Answers.
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Day 2728-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Today I was able to collect my thoughts and emotions long enough to finally call back our lead veterinarian.

It has taken me a few weeks to finally reach back out with regards to questions about our beloved Littleblue. Some questions, I most likely had already known the answer. While other questions might always remain a mystery. Isn't cancer pretty much just that...A mystery?.

We are thankful to had two separate teams of veterinarians who worked together with Littleblue's care. As well our dear friend and amazing surgeon, Dr. T. I am still in the disbelief-grieving stage with the loss of our Littleblue. It hasn't been easy coming to terms with the way she had passed as we quickly had to provide assistance. Helping her journey to heaven as quickly as possible. Maybe that is what haunts me the most. How she passed. The images of her looking up at me while taking in her last breath. It terrifies me. It haunts me every single day. There are not enough painting projects in our home to completely erase those memories. The images of such a sweet, beautiful, kind and most gentle soul suffering while we tried to desperately save her.

While talking on the phone to our veterinarian. There seems to be a lot that we both agreed on with regards to such an aggressive cancer. Littleblue's inability at the end to breathe on her own. Each time they attempted to slowly bring her out of the oxygen chamber. Things only got worse. Littleblue's health took such an abrupt and unexpected decline, that no matter what both veterinarian hospitals attempted to provide as far as a new treatment plan. Nothing seemed to work. Littleblue only kept getting worse. Hearing her cry in discomfort and pain while we were walking into the veterinarian hospital is a sound that I can't get out of my head. The sound of extreme distress as she so desperately struggled to breathe even while in the oxygen chamber. Dr. T gave our sweet and beautiful 10-year old fur child a second chance at life. 30 days prior to her passing. It is still hard to accept that she is no longer around. We accepted that something could had most definitely happened during or right after her emergency surgery 30 days ago to remove a malignant and very infected mammary tumor. But cancer has no rhyme nor reason. What we had anticipated was just the opposite of what took our Littleblue's life. The inability to breathe is not what we could had ever anticipated nor prepared ourselves for emotionally while holding her close to my side. Enough room for me to get as close to her as possible inside the oxygen chamber with her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Zebra.

We never had the opportunity to allow her at least a day of freedom outside of the oxygen chamber. A day to spend with her fur siblings and human parents. A second chance outside of the oxygen chamber to just hug and hold her before quickly being called back home to heaven. We never got the opportunity to bring her home. Only after her passing so the rest of our fur children could understand and begin their own process of grieving. Cancer is not only unfair, but most definitely the most unkind, inhumane suffering of all. The path of cancer is still to this very day. Poorly understood and most definitely very unknown. The unpredictability. One day a patient can be fine. The next day they are gone. Is there a key to the cure? I most definitely believe so! I believe it is locked away under some sort of hidden vault. Far away and far underground. There has been far too much money plugged into cancer research not only from the government, but far too many foundations and organizations.

There is a cure. But not of this earth.

I have had quite a few emails from those whom are bravely battling ovarian cancer. Questions regarding my treatments, the overall symptoms I had been experiencing, post-treatment side effects and if mine was hereditary. I have received other emails, but will answer them either personal replies or on a separate blog at a later date.

As of January 2017, these are the facts based off of research of other late stage ovarian cancer cases. Information based off of other patients diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer. First off, I would like to say that only 15 percent of women diagnosed with ovarian cancer are based solely off of genetic factors. The most significant risk factor for ovarian cancer is an inherited genetic mutation in one or two genes. Breast cancer being gene 1-BRCA1 or breast cancer gene 2-BRCA2. Ovarian cancer is not looked upon as solely being passed down genetically. 15% of all patients are diagnosed with ovarian cancer genetically. Hereditary. The chances of acquiring ovarian cancer from a single microscopic cell during surgical removal of one or both ovaries? You have a far greater chance of winning the lottery a billion times over than ever being diagnosed with ovarian cancer by a single microscopic cell or single microscopic fragment left behind from a prior surgery. My chances have now made me 1 out of 13 in the world. Out of all the women in the world. That should explain the rare chances of ever taking a walk in my shoes. But that is not to say that patient #14 will not soon one day be the next to take a walk in my shoes. Anything is possible. It can happen, but it's extremely unlikely. Giving rare cancer research the ability to closely monitor my case allows for medical documentation to be available for the next patient. For my team of oncologists and other specialists. There was nothing to go by as far as medical documentation from the other 12 cases. There were no medical cases that provided any type of treatment plan, or the patient did not survive.

As far as symptoms. I had experienced far too many strange and quite odd symptoms to list, 5 years prior to scans and other medical imaging picking up what appeared to be another ovary with an odd looking mass. It took over 5 years before the reappearing ovarian mystery was solved by a medical professor and his colleagues. It literally took me 17 surgeons and 3 mayo clinics before the mystery was finally solved. All by my doing and being proactive as hell in search of an answer. This after realizing that an ovary that was removed and verified by documented pathology reports literally grew back from a single microscopic cell. It took literally 6 years until the only option that would work was presented to me in writing via a contract to waiver all medical liability in order to proceed ahead with very rare and quite experimental oncology treatments. Ovarian cancer is generally never treated with radiation therapy. The gold standard treatment is first a biopsy, then surgery to encase and remove the tumor(s) and lastly chemotherapy. Rarely do they use radiation and only for late stage ovarian cancer when there are no other options. Where surgery is no longer an option due to the size, malignancy and complications with an ovarian tumor(s). There were no surgical options nor any other possible options in my unique and quite rare case. We went for the highest chance possible of destroying the bad cells in hopes of completely disintegrating the tumors. But when one tumor becomes larger than the size of a softball and is hidden among your intestines and other organs. Radiation may not even be the answer. There are some forms of cancer that can never be defied. I may or may not have all of my answers. But for what I have gone through and what I have seen transpire with my own beloved Littleblue's cancer.

We are a long way from ever receiving the cure. A cure for cancer that to this very day is probably and most likely locked up somewhere under ground. Keep giving money and they will keep it hidden. Money that has been given for decades to cancer. There may never be a cure.

Answers. I may have some. But on this earth. I will never have all the answers that I have so desperately been searching and fighting for. 

If I were a comic strip....Wonder Woman