Father's Day
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Day 2722-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Father's Day

We were suppose to meet Dr. T out for dinner this evening. But after the past few weeks we felt it would be best to reschedule for later next week. I am still grieving the loss of Littleblue which would make it literally impossible to discuss at the dinner table without me breaking down. More like...Us.

The final scan has also taken us quite a bit back spiritually. I think we all get upset with God from time to time. I believe that it is only natural when life seems so unfair. I assume all the blessed grotto water in the world can't cure it all. Only the few get blessed. The worst part for us is being told and read the wrong report at the hospital last month. My doctors and oncologists notified the hospital after my final scan Friday. I am not sure what transpired, but I was told that all complications should be handled by only my current team of specialists. They made it very clear that one else should be handling my case. We are disappointed in being told the wrong information. The wrong report which made it seem like everything had disappeared since my last experimental oncology treatment. But in all reality...We both should had known better. Especially...Me.

During my last surgery they used prior scans placed on huge screens inside the surgical room. A meticulously, well thought out master surgical plan was put into place, far ahead of my surgery. But what my surgeons were not anticipating, was the reality of medical imaging not being accurate. During my first post-surgical recovery we were told not only did the surgery not go as planned. But a great lesson was learned for all in which even the best medical testing equipment is not error-proof. It took 5 years for a single microscopic ovarian cell to do the unthinkable, then turn into the most shocking of all. Ovarian cancer. One single microscopic ovarian cell defied the odds, growing back as well into a fully functioning ovary with deadly intentions. It's still scary as hell to realize that even the maximum dose of radiation therapy could not blast, burn and literally disintegrate it's targeted area. Somehow, I got defeated. Somehow, we all got defeated and that within itself is heartbreaking for not just for myself. But for everyone involved in my care over the past few years. The very first scan, two years ago, during an emergency room visit that accidently discovered a very odd and quite large mass.

The rest...I wish was history. But I am still in the present.

We decided to make Sunday each and every week a time to celebrate. Celebrating life with dinner for two on our newly decorated coastal theme porch. Bright, happy colors and the most perfect smiling sunshine. Even if today was designated as Father's Day. To me...Eric has been every bit an amazing, devoted, compassionate, loving fur Father to all of our fur children. Today we decided to replace our sadness with a few smiles. Cheering to life and a DAMN GOOD FIGHT! AMEN!!

Today there were no wigs, no hair extensions, no makeup. Just me. Just us. Sometimes I think being who you truly are, in the now, is what makes one hold the most power. It's rare to post the real me. Me now. What comes after far too many toxic oncology treatments that take the physical appearance right out of you. Treatments that not only make you lose a tremendous amount of weight. But as well make you feel as less of a woman. Sometimes as patients. We need to embrace what is and be proud of the fight we have so bravely endured.

Today... A reason to celebrate life.

LIVE-LOVELIFE