed up to 'Jungle Jim's.' For those who never heard of 'Jungle Jim's' I suggest taking a look online. If you like a variety that is out of the norm I highly suggest visiting when in town. For me it offers plenty of alternatives when it comes to liquid dieting. They have a huge selection of Amish made goods that come in solid & liquid form. BONUS! for me finding a few new things to try; "Pumpkin, cinnamon, nut soup" and "Potato soup mix-via liquid." I can't wait until after this weekends treatment to try both.

<For my friend Kev who can't stand this guy:

GINGHAM STYLE!

Hahahahahaha!! And who says migraine meds can't make you happy? Slap happy!!

Things That Make Me Happy :)

Thu, 16 May 2013 03:12:09 -0500

While visiting with my Grandmother last weekend I ran unexpectedly into a dear friend whom I have known most of my life. When asked later that day via text, "What do you do for fun?" I honestly had to stop and think for a minute.

GREAT QUESTION!

What DO I do for FUN? What's fun anymore to me isn't necessarily fun to the normal, average person. Fun to me is not having to visit any 12 of my specialists in a given week. Fun to me is not having to see the emergency room for an entire month. Fun isn't what fun used to be before Gastroparesis, before really, really getting sick when things that have been progressing most of my life turned for the worst. Do I consider myself a FUN person regardless of medical limitations? Why sure I do! On a good day I like to get out and enjoy life just as much as the next person but I have restrictions. Its called, "My life."

Fun sure doesn't mean this hellish nightmare jug. A fellow GP'er friend is having a colonoscopy and endoscope procedure later this week. I asked her if they use the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug anymore? She replied, "No, they actually use a medication that comes in just two small bottles." Seems no one hardly uses this ocean salt water toxic crap anymore. Only if you are having certain types of surgeries or your insides are shut down/paralyzed. Maybe this means a smaller Drano for this gal in the future? One can only hope...

Before the wicked strikes again I decided that although maybe I can't tell you how many things I do that are "fun" anymore but I can tell you what makes me happy. Not happy from years ago but happy now.

*The smell of fresh, hot cinnamon rolls at the local mall.

*Lucky kitty smiling-from the side view. Sometimes you can see her smile. :)

*Positive progress with Bear kitty & Oreo's medical journeys.

*A warm bubble bath with lots of candles.

*A foot massage! A H H H H...

*My huge heating pad in the evening time while watching television.

*A fresh box of Puffs Kleenex with Vicks! (There's that product plug again!)

*Big fluffy socks.

*Watching wildlife with their babies playing in the backyard sun.

*Colorful fall leaves.

*Victoria Secrets lip-glosses.

*People who know sign language and sign back when least expected.

*Historic stain glass windows inside an old church.

*Sirius radio-20's swing and the spa channel to unwind from a long day.

*Getting all my blood work the first time around and not missing a vial.

*When at home sick or at the hospital, waking up to see Eric next to me, not saying a word but just letting me know he is there.

*A GOOD appointment with my specialist.

*Unexpected hugs from my specialists and good ole fashion advice that comes from the heart. :)

*The first and last snowfall of the season.

*CHOCOLATE!

*A sincere apology.

*Support.

*The kindness of strangers.

And last but not least

*Having the chance to start life over on a fresh, clean slate!