Boy am I ever hard on myself lately as I struggle to come to realization of internal issues continuing to work against me.

Boy am I ever so extremely hard on myself lately like this morning when I couldn't even pass a stress test walking on a treadmill... not even finishing the second level. What was a lot harder was the realization of another critical care patient at the young age of 67 years old that was actually able to pass her stress test with flying colors. How do I know? Because I overheard the nurse sharing the great news with the young patient as her faithful service dog laid by her side.

What a huge reality check believing that this morning's testing would turn out A-Okay.  

Having your cardiologist come down from ICU because I not only could not pass the stress test. But I got so dizzy that I couldn't breathe as both my cardiologist and his assistant had to assist me off the treadmill. I am extremely thankful that my new specialists here in the country respect my wishes of not admitting me and instead allowing me to remain at home while they continue running tests in order to figure out the best strategy in order to keep me as stable as possible. Doing the best they can so I can continue enjoying each and every day as humanly possible.

The stress test was followed by a quick echocardiogram of my heart. The only positive Silver Lining out of this morning was that my cardiologist and critical care specialists now have a far better understanding of what is going on internally. I was really hopeful that I wouldn't have to continue wearing this heart monitor which is a pretty snazzy high-tech piece of equipment. But after my ego got blown to bits this morning... I am actually fortunate to continue having my heart monitored 24/7 after this evening the same exact symptoms hit me out of nowhere.

After being beaten on a treadmill stress test by a 67 year-old younger woman... I feel pretty darn defeated and a whole lot of shocked. This coming from a gal that everyone knows used to literally tear-it-up on a daily basis using my own home treadmill. That doesn't include when I used to just a year ago be able to take daily walks along the river trails and even biking with Eric.

It's truly amazing... yet quite humbling when you realize just how much has literally changed in a year... a mere year.

Life is about accepting change. But most importantly embracing the wisdom from those great lessons of life. Through the struggles... we grow to become a much stronger and far wiser person.

Note to self:

Don't be so gosh darn critical on what you can no longer control.

Tomorrow? Another day... another blessing... another reason to share laughter and plenty of  smiles.