Mood:
not sureNow Playing: Day 2795-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
Time to get our brave face on! Ready or not...Here we come!
6AM and time to get up, wake up and face the music of a third hospital attempt. Final testing and surgery.
Honestly...I still am not very comfortable. Yet, as symptoms continue getting worse. They are also becoming a lot harder to manage. Mentally, I did my best to prepare for today. Physically was an entirely different story.
Eric was prepared for a long morning into the early afternoon hours at the hospital. I was prepared for a long morning into the early afternoon hours of anything goes at the hospital. Round 3. Regardless if I was preparing myself mentally. Physically I failed pre-op testing with failing colors. Typically when my body temperature dips pretty low. It usually goes back up again after home injections. But not this morning. My blood pressure was no better. It reminds me of my last surgery several years ago when they had one heck of a time keeping my blood pressure elevated. During and after surgery. Unfortunately all surgical notes also remain under your medical records. Online hospital EPIX system.
I wasn't comfortable. Eric wasn't comfortable. Neither was the pre-surgical staff and anesthesiologist. Just when I finally made my way to face the music. Finally becoming brave enough when I am still extremely fearful for the unknown. My body just wasn't willing to cooperate. Disappointed? YOU BET! Frustrated would be an understatement as we once again had to push things off for another week. As the nurse looked at us and said, "Well...I am so sorry but looks like we are going to have to rescheduled this for a fourth attempt." Even the scary-as-hell injection for final testing was actually there waiting for me. 2 hours worth of testing before surgery. But first I must somehow get my body temperature elevated along with my blood pressure. I have yet to deal with something like this where I still remain up against a wall. Three weeks later. I don't know what to think anymore, but it looks like a holiday of resting for this gal...again. Pffffff...GRRRRRRR...
So close...yet 
...so far.
sharp
NO'hio!
'hio! Heeheeheeheehee! 
It was bound to happen. In time, it had to happ. 
rushed
Once my body temperature drops and necessary chemicals begin to decline. So does my energy levels and the inability to hardly move which has all been very new to me. Then its back to being stuck inside the house. Resting once again on the ole couchbed. Not only has this become frustrating as hell for me. But on days, like today, when it is super nice outside. The last thing I want to be is stuck indoors with limitations. So far, injections have provided me some temporary relief. But they only last for so many hours at a time. Then once again my body becomes depleted...right back on the couchbed...again.
At least we still do our best to catch a break when a good moment hits. I value my moments! It's during those times when we do our best to get up and rush out the door so we can continue enjoying a bit of this early fall-like weather here in the country. BEAUTIFUL! Snoreo still needs his exercise and we all most definitely need some fresh air! Outdoor air~Ahhhhhhh.... 
This evening we finished up the remaining sections of the hand texturized ceiling. Not only literally, using our hands, but even with the lace detailing. Talking about a once-in-a-lifetime project! Never again would I spend that much time on one bedroom. Crazy!! Of course, the end result is most certainly worth the wait as the ceiling literally does look like rippled waves of dancing water. The most appropriate bedroom theme for our new country coastal remodeled home. LOVE IT! This actually might just be our favorite room so far! It took us more than a few additional weeks. But we are beyond happy to say...It is FINITO! Finally COMPLETE!
Looks like it's R&R time for Eric, myself and the fur gang this evening. We can't afford having both of us sick. No way. No how. 
If it wasn't for such a scary injection that also must be used for final testing before surgery. I believe that one would be in a far better place mentally for what is ahead of me. If they didn't sit down with us, explaining the side effects, risks and sometimes fatal complications. One wouldn't be rethinking everything over and over and over again in my mind. It has gotten so bad that I had my first dream of actually dying. Of all places...I was having a test, in the hospital. I am most definitely one to believe in signs. The very vivid dream has me very frightened, extremely concerned and darn straight...worried! So much so that I reached out to my psychologist of over 9 years back in Ohio for a very important meeting next week. I really need some seriously sound advice and who better than from my psychologist who has been helping me cope with the in's and out's for almost a decade. I need some very serious and strong advice. So far, the advice and opinions of others are mostly ones of great concern. My therapist and LC here in Indiana have not been seeing me that long to know everything with regards to my unique journey. Although myself and Eric still highly respect and value their opinions with regards to my health.
when things progress to your brain and your body starts to go into crisis mode. I think anyone in my situation would be scared and extremely worried. Rightfully so! 
happy
Nothing like getting your big, comfy fall clothes out a bit earlier than usual. But no complaints from this gal. I LOVE IT!
If this weather continues, we both plan on tackling this golf course next month. I might not be much of a golfer...but the views will most definitely be worth a try! Eric has played golf many times over his lifetime. As for myself...I am lucky to just hit the ball off the green. Hahahahaha! It should be a really good laugh of a time! 
Hahahahaha! 
VE!
It is an absolutely, incredibly, b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l day here in the country! Actually...This most beautiful fall-like weather will be continuing for the next few weeks. 
gem. All it needed was a little TLC! 
day!
This not only went on into the early morning hours. But as well followed us across state lines. Into the hospital back in Ohio.
This gal has moved onto a new and far more happier way of life in our new home state...Indiana. Of course, my team of specialists still reside back across state lines in Ohio. So do the hospitals where they practice. Also back in Ohio. I cringe at the thought of once again having to cross state lines. Yet, find a huge sense of relief when heading back home. To our new home here in Indiana. That same bad energy state of Ohio still seems to somehow find a way to drain me emotionally. A very bad past 5+ years still resides in that state. We don't plan nor ever intend on moving back. So it's not any surprise that I went into another head-to-head, highly confrontational and most definitely toxic battle with absent family. It's no wonder that I couldn't even walk into this mornings scheduled testing at the hospital...successfully. Testing that should had followed up with a very important surgery. Two weeks in the making.
So... I didn't pass the mandatory body temperature of 97.5 this morning. But thankfully I have a very understanding lead oncologist whom rescheduled everything, once again, pushed back another week. 
bright
If you didn't have special glasses to watch this incredibly magical moment as the sun and moon dazzled even the youngest of viewing crowds. You were either S-O-L or in need of an ophthalmologist appointment within the next few days! Heeheeheeheehee! I am not so sure of the old wives tales about instantly becoming blind while looking up at the eclipse. But we must admit. It sure was super bright! Most definitely something to see with the proper glasses! A last second, extremely smart decision purchase at the right time and at the right place! 
It's been decades since the last solar eclipse. I actually remember it, but don't remember these nifty glasses. I assume back then we just took our chances of looking up at God's magical solar light show while also taking our chances of becoming blind. Or...with some serious eye irritation and pain over the next few weeks. Heeheeheeheehee!
As I round off the weekend... 
else might say or tell you. YOU are most B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L too!
So...maybe our challenges in life, medically, are different. Maybe our weight loss and gains might be different. Maybe we live differently among what we endure independently. But doesn't it feel damn good to know...WE are still every bit proud, brave and most importantly...B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L women! Thank you Melanda for your kind words. Thank you for sharing your brave journey. Thank you for inspiring me!
ever forget!
celebratory
B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y today...
Yep, I am still up and early with the birds! That means once Eric gets home from work. It's time to change and head out the door! Of course, it seems that I am the only one used to this new sleep schedule. Ask Eric or Snoreo...and you can most certainly bet that their reply will follow up with a quick ZZZZZZ... Hahahahaha!
This year, Eric requested to have pie. A personal pizza pie! He isn't much for desert. I guess it's a good thing that I only enjoy the icing part on a really good cake! I was never much for the actual cake part of a birthday cake. A birthday pizza pie it is! And it was! Inhaled within a mere 5 minutes. Talking about a GREAT brick-oven, organic style birthday pizza pie! Heeheeheeheehee! Good thing I am not much for pizza either. Nah, I will gladly stick with a healthy protein shake! 
Over the years by my own personal struggles, experience and being the support for others whom battle illness. I refuse to be another person who would rather not be burdened. Refusing to be inconvenienced by someone who is battling any illness. By wisdom. I have learned how to never act nor treat others who never asked to be sick in the first place.
