Mood:
brightNow Playing: Day 2983-Chapter 3... Happiness~My Silver Lining
When I think about the past month... excessive tiredness, fatigue, dizziness, uneasiness in the chest... it all makes sense. Unfortunate... perfect sense.
Over the past 48-hours... how did I get to this current place in time? Respiratory appointments for breathing treatments, another EKG, ECG... then the diagnosis hits us like a freight train as we stand in the middle of the tracks.
I most definitely don't feel like the person in the most recent medical reports. Even fooling myself to believe that the person in the pictures looks pretty darn normal. But internally... anything but medically normal. Trying to literally jump over this latest hurdle is going to prove to be one hell of a feat!
Today has started off to be... no better of a day.
I may have mastered the new regimen of one new specialist after another, but I don't look at it quite the same anymore. Instead of how I used to view appointments as mere inconveniences, when in all reality, I felt as if I had far better things to do with my time. I now view my appointments with my new specialists as a blessing. A very life-saving blessing in disguise.
What I have also changed is how I respond to mere personal perception of how others may see me as a constant complainer, negative Nelly or seeking some sort of bizarre attention. Bizarre is the minds of anyone whom believes that those who are sick are any of the above. I now see it as those who feel that way as nothing but a mere character flaw within themselves. Maybe because I never saw anyone who was sick as any sort of constant complainer, negative Nelly or seeking some sort of bizarre attention. I never felt that way when my Aunt was at the end of her journey with lung cancer. I never even saw my Grandmother who bravely battled kidney cancer as anything but a determined woman. Same for my Grandfather who stood firmly in looking directly into the eyes of prostate cancer... yet still ran mile after mile, each and every day, until he could run no longer. Those aren't people as any of the above... those are instead some god-given strong willed people.
When you surround yourself with those types of uncompassionate, inhumane, negative folks. You are only setting yourself up for mere troubles now or... later down the road. When you fear seeking medical treatment due to fear of what some may think as any of the above... then clearly you need to sit down and do some serious life inventory. No one in this lifetime who ever makes light of, pokes fun of, or belittles anyone who is sick, should ever be a part of your inventory.
You deserve so much more! You deserve far better! Especially when bravely battling any chronic illness. It isn't about seeking attention. It isn't about being negative Nelly. It isn't even about any sort of bizarre attention. When you share a piece of yourself and your struggles... no matter what they may be... you should never receive anything but pure kindness and sheer compassion from others.
My journey may have taken another unfortunate turn... but at least I now have the full support, kindness, compassion and love from others that will help keep me going.
I can only hope that if this blog post reaches just one beautiful soul out in this world that is struggling alone... that they now know you truly are never alone.
Tomorrow tis another day. Another new specialist. It hasn't been easy, but I plan on taking things one day at a time, doing my best to keep going.
"Life is going to bring you lots of ups and downs
After each storm learn to straighten your crown
Don’t let anything destroy your peace
This too shall pass... and your troubles shall cease."
~K
chillin'
24-hours.
Glad to be home now and just waiting on labs that had to be sent out of state. A record 79 blood tests. Thank God for an amazing hospital and emergency room team! Not sure where the blood infection is coming from... although they suspect the largest ovarian tumor. At least I was quick in knowing to head up ASAP to the hospital! We also had no idea I was starting with early signs of pneumonia?. I honestly thought it was just asthma due to seasonal allergies. At least the 103 fever is down to a safer 101... I will take it! Two bags of fluids later... bloated as hell. 
Here is another great reason why I plan on slowly transitioning everyone to the new website. This software currently being used for my blog is as old as Trump's hairstyle...
HA! (Oh come on now Trump supporters... it's a mere joke! Take it easy now because if you think about it... he really has had the same hairstyle for decades now.) It takes me far too long to do one single blog entry. Another great reason for slowly transitioning everyone to a new blog site is because even when I am not feeling my best. It really only takes me a mere 5-10 minutes to post a text blog, photos and even videos or audio. Compared to this current blog's old school software that really stinks! It takes me forever in a day to post just one blog and then add photos, animated gifs, etc.
They're really addicted to the Amish peanut butter and homemade preserves! A little treat in the evenings has now turned into a 24-hour ordeal each time Eric goes into the kitchen. Hahahaha! There's absolutely nothing wrong with using organic peanut butter as a treat since a lot of treats that they consume also have the same ingredient... peanut butter. Maybe it's the Husky or German Shepherd in them. But one thing is for certain... they sure do love their peanut butter and jelly!
special
Of course, I had my fair share of post surgical complications that began as soon as we got home from the hospital. Clotting issues that lasted over the past three days which required a few trips back in order to receive a few treatments. I also had to stop all pain medication, vitamins, protein shakes and other supplemental meal beverages. I literally had to rely on solely over the counter Tylenol. Talking about building some serious, out of this world tolerance when it comes to pain! There hasn't been a hour that has gone by yet that Eric hasn't thrown in one of two rotating herbal heat wraps into the microwave.
Today was the very first day in doing my best to slowly get back to the basics. Not being able to consume my protein shakes and other healthy beverages had begun to really take a toll on my overall energy level. Surgery is hard enough to bounce back from, yet alone dealing with limitations due to clotting issues. I was finally given the A-OK this afternoon to start back on some serious nutrition! My body said, "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" I am still fatigued as hell and the pain still has yet to subside when trying to find some sort of comfortable position on my couchbed. But I made it... I actually made it through a third surgery in less than two months! That within itself is one hell of a feat! 
surprised
As I slowly begin the surgical road to recovery and figure out my next step of many... our little Lazy River Town fire department has been kicking some serious butt! The entire team have been working non-stop, Around the Clock, going from one street to the next in order to clear everything out of the way so our roads can be safely reopened. These guys deserve a medal for doing such an amazing job with little sleep... but every bit of pride! These guys rock! 
hug me
party time!
There's even a first when it comes to waking up from surgery after coming down from some serious goofy, loopy, downright silly feeling anesthesia! I have never felt so absolutely exhilarated in my entire life! The video is just a touch of the sheer goofiness and giddiness that I felt not just after surgery... but for 48-hours straight after surgery.
