Signs
Mood:
sad
Now Playing: Day 2705-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
It's going to take me a few days to catch up on my blog. Instead of doing the usual. All at once. I have decided to take my time since this blog serves more than most will ever know. It is a way for me to look back on my life. The good, bad, happy and even the sad.
Do you believe in signs from above?
I do.
I decided to sift through a few moving totes this afternoon. In the process, I found my flowerbed decorations from our prior home, back in Ohio. I bought two matching cat decorations over 5 years ago in memory of my beloved Pumpkin and Bear kitty. Each of the decorations have a heart that illuminates color at night. One with a pretty green light and the other with a very beautiful blue light that works off of solar energy. They haven't worked in awhile, actually since two summers ago. But I felt drawn for some reason this afternoon to take all of my flowerbed decorations back out of the moving totes. After cleaning both cat decorations, I carefully placed them in the fresh red mulch in the only flowerbed we have at our new home in Indiana. Right in front of our porch. With so much going on, it's nice to find something positive. The little things that bring a smile to your face, when least expected. Later on...This will all make sense.
Littleblue has still yet to be released from the animal hospital due to the veterinarian staff still unsuccessful with medication in order to help her breathe on her own. Thankfully Mittens kitty has been keeping poor Snoreo company at home. The vibe at the house has felt very sad and empty. We all just want Littleblue back home ASAP! I have been 100% adamant in telling all the veterinarians that have been part of Littleblue's care that it is more so looking like the cancer has never left since her surgery. But only has gotten more aggressive. I firmly believe deep down in my heart that the cancer had always been present in her lungs. Although there is not a large tumor visually present such as with her mammary tumor that was removed a little over a month ago. But cancer does not need to be physically seen by the naked eye in order to be present. Cancer cells are sometimes not seen, but the effects can be seen. Even with all of the medication and doing our best to work with such an experienced team of veterinarians at the current animal hospital and those at another animal hospital 30 minutes away. Littleblue is still currently being treated in an oxygen chamber. Littleblue still can not breathe on her own and this has me extremely worried. My feeling of what to come is not good. Sometimes...Having a gift isn't always a special gift. Especially when I am not only seeing signs, but as well feeling them.
Our dear friend and experienced veterinarian surgeon, Dr. T who has also been part of Littleblue's care has been adamant with regards to trying our best to have our beloved Littleblue transported to the other animal hospital. The goal was to keep Littleblue in the oxygen chamber for another 24 hours, along with trying her on a few new medications in hopes of helping her breathe on her own. The consequences of pulling her out of the oxygen chamber could be devastating. But her current team of veterinarians felt confident that Littleblue would be stable enough to handle the drive this early afternoon to be seen by veterinarian specialists at the other animal hospital. As far as what I was seeing and feeling...It wasn't the same vision. I wasn't comfortable at all transporting Littleblue and my gut instincts were once again, 100% correct. Once myself and Eric arrived to hopefully transport Littleblue over to the other animal hospital so their specialists could take over her care. It was only a mere 3 minutes before Littleblue went into distress in the back of our car. Listening to her struggle to breathe and then whining in complete distress was not only scary. But completely disheartening. Momma mode was ON! With one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand quickly on my cell phone. I made two urgent calls to both animal hospitals. We were then told, as they could hear Littleblue over the phone in distress, to quickly head back to the animal hospital where she had been on oxygen. Littleblue was struggling to breathe and needed to be placed back into the oxygen chamber ASAP!
I don't remember much about the drive back to the animal hospital. The sound of hearing your beloved fur child struggling to breathe is something that I will never, ever forget. They say that one of the worse ways to die is by suffocating. Not having the ability to breathe. This was all new to myself and Eric. Our other beloved fur children that were called back home to heaven had never suffered like this and we both were frightened to the core! Eric went into full panic mode and started crying while I made sure to stay strong for all of us. It wasn't easy. Easy would had been to had just broke down with him. But I remained strong until we got back to the animal hospital and they quickly took Littleblue back to the oxygen chamber. We were told to wait into a room that they had ready for us so one of the veterinarians who are helping to treat Littleblue could talk to us. First they needed to get Littleblue stabilized, but we quickly learned that it would not be easy.
Sure, we just spotted a new mammary tumor just a few days ago. What we didn't expect was for things with her lungs to get to this point of what I felt was...No return. I not only went into protective momma mode. But as well my medical wheel in my brain started to go to work with the knowledge I have gained over the years with my own struggles. Once again, I came back to what I have believed to be true. Littleblue's breathing issues are the result of a very aggressive cancer. This is why so far nothing has worked as far as medication. The list of what they have our beloved Littleblue on is very disturbing because something should have worked by now. Cancer is bigger than even the best of the best doctors in the world will ever understand. I never doubted how I felt nor voicing my theory to Littleblue's team of veterinarians and veterinarian specialists. All we had hoped for was to take Littleblue back home with us today.
I could had never predicted that things would get as aggressive as what we were about to witness first hand with Littleblue's cancer.
It didn't take, but a mere few seconds for me to finally break down once the lead veterinarian came into the room to speak with us. Not only was Littleblue back in distress, but her breathing had gotten worse. Even inside the only safe place for Littleblue to breathe, was not as safe anymore. Instead of transporting Littleblue to be assisted for her breathing. She went into distress as we were told that our beloved Littleblue would need to once again stay overnight so they could get her breathing back under control. The veterinarians were confident that it would help and then come time tomorrow early afternoon they would have her breathing back under control and stabilized enough to attempt another transport to the other animal hospital where specialists were awaiting her arrival. I had voiced my concerns with regards that I had an overwhelming feeling that something could possibly happen. But they still felt confident that she would be much better tomorrow and even were going to do mild sedation so she would be a bit more comfortable for the ride over to the other animal hospital. However, I was not so certain. I had felt and even visually seen other signs. Far too many signs of things to come.
Once we got home. I looked at Eric and said that I need to prepare a tote bag of things that I would want for Littleblue, along with her favorite toys. I didn't wait for Eric's response because I know what was going to happen. Regardless of what we were being told or anyone else was thinking. I know the signs of when God is preparing to bring our loved ones back home to heaven. Not just humans, but as well his beloved animals. Our fur children.
Myself and Eric have experienced great loss over the past 4 years. One by one, our fur children have been called back home, to heaven. Not one time has losing a beloved fur child been easy. To some folks, they may only see animals as animals. But to me. I see things differently through a far different set of eyes by such unconditional love that has been given to me. Fur children are every bit, my children. I may not have been gifted with the ability to have a human child. But those who know me best, do know that I went through many surgeries and procedures to try through out my lifetime. God didn't envision me as a human mom. God envisioned me as a fur mom and I promised to be the best fur mom to all of my fur children. If they need help. I will do everything in my humanly power to help them. THAT is what a MOM does for her children. Human and fur children. Mom means that you come second. Your children and fur children come first. I would be the exact same way if I had human children. To me...There is no difference. You do what you need to do and if you don't have the ways or the means. BY GOLLY YOU GO FIND IT! There are no excuses. There is never an excuse not to help your kids and do what is best for them. Human or fur child.
There are far too many folks in this world having children and those who have fur children who do not make the time nor have the time it takes to provide the unconditional love that is needed. Most folks in today's society are just far too busy with themselves, while others are far too focused on greed $$$. If you don't have the time nor want to make the time. Then don't have children or bring a fur child into your home. It's that easy.
After talking to our veterinarian and a few other members of their team. We were assisted back to the oxygen chamber so we could spend some time with our Littleblue. My heart...Sank. To see her struggling to breathe was my worst nightmare. The oxygen chamber was a safe place for Littleblue. But now she still continues to struggle. We even came back later in the evening to recheck on Littleblue after going home to attend to our other fur children. At this point, Eric's nerves were beginning to affect his stomach. It was the first time that Eric had gotten so sick that he couldn't keep anything down. We both did our best to try sleeping. But I still felt the need to re-analyze things with a slue of prior personal experience dealing with cancer. I even contacted the other animal hospital to speak with the specialist who was working 3rd shift. My theory of the aggressive cancer spreading, in which I had always believed started in her lungs, wasn't such a far fetch theory. Not by this specialist on the other end of the phone.
But then once again...A sign as I prayed to the heavens above. The cat decoration that I stumbled upon earlier today. The one that hadn't worked in years.
A beautiful blue solar light appeared. Inside the cat decorations heart.
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at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 5, 2017 5:04 AM EDT