Mood:
brightNow Playing: Day 2556-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
"Made of silver, not of clay
I've been runnin' down this dusty road"
I have one thing to say about doing the same repetitive action or thing over and over and over again... Yet, getting the same repetitive action or response over and over and over again... Consistently repeating the same pattern that never works is... Nuts. Wasted energy.
Here we are, blessed with another new year, 2017. Another year and another chance to get it right this time. Finally, right this time! By my own personal experience, and sometimes, by far too much personal experience. Don't try to fix something that is not broken. On the other hand... Quit spinning yourself on the same wheel. If you continuously find yourself in the same circle, then take a different path.
Focus on a new direction.
I only say this to others, because my own personal light bulb, amongst other things, has finally went off after being told that my battle is now over.
Oncologists: "You need to let it go. What is no longer working needs to be let go now. You can no longer fight what can no longer be controlled."
It didn't take me long to sit back, reflect and then realize what I was being told. I don't have time nor weeks to get it through my brain that the fight is over. It's in God's hands now and will remain there until I am called back home to Heaven. A very upsetting and extremely disappointing, last oncology, final Cancer Center visit actually turned into a blessing in disguise. Not only am I now taking a new direction, moving forward with accepting a very well, bravely fought battle, but also learning to accept defeat. I may not have won myself a cure, but I gained so much more!
I gained freedom from any and all restraints that have held me down. I am learning to embrace... Defeat.
If I could give a gift to the world. It would be one gift. A simple word of advice, per my own personal experience.
Quit beating a path that is already broken. Quit spinning yourself in the same circle, on the same wheel that has gotten you absolutely nowhere. Embrace not just the positive things in life, but as well, embrace all the negative. There is a lesson to be learned from bad experiences.
You know what is next, right?
"Let it go."
rushed
We are set to move into our temporary rental home next week. I had a strong gut feeling not to unpack after moving our contents into our newly purchased, lemonade house of horrors. Instead, we left everything packed in boxes and carefully placed them in the middle of the basement. It's only been 2 months, but with environmentally unsafe air, all of our contents have to be transferred to plastic totes. Who in their right frame of mind would want to bring over this toxic air into another home? HECK NO! I actually anticipated the repacking project to take at least 3 days, but Eric has been on a very determined roll! We should be ready, all packed up, with our belongings safely placed into new plastic totes by tomorrow. YAYYY!!!
I attempted to stop doing my Relistor injections, but as well, that failed. Royally! When you have an obsolete GI tract and large tumors as well causing major digestive problems. One has to do, what one has to do. Back to what has always proven to work for me. I refuse to suffer through the rest of my journey, but as well, I refuse to be placed in a comatose state. Not now anyways.... Right now, I need to do my best to work with the right combination of drugs that will allow for me to 
have the best days possible when I am blessed to be given a good day or two, even hopefully, three! Bad days? Well... They will happen and as told, more frequently, as expected. No more schedules. I now listen to my body and allow the rest that is needed. 5 hours of energy today isn't very good, but it's 5 hours. It was a happy, productive as my body would allow, 5 hours. We even laughed a good majority of those 5 hours while myself and Eric reminisced about the past. The good, bad, happy and even, the sad. Let's face it, I plan on laughing and smiling as long as I can, all the way to the end of the road...
Amazing~
celebratory
There is no sense in continuing to try to control, what can no longer be controlled. There is no further sense in trying to change things, that can no longer and some, never could be changed. It's a new year and a new beginning. Time to also rid of what needs no longer to be held onto. Some... for sentimental reasons. I finally was able to let go of my beloved Lucky's heart medications. Its time to let go of 
what limited the last two years of a very short special kitties life. I am so glad we were able to enjoy watching Lucky play with her new buddy and guardian kitty, Mittens. We didn't find her, Mittens found us at our prior residence. Lucky actually found her as a stray kitten that started coming around, eating bird seed, while watching us through the window. The rest of the story? Well... of course... Mittens is now enjoying the life of one extremely happy and beyond spoiled fur child. During the final hours of our beloved Lucky's life. Mittens remained by her side, watching over her. God had plans for Mittens. God had plans for us welcoming another one of his special animals sent from Heaven. XOXOXO
One thing I have learned with my journey, is just how important a good diet is for the human body. I have reiterated time and time again to Eric, on watching what he eats. What he puts into his body.
I don't eat any fast food. I still remain on a very 
highly nutritional diet that consists of mainly liquids. I will remain devoted to trying any and all organic, msg-free, no-sodium products. No red meats, pork or chicken. I rarely eat fish and can actually count on one hand how many times I consumed fish last year. By the words of my oncologists, specialists and dietician, "You may be fighting an uphill battle, but your diet has helped in playing an important roll of outliving the odds. A one year prognosis has turned into two years. Way past anyone's expectations. Your diet has played a crucial part in your survival." 
There is another, new year 2017, resolution that I promised myself. To some, skeptics, those who don't believe... Keep not believing, all the way back home to Heaven. For me, I consider myself with a special gift that started at a young age. I chose for decades to keep it to myself, but only to talk to others, connecting with those who also have a gift. I plan on reconnecting with my gift on a daily basis this new year. We have so much equipment, that has sadly been placed to the side in hopes of giving myself a gift of a cure. Time to... Let it go... Let things go medically and now take that energy and focus spiritually. I have crazy enough, predicted the majority of what has transpired with our lemonade home. I have also made some very remarkable connections over the past few months as if my gift has been literally screaming at me. 
Heaven.
That is how I plan on celebrating the last day of 2016! Lots of rest and plenty of snoozing... zzzzzz....
of fresh air in order to clear the ole mind a bit! Nothing wrong with enjoying another beautiful morning sunrise, while Eric let Snoreo and Littleblue run their energy out at our local dog park. Forget needing a huge fenced in back yard. We got two ginormous fenced in dog runs at a new dog park, a mere 2 minutes from our lemonade home. Our temporary rental home is only a few streets away. At least we will be super close in order to keep an eye on any vandalism issues once we vacate our house of lemons. It is also within only a mere 2 minute drive from the dog park. Talking about some very happy fur children! Heeheeheehee...
This New Years Eve is another first for me, as I remain home for the holidays. No way! Will I risk catching any viruses going around right now. Especially when I still need to rid current infections. Eric picked up my next round of strong antibiotics and IV meds from the hospital pharmacy this afternoon. I am extremely lucky and very fortunate to be able to continue home care, away from being stuck in a hospital. God willing, if I am blessed to beat a double infection. I plan on enjoying a bit of happiness with lots of laughter and plenty of smiles! Creating more new and very happy memories in 2017 with our little family. XOXOXO
not sure
Since I was out like a light, along with a very tired fur gang. Eric on the other hand, was awake for the very uneasy sounds of a very unsettling, pissed off lemonade home. Scary enough, the sounds don't phase me anymore as I have taken enough pictures and kept close enough watch on every single room. I follow the voices of the walls within inside and outside. That sounds like a really scary movie doesn't it? EEK! Finding a basement wall now pushed up against a mere brand new, 2 week old hot water tank? Frightening! It's 
no wonder that the officially day we can start moving into the temporary rental home falls on 1-11, Angel digits. 
I believe with all my heart, that those up in Heaven certainly have played a strong roll in watching over our entire little family. Those involved in the selling of this hazardous property? HARDLY watching over anyone, but more so watching only their hands inside their wallets and bank accounts. Jerks. Yep, that is how I view anyone who sells a home in an extremely meticulously hidden way that this property was sold. A house that will be deemed a complete loss. JERKS. 
less than two weeks away before the rental property will be ready and we quickly evacuate anything and everything out of this doomed property. Will they demolish the house later down the road? By the opinions so far, of many, YES. We will be selling off a lot! Everything that we can, because nothing will be able to be saved. We are already carefully planning each and every process of our move. Two moves, within 2 months. This move won't be nearly as stressful and hopefully, not physically speaking either. We never did fully 'unpack' our belongings that are still in boxes, in the middle of the basement. I go by my instincts and did the very first day, within 24 hours after waking up, not being able to breathe inside this doomed house of horrors. 
sad
As the suns rays continued to give us a small glimmer of hope. It also appeared that the suns rays followed us all the way to the hospital. Eric received a few rays of sunshine blessings as we walked towards the hospital doors. Eric has yet to leave my side. He remains devoted to fight along side with me in the medical land of the unknown. It didn't take, but a mere 2 minutes, by the time our feet hit the Cancer Center floor, before being called back into a room. I didn't even have time to finish signing registration and insurance forms before being quickly called back by the oncologist's nurse. Talking about staying on schedule! This Cancer Center sure doesn't mess around!
Clearly, if anything good was to come out of a really bad, final oncology and last Cancer Center appointment for the remainder of this gal's life. Oncology patients private, confidential medical records and individual cases, most likely will never be discussed again outside of the patients room. Please, use a room for discussing any patients medical information. Preferably, behind closed doors. I really didn't need to hear what they were discussing. There was nothing that they didn't discuss, once they introduced themselves, that I didn't already hear outside of our room. My guards? UP, like the Great Wall Of China!
There hasn't been much good that has come out of our lemonade home. A house that should had never been sold in the first place to anyone. Ever. Due to even far greater risks of a serious collapse with walls now pushing, pulling and exterior concrete splitting and sinking. We had no other choice, but to quickly secure a temporary rental property, ASAP! How temporary will it be? I sadly suspect, a very long time. Thank you to amazing friends and framily (friends who are family) in and out of state who quickly worked their magic and beyond helpful assistance. We are now in the process of once again, packing it up and moving into a far safer, rental home. Within time, hopefully I can as well, finally get some much needed rest. Actually... ALL of us! Amen. 
I go purely with my gut instincts, that to this very day, have yet to ever fail me nor steer me wrong. I also go by signs from those who watch over me and our entire little family from Heaven. When it's meant to be, it will be meant to be, you will know. Our new home was not only meant to be, but the nice couple who are renting us the home will be quickly getting it ready for us to move in no later than January 11th, 2017. Angel digits day! Yes, it's not a lot of time, but with our lemon of a home quickly sinking, pulling and buckling. We have no time. The engineer was hopeful that the house would allow for us to wait until at least a few more months, but unfortunately, 1 of the 3 walls that were deemed, 'safe,' are no longer safe. 
This afternoon, we continued to hear some very disturbing sounds now coming from the front of our lemonade home and behind the garage. These are just a few pictures of what we found, along with the basement floor now separating. Needless to say, moving much sooner, than later is a blessing within itself. This house is not safe structurally, environmentally nor with hard wood floors in the bedrooms starting to quickly separate from the weight of a very unstable house. What a very sad situation, all around, but what a tremendous lesson to learn. There are still good people left in this world that walk among us. We need to take extra, special care of those who take care of us, because sadly, there are not many of those good folks still left in this world. There is a whole lot more I would like to say about the entire purchase from beginning to end, but for legal reasons. I can only disclose so much. Pictures do say a thousand words. Even sometimes, a million words.
Eric was asked to reach out to the media, however, I am leaving that decision up to him. This is his loan, using his hard earned VA, veteran benefits. I assume, we can all learn a lesson from a very unfortunate sale of a property that should had never been sold in the first place. When your house starts talking... Listen and listen very carefully, but most importantly, closely. We never had time to call our first purchased home together, "Home." This house is far from what I would consider a home, but hopefully some day, far down the road, some one can repair what was hidden very meticulously by prior sellers and other parties involved. A fictitiously clean property disclosure and a good buddy hand shake by a VA appraiser that only lives a mere 15 minutes down the street and good buddies with all parties involved with the property, minus the buyers. Us. 
special
A very special gift I received this Christmas will hopefully unlock the key of some extremely important medical questions. DNA. Yes, DNA! 
This evening, I started the process of uncovering the past, the present and hopefully, a future with family that I had no idea even existed. It's going to seem like a century while waiting, but I just know that the results are going to be well worth the wait! I never thought of the gift of DNA research?. If so, it would had most likely been at the top of my Bucket List! I can't wait to share the lab results with everyone, but in the meantime... I have no plans on giving up, nor giving in. 
d'oh
I wasn't sure if maybe one of Santa's reindeer were stuck on the rooftop this morning... Or... It was once again the sounds of one very pissed off house. BOOM~BAM! Then at the same time a feeling as if someone took a sledgehammer to the basement. Actually, more like the foundation. 
Let's face it. It isn't called being dealt a bad deck of cards, nor is it called, "Bad Luck." It's called unfortunate situations with having to deal with jerks. Heeheeheehee! OK. I have to admit. That did sound pretty funny! HA! Sadly, it's true. Maybe it is far better to be in a private rental home, so I can at least give my body some sort of break. I am sure having the outside environment coming indoors has not playing wisely with me being so darn sick. Many have mentioned the fact of having such horrible foundation problems and a home quickly sinking, that all the cold winter air could easily make anyone sick. Add onto that fact, a very compromised immune system? This house is downright, deadly. I have said it numerous times to Eric, since the first night we actually spent the night in this house, only to wake up unable to breathe. One call and less than 24 hours we quickly found out, visually, just how unsafe environmentally and structurally this house truly is for anyone. 
Those sure weren't reindeer prancing that we heard on the roof this morning, but you can certainly bet come this time next year. Santa won't need to come down the chimney, because the chimney most likely won't be here.
happy
