You know... this song pretty much sums up the last few years of my journey as I sit here and wipe away my tears... telling myself... you fought one hell of a battle! Don't cry... be proud!

Glorious (Macklemore)

You know I'm back like I never left (I never left)
Another sprint, another step (another step)
Another day, another breath (another breath)
Been chasing dreams, but I never slept (I never slept)

I got a new attitude and a lease on life
And some peace of mind
Seek and I find I can sleep when I die
Wanna piece of the pie, grab the keys to the ride
And sht I'm straight
I'm on my wave, I'm on my wave
Get out my wake, I'm running late, what can I say?
I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave
And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name
So when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave?
Did I look out for the people or did I do it all for fame?
Legend, it's exodus searching for euphoria
Trudging through the mud to find the present, no ignoring us
Got 20,000 deep off in the street like we some warriors
My mama told me never bow your head, woo!

I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It's who I am, how could I forget?
I made it through the darkest part of the night
And now I see the sunrise
Now I feel glorious, glorious
I feel glorious, glorious

Today is the perfect day to just sleep it all away....

Today is also the third day in a row of non-stop rain here in our little Lazy River Town. It feels like just yesterday that the final massive cleanup due to all the flooding was finally complete. Yet here we are once again dealing with far too much rain. On the flip side... at least all of this rain will help wash away any pollutants from the river flooding. What's that old saying again?

"April showers bring May flowers."

 There's just a few days left for the month of March before we truly get into the rainy season of spring. Uggggg!

This afternoon at least I was able to turn in my testing equipment at the hospital for my heart and lungs. The first report of many tests that have been performed this week didn't serve me so well. In fact... one could have never predicted such a fatal blow... another blow with regards to my health. Myself and Eric are still trying to wrap our brains around another huge slap in my face when it comes to my declining health. I was supposed to see my Critical Care specialists later this afternoon. However there are still nuclear test reports pending on my lungs that have yet to come back from radiology. I have a really bad gut feeling that I will be expecting more not-so-pleasant news within the next 24 to 48 hours. 

Somehow we still have to keep going... still keep living... still keep smiling and finding a reason for laughter each and every day. No one said life would be easy. If you ask me... that no one had not a clue about life.

One year ago today... I had once again signed on that dotted line... on the path of ongoing experimental treatments. Bravely making the decision to continue on each day as it came. 

One year later... I'm so grateful. Not just for my life, but for NEW PERSPECTIVES.

My best advice for those of you who are now going through cancer or any other painful medical nightmare... start building and creating a "happy place." Whatever and wherever it may be... but don't do it later. Do it now.

You know the reason for this simple... but ever-so-grateful advice that was once given to me?

Because one day when the dust finally begins to settle... that little peaceful place that makes you so very happy, that you created when you were going through hard times will manifest itself. That happy place doesn't have to be perfect by any means. But it will be YOUR place.

We all owe it to ourselves to be happy, even when the road before you appears to never end and you feel as if you will never see the light at the end of the tunnel. You will still prevail. You will one day arrive basking in that ever beaming bright light. You will make it through and be able to truly appreciate that place that you created on your very own!

Your "happy place."

YOU my dear friends are STRONGER than you know.

It's taken more than a few days... waiting for the largest ovarian tumor to reposition itself off of my spine in order to finish off a long series of further testing for my Critical Care specialists. 

These tests should have happened last week after having to reschedule 3 days in a row because I could not lay down on the testing table equipment long enough to even begin the tests whether alone finishing the tests.... one after another. My case is very unique due to the fact that the largest tumor is like a mere ping pong ball glued together and constantly being moved around by surrounding organs which makes a lot of testing very tricky and sometimes almost impossible. 

But this morning...  we were finally able to finish a long series of extensive tests minus one that I wasn't able to complete. But four out of five tests that were finally able to be performed this morning sure beats nothing at all. We'll take it!  

~ 

Here we are folks!

The start of another mystical, magical and quite wonderful week! 

Spring... Spring is definitely now in the air as all of the beautiful white snow has quickly melted away. Sure going to miss all of that snow and the peacefulness that the winter season brings. Now it's on to the hustle and bustle of the spring and summer seasons when the world is wide awake and so are the sounds of chainsaws, lawn mowers, leaf blowers and other various loud equipment... sigh. Eric will be one of those who will soon enough be firing up the chainsaw as we make our way towards the remaining smaller projects... Outdoors. 

As I begin evolving with the sun... evolving with the moon and evolving with this new season. I am still doing my best to work with the most recent changes with my health. I'm not a hundred percent... but I'm better than I was before being rushed to the hospital almost 4 weeks ago. Unfortunately... I will have to remain in the care of my Critical Care Specialists as they continue doing their very best to keep me stable. That also includes another round of tests at the hospital tomorrow morning. I may not have the energy like I used to just a year ago to this very day. But I remain thankful and beyond blessed for the chance to continue enjoying all the little things in life that bring me so much happiness... the unconditional love from my little family.

For me... their love... is enough. It keeps me going. It gets me through my darkest hours.   

The MYSTICAL, MAGICAL WHITE SQUIRREL`

Hehehehehehe! 

Good LORDIE!

Can you believe that the OB-original blog has reached 3,000 blog posts today?!. 

Talking about some serious dedication! I would had never anticipated in my wildest dreams to actually be sitting here typing out blog post #3,000!

You know what is even more surprising and quite inspiring? The realism of just how much I have grown over the years. The reality of how much I have gone through over the years... yet here I am still GOING and GROWING stronger than ever before! 

For anyone who is an avid, daily blogger or Podcaster on the worldwide web.... only you can truly appreciate and understand all the hard work and endless hours that go into writing a blog or posting a Podcast on a daily basis. Most only post on an every-other-day or even some a weekly basis. I have followed those over the years that have started off putting in all the hard work... yet somehow they lost sight, interest or just neglected the time it takes to follow through on such a life changing, life altering way to share your journey with the world. 

As for myself... I have nothing but extremely high expectations for myself and that goes for pretty much everything in my life. I have always given everything in my life 110%! That includes the countless hours and more than what I would like to express in frustrations when the original blog software went crashing time and time and time again. The only reason for the time and time again website crashes has now made me view it far differently! I now view the frustrations as a proud moment! That is because the software can not keep up with the high demands from almost 2 million permalink readers. 

You know... I not only see the world far more differently now while typing out blog post #3,000. But I also view folks much more differently now than years ago when I first started the original blog. I don't believe in the saying that time heals all wounds. Instead... I believe that time makes you realize that some people, some situations and some unnecessary conflict no longer needs your time, your energy and your undivided attention. I will be the first to admit going back through the blog and reading some posts that really made me upset with myself. Spending far too much valuable time on those who didn't deserve my time.

But you know what I have learned through the art of blogging? It's okay and perfectly normal to express how you feel. Hey folks! You were not born in a factory as some mere robots! It's more than perfectly OKAY to have emotions and express them in the best way you know how! It's called being... human.

3,000 blog posts later... I am BEYOND PROUD of my many changes...

I have grown, evolved and learned a great deal of life lessons. Some good and a whole lot of really bad life lessons. I have mastered the art of gaining more wisdom than most will ever gain in an entire lifetime. I have also gained back the self-respect that I now demand from others. I am no longer that weak individual that you may feel you can attempt to once again walk on. 

As I sit here and type blog post #3,000... I have come to realize what truly matters in life... what is most important. It isn't just myself who has learned a great deal of life lessons through out the timeline of blogging on a daily basis. Eric has really learned a great deal about himself. It hasn't always been good, but what makes this blog great is realizing that he is now adult enough to own up to his mistakes. We have both mastered the art of forgiveness, yet at the same time, also demanding apologizes when apologies are owed. That's how you allow the healing process to begin.

In all actuality... I could go on and on and on and on about everything I have learned in the past 3,000 blog posts. But at the end of the day and at the end of this blog... I have zero regrets. If it weren't for having the voice to express myself and the tenacity to stick up for myself. I wouldn't continue on this life journey being the strong willed woman that I am today. 

What I have learned the most as I type out the final words of blog post #3,000 is that you should never fear being the radiant bright soul that has real emotions and isn't afraid to show them to the world! Never be afraid and never be told to dim your bright light that has so much compassion, love and strength to show to others in this world! 

You there! YOU are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L and never let anyone ever tell you otherwise because those folks are just jealous of your true self.... your undeniable BEAUTY!

The doctors suggested that we now focus on my overall quality of life rather than quantity of life. 

Most of us have a false sense that we are taking care of ourselves. Some go to the gym, eat all the right foods, buy all the in-style clothes and decorate our homes like something straight off of HGTV.

But... we aren't really KIND to ourselves.

What happened to the days of going on walks, sitting down to actually read a good book or two, bask in a really nice bubble bath with your favorite scent, or making a really super decadent home made snack with your significant other... without the TV on in the background.

Being kind to yourself means enjoying the true simplicity of life. Not all the fancy stuff.

Being truly kind to yourself doesn't really cost a thing. It's simply about making the choice to take moments for yourself to stop, smell the air and breathe...

So I ask you again... what is the last KIND thing you did for yourself?

If you can't answer this question, why not instead answer with what are you going to do to be kind to yourself starting at this very moment? 

Big changes in the quality of life... not quantity of life... can start right now.

What a super  funny start to a far-too-early morning!

Not only are the fur kids enjoying their HUGE indoor feline jungle gym... but so did this morning's group of Jehovah witnesses that woke us up as they stood outside the dining room picture window smiling and laughing away... hehehehehehe! Even so much as to call the others in the van that they were driving, preaching the good word from house to house so they could also get a few smiles, a whole lot of laughs and quite a few pictures from their cell phones... hahahahahaha!

We honestly had no idea what was going on with all the commotion while getting ready to head out the door for my scheduled testing at the hospital. As we s-l-o-w-l-y peeked out the kitchen window... all we saw were the faces of five delighted folks truly enjoying the larger-than-life feline jungle gym as Mittens and Big LOVE showed off for the entire group... hehehehehehehe!

You know... it's always the little things in life that bring so much joy not just to ourselves, but as well to others~

Speaking of the little things in life that bring so much joy...

By the looks of this photo taken of our visitors just a few days ago. It appears that Mother Nature might be bringing us one last round of early spring snowfall here in the country. YAYYYY! 3-6 inches or more of B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L SNOW!

LOVE~LOVE~LOVE

Here's wishing everyone

Today folks... TODAY was a GOOD day!

They say that fear can really get the best of you. That is... if you let it.

Last night I decided to face one of my biggest fears as I began the next course of treatments in hopes of beginning to reach up and grasp the top of this Mammoth size Mountain that I still must successfully climb! One hand slowly grasping the peak as I begin attempting to manage my way back over to the other side. The safe side.

I fear the really strong stuff as far as prescription drugs. The medications that have brought me nothing but really bad side effects in the past. I do not do well with steroids. I never did well with Prednisone. But after getting to this point of nothing else that has yet to work... it is a fear that I needed to conquer as I began my first dose late last night. 

Fear really only exists in the mind. Some would even say... it's really all about mind over matter. 

This afternoon, I had already began to experience the first of many not-so-great side effects that come with a high dose course of Prednisone. I feel jumpy, edgy, sweaty and WIDE AWAKE! This should make for a perfect evening to be one with the owls! Hahahahaha! God help me when it comes to the upcoming cravings of all sorts of foods! Yep... been there one other time in my lifetime with this drug. Who knows if it will hit me the same way?. But one thing is for certain... the only cravings I will be able to consume are still solely the liquid kind. 

BRING ON THE HOT CHOCOLATE WITH LOTS OF PEPPERMINT!

Since yesterday was one of my worst days yet... the hospital had to reschedule me for testing tomorrow and finally have the cardiology team put my monitor on. This will allow my Critical Care specialists to keep a 24-hour, close eye on how my heart is responding to everything. Tomorrow will be the first round of nuclear tests for my lungs and to see how much pressure the largest ovarian tumor is placing on my organs. If it weren't for already maxing out our out-of-pocket insurance deductible for this new year. I most likely would not be able to move forward with such extensive and quite costly testing. But God willing... when there is a will... he will provide a way. 

Life is just far too short to take yourself so seriously.

Life is far too short not to always find a reason to laugh and smile each and every day!

This... I know.

Yep... I am that kinda person who gets all giddy at the mere thought of snow... hehehehehehe!

Imagine my surprise when opening up the door in the wee early morning hours to see such a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L sight!

Sings:

SNOW... BEAUTIFUL SNOW... WONDERFUL SNOW... GLORIOUS SNOW...

I L-O-V-E SNOW...

All I could do was just stand there with the door open smiling from ear to ear while watching the most beautiful snowflakes fall from the heavens.

For me... it doesn't get any more peaceful.

I am still stuck homebound as the most recent rounds of at home treatments and various respiratory medications have yet to help me get stabilized...they have yet to help me catch my breath. But it's always when least expect that the good Lord gives one a break to forget about everything and instead focus on the far happier moments.

The ones that are meant to take your breath away... a most beautiful magical gift from heaven~