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The Road Before & After Surgery
July 6, 2017
Signs Sharing Signs :)
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Day 2740-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Talking about more signs!

Nothing is more astonishing then once again coming across more signs that are appearing all around us. It was one thing to have a landscaping decorative cat with a blue solar light magically start working again a month prior. It hadn't worked in over 3 years. But July 4th brought with it...Another sign.

I didn't have just one solar light cat landscaping decoration that wasn't working. I actually had two. Two that I bought after the passing of our beloved Bear and Pumpkin kitty over 3 years ago. Since placing them into our freshly landscaped front flower beds. I had always hoped for both of them to somehow, magically light up again! A sign to me that our loved ones are back home, safe in Heaven, yet somehow are still here with us on earth. Spiritually. The evening of July 4th. I got my second sign as myself and Eric got home that evening after taking Snoreo to our local dog park. What we found waiting for us was quite magical! It instantly brought a smile to both of our faces! We need not say a word. No words to those whom...BELIEVE. It didn't dawn on me until later in the evening as I looked at our wall calendar. July 4th was the day that Bear kitty was rescued from a home that had over 50 cats. A tiny black kitty with tons of fleas that sat patiently in my truck while being taken to his new home and washed away from all fleas. Over 18 years of such unconditional love that he had given me.  

While getting my tools ready to continue finishing up the dining room remodeling project. I felt the need to get a few pieces of our ITC equipment out as I placed them on the kitchen counter. Nothing really happened as the energy was actually quite calm within the house. What happened later after cleaning up and finally resting on the couch. Another sign. An answer to a question possibly allowing me to share the magic that is still alive as ever with our loved ones. Those whom still visit us from Heaven.

As I asked one question and one question only before turning off both pieces of ITC equipment. The energy instantly became thick as molasses. "If there is a loved one with me right now. Can you tell me the name of who is sitting next to me on the couch?"

I am still well taken back by not only the accurate, but quick response! I may not have the ability to always connect on a daily basis. But the special gift that began as a young child is still strong as ever! Happy? You bet! Eric's facial expression was lost for words last week as I began explaining an elder woman whom insisted that potato salad is on the table at all holiday festivities. Has to be egg potato salad as someone else threw their hands up in the air shouting, "You all need to go back to bed!" Eric looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "That is my Grandmother and my Aunt. We always had potato salad and us cousins would spent the night at our aunts when we were younger. Talking late into the evening and my Aunt would come into the rooms where we were all scattered. Throw her hands up in the air and say those exact words for all of us to go back to bed."

Here is another amazing story that I am sharing from Steve Huff who also has a special gift. The ability to connect.

Enjoy!

In my teen and into my 20’s and 30’s I was never one to believe in ghosts, spirits or anything paranormal. In fact, for most of my life I was a skeptic even though I always have been fascinated with the afterlife, what happens to us when we die, and how all of this (thing called life) started. I mean, think about it. We are all sitting on a big ball called earth that is floating out in space rotating. When you think about that, it sounds insanely crazy but we all accept it as it has been proven to be a fact. But on a big ball, floating in space, the human race with all of the intelligence and technology. If that is possible I said, then ANYTHING can be possible.

While I am not religious, I do believe in a God, a creator and over the past few years I have believed it more and more. These days, after experiencing all that I have I KNOW there is something out there and I know that we continue on in some way, possibly in a spiritual world where love is the #1 priority.

My Best Friend

My dog Scrubby came into my life when he was about 2. He was rescued from the dog pound and was a mess when we picked him up and chose him on that hot summer day. His hair was over his eyes, he was smelly and filthy and looked like a broken dog both physically and mentally. I had no idea what his background was but I do remember him being the sweetest dog ever though he seemed afraid of us at first. Like a scared child.

Scrubby was the most amazing dog I have ever owned in life, and throughout the 13 years I had him he was always faithful, always there for me, always by my side when I needed him. When I was going through a divorce after a 15 year marriage close to 5 years ago now Scrubby was plastered by my side always seeming to look up at me saying “cheer up Dad, I am still here”!

That dog brought me through some tough and stressful times. I felt his love and gave it right back.

Scrubby never had a mean bone in his body yet he would risk his life if it meant he would save mine. Dog’s are faithful like that and I have yet to meet a person…a human… who can match a dogs trust and faithfulness. They have hearts of gold and are innocent as a newborn baby. They do not know anger or think bad thoughts. They are as positive as they come. A dog becomes very much like one of your own children..a family member that sticks with you to the end. That is what makes it so hard when they have to leave you.

When Scrubby was around 15 or so he became frail and fragile. He had a very hard time walking and on his last days I laid with him on the floor slowly petting him. He gave me a look as if to say “Dad, I am ready”.

I took him to the vet and she agreed that it was his time. Usually Scrubby was afraid of the Vet but this time he just laid down on her metal table as if he knew what was coming. He looked peaceful and he looked like he was telling me “it is OK Dad, I will still visit you”. I will always be your best friend.

After some alone time with him to say my goodbyes the doctor came back in to explain how it would work. As I held his paw she gave him the medicine to put him to sleep. I broke down and cried of course and gave him one last hug as he was wrapped in a child’s blanket.

Scrubby was gone and I missed him. A couple of days went by and it was July 4th. Brandon and I had some smoke bombs and we thought we would try to see if we could do something that was pretty much impossible. Catch an image, a glimpse..one look at Scrubby to see if he was still around watching us. I have done spirit ITC photography before but because my emotions were so high I figured I would give it a shot with smoke.

We set up a cup and smoke bomb and lit the fuse. As it was blowing smoke I said “Scrubby, we still love you. If you are here or can come down and show yourself to let us know you are OK that would be amazing”. I then took three images with my digital camera.

When I looked at the photos, one of them stood out and I saw Scrubby plain as day. I started to cry.

This is the image with a pic of him next to the smoke for reference….
You can click that image for a larger view but to me it was unmistakable. I saw him one last time and he let me know that he is indeed OK. No more pain. ON command he appeared in that smoke for 1/60th of a second and just so happened to be right at the moment I asked and snapped the shutter.

Now I have shown this picture to many people and every one of them saw what I saw, even the full on skeptical ones. Of course the skeptics have various opinions from “you faked it” to “its a coincidence that the smoke lines up just right”..to other nonsense.

First of all, nothing was faked..at all. If you feel it was I suggest you do not come here anymore as your mind is so closed nothing could ever open it. Second, what are the odds that in one picture, after I asked him to appear that there would be a form that looks just like him? What are the odds? I think I would have a better chance of getting struck by lightning.

I have taken around 7 photos in the past three years that have a spirit presence in them, all on command after asking for them to appear. I do not do this very often, only when I feel the need, or a “push” to do it. It never ceases to amaze me but this one was the most emotional for me because it was right after Scrubby passed and right after I asked for him to appear.

It is amazing, it is special and it a mystery as to how this happens but one thing I think is true and that is even our pets come back to visit us from time to time.

Steve

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 7, 2017 2:07 AM EDT
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July 5, 2017
The End?.
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Day 2739-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Where does this blog end?

I know...Where it began. But I am still evaluating in my mind to where it ends?.

I was going to end this blog yesterday. After some super exciting news. But I enjoy writing. Writing has been very therapeutic for me over the years. I also enjoy sharing parts of my journey along with stories from many others whom have contributed and still contribute to this very day. So many amazing stories! Thank YOU!

Myself and Eric have reached a point in our lives. A very important crossroads. There are aspects within our lives that we have now decided to keep private. Confidential. We also have decided to protect the rights of children, as well as our stepson. As adults. I think it is our responsibility to respect the privacy of those whom are not old enough to make the decision of being placed on any form of social media. This is our respectful decision. We have also come to the decision to keep other aspects of our lives, including resent news and medical information within a respectful circle. There are boundaries that must now be put into place if this blog is to continue from here on forward.

There is a beginning. There is an ending. To everything in life.

We have decided to no longer allow certain personal information that has been posted on this blog to continue being a contributing factor in social settings where we were used as mere gossip. I think it is safe to say, that we are starting a new phase in our lives. That phase includes personal growth. Living and learning from past mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. NO one is perfect. Personal growth means looking back on your life. Deciding how prior actions can be a lesson learned and applying those to the future. If you have contacted us and we have not gotten back to you. Then you need to re-evaluate where you stand within the table of trust and growth within our lives. Personal growth means accepting that some relationships are no longer healthy and can no longer be. We have narrowed down what we will or will not be discussing on any form of social media. In which... There will be a lot here on forward that due to personal and privacy reasons. Will no longer be open for discussion freely on the world wide web.

I look at those whom are on social media such as Twitter, Facebook, Skype, Instagram and many other social platforms that put so much time on a daily basis that could be used towards far more important things. Such as spending that valuable time with family, friends or loved ones. Time that could be used donating to a good cause by volunteering. This blog has taken thousands upon thousands of hours of my personal life...Personal time. It isn't easy writing. It's a process of the mind. It takes a lot of heart and a whole lotta soul!

I have zero regrets blogging about my journey.

We have so much on our plate right now. A lot of time to dedicate to our little family. Thank you for being a part of this journey. As our journey continues on to this next super exciting chapter

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 7, 2017 1:01 AM EDT
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July 4, 2017
A Very 'Special' 4th Of July~SURPRISE! :)
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Day 2738-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

A very 'SPECIAL' 4th of July for our little family!

We are soon-to-be proud parents of a very special, Miraculous little one

We are looking forward in sharing our next chapter of this amazing journey we call... LIFE

"A Strong Woman looks a challenge dead in the eye and gives it a wink." -Gina C.

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 5, 2017 6:04 AM EDT
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July 3, 2017
Life...Is CRAZY! Take Time To Enjoy The Ride! :)
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Day 2737-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

What a l-o-n-g 4th of July holiday weekend-week

 

Here in the country...It's been nothing but one huge, never-ending fireworks, food, festivities kind of Independence party!

As for our kind of holiday partying? We are having a house party that includes lots of big and small projects, plenty of patching, repairing and painting! WOO~HOO!!

So far, we are completely finished with the hallway, one bedroom, two closets and half way there with the dining room. I still think it should be called, "The Jimmy Buffett room." We have been so busy that this entire week has literally flew by! At least the temperatures haven't been as bad as prior years during the summer. Living by the river means as well that you at least get a constant breeze. Or...maybe it's just living on top of the hillside that allows for much cooler, less humid air during the summer. Regardless, we most definitely do not ever plan on living in the city, not ever again. There is still nothing quite like living in the country. That is until the big developers start buying up all the open land. Then it will be time to sell our home and move further out into the country.

Thus...Just a few good reasons why we have a deadline to flip our house no later than October 11th, 2017.

Eric is almost finished with installing our new garage door. It's been a huge undertaking on his part since this is the first garage door that he has ever installed. By himself. A few of his coworkers were suppose to help assist, but they either had plans that came up with family or ended up being hit with mandatory overtime. Eric should be very, very proud of himself once the garage door is finally complete! There has been a few parts that needed to be handmade in order to secure the garage door since the prior owners didn't install proper brackets on the other one. I can't wait to finally see everything come together once it is completely finished. It truly is going to be a real gem! A country coastal kind of home!

YEE~a-h-h-h-h-h-h~

While I was working on the dining room. Eric looked at me and said, "I'm not going CRAZY on finishing up this garage door today! OH NO! I am going to go straight-up PSYCHO!" Inside joke between a few here in the country and back in the city. Heeheeheehee! We are going from various shades of dark brown and dark gray paint to now super cool, happy and very vibrant coastal colors. The house is already starting to not only feel better, but it is looking AMAZING! If only we started this massive project 5 months ago...We would had already been finished! But things happen and life happens. Tis better late than never. Well time to get back to work before Mittens kitty finds another roll of paper towels to shred to pieces. Hahahahaha!  

OH by the way...

Who really is Suzie and alias Tammy anyways?

We firmly believe that Suzie is really not Suzie. Suzie is a boy who wears glasses that actually goes by Suzie, but isn't really Suzie. After overhearing from the city bakers, he likes spice cake?? Hmmmm... And what about alias Tammy?

Well...Let's just say that it's still a mystery... Heeheeheeheehee!

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 5, 2017 5:24 AM EDT
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July 2, 2017
It's That Time Again! CELEBRATION SUNDAY! #TimeToBeThankful
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Day 2736-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

HAPPY SUNDAY!

For Us... It's CELEBRATION SUNDAY!

Time to be thankful for all of our blessings in life. Both big and small!

Time to enjoy the great outdoors with dinner for two. Our new country coastal themed porch. PORCHELLA~ I don't know... But it sounds a bit French or Italian to me! Heeheeheehee!

The inside of our home is now starting to slowly resemble the country coastal theme that I had in mind. Peaceful, simple, yet colorfully fun! A place to celebrate all that is good in life. A place to start over on a fresh, clean slate. A reason to celebrate life.

CELEBRATION SUNDAY!

For some reason, I feel as if Jimmy Buffet should be playing right now on the radio. Hmmmm... Or possibly even a huge palm tree with twinkling lights should be sitting in the corner of our new coastal themed dining room. It isn't finished just yet, but this might be our new favorite remodeled, freshly painted with happy colors dining room! I didn't think that the color would work nor fit in with the theme. But BOY! Was I wrong! I LOVE IT! Eric really likes the color too! Once the dining room is complete. It's onto the 1 out of the last 2 bedrooms! I still have to revisit the bathroom remodel project from late last year. I didn't put my heart and soul into it. If I am going to redo this entire house and turn it UPSIDE-DOWN. Then I plan on doing it the right way! Today wasn't a very productive day due to tumor pain and stress brought on from last nights ridiculously stressful heated phone conversation. Ft. Knox promise...IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. But there is always tomorrow in order to make up for lost project time.

As of this evening. There was a most beautiful sunset and another spectacular dinner awaiting us on the porch. A few bites for me and SOOOO well worth it! Savor the moment...Savor the bites! YUMMMMMY! My hats off to the chef whom did such a lovely, yet delicious meal! WHY... Thank you SELF! Hahahahahaha!

A toast to all that is good! A toast to always being, no matter what, HAPPY!

CHEERS!!

#TimeToBeThankful


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 3, 2017 4:48 AM EDT
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July 1, 2017
Cutting That Final String ___________
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Day 2735-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Can you believe the progress so far that we have made on our house of hidden lemons?! Thanks to those parents. The insults have done nothing but light a huge fire under our feet! We are on a ROLL!

YAYYYY!

We are right on track with the projected date of October 11th, 2017 in order to completely have this house flipped UPSIDE-DOWN!

From lemons to sweet...Lemonade!

I won't lie, because it's been a hell of a lot of work! Time consuming and extremely expensive! We no longer have any type of medical assistance from medical grants nor parents. I have appreciated the support. But when the support in turn gets thrown back in my face. Same as a benefit that was held over a decade an a half ago that also got thrown back in my face. Now I am hearing from those who attend social gatherings, once again, saying that family is telling people I am not sick. UMMMMM?... Sorry, but medical records don't lie. I was a sick infant with some serious kidney, immunity issues from the beginning. Then records showing even further medical issues with regards to future reoccurring kidney problems, infections and major GI issues. The medical mysteries have all been officially solved. My disability attorneys went above and beyond in making sure that I received every single last medical document that ever existed, through out my entire lifetime. From an infant to now. Medical documents don't lie. I have them here for anyone to read if you ever doubt what you are hearing which is far from any sort of truth. To those whom continue sitting down listening to such ridiculous mere lies. I suggest that next time you either stand up, get up and walk away. Or... take the high road. Find yourself a different social group, social gathering or social setting to attend. As an adult, what I am going through can only be seen as a result of what should had been closely monitored. Specialists should had continued handling my health care and medical issues through out my entire lifetime. To the upmost level.

But you know what... That was then. This is now. I am still dealing with medical issues. But now I have the reigns! I have been unstoppable! I solved my own case by continue to NOT stop seeking answers or the care that I so much and so well deserve. It might had taken me almost 2 years. But it is possible to help yourself. I am living, breathing proof.

There has been a lot that has transpired over the years. For any parent to make fun or tell their adult child that they have no right to be angry is not a parent by any means. We all as children or even adult children have a right to express our emotions. I have said this time and time and time and time again. IT is not only OKAY. But beyond perfectly healthy! Those who have heart attacks as a result of bottling up stress, anger, sadness or other emotions. That is what happens when you do not allow yourself the right to your emotions. NO one is a robot. We all have a right to be angry, mad, upset and even sad. I have a right to go through all of the emotions. Having any parent(s) say otherwise is not only, not okay, but it's not healthy for any child or adult child. There has been a lot that has transpired over the past several years. I do not lie. I would not lie. Nor do I plan on lying. Having any parent tell you on the phone, while yelling, saying that they would rather go to hell. Than to ever apologize for any hurt that has transpired to a child or adult child... Well...I guess some things end up in hell?. I will take my no-apologies upstairs to heaven with me. And you know what? I am perfectly A-OK with that! I now have closure. And for that...I am thankful!  

I have come to a critical crossroad in my life. We can all either choose in life to be happy. Or we can choose in life to repeat the same dead-end pattern. If you live within a highly toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional family that spins you like a never-ending washing machine cycle, and you choose to continue living in that same spinning cycle. That is your choice. Yours alone. I choose to end the rest of my journey doing everything in my God-given power to be HAPPY. Cutting that final string. I choose to live the rest of my time here on earth solely based on one thing and one thing alone.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

July signifies a critical point in my life. A time for personal growth and change. A time to take all of that so well deserved happiness and finally set myself free from the highly combative, toxic, dysfunctional white sheep. Yes, FINALLY folks! This little ole black sheep finally saw the light! BAHHHHH! I choose the road of being undeniably, never-ending, all out cheerful road to being one thing. HAPPY!

A letter in the mail that had the one thing missing that I have been searching for... For years. Once again, went missing. An apology. What I have been searching for isn't money, it isn't fame, it isn't anything. But... An apology. For any family member who is searching for an apology from any family member clearly shouldn't be perceived as asking for too much. In order to move forward in life from hurt or pain we inflict upon one another. An apology is the one step that will and I PROMISE YOU, it WILL move your relationship forward. But it must be done so from the heart.  If any family members or parents ever tell you on the phone that they would rather go to hell, than ever give you an apology. Then it's time to choose. Life is about choices. You can choose to be unhappy. Or you can choose to be HAPPY! Myself and Eric choose to no longer accept the constant insults, put-downs, slanderous and quite ridiculous ridicules that most black sheep take from family. We both also refuse to be a part of or connect with any one whom holds their unborn child, young children or adult children hostage from getting the chance to meet ALL of their family. What would God think about that? I don't remember seeing it written in the bible. Did you Tammy? "Thou shall keep your unborn and newborns, all children secretly away from your family. Thou shall never allow your child or children the privilege or human right to meet their family or extended family." No this isn't suppose to be silly. We are serious. This behavior is not only, not okay, but extremely and mentally disturbing. I have had my limit on hearing things from those whom attended holiday events, social gatherings, business ventures, vacations, weddings, and even those whom have read really nasty, horrible things that were not true about myself and my spouse. For any parent who chooses to sit there and allow your son, daughter whether alone they are an adult or not, to be talked down upon by others. Then choose to be part of the insulting put-downs. I don't know how any parent could ever consider that being a good parent. That ever happens to my stepson. You better bet I will be intervening with my foot. A good...great parent sticks up for their children. Whether that child is 10 years old or 100 years old. Being a parent means putting your child or children FIRST. There are no excuses. Being a good...NAH! A GREAT parent or parents means that you take care of your children first. Your grandchildren, great-grandchildren and any other children of any one else's children do not come first. Your child or children come first. I think in this day and age, most parents forget that very thing. If you choose to have children. You then choose to be a parent to that child or children to the very end. Until your last breath.

Calling your child names, belittling your child, yelling at your child as an adult child not only destroys your chance as a parent to ever have a normal relationship with your adult child. But that adult child will end up losing their respect. As a parent, you are instilling a sense of not being loved or worthy to your adult child. I don't care what age. Being a great parent means that you learn to hold your tongue if your child ever becomes sick or is wanting to share their emotions with you. Ovarian cancer robs the body of vital hormones. Imagine levels being completely depleted. Do you expect a patient to be happy 24/7?. Do you assume that a patient does not have the right to be angry, sad, upset or depressed?. It is perfectly....normal for all of the above per any respectable oncologist. As parents, respect your adult children by allowing them to go through the changes that come with cancer treatments. BEFORE, DURING, AFTER. Being a great parent means you come second. NOT FIRST. You are not the victim when it comes to a child who was born with a medical ailment that continued on into their adult life. Slandering an adult child, putting down an adult child, belittling names to an adult child does only one thing. It ruins the relationship between parents and their child or children. Talking poorly about a parent or parents in front of young children is another huge way to destroy any type of family. Making light, poking fun or misrepresenting a family member during their times of struggle says a lot about any family member or any parent who choose to do so.

I have seen a lot. I have seen my fair share. It's been a bit too much. Today I made a choice. I have spent far too many days, hours, weeks, months and years in the same constant toxic, highly dysfunctional battle of being the black sheep. If you laugh at a family member, poke fun at a family member or tell a family member that everyone in your family of white sheep has moved on with their lives and they don't care about the black sheep family member. As any sibling. If you tell another family member or sibling that they are stupid for thinking their family cares about them over and over again. As parents, if you ever tell an adult child whom is only asking for a mere apology in hopes of moving on from hurtful actions in the past and present that you would rather go to hell, than ever apologize to your adult child. Then sooner or later, you can only expect one thing. That child, will in time, move on.

Today I choose to be nothing but HAPPY! I choose to cut that final string that has been years in the making. It took three doctors that unfortunately could not get it through my level of stubbornness that it is time to move on. When you are the only black sheep, out of an entire group of white sheep, seeking therapeutic help and ways to work through the dysfunction in hopes of finding answers. Possible even, working through the problems. It will never work nor will things ever change. It has to be a white sheep wanting to work with the black sheep effort. Not a black sheep of one. I had to learn the hard way. After another knock down, drag down fight with words on the phone this evening which is extremely unhealthy. I have made the choice to finally set myself free.

That final string has been cut.

This month I will be changing my legal name. This is my choice and a choice that I have been carefully debating over the course of the past four years. I had filed a legal name change prior to presenting the request one final time to the courts this month. But I guess you can say that there was always a little part inside me that hoped for and wished for this black sheep to fit in. When I hear from those back in high school. Saying that I always sought to find some sort of place to fit in with all the white sheep. That hurt. To realize, that here I am now, as an adult. Still trying to fit in. Still dealing with highly combatable, highly dysfunctional, toxicity. Well... It's time for a change. A long, over due change in the making!

Nothing is easy in life. If you think it is or believe that struggles never happen. Then clearly you are just fooling yourself.

Happiness. PURE, undeniable TRUE HAPPINESS begins with one person and one person only.

YOU!

Or if you are a parent and insist that myself and Eric went to a recent Gene Simmons concert or a Journey concert or any other concert for solely attention or sympathy. ?????? "People read your blog and think OH GOD what is she going to write next! They say horrible things about you. No one even knows who are you are anymore!" YOU are most definitely fooling yourself. Or you secretly are a huge fan of Gene Simmons. ???? IN which...Speaking of...He has decided to extent his mere 5 private concerts to now quite a few. Free tickets that a parent says WHILE yelling on the phone. "YOU GO TO THESE CONCERTS FOR ATTENTION!" I don't lie nor will I lie in saying that I like the band KISS and Gene Simmons put on an amazing show! DARN RIGHT! I loved being able to have the chance to take amazing photos to share on this blog and having a once-in-a-lifetime chance to sing onstage. If wanting to live happy and having opportunities to see some absolutely amazing concerts in person, front row, means attention. Well then... BRING ON MORE ATTENTION CONCERTS! WOO~HOO!! But I will say that a week prior to my final scan and not being able to celebrate myself and my spouses anniversary. There are those like Deborah whom work hard to make others happy. There are also those like our friends whom paid over $450.00 per ticket, front row, to join together as a group to celebrate this place we call, "LIFE."

I suggest you do some soul searching and find some happiness of your own. As for this gal, this woman...

I choose to be  HAPPY!

H-A-P-P-Y!!!!!!!!

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 3, 2017 4:15 AM EDT
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June 30, 2017
Cancer Treatments... It's OK To Be OK... With YOU! :)
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Day 2734-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Cancer treatments...Oncology treatments.

 

If only there was a book for patients that told it all. That REALLY told it all!

I decided over the past two weeks to temporarily place aside all of my wigs, hair extensions and other PRESTO-MAGIC ways to make oneself feel like their old self. That is...Prior to oncology treatments.

There is something to be said for those whom have endured the most brutal toxicity of this earth. Yet, still have the emotional strength to talk about their experience to others. Sharing their unique journey. There is also something to be said about the undeniable power within to truly LOVE YOURSELF. The freedom to embrace the now. The present.

What cancer treatment centers, hospitals and other oncology facilities do not explain to patients is what life will be like 'after' experimental treatments. What is ahead...The future. For those who are the bravest of the brave! Patients whom walk through those oncology doors and into the land of the unknown. Because let's be real by saying, "Cancer is the unknown." Every cancer is different. Every patient's reaction to experimental treatments are also very different. What a patient endures during and after, post-treatments, can vary as far as side effects. Both short term and unfortunately, long-term. If only patients had a far better understanding about the road ahead, when treatments either worked temporarily or didn't work at all. I personally don't believe that cancer just disappears. But I do believe that for some patients. Cancer does go into hiding. Remission.

Today I got the not-so-lucky privilege to find out what happens after oncology treatments. Hormones. When radiation and other various toxic treatment drugs play games with your hormones. Ovarian cancer is one damning, unpredictable journey of the unknown. Radiation treatments and other drugs sent cells into a mad scramble. Shutting down not only one ovary, but as well the magical and most damning ovary of all defied the shut-down. Or as my oncologists call it, "A deep state of ovarian sleep-temporary sleep." The unicorn ovary that not only grew back, but is causing more hell for my team of specialists than one could ever imagine in their wildest nightmares. Not dreams. Because who really would want this kind of nightmare as a dream?. During my last scan they were actually able to get the best images to date. Tumors feeding from their own blood supply. Not just by hormones. NOT...GOOD NEWS.

I have been transferred to Endocrinology with an appointment in two weeks. Instead of replacing lost hormones that most woman receive after oncology treatments aimed at the reproductive organs that supply important hormones to the body. They now have to make sure to do everything in their power to shut off all hormonal supply to the tumors. This isn't something that anyone would be happy about, as a woman, ME. But it's something that must be done. Oncology treatments didn't work. Thus the end result that no one tells you when treatments fail...Is the long road that lies ahead of you. The land of the unknown.

This is where having the power to not just embrace YOU in the NOW comes into play. But truly having the power to be able to love yourself. Hair, no hair, hormones, no hormones. Hey! Things happen. Life happens and no normal, sane patient ever asked to be sick. But sometimes you just have to learn to accept and love the person in the mirror. The one looking back at you. Because YOU are still, no matter what...

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 1, 2017 8:26 AM EDT
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June 29, 2017
Lemons... Sweet Lemonade! :)
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Day 2733-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

YESSSS!

I am finally getting somewhere with this house of ours!

YAYYYYY!

One of our parents told us, "Looks like a lemon to me!" Now that I have had time to reflect on one of many poor and lack of good parental judgment comments. If I could turn back time like Cher, I would had most likely offered that parent or parents a paintbrush and more than a few cans of paint. If it looks like one big lemon. Then why not had offered to help? GREAT question! Those words stuck to not just myself, but as well Eric. It's not like we had a ton of houses to choose from in order to quickly go under contract. A closing that had to take place within 30 days. The reason is because we were in a rental property, back in Ohio. I had given the rental property owner our 60 day notice before the private owner, in which we were under contract, decided that he wasn't going to finish up a mandatory addendum before closing. We even gave him an additional 30 day extension. But there are other reasons we believe that the private owner wasn't willing to hold up on his end of the purchase contract deal. So... We were pretty much SOL! I even asked the rental property owner back in Ohio for another extension on our lease, month-to-month. But when you have family and an ex-spouse still not willing to move on with their life... Bad things are soon to happen! I like how my therapist would say, "Family will always find another hole to dig!" It wasn't until I caught the rental property owner with an ex-spouses phone number and more than a few words, did I then finally realize that family and the ex-spouse had interfered with our right to a peaceful life. The right to have a roof over our heads. The rest went all down-hill from there... The private property owner not only refused to at least allow us additional time to land another purchase contract, but we found out some pretty disheartening things that the family member and ex-spouse were saying about myself and Eric. I did not forget. I am now only able to find time to come to terms with things that had to be placed aside so I could focus on my health and oncology treatments. I did approach that rental property owner after sending a copy of my divorce decree showing the paragraph where I have a right to privacy. The right to move forward without inference. That doesn't mean family has the right to reach back out to any ex-spouse when the marriage did not end on any sort of good terms. EX means EX. The past. AMEN.

Thus we had to land a purchase contract ASAP! The rental property owner back then also had mechanical issues with his home, in which, we were without hot water for 27 days and heat for over 2 weeks. Family knew all about this, yet did absolutely nothing to help. But instead only hurt the situation, making things worse and the stress...UNBEARABLE. Anyone whom thinks this is OK to not fix mandatory repairs ASAP that leave tenants in an unsafe home, by any means, as any sort of rental property owner. You have another thing coming. Tis good to read your rights per state as any rental property owner and same goes for anyone who rents. Would had things turned out differently if the ex-spouse and family member would not had slandered myself and Eric to the private property owner? Yes. Indeed they would had turned out differently. We would not had to jump into another purchase contract ASAP! This is where the house of lemons that we landed comes into play...We bought a home that didn't come without hidden agendas. NO PUN intended! A lot of hidden lemons. But there are no pity parties. Not on my watch nor in this gal's life! You only become stronger and far wiser by the tough times. You can't let them break you.

Cancer...That's tough and can literally break you.

I decided to take those words from a parent, that our home was nothing but a LEMON, and put those words into positive actions. Take all of the lemons that we have found and continue finding in our home and turn them one-by-one into SWEET LEMONADE! Eric looked at me this afternoon and said, "You realize if your sibling and ex-spouse didn't interfere with the rental property owner by slandering us. We wouldn't had been put in this situation." You know what? I believe in God. I believe in karma. No need to bring up negative energy. Time to close those doors. Make peace with what was and what will never be again. Lessons learned. Sometimes...The hard way. But then again, the hard way to learn lessons in life always end up being the most gratifying. I like to call them, "Silver Linings." 

Our house might not be a million-dollar-home that was build from a business that those who swear up and down, would never become like those that they serve. It might not be a million-dollar-home that parents brag about, same as saying to an adult child that things would be different for their adult child if they were able to have children. But it is a house. A house that needs a lot of TLC and a WHOLE LOTTA LOVE

A Charlie Brown Christmas Tree Home.

It just needs someone to love it. To actually give the home all of it's attention that it so long overdue deserves. See... As you can SEE from the pictures of a lot of blood, sweat and tears from my hands. It's not so bad after all.

Turning Lemons... Into...Sweet Lemonade

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 1, 2017 7:53 AM EDT
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June 28, 2017
SEAS The DAY! ;)
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: Day 2732-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

YAYYY!

I survived yesterdays first round of pain management treatments! I woke up this morning and literally had to pinch myself!

I guess my new specialist was right...I did wake up feeling, for the most part, pain-free! YAYYYY! Talking about, "Seas The Day!" I really didn't think he was right about feeling the benefits of both drugs 24-hours later. But I actually didn't wake up with so much pain and it didn't take me as long to get out of bed. We still have a bit of a ways to go due to needing to re-adjust my GI medications that I still must take on a daily and weekly basis. But with my doctors working together as a team. I most definitely feel it is possible! For now...I am going to enjoy this far better day. A good day to enjoy the great outdoors and beautiful weather!

Cowgirl style

Before the heat, humidity and rain begins for the upcoming holiday weekend. We decided to catch up with a few odds and ends around the house. Outdoors. We have a natural oasis for all wildlife, especially all of the deer, that needed a bit of TLC. My wildflowers and herbs also needed a bit of love and some fresh new soil. They are doing great! Crazy how much better everything grows when you live in the country! I have high expectations that by mid July, everything should be ready to either start blooming or ready to pick as far as the herbs, sunflowers and all sorts of various wildflowers that the deer will get to enjoy. Once again, you know...It's the little things with this gal!

Even a few bites of hot fudge cake~YUMMMMMM!!! It has been years since enjoying this super sweet treat! Those bites were not only savored, but so well worth the wait!

I now must be extra careful with what I consume due to the largest tumor being literally wrapped around my lower intestines. The risk of obstructions are far greater now, than ever before! Heed the warning that I have to be super careful with consuming anything solid. A few small bites is a must and maximum limit here on out on a daily basis. I am going to make sure that those small bites are worth it! Hot fudge cake was sooooo worth it!

Today will be the last beautiful, crisp, cool, fall-like day in the summer for those like us in the country. Come tomorrow, its back to the heat and humidity. Just in time for 4th of July. UGGGG... But for now we are going to max out this beautiful day!

B-L-E-S-S-E-D


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 29, 2017 7:12 AM EDT
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June 27, 2017
Seas Or..Eas The Day...
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Day 2731-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

LORDIE! What a morning!

Rise N' Shine! Back across state lines for my first pain specialist appointment. Wayyyy too early! It's no wonder that instead of my sweatshirt saying, "Seas The day." Maybe it should had said, "Eas The Day."

Now we know why most of the patients who got called back before me ended up coming out half-tanked! Light me up like the BEST CHRISTMAS TREE EVER Johnny! HA! I may not be able to break down nor absorb solid forms of medication due to my gastroparesis. But when it comes to injections or IV...That's ALL she WROTE! I was LIT!!! Eric took one look at me on the car ride back home across state lines to my comfy couchbed waiting for me in Indiana and said, "Your eyes look like slivers of rice!" HA!

Yes indeed, I want to be able to function during the day minus darn tumor pain getting in my way. But HOLY CONNOLI!! We are most definitely going to be working on a different drug combination during my next visit! My pain specialist warned me that it might take 24 hours before I start feeling the benefits of the injection and IV medication. I sure the heck hope so! Maybe tomorrow will bring with it a bit more energy and a lot more alert...Me.

So much for doing much of anything today except taking it easy. We were able to at least take Snoreo up to the dog park this evening. A bit later once I got some seriously solid drug induced sleep. I attempted to paint. But it didn't last very long, a little over an hour before I had to call it quits with the paint brush. There is always tomorrow.

For now it's all about zzzzzz


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 29, 2017 7:14 AM EDT
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