Now Playing: Day 2720-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
Today...Final scan.
One final drive back across state lines to Ohio.
I had a really bad feeling about today. Yet no matter how much blessed grotto water from France this gal could drink, how many prayers that have been said and Nancy's earrings as a gift of hope. The only words that were given to me today...
"I'm sorry. I am so, so terribly sorry."
I lost track of how many times I heard those words as image upon image upon every single last damning image of defeat came across the big screens. Not one, not two, but three. I also lost track of phone calls going back and forth between the tech and my doctors whom were just as anxiously awaiting to see what the final scan would show. Two separate times having to step out of the room so correspondence could transpire between tech and doctors. So many specialists whom have worked as a team to do everything in their power to beat the odds. Today the odds beat me.
Last month an emergency CT scan was performed via hospital which my doctors believe got mixed up with another patients report that was actually an elderly lady in the room next to mine. We were told by the emergency room doctor that nothing showed up on the CT scan. To myself and Eric. This news made no sense. Unless of course, I finally got my wish. A miracle. For a month we decided to keep things to ourselves regarding that scan. But somehow, in some crazy, twisted way, I really wanted to believe that everything had disappeared. A miraculous cure. This was another reason why I canceled my final scan that was initially scheduled for last week. The mere thought of finding out that the CT scan was wrong would not only be shocking, but extremely devastating. My doctors today voiced their concern on either a huge screw-up or the tumors were once again meticulously hidden by lower intestines that are fused together as one. As for myself and Eric...We now firmly believe that due to the emergency room being busy and understaffed, somehow there was a mix-up with my report and the elderly woman's report that was in the room next to me at the hospital.
My doctors? They didn't believe the report which showed nothing visible on the hospital CT scan, because clearly today's final scan showed just the opposite. Tumors are not only still present, but still growing with blood flow visible on the big screen. Everyone's worse nightmare. Mostly...Mine.
Eric must had also held onto hope because he was shocked. I maxed out every last round of treatment that my body could handle. Not only did nothing work. But things are getting worse. Tumors are now larger than just the last scan prior and the one prior to that and so on and so on. A clear image of what could never be defeated. It had defied every single treatment possible. Hip pain from radiation was not only visible. But the pain is also getting worse from tumors gaining strength and size which is now making it very difficult for me to get in and out of the car. Today everyone agreed on one thing by sharing the same words that no one wants to hear after any type of oncology treatment. Any type of experimental treatment that one decides to put their body through in hopes of a cure. A chance to bide oneself a bit more time here on earth.
"I'm sorry. I am so, so terribly sorry."
For every single person in this world who bravely fights the great fight. Fights to live to see another day. Never have regrets. Even when sometimes things don't go your way.
I have no regrets.
Live Is Worth Living
Ended up on a crossroad
Try to figure out which way to go
It's like you're stuck on a treadmill
Running in the same place
You got your hazard lights on now
Hoping that somebody would slow down
Praying for a miracle
Who'll show you grace?
Had a couple of dollars and a quarter tank of gas
With a long journey ahead
Seen a truck pull over
God sent an angel to help you out
He gave you direction
Showed you how to read a map
With a long journey ahead
Said it ain't over
Oh, even in the midst of doubt
Life is worth living
Life is worth living, so live another day
Life is worth living again
-Justin Bieber
