One Step Forward. Two Steps Back..
Mood:
a-ok
Now Playing: Day 2671-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
Toss, turn, toss, turn... That was me. Eric said, "No, that was actually all of us last night into the early morning hours."
As soon as we were finally able to get some sleep. My cell phone alarm woke me up in hopes of moving a step forward today in the right direction with my medical re-evaluation. Also today? My 6-month SSD, FMLA re-certification. There are a lot of decisions, medical decisions, that will be made this morning. Early morning.
We still must make the drive, across state lines, back to Ohio. It's important that I remain with my current team of doctors back in Ohio. Regardless of how far of a drive or what type of morning rush hour traffic we might endure on the way. I attempted to find a new primary care physician in our new little, lazy, river town. However, what I failed to remember, but was quickly reminded, is that my unique medical case must remain in the hands of my current team of specialists. Back in Ohio. So... out of the country and to the city it is! For this morning, anyways.
I have high hopes, but zero expectations. What I desire the most? To have the chance to work again. A new career doing what I have found to be quite passionate about over the past 6 years. I know the chances might be slim, but slim is better than nothing at all to hold onto when it comes to hope. With my most recently labs, worse than before beginning immunotherapy treatments. Myself and Eric were not quite sure what, if anything, to expect at this mornings back-to-back appointments. Anything is possible, yet anymore, I tend to just go wherever the wind may take me. Sometimes that is all you can do.
Thankfully, we didn't hit any early morning rush hour traffic and actually arrived 5 minutes early. Once I registered, it was only a matter of a few minutes before we were called back to meet with the doctors.
There was a lot to discuss today. 2 back-to-back appointments with very serious discussions regarding my health. Questions on not 'IF' I want to attempt going back to work, but 'IF' my body could handle going back to work. My most recent test reports and lab results didn't lie. In fact, they were pretty darn accurate and that within itself was scary. I am not just dealing with post-oncology treatment side effects, but as well other connected medical concerns. My body temperature reading this morning didn't make for a very promising start of what should had been a very promising day. 96.2. What I had hoped for to go away. Has yet to go anywhere. Neither did the hope for at least some sort of promising news. A possible 'positive' change with additional lab work.
1 step forward. 2 steps back..
One would think, that I would be used to disappointing news when it comes to my health. The problem is that with us fighters. We never give up. Our mental strength is what gets us through the tough times. I like to call them, medical hurdles, and it seems as if I have quite a few still left to jump over. The looks on my specialists and their assistants faces when asking if and when I could possibly work again? Priceless. Eric said that their facial expressions appeared to look at me more as if I had just lost my mind asking such a question. Yet, I was serious. VERY serious. If you think not working is fun. Think again! Not working gets old. My mind has yet to stop working towards goals. My team of specialists firmly believe that my mind is what has kept me going. Way past the odds. Even as they mentioned, past the point of refusing to accept what may never be.
Maybe... They are right.
FMLA re-certification was the easy part for them. Only because I have yet to show any positive changes with my health. As told, once again, my specialists must provide medical documentation showing that my health is getting better before requesting any possible temporary work permit from the government, SSD. Not worse. I can't keep coming back with labs lower than the last time my blood was taken. 2 steps back means that now I must also face another hurdle. A huge hurdle with our current location of our new temporary home. I was told that it's important that I stay within safe and reasonable driving distance to my new treating hospital. Without getting into details, due to wanting to keep some of my privacy, we will now need to quickly move our new RV onto a much closer site. Not next month, not next week, but this weekend.
It's a good thing. Actually... It's a GREAT thing that we both have learned to be very spontaneous! Thank goodness for close friends who also ventured into buying new homes across state lines. From Ohio into Indiana. Help, urgent help is what we need, ASAP!
Another day, another chance to prove that I can work again. Denied. We were told that if I can show tumors disappearing on the next 2 rescans, instead of appearing. If I can show them that my labs are improving, instead of declining. Then, only then, will they consider giving me the chance to work again. It's a tall order with a lot to prove, but I guess you can say that I have the rest of my life to do so.
One step forward. Two steps back..
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