If music truly helps soothe the soul then today's Podcast~Blogcast video and song pretty much describes how my soul feels.

  This afternoon... I began transitioning my very first steps into the care of the critical care specialists. The final puzzle pieces have been carefully fitted into a larger puzzle that is no longer. My body is not responding to various medications and at home treatments due to the progression of ovarian cancer that has now affected my lungs... the inability to breathe normally.

Myself and Eric went into an appointment believing either my heart and lung issues were related to asthma, COPD or due to my Gastroparesis or a combination of both on top of a poor immune system. We could have never predicted such a turn of events 3 weeks ago that started due to the largest ovarian tumor now becoming infected as it began infecting my blood and causing me to become toxic. 

Guess you can say that sometimes things don't always go as planned... not with your health and in general... not with life. I have to quickly wrap my brain around all of this information as I go into further testing at the hospital starting tomorrow morning. I am now being quickly transitioning off of one round of various medications and at home treatments to go onto the next and final round in hopes of getting me somewhat stabilized.

As for now... being admitted is solely up to the patient... me.

Life... never take anything for granted.

Life... it's a beautiful thing.

Talkin' about feelin' ALL  JAZZED UP!

All JAZZED UP in my comfy clothes with 2 hours of relief in between treatments.

Nothing in the world feels better while not feeling your best as being snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug in your old comfy clothes!

Who cares what anyone thinks because in all actuality... all that matters is that I'm comfy and I'm rocking my thrift shop looking attire on this glorious Sunday!

All this while celebrating my 14th year living a unique life with Gastroparesis.

That diagnosis 14 years ago is how the Gastroparesis Awareness Campaign website came to life. A little idea in a really BIG way to help other patients know that they are not alone. That little idea that has now become this massive awareness campaign soon to reach 12 million around the world educating others about Gastroparesis... One Person At A Time.

www.gastroparesisawareness.com

14 years later and who says you can't survive living on a very limited diet? HA... I sure showed them!

You know... this kind of reminds me of a little song that goes a little something like this on this beautiful Sunday celebrating a most b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l life~

It's time to get ALL JAZZED UP!
Hahahahaha...

Did you make sure to wear your green today for good luck! You know this gal did! All the way to meeting with the realtor early this afternoon! It felt amazing to finally get out of the house for a bit of fresh air! 

YAYYYYYY!!

I am finally catching a bit of a break with all the treatments. I still have a very long ways to go before getting back to some sort of normalcy but I'll take all I can take! It was an interesting meeting with the realtor after we both have already realized this is going to be another repeat year with a very declining real estate market. The inventory in and out of state is extremely low... a record second year in a row! We will have no problem selling our home however we are having a huge problem trying to find another house out of state. It is bizarre how quickly things have turned around with the housing market in the area where Eric will be working in Nevada. Our final and permanent destination. Even with health matters and health issues... life still Must Go On.

That most definitely includes our life! 

We were advised to wait until late summer before proceeding ahead as there is very little inventory as far as homes currently on the market and the expectations are extremely low when it comes to the peak season this summer. We both had a strange feeling that come early fall this year might be our best bet in order to finally complete our final move. We may have an easy time when it comes to selling our home that we have literally flipped upside down and inside out. But when it comes to landing a contract on a new property out west... it has been extremely slim pickings. We will not settle this final and last time around when it comes to a permanent place of residency. I guess this means we will now have additional time to complete the remaining smaller projects that still remain on our to-do list. 

Our luck may not have been with us as far as a good meeting with the realtor this afternoon. But at least medically I was able to take a small step today in the right direction when it comes to getting over this Mammoth Mountain I must climb. Thank goodness for growing older and far wiser because we will not be missing out on the crazy drunken St Patty's Day crowds this evening! Regardless of my health... we still would have stayed home taking it easy and spending far more quality time with our little family.

The Saint Patrick's Day inquiring-minds-want-to-know as I have come to deliver with today's video! Your long overdue question has finally been answered!

So have I... You Are Not Alone along with the other almost 2 million permalink readers. 

This time it wasn't the Gastroparesis Awareness Campaign website that crashed, but once again this blog due to really old poorly managed software that has once again crashed. I believe I am on the 4th or 5th day with Engineers trying to resolve the issue which could go into early next week.  

Yayyyyyyy for no longer having to endure monthly and even most recently weekly crashes like on this old original blog site. Please be warned that it will only be on a temporary basis before all blog posts will only be able to be viewed on the new website.

Onward and Upward!

Today marks 48-hours with continued at home treatments. I am scheduled back to the hospital Monday morning with my pulmonologist and cardiologist. I was given a little bit of their game plan via phone this afternoon. Their new goal is to get me through this weekend so they can do a bit more extensive testing next week, Monday. They have already scheduled me for a 24-hour heart monitor so they can keep a close eye on my heart while my pulmonologist tries to figure out a way to help stabilize my lungs. Eric is fearful they're going to end up having to admit me regardless Monday morning. What he doesn't realize is that no one can force anyone to be admitted to the hospital. This situation it truly is up to the patient... me.

I plan on continuing to fight in order to stay away from being admitted to the hospital. I am in a 24-hour stress free zone and I plan to permanently keep it that way. That means zero stress. Anyone who cannot respect the demands from my doctors will be talking to my hand because I won't be listening. I like to call it some serious self-respect. I don't consider this Mammoth Mountain to climb a burden... but instead a Mammoth size life lesson. The greatest lessons in life are learned during the greatest struggles. 

So... I am on my first 24-hours of at home treatments. When my Pulmonologist said I'd be feeling a little crappy, a little light-headed and quite a lot of shaky... she wasn't joking. 

Today I have been doing my best in keeping my mind off of far scarier things while still getting up throughout the day for a little exercise. Keeping up with the constant and various methods of at home treatments has been quite a task! I vow to do my absolute best to stay out of being admitted to the hospital. In my mind... being admitted to the hospital is a death sentence for me.

Sure... to some the above may sound silly, but going in for heart and respiratory issues does not seem very promising as far as being able to make it back home. Trust me by saying... I fought my doctors... both of my doctors for a matter of 3-hours during yesterday's appointment. If I don't get any better after the next 24-hours. Then clearly I have done all I can and the cards just aren't stacked in my favor. 

You can expect this girl to go in fighting all the way!

Emotionally... everything finally came to a head as we were given 48-hours for the final and last round of treatments to start working before my specialists will have to admit me to the hospital.

Today... I got lucky.

Tomorrow... I am not so sure... but I live for the day. I live in the present. I live for the moment. 

What I can't predict... is the future... tomorrow. 

I do know what I am. I am human. I have emotions, sometimes like today, really raw emotions. Hospitals scare the hell out of me. Especially if being admitted. I have been fighting like hell to get better and somehow make my way over this Mammoth Mountain. But for some reason.. my body is just not following my brain.

So... as I sit here and look at over $2,500 worth of medications, at home treatments, nebulizer machine and other information from my specialists... I am lost for words. I am completely dumbfounded. I would not be human if I didn't say that I am also starting to get pretty scared and very concerned for my life.

I am very fortunate to have a new team of specialists who haven't given up on me. They have desperately continued trying over the past week to get me stabilized. When other doctors have given up on me back across state lines. These doctors in our new home state have yet to give up on me.

As I was sitting here sifting through my phone. I found this video of our beloved Oreo bravely taking his very first steps after suffering a stroke that paralyzed him from the neck down. I remember as if it was just yesterday taking him to the emergency veterinarian hospital and being told Time After Time by each veterinarian that he would not make it and that we should let him go. You know what we did? We didn't listen to the veterinarians. We listened to our heart. We did what any decent human being and great fur parents would do... we took our beloved Oreo home and fought alongside him each and every day. We made sure Oreo had our undivided attention, daily physical therapy provided by both of us along with a customized wheelchair. 

We never gave up on Oreo being able to walk again and Oreo never gave up on us as he bravely took his first steps six months after a major stroke. What a remarkable gift to be able to say that together... we defied the odds with our beloved, brave and remarkable fur child, Oreo. 

Never give up never give in.

I will always love you... For A Thousand Years...

Just ending this evening on a little note... taking it easy... here in the country.

The snow has unfortunately stopped, but at least I was able to capture a few extra pictures in case it will be the last snow of the season. 

Eric is already slowly getting stir crazy from being stuck in the house for over a week now. I was contacted a few hours ago by my doctors office so looks like tomorrow will be another early morning wake up call for our little family.

All the most beautiful sights and sounds of snow slowly glistening down from the sky. An unexpected... but most definitely welcomed snowfall late in the winter season.

What a perfect way to start the morning just listening to all the sights and sounds of Mother Nature and the most beautiful snowflakes falling around us while on our way to the hospital for another round of treatments.

We are hopeful that Eric will be able to return to work this coming week. No one can predict the unpredictable especially when it comes to your health. I am still struggling with shortness of breath even when walking around the house trying to get back some of my energy. My doctors are still working hard to get me stabilized so I don't fall back into any further trouble.

Another most humbling experience when one quickly understands the true meaning of life. The most simplest of pleasures... the simplicity of things that mean the most... what money can't buy.... true happiness.

Thank you Mother Nature for bringing a most memorable late-season gift of such beautiful snow! I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Being  married means being with someone for life who wants to make you laugh and smile. A lifelong partner who you can talk to about anything.

When all else fails, when times are tough, your friendship will pull you through anything... I can promise you that!

It wasn't a good day, but I have a great husband and an amazing little family by my side.

Ahhhh... tis another day being stuck at home. Waking up to the hope of treatments keeping me out of any further trouble and on my way of being stabilized... medically speaking.

Eric has already missed an entire week of work. We have surpassed paid leave and now on unpaid leave which doesn't make me feel very comfortable. You know that uneasy feeling where you look at your checkbook and figure out how it's going to hit you later. After seeing two additional new specialists since being hospitalized earlier this week... they are giving me till next week to start feeling better. I have my moments throughout the day where a good hour will hit me and which I believe I am close to coming to the other side of this big mountain. Then of course... I will get hit out of nowhere and then back down for the count again stuck on what feels like a forever couch bed. 

Myself and Eric were hopeful that he would be able to return to work but that was 3 days ago. My doctors are not comfortable with me being home alone until they are able to stabilize me with at home treatments... every 4 hour treatments. (More of those crazy treatments on the next podcast.) Slowly but surely medical reports are coming back from Radiology. Most recent EKG, ECG, lung tests and lactic acid testing. Congestive heart failure with septic shock is something that you don't really survive a second time around so they want to make sure that all of my organs are working as normal as possible. 

Four specialists are still not sure if the blood infection had come from the ovarian tumors or GI intestinal infection. What they do now know is that it had nothing to do with the most recent surgery regarding my kidneys and bladder. At least we know that this is just a connected problem... complication of far bigger issues that have been going on for quite a long time. As for myself and Eric... we most definitely believe that this is the cause from the largest ovarian tumor leaking very dangerous fluid, cells or whatever you may call it or choose to call it.

I tend to look at things differently now in my life through another new set of eyes / my own personal experiences. Dwelling on things doesn't change what has happened. But I know for a fact my Angels were with me in that hospital emergency room. Eric asked me this evening if I noticed the point when everyone was trying to do multiple tests at once and there was hardly no room to move and yet my blood pressure and pulse would quickly change to 111. Is it a mere coincidence? No... it's not. If you're familiar with the Angel digits then I need not say more. 

It's going to still be a little ways before I start feeling better, but in the meantime I've been able to sit through videos that were taking during our many historic ventures. This video is from Waverly Hospital located in Kentucky. It was another once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be able to connect with our past. History that still seems Frozen in Time. No... Waverly Hospital which was also an asylum was not scary and we did not feel any negative presence. But instead a very overwhelming sad energy of those who greatly suffered while spending months and some even years at this very large historic Hospital that housed tuberculosis patients and even acted as an orphanage for abandoned children. This video was taken inside an underground tunnel where they would bring the bodies of those who were deceased. So many beautiful souls had lost their lives in such great numbers that it was not uncommon to have more than a hundred bodies waiting to be picked up at the end of the tunnel where a secret door waited to be opened. Some were returned to their respective families... while others were brought to local funeral homes or buried in small grave sites away from the hospital.

Towards the end of the video located on our Podcast~Blogcast at the following link below you can distinctively hear a gentleman's voice at the end of the video while Eric is talking. We aren't sure if he is saying you or boo?. For those who are permalink readers you will recall this photo of the apparition that we didn't realize we photographed standing looking down at an autopsy table. A woman in a very distinctive long gown.

It was an amazing experience! One in which myself and Eric had learned so much... yet after we left... we felt so incredibly humbled. We can't wait till I get better so we can pick back up again to our next great historic venture!