Mood:
d'ohNow Playing: Day 2850-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
Today was the day!
Talking about being nervous as my blog baby was finally handed over to the publishing company. Blog baby
... that's how I view this blog which has over 2,800+ entries and still going strong!
Talk about a LOT of hours logged behind the screen!
I had already decided to sign over rights with my blog to a very reputable publishing company a few years ago. The reason for the delay was in order to make sure that this was the route destined to be taken. I needed to make sure that the vision for this blog is mutual between myself and the publishing company. The right publisher who can carefully dissect this blog and figure out how to best work the chapters into a series of sorts. A long journey about my life. All the ups, downs, ins and outs. Now safely in the hands of those who will be carefully deciding which direction needs to be taken next with this blog. In the meantime...plans are still full steam ahead in launching this blogs new home which is set to happen next month. I am not sure on the exact date, but it will most definitely happen in November.
It may work. It may not work. As I have always believed, trying is half the battle. Regardless if the new site works or doesn't work. I am determined as ever to give it my all.
'A' for effort!
Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I have two back-to-back doctor appointments. Then we have an electrician coming over that has been scheduled by our warranty company. Eric needs to drop off his car down the street for an oil change and issues with the tire monitoring system that needs serviced. Thank goodness for the warranty and realizing that we had a years worth of free oil changes. Two paid oils changes later..
HA! We still have yet to decorate our pumpkin for Halloween as well buy candy for all the trick-or-treaters. There is also a few outdoor projects that need to be finished before winter. Water proofing the outside of the basement wall and filling in settlement cracks where needed. The other minor repairs still left in our great house-flipping project can slowly be finished through out the upcoming winter months. This will at least give Eric something to do while I am resting. It's been tough lately with my health. More bad days...than good. Trying to get the pain under control and non-stop nausea has also been tough. I still need to keep up with daily fluids, but in all reality, I do better just not drinking anything at all. However, I know that is not feasible.
Tomorrow I have to contact my specialist's office to let them know that I have decided against one final option with the experimental chemo drug. It's going to be tough making that call, but it has to be done. It's like closing another door. Completing another chapter to a very long journey~
It has taken me a while to come to a final decision regarding one final experimental treatment. A highly toxic, very long list of side effects, both short term and long term, chemotherapy drug. A non-FDA recommended drug that was given to me as one final option. An opportunity to 'possibly' bide me a bit more time...6-12 months...but without more than a slue worth of side effects. A very high mortality rate than any other treatment that I have received since the great medical mystery was finally solved last spring, May 2016. 
What does this mean for me? It means facing a surreal reality. My journey now means the journey to the end of a very long battle not just for myself, but for our entire little family. 
I am scheduled for my next rescan and labs late next week. This after already rescheduling from this weeks rescan appointment. Needless to say, this gal needed a week break from being poked and pried. My unique, yet rare, medical case is still in the hands of the rare cancer institute. If anything, I can only hope that my medical documentation can help the next patient. Hopefully, there will never be a next patient, #14. If so, at least my medical case documentation will be available for the patient and their team of specialists. It's been hard for my doctors just trying to wrap their brains and medical expertise around a case such as mine that has not only been quite rare, but extremely difficult to manage. I am very grateful and beyond thankful for all of their hard work. Next month, I begin oncology care with a new oncologist located within our area which will help out tremendously when it comes to dealing with the pain. Traveling in the car, for longer than 15 minutes, is now far too long for me. Yet, I am still in the beginning phase with my new pain management doctor. The first round of injections did not work to help manage my pain. It's once again, solely trial and error. That means taking a bit more time, yet still remembering to have the utmost patience. 
rushed
Myself and Eric, along with the rest of our little family, took our walk for Gastroparesis Awareness over this past week. When a good day blesses me...I make sure to max out my time, that included walking for Gastroparesis Awareness during our 8th annual worldwide event. 
happy
DAY!
Needless to say...I spent an entire year, last year, believing I was actually a year older than what it says on my drivers license. And...I be darn! If I didn't do so again this year! GEESH! My oncologists' assistant actually caught my lack of memory regarding my age on the phone yesterday morning. BAH!
Mittens and Big LOVE had plenty of fun with red ribbon, actually even laying across the floor as if cuddled together like the shape of a heart. Beary kitty lounged on the big cat tree in front of the dining room window. While Snoreo took a nice nap with his daddy after running at our local dog park with the rest of his canine friends here in the country. 
Day with your sweets!
cheeky
I had a parent once tell me, that some folks just don't do well when they come into money. That same parent also made mention that some women don't do well with menopause either. Thank God!! I don't have to ever go through that, not in this lifetime! Because after dealing with someone today that acted like menopausal pure-evil. I would gladly ship myself off to my own private island.
heehee!
STOP ALREADY! 
hahaha!
bright
What serves someone, anyone to literally bold face lie on a court document? What does anyone get out of creating and fabricating the truth into some twisted lie of who-knows-what? Maybe this is because...so far with everyone that had a chance to look at two separate court filings...are still literally shaking and scratching their heads. Both at the same time. 
I have a copy of two separate court filings that are not only able to be viewed by you. The public. But as well we have done our homework and will continue doing such through out the day tomorrow on other avenues so the peace is no longer tainted ever again with such nonsense. All so this never happens again when the same group of individuals within the family fail to respect our need for some peace and quiet. Especially during the last leg of my journey. It is not against the law to share a public court record or filing. In fact, there are no laws against sharing a public record or court filing. But when one goes out there way, to cause another rift between family members because they are not happy with themselves nor their lives. Please of all things...don't create fiction nor lie to others. Because one day...one time...running to the system can back fire. 
quizzical
I am still doing my best, on my good days, getting the new website ready for this blog. Honestly, I have been sleeping more than anything right now. When my body needs rest...I rest. Over the past week...maybe a bit more rest than usual. Keeping mobile is still very important. I can't lay down or sleep for too long of periods at a time. Yet, it's still very hard to not do anything, but sleep. In between having to now take various medications in order to continue functioning through out the day. My body still has yet to adjust to the side effects. We were told, it will take time. As my energy still remains extremely low.
With still starring down my temporary work permit from SSD. I sure hope to have at least a few good days through out the upcoming weeks. Our traveling tickets for the show taping are still on hold. Yet, I still also refuse to give up on two separate online ventures that just need for me to start feeling better so I can finish the web designing. A soft opening of the website of sorts still in the making. Rarely, do I give up so easily. But then again, I have yet to ever be in so much pain, non-stop, 24/7. With my intestine now literally flipped and the largest tumor causing more problems and sheer hell than ever before. I will far more appreciate the good days that may lie ahead of me. AMEN.
Our normal daily life, has once again changed. No longer waking up to our beloved Cuddles kitty wanting to be held in order to sleep on our lap is no longer. The many alarm clock reminders on our cell phones have now went silent. Changing out food, washing her bedding, throwing away can after can of specialty high-calorie prescription food, now sits in the cupboard with the rest of Cuddles medication. It's strange...when you lose a fur child. Everything with your normal routine changes. Life changes. Nothing...is the ever same. It's all really quite sad and incredibly strange. Yet, we are reminded that her spirit still remains. 
What has been the most disappointing of all during the last several months happens to be with long standing friendships. Friendships that have exceeded way past several years. One actually lasted 13 years. The other happened to be almost 10 years. Let's just say, that I am a very loyal person, especially when it comes to my friendships. Yet, once again, unfortunately even those whom were once close to you, grow tired of the same thing I am fighting. The right to be cured. A much more normal life. Some sort of lifestyle that includes having fun. 
sad
Physically and emotionally. Myself and Eric are both beyond spent. This has been a very tough week. As we are helping Cuddles. I also have to keep in mind, helping myself. I have a very difficult decision to make regarding my own life. But as of yesterday. I have come to a definitive decision. Some may dislike and some may even disagree with my decision. But everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions. I received many opinions from others when it came time to decide regarding a fast track, maximum course of radiation therapy and a few other oncology treatment drugs. The difference between myself and Cuddles is that she needed our assistance in making such a very hard decision. We gave it a few days, but Cuddles health was deteriorating far too rapidly for her to pass peacefully at home. Early this morning, Cuddles peacefully passed onto a far more beautiful place where she was greeted by her other rescued siblings.
As we did so with our other beloved fur children. We brought Cuddles back home so her fur siblings could understand what had happened. I believe this to be a very important part of grieving, because even animals grieve. Snoreo was the first to walk up to Cuddles resting peacefully while wrapped up in a few of her favorite sheets and kitty blanket. It was the most amazing thing to watch Snoreo literally walk up, sniff and then kiss Cuddles on the nose. Big LOVE took only a mere instant to realize that one of his new best friends was to be no longer. Not in the physical sense, but very much still alive with us, spiritually, energy. Big LOVE sat the longest while Eric called to set up a time for a private crematory service at Faithful Companion. We have unfortunately made far too many calls to Faithful Companion over the years. I know things happen for a reason. All I can believe in my heart is that they wanted to be together. Waiting for me to arrive, so we can cross the Rainbow Bridge...together. 
Sharing this part of my life, a very private part of my journey is very important. Sharing allows other fur parents to understand that when the time comes. There are options. It doesn't mean having to bury your beloved fur child, or keeping them with your veterinarian. There are wonderful, kind, compassionate companies out there who offer services and other options for our beloved family members. Our faithful companions. Pet 
crematory services, private crematory services such as we have used with, Faithful Companion. Having a private crematory service, while having the time to grieve our loss. Knowing that we will be bringing home Cuddles just in a different form. It's beyond reassuring! I wouldn't handle the passing of any of our fur children any other way. There are options out there. I hope by sharing this part of my journey. You too, will realize that other choices do exist in hopes of bringing your beloved fur child back home to be with their family.
Our beloved Cuddles had started feeling not so well a few days ago. In fact, Cuddles kitty had collapsed on the living room floor which sadly resembled the same as our beloved Oreo when he had a stroke. Since then...Cuddles health has quickly began to decline. We had been using IV fluids to help keep her hydrated at home. Cuddles is also on prescription critical care can food. Over the past few weeks we had went from Cuddles eating out of the bowl on her own. To literally hand feeding her through a syringe. Over the past week, Cuddles has literally began to fight off Eric when getting ready to insert the needle for her IV so she can stay hydrated. The same with feeding her through a small syringe so we could make sure her weight remained stable. 
I am grateful to the good Lord for allowing me many years to spend with all of our beloved fur children. I am beyond blessed to have spent so many years having the companionship of all my little angels. Their unconditional love is something that can never be denied. They never faulted to be there for me, by my side, when I needed them the most. As humans...I have experienced quite the opposite during my hardest trials and tribulations. During oncology treatments and many surgeries. It wasn't the kindness, compassion and love from humans that helped keep me fighting. In fact, that support didn't really exist. It was actually the love, tiny kisses and warm snuggles from our beloved fur children that kept me going. I had to keep fighting for them. That unconditional love kept me going and it will continue until the very end. 