Mood:
luckyNow Playing: Day 2732-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
YAYYY!
I survived yesterdays first round of pain management treatments! I woke up this morning and literally had to pinch myself!
I guess my new specialist was right...I did wake up feeling, for the most part, pain-free! YAYYYY! Talking about, "Seas The Day!" I really didn't think he was right about feeling the benefits of both drugs 24-hours later. But I actually didn't wake up with so much pain and it didn't take me as long to get out of bed. We still have a bit of a ways to go due to needing to re-adjust my GI medications that I still must take on a daily and weekly basis. But with my doctors working together as a team. I most definitely feel it is possible! For now...I am going to enjoy this far better day. A good day to enjoy the great outdoors and beautiful weather!
Cowgirl style
Before the heat, humidity and rain begins for the upcoming holiday weekend. We decided to catch up with a few odds and ends around the house. Outdoors. We have a natural oasis for all wildlife, especially all of the deer, that needed a bit of TLC. My wildflowers and herbs also needed a bit of love and some fresh new soil. They are doing great! Crazy how much better everything grows when you live in the country! I have high expectations that by mid July, everything should be ready to either start blooming or ready to pick as far as the herbs, sunflowers and all sorts of various wildflowers that the deer will get to enjoy. Once again, you know...It's the little things with this gal!
Even a few bites of hot fudge cake~YUMMMMMM!!! It has been years since enjoying this super sweet treat! Those bites were not only savored, but so well worth the wait!
I now must be extra careful with what I consume due to the largest tumor being literally wrapped around my lower intestines. The risk of obstructions are far greater now, than ever before! Heed the warning that I have to be super careful with consuming anything solid. A few small bites is a must and maximum limit here on out on a daily basis. I am going to make sure that those small bites are worth it! Hot fudge cake was sooooo worth it!
Today will be the last beautiful, crisp, cool, fall-like day in the summer for those like us in the country. Come tomorrow, its back to the heat and humidity. Just in time for 4th of July. UGGGG... But for now we are going to max out this beautiful day!
B-L-E-S-S-E-D
d'oh
Rise N' Shine!
Back across state lines for my first pain specialist appointment. Wayyyy too early! It's no wonder that instead of my sweatshirt saying, "Seas The day." Maybe it should had said, "Eas The Day." 
ALL she WROTE! I was LIT!!! Eric took one look at me on the car ride back home across state lines to my comfy couchbed waiting for me in Indiana and said, "Your eyes look like slivers of rice!" HA!
bright
Since we have to remain here in our home of many lemons. Why not continue finding ways to take all of these lemons and keep turning them into sweet lemonade! There are enough reasons to also try my best by painting away my depression. One stroke of the paint brush at a time. 
So far, I am finishing up one of our three bedrooms while also working on the bathroom and hallway. This house has seen it's far share of damage over the years. Strange enough, by once again listing to the house. We have found a few answers with regards to prior foundation issues. It seems not only did the prior owners have a friend do some work on the basement before placing the house up for sale. But today we put the final mystery puzzle pieces together and realized why one of the bedrooms suffered so much damage. Damage that was carefully and meticulously hidden by the prior owners. There is a wall in the basement where support posts were installed which lifted the bedroom directly above it. This is clearly why there was so much hidden damage. The rest of the foundation issues we are finally coming to realize is due to the prior owners most definitely not taking care of the house. In more ways than one! 
I plan on taking things one day at a time. During my good days. Physically. Thank goodness for lots of do-it-yourself videos available online! So far they have come in very handy for myself and Eric. While I am patching, painting and doing other repairs inside our home. Eric has been busy trying to finish installing our new garage door, outside. The prior garage door was not only installed incorrectly by the prior owners. But they also never used any type of support brackets for the garage and garage door opener. It's no wonder with such poor installation that the prior garage door literally snapped on us, in half! PFFFFF! This is why having a home warranty is so very 
important! Some of the hidden damage has been able to be claimed. While other damage continues to be our responsibility. $$$ We had anticipated to vacate the house, but we had no where else to go. We also have no time nor thousands upon thousands of dollars to hire an attorney. Even if we decided to proceed ahead and represent ourselves, Pro Se. At this point with my health. We just don't have the desire nor the time. 
HAW
special
Today was a picture perfect day to spend outdoors. Enjoying the super amazing weather! An early afternoon walk along the river trails and then it was off to our local dog park! This most definitely is Snoreo's kind of weather. We sure wish that our beloved Littleblue would of had the chance to enjoy these cool temperatures in the summer while playing with her best friend, Snoreo. But we know that she is still with us in spirit. More ways than one and with signs all around us. If only the summer brought with it days like today. Clear skies, low humidity and crisp, cool temperatures.
On our way back to the car we actually stumbled upon a rock that was carefully placed on a tree. A special rock with a super cute smile! A message on a rock to be precise! "Smile You Are Loved." What a very nice idea to paint happy images with uplifting messages on various rocks then place them around the park. This was just what we both needed after such a devastating month and very difficult point in our lives. 
CHEERS!
not sure
We are thankful to had two separate teams of veterinarians who worked together with Littleblue's care. As well our dear friend and amazing surgeon, Dr. T. I am still in the disbelief-grieving stage with the loss of our Littleblue. It hasn't been easy coming to terms with the way she had passed as we quickly had to provide assistance. Helping her journey to heaven as quickly as possible. Maybe that is what haunts me the most. How she passed. The images of her looking up at me while taking in her last breath. It terrifies me. It haunts me every single day. There are not enough painting projects in our home to completely erase those memories. The images of such a sweet, beautiful, kind and most gentle soul suffering while we tried to desperately save her. 
As far as symptoms. I had experienced far too many strange and quite odd symptoms to list, 5 years prior to scans and other medical imaging picking up what appeared to be another ovary with an odd looking mass. It took over 5 years before the reappearing ovarian mystery was solved by a medical professor and his colleagues. It literally took me 17 surgeons and 3 mayo clinics before the mystery was finally solved. All by my doing and being proactive as hell in search of an answer. This after realizing that an ovary that was removed and verified by documented pathology reports literally grew back from a single microscopic cell. It took literally 6 years until the only option that would work was presented to me in writing via a contract to waiver all medical liability in order to proceed ahead with very rare and quite experimental oncology treatments. Ovarian cancer is generally never treated with radiation therapy. The gold standard treatment is first a biopsy, then surgery to encase and remove the tumor(s) and lastly chemotherapy. Rarely do they use radiation and only for late stage ovarian cancer when there are no other options. Where surgery is no longer an option due to the size, malignancy and complications with an ovarian tumor(s). There were no surgical options nor any other possible options in my unique and quite rare case. We went for the highest chance possible of destroying the bad cells in hopes of completely disintegrating the tumors. But when one tumor becomes larger than the size of a softball and is hidden among your intestines and other organs. Radiation may not even be the answer. There are some forms of cancer that can never be defied. I may or may not have all of my answers. But for what I have gone through and what I have seen transpire with my own beloved Littleblue's cancer. 
We had another round of some serious monsoon rain last night that lasted for over 15 hours. Of course, this meant another round of flash flood warnings that came across both of our phones through out the early morning into the late afternoon hours. Nothing quite like coming home to find the basement taking in water for the fourth time in less than 10 hours. Too much rain also equals some serious sink holes! We both didn't get much sleep. Today I was literally d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g...
Try that on top of taking morphine to help with the pain so I can actually sleep. I was literally a walking zombie until early this evening when my body finally decided to wake the heck up!
I may not drink regular coffee, only decaf for this gal. But electrolyte water and other healthy organic juices really do the trick! As of right now. I am actually wide-awake! Ready to begin another round of nighttime painting. This evening I am going to attempt finishing the remaining two walls in the hallway. Then tomorrow is the start of both hallway closets and trim. I will be glad when the hallway is finally complete! I would much rather work on painting far larger areas of our home where I have more room to maneuver around with the paint brush and roller. 
Today I made a realization. That when sometimes you think that your team of treating doctors is complete. There is always room for another helping hand to help you with your journey. A helping hand to help make your journey as pain-free and functional as possible! My pain management is now being taken over by my new pain management specialist who promised me today that we will find a really great combination of what works best for me. Among still working with my gastroparesis and continued weight loss. I have to be careful of what I take since my immune system still remains extremely depleted and my body doesn't absorb many drugs the way they are intended to be made for pain. So far I am doing really well taking morphine in the evening to help with the pain along with getting some really solid sleep. The problem my other doctors have is trying to figure out some sort of medication to help manage the pain while I am awake. Without making me feel like a walking zombie. I have great faith that I am now in good hands with my new specialist! It might take him a little while, but I have a feeling that 24-hour pain relief is soon over the horizon! 
YAYYYY! 
My entire day was filled with some of the most rare, once in a lifetime, moments of peace. If Heaven could come visit here on earth. Then clearly today I received the most precious visits and signs from Heaven of all. I have never felt so blessed nor at such peace. 
I personally have never seen a white dove. I have heard of folks who hire those whom have white doves to release at weddings and funerals. I have never yet to actually wake up ever in my lifetime to see such a beautiful white dove sitting outside my window. Then gracefully stand up and turn it's head to look at me. As if to say, "Hello, I am so glad to finally meet." A messenger from Heaven? They say white doves are most definitely a sign from Heaven. A messenger from God. Do you believe? I do. This was a first and most likely the last time this will ever happen in my lifetime. There are many theories, spiritual theories about those who experience a visit from the messenger white dove sent from Heaven. A mesmerizingly beautiful sign of peace and love. 
Thankfully, I was able to not only capture a few pictures of the beautiful white dove, just peacefully sitting then standing up to watch me from the window. But I also was able to take a short video of the white dove stretching it's wings while watching me. It was almost, as if, the world stood still. If only for a moment. I felt nothing, but pure peace. But mostly, love. 
Believe. 
Do you think this painting would go best with palm green, cool beige or sand crème? 
lemonade. 
chillin'
I have been doing my best to somehow maneuver through the pain. But it hasn't come without the need of taking new medication. Pain medication. Morphine. The good stuff. I have only been taking it at night in order to help me get some sleep. Between the largest tumor growing larger, other tumors slowly becoming larger and the uncontrollable intestinal pain from everything wrapped around in one huge mess. I feel pretty darn good about how well I have tolerated everything so far. The pain.
We have been only utilizing FMLA time when desperately needed. One never knows when the next complication might arise, as well no one is for certain how fast the tumors will continue growing. That is the hard part...Not knowing. One can't predict. No one can predict. We can only go by the symptoms and the need to somehow control the pain. On top of everything. I have a lot of things in my past that I need to put in the past. Permanently. My therapist feels that it is very important that I finally allow myself to go through all the emotions of what had transpired over the past several years. Most importantly...Over the past five years. I have bottled up a lot. Then there were other issues that I never had time to really react. I was too busy trying to stay on top of my health. I had far too many more important things to worry about. Like keeping up with the good fight. 
I have been trying to think of an activity that I enjoy. Besides watching all of the beautiful wildlife during the morning and evening hours from my couchbed window. Something to help me process what I have gone through over the past several years. Ironically, I used to not like painting. But with age...Comes change of what one used to not like. But now...Enjoy. Painting is relaxing to me. It's also an activity that doesn't require much physical strength and when you need to take a break. You can take a break. 
Pace yourself. I had just finished up painting the rental home back in Ohio less than a year ago. But that was a rental. We now own a home. Not rent. I decided that come tomorrow. I will start the project of painting our entire house. Yes, the entire house. We have so much paint that we never used and I heard that most of the HGTV-Sherwin Williams paint can last up to a year. All you have to do is take it back up to Lowe's and they will place it into their machine which mixes it back to the same fresh color. As if you just bought the paint. We have several cans of various colors of paint that we never used, among a few gift certificates to Lowe's that we were going to use last fall. 
Lemonade! 