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The Road Before & After Surgery
July 2, 2017
It's That Time Again! CELEBRATION SUNDAY! #TimeToBeThankful
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: Day 2736-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

HAPPY SUNDAY!

For Us... It's CELEBRATION SUNDAY!

Time to be thankful for all of our blessings in life. Both big and small!

Time to enjoy the great outdoors with dinner for two. Our new country coastal themed porch. PORCHELLA~ I don't know... But it sounds a bit French or Italian to me! Heeheeheehee!

The inside of our home is now starting to slowly resemble the country coastal theme that I had in mind. Peaceful, simple, yet colorfully fun! A place to celebrate all that is good in life. A place to start over on a fresh, clean slate. A reason to celebrate life.

CELEBRATION SUNDAY!

For some reason, I feel as if Jimmy Buffet should be playing right now on the radio. Hmmmm... Or possibly even a huge palm tree with twinkling lights should be sitting in the corner of our new coastal themed dining room. It isn't finished just yet, but this might be our new favorite remodeled, freshly painted with happy colors dining room! I didn't think that the color would work nor fit in with the theme. But BOY! Was I wrong! I LOVE IT! Eric really likes the color too! Once the dining room is complete. It's onto the 1 out of the last 2 bedrooms! I still have to revisit the bathroom remodel project from late last year. I didn't put my heart and soul into it. If I am going to redo this entire house and turn it UPSIDE-DOWN. Then I plan on doing it the right way! Today wasn't a very productive day due to tumor pain and stress brought on from last nights ridiculously stressful heated phone conversation. Ft. Knox promise...IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. But there is always tomorrow in order to make up for lost project time.

As of this evening. There was a most beautiful sunset and another spectacular dinner awaiting us on the porch. A few bites for me and SOOOO well worth it! Savor the moment...Savor the bites! YUMMMMMY! My hats off to the chef whom did such a lovely, yet delicious meal! WHY... Thank you SELF! Hahahahahaha!

A toast to all that is good! A toast to always being, no matter what, HAPPY!

CHEERS!!

#TimeToBeThankful


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 3, 2017 4:48 AM EDT
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July 1, 2017
Cutting That Final String ___________
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Day 2735-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Can you believe the progress so far that we have made on our house of hidden lemons?! Thanks to those parents. The insults have done nothing but light a huge fire under our feet! We are on a ROLL!

YAYYYY!

We are right on track with the projected date of October 11th, 2017 in order to completely have this house flipped UPSIDE-DOWN!

From lemons to sweet...Lemonade!

I won't lie, because it's been a hell of a lot of work! Time consuming and extremely expensive! We no longer have any type of medical assistance from medical grants nor parents. I have appreciated the support. But when the support in turn gets thrown back in my face. Same as a benefit that was held over a decade an a half ago that also got thrown back in my face. Now I am hearing from those who attend social gatherings, once again, saying that family is telling people I am not sick. UMMMMM?... Sorry, but medical records don't lie. I was a sick infant with some serious kidney, immunity issues from the beginning. Then records showing even further medical issues with regards to future reoccurring kidney problems, infections and major GI issues. The medical mysteries have all been officially solved. My disability attorneys went above and beyond in making sure that I received every single last medical document that ever existed, through out my entire lifetime. From an infant to now. Medical documents don't lie. I have them here for anyone to read if you ever doubt what you are hearing which is far from any sort of truth. To those whom continue sitting down listening to such ridiculous mere lies. I suggest that next time you either stand up, get up and walk away. Or... take the high road. Find yourself a different social group, social gathering or social setting to attend. As an adult, what I am going through can only be seen as a result of what should had been closely monitored. Specialists should had continued handling my health care and medical issues through out my entire lifetime. To the upmost level.

But you know what... That was then. This is now. I am still dealing with medical issues. But now I have the reigns! I have been unstoppable! I solved my own case by continue to NOT stop seeking answers or the care that I so much and so well deserve. It might had taken me almost 2 years. But it is possible to help yourself. I am living, breathing proof.

There has been a lot that has transpired over the years. For any parent to make fun or tell their adult child that they have no right to be angry is not a parent by any means. We all as children or even adult children have a right to express our emotions. I have said this time and time and time and time again. IT is not only OKAY. But beyond perfectly healthy! Those who have heart attacks as a result of bottling up stress, anger, sadness or other emotions. That is what happens when you do not allow yourself the right to your emotions. NO one is a robot. We all have a right to be angry, mad, upset and even sad. I have a right to go through all of the emotions. Having any parent(s) say otherwise is not only, not okay, but it's not healthy for any child or adult child. There has been a lot that has transpired over the past several years. I do not lie. I would not lie. Nor do I plan on lying. Having any parent tell you on the phone, while yelling, saying that they would rather go to hell. Than to ever apologize for any hurt that has transpired to a child or adult child... Well...I guess some things end up in hell?. I will take my no-apologies upstairs to heaven with me. And you know what? I am perfectly A-OK with that! I now have closure. And for that...I am thankful!  

I have come to a critical crossroad in my life. We can all either choose in life to be happy. Or we can choose in life to repeat the same dead-end pattern. If you live within a highly toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional family that spins you like a never-ending washing machine cycle, and you choose to continue living in that same spinning cycle. That is your choice. Yours alone. I choose to end the rest of my journey doing everything in my God-given power to be HAPPY. Cutting that final string. I choose to live the rest of my time here on earth solely based on one thing and one thing alone.

I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!

July signifies a critical point in my life. A time for personal growth and change. A time to take all of that so well deserved happiness and finally set myself free from the highly combative, toxic, dysfunctional white sheep. Yes, FINALLY folks! This little ole black sheep finally saw the light! BAHHHHH! I choose the road of being undeniably, never-ending, all out cheerful road to being one thing. HAPPY!

A letter in the mail that had the one thing missing that I have been searching for... For years. Once again, went missing. An apology. What I have been searching for isn't money, it isn't fame, it isn't anything. But... An apology. For any family member who is searching for an apology from any family member clearly shouldn't be perceived as asking for too much. In order to move forward in life from hurt or pain we inflict upon one another. An apology is the one step that will and I PROMISE YOU, it WILL move your relationship forward. But it must be done so from the heart.  If any family members or parents ever tell you on the phone that they would rather go to hell, than ever give you an apology. Then it's time to choose. Life is about choices. You can choose to be unhappy. Or you can choose to be HAPPY! Myself and Eric choose to no longer accept the constant insults, put-downs, slanderous and quite ridiculous ridicules that most black sheep take from family. We both also refuse to be a part of or connect with any one whom holds their unborn child, young children or adult children hostage from getting the chance to meet ALL of their family. What would God think about that? I don't remember seeing it written in the bible. Did you Tammy? "Thou shall keep your unborn and newborns, all children secretly away from your family. Thou shall never allow your child or children the privilege or human right to meet their family or extended family." No this isn't suppose to be silly. We are serious. This behavior is not only, not okay, but extremely and mentally disturbing. I have had my limit on hearing things from those whom attended holiday events, social gatherings, business ventures, vacations, weddings, and even those whom have read really nasty, horrible things that were not true about myself and my spouse. For any parent who chooses to sit there and allow your son, daughter whether alone they are an adult or not, to be talked down upon by others. Then choose to be part of the insulting put-downs. I don't know how any parent could ever consider that being a good parent. That ever happens to my stepson. You better bet I will be intervening with my foot. A good...great parent sticks up for their children. Whether that child is 10 years old or 100 years old. Being a parent means putting your child or children FIRST. There are no excuses. Being a good...NAH! A GREAT parent or parents means that you take care of your children first. Your grandchildren, great-grandchildren and any other children of any one else's children do not come first. Your child or children come first. I think in this day and age, most parents forget that very thing. If you choose to have children. You then choose to be a parent to that child or children to the very end. Until your last breath.

Calling your child names, belittling your child, yelling at your child as an adult child not only destroys your chance as a parent to ever have a normal relationship with your adult child. But that adult child will end up losing their respect. As a parent, you are instilling a sense of not being loved or worthy to your adult child. I don't care what age. Being a great parent means that you learn to hold your tongue if your child ever becomes sick or is wanting to share their emotions with you. Ovarian cancer robs the body of vital hormones. Imagine levels being completely depleted. Do you expect a patient to be happy 24/7?. Do you assume that a patient does not have the right to be angry, sad, upset or depressed?. It is perfectly....normal for all of the above per any respectable oncologist. As parents, respect your adult children by allowing them to go through the changes that come with cancer treatments. BEFORE, DURING, AFTER. Being a great parent means you come second. NOT FIRST. You are not the victim when it comes to a child who was born with a medical ailment that continued on into their adult life. Slandering an adult child, putting down an adult child, belittling names to an adult child does only one thing. It ruins the relationship between parents and their child or children. Talking poorly about a parent or parents in front of young children is another huge way to destroy any type of family. Making light, poking fun or misrepresenting a family member during their times of struggle says a lot about any family member or any parent who choose to do so.

I have seen a lot. I have seen my fair share. It's been a bit too much. Today I made a choice. I have spent far too many days, hours, weeks, months and years in the same constant toxic, highly dysfunctional battle of being the black sheep. If you laugh at a family member, poke fun at a family member or tell a family member that everyone in your family of white sheep has moved on with their lives and they don't care about the black sheep family member. As any sibling. If you tell another family member or sibling that they are stupid for thinking their family cares about them over and over again. As parents, if you ever tell an adult child whom is only asking for a mere apology in hopes of moving on from hurtful actions in the past and present that you would rather go to hell, than ever apologize to your adult child. Then sooner or later, you can only expect one thing. That child, will in time, move on.

Today I choose to be nothing but HAPPY! I choose to cut that final string that has been years in the making. It took three doctors that unfortunately could not get it through my level of stubbornness that it is time to move on. When you are the only black sheep, out of an entire group of white sheep, seeking therapeutic help and ways to work through the dysfunction in hopes of finding answers. Possible even, working through the problems. It will never work nor will things ever change. It has to be a white sheep wanting to work with the black sheep effort. Not a black sheep of one. I had to learn the hard way. After another knock down, drag down fight with words on the phone this evening which is extremely unhealthy. I have made the choice to finally set myself free.

That final string has been cut.

This month I will be changing my legal name. This is my choice and a choice that I have been carefully debating over the course of the past four years. I had filed a legal name change prior to presenting the request one final time to the courts this month. But I guess you can say that there was always a little part inside me that hoped for and wished for this black sheep to fit in. When I hear from those back in high school. Saying that I always sought to find some sort of place to fit in with all the white sheep. That hurt. To realize, that here I am now, as an adult. Still trying to fit in. Still dealing with highly combatable, highly dysfunctional, toxicity. Well... It's time for a change. A long, over due change in the making!

Nothing is easy in life. If you think it is or believe that struggles never happen. Then clearly you are just fooling yourself.

Happiness. PURE, undeniable TRUE HAPPINESS begins with one person and one person only.

YOU!

Or if you are a parent and insist that myself and Eric went to a recent Gene Simmons concert or a Journey concert or any other concert for solely attention or sympathy. ?????? "People read your blog and think OH GOD what is she going to write next! They say horrible things about you. No one even knows who are you are anymore!" YOU are most definitely fooling yourself. Or you secretly are a huge fan of Gene Simmons. ???? IN which...Speaking of...He has decided to extent his mere 5 private concerts to now quite a few. Free tickets that a parent says WHILE yelling on the phone. "YOU GO TO THESE CONCERTS FOR ATTENTION!" I don't lie nor will I lie in saying that I like the band KISS and Gene Simmons put on an amazing show! DARN RIGHT! I loved being able to have the chance to take amazing photos to share on this blog and having a once-in-a-lifetime chance to sing onstage. If wanting to live happy and having opportunities to see some absolutely amazing concerts in person, front row, means attention. Well then... BRING ON MORE ATTENTION CONCERTS! WOO~HOO!! But I will say that a week prior to my final scan and not being able to celebrate myself and my spouses anniversary. There are those like Deborah whom work hard to make others happy. There are also those like our friends whom paid over $450.00 per ticket, front row, to join together as a group to celebrate this place we call, "LIFE."

I suggest you do some soul searching and find some happiness of your own. As for this gal, this woman...

I choose to be  HAPPY!

H-A-P-P-Y!!!!!!!!

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 3, 2017 4:15 AM EDT
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June 30, 2017
Cancer Treatments... It's OK To Be OK... With YOU! :)
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Day 2734-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Cancer treatments...Oncology treatments.

 

If only there was a book for patients that told it all. That REALLY told it all!

I decided over the past two weeks to temporarily place aside all of my wigs, hair extensions and other PRESTO-MAGIC ways to make oneself feel like their old self. That is...Prior to oncology treatments.

There is something to be said for those whom have endured the most brutal toxicity of this earth. Yet, still have the emotional strength to talk about their experience to others. Sharing their unique journey. There is also something to be said about the undeniable power within to truly LOVE YOURSELF. The freedom to embrace the now. The present.

What cancer treatment centers, hospitals and other oncology facilities do not explain to patients is what life will be like 'after' experimental treatments. What is ahead...The future. For those who are the bravest of the brave! Patients whom walk through those oncology doors and into the land of the unknown. Because let's be real by saying, "Cancer is the unknown." Every cancer is different. Every patient's reaction to experimental treatments are also very different. What a patient endures during and after, post-treatments, can vary as far as side effects. Both short term and unfortunately, long-term. If only patients had a far better understanding about the road ahead, when treatments either worked temporarily or didn't work at all. I personally don't believe that cancer just disappears. But I do believe that for some patients. Cancer does go into hiding. Remission.

Today I got the not-so-lucky privilege to find out what happens after oncology treatments. Hormones. When radiation and other various toxic treatment drugs play games with your hormones. Ovarian cancer is one damning, unpredictable journey of the unknown. Radiation treatments and other drugs sent cells into a mad scramble. Shutting down not only one ovary, but as well the magical and most damning ovary of all defied the shut-down. Or as my oncologists call it, "A deep state of ovarian sleep-temporary sleep." The unicorn ovary that not only grew back, but is causing more hell for my team of specialists than one could ever imagine in their wildest nightmares. Not dreams. Because who really would want this kind of nightmare as a dream?. During my last scan they were actually able to get the best images to date. Tumors feeding from their own blood supply. Not just by hormones. NOT...GOOD NEWS.

I have been transferred to Endocrinology with an appointment in two weeks. Instead of replacing lost hormones that most woman receive after oncology treatments aimed at the reproductive organs that supply important hormones to the body. They now have to make sure to do everything in their power to shut off all hormonal supply to the tumors. This isn't something that anyone would be happy about, as a woman, ME. But it's something that must be done. Oncology treatments didn't work. Thus the end result that no one tells you when treatments fail...Is the long road that lies ahead of you. The land of the unknown.

This is where having the power to not just embrace YOU in the NOW comes into play. But truly having the power to be able to love yourself. Hair, no hair, hormones, no hormones. Hey! Things happen. Life happens and no normal, sane patient ever asked to be sick. But sometimes you just have to learn to accept and love the person in the mirror. The one looking back at you. Because YOU are still, no matter what...

B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 1, 2017 8:26 AM EDT
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June 29, 2017
Lemons... Sweet Lemonade! :)
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Day 2733-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

YESSSS!

I am finally getting somewhere with this house of ours!

YAYYYYY!

One of our parents told us, "Looks like a lemon to me!" Now that I have had time to reflect on one of many poor and lack of good parental judgment comments. If I could turn back time like Cher, I would had most likely offered that parent or parents a paintbrush and more than a few cans of paint. If it looks like one big lemon. Then why not had offered to help? GREAT question! Those words stuck to not just myself, but as well Eric. It's not like we had a ton of houses to choose from in order to quickly go under contract. A closing that had to take place within 30 days. The reason is because we were in a rental property, back in Ohio. I had given the rental property owner our 60 day notice before the private owner, in which we were under contract, decided that he wasn't going to finish up a mandatory addendum before closing. We even gave him an additional 30 day extension. But there are other reasons we believe that the private owner wasn't willing to hold up on his end of the purchase contract deal. So... We were pretty much SOL! I even asked the rental property owner back in Ohio for another extension on our lease, month-to-month. But when you have family and an ex-spouse still not willing to move on with their life... Bad things are soon to happen! I like how my therapist would say, "Family will always find another hole to dig!" It wasn't until I caught the rental property owner with an ex-spouses phone number and more than a few words, did I then finally realize that family and the ex-spouse had interfered with our right to a peaceful life. The right to have a roof over our heads. The rest went all down-hill from there... The private property owner not only refused to at least allow us additional time to land another purchase contract, but we found out some pretty disheartening things that the family member and ex-spouse were saying about myself and Eric. I did not forget. I am now only able to find time to come to terms with things that had to be placed aside so I could focus on my health and oncology treatments. I did approach that rental property owner after sending a copy of my divorce decree showing the paragraph where I have a right to privacy. The right to move forward without inference. That doesn't mean family has the right to reach back out to any ex-spouse when the marriage did not end on any sort of good terms. EX means EX. The past. AMEN.

Thus we had to land a purchase contract ASAP! The rental property owner back then also had mechanical issues with his home, in which, we were without hot water for 27 days and heat for over 2 weeks. Family knew all about this, yet did absolutely nothing to help. But instead only hurt the situation, making things worse and the stress...UNBEARABLE. Anyone whom thinks this is OK to not fix mandatory repairs ASAP that leave tenants in an unsafe home, by any means, as any sort of rental property owner. You have another thing coming. Tis good to read your rights per state as any rental property owner and same goes for anyone who rents. Would had things turned out differently if the ex-spouse and family member would not had slandered myself and Eric to the private property owner? Yes. Indeed they would had turned out differently. We would not had to jump into another purchase contract ASAP! This is where the house of lemons that we landed comes into play...We bought a home that didn't come without hidden agendas. NO PUN intended! A lot of hidden lemons. But there are no pity parties. Not on my watch nor in this gal's life! You only become stronger and far wiser by the tough times. You can't let them break you.

Cancer...That's tough and can literally break you.

I decided to take those words from a parent, that our home was nothing but a LEMON, and put those words into positive actions. Take all of the lemons that we have found and continue finding in our home and turn them one-by-one into SWEET LEMONADE! Eric looked at me this afternoon and said, "You realize if your sibling and ex-spouse didn't interfere with the rental property owner by slandering us. We wouldn't had been put in this situation." You know what? I believe in God. I believe in karma. No need to bring up negative energy. Time to close those doors. Make peace with what was and what will never be again. Lessons learned. Sometimes...The hard way. But then again, the hard way to learn lessons in life always end up being the most gratifying. I like to call them, "Silver Linings." 

Our house might not be a million-dollar-home that was build from a business that those who swear up and down, would never become like those that they serve. It might not be a million-dollar-home that parents brag about, same as saying to an adult child that things would be different for their adult child if they were able to have children. But it is a house. A house that needs a lot of TLC and a WHOLE LOTTA LOVE

A Charlie Brown Christmas Tree Home.

It just needs someone to love it. To actually give the home all of it's attention that it so long overdue deserves. See... As you can SEE from the pictures of a lot of blood, sweat and tears from my hands. It's not so bad after all.

Turning Lemons... Into...Sweet Lemonade

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: July 1, 2017 7:53 AM EDT
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June 28, 2017
SEAS The DAY! ;)
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: Day 2732-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

YAYYY!

I survived yesterdays first round of pain management treatments! I woke up this morning and literally had to pinch myself!

I guess my new specialist was right...I did wake up feeling, for the most part, pain-free! YAYYYY! Talking about, "Seas The Day!" I really didn't think he was right about feeling the benefits of both drugs 24-hours later. But I actually didn't wake up with so much pain and it didn't take me as long to get out of bed. We still have a bit of a ways to go due to needing to re-adjust my GI medications that I still must take on a daily and weekly basis. But with my doctors working together as a team. I most definitely feel it is possible! For now...I am going to enjoy this far better day. A good day to enjoy the great outdoors and beautiful weather!

Cowgirl style

Before the heat, humidity and rain begins for the upcoming holiday weekend. We decided to catch up with a few odds and ends around the house. Outdoors. We have a natural oasis for all wildlife, especially all of the deer, that needed a bit of TLC. My wildflowers and herbs also needed a bit of love and some fresh new soil. They are doing great! Crazy how much better everything grows when you live in the country! I have high expectations that by mid July, everything should be ready to either start blooming or ready to pick as far as the herbs, sunflowers and all sorts of various wildflowers that the deer will get to enjoy. Once again, you know...It's the little things with this gal!

Even a few bites of hot fudge cake~YUMMMMMM!!! It has been years since enjoying this super sweet treat! Those bites were not only savored, but so well worth the wait!

I now must be extra careful with what I consume due to the largest tumor being literally wrapped around my lower intestines. The risk of obstructions are far greater now, than ever before! Heed the warning that I have to be super careful with consuming anything solid. A few small bites is a must and maximum limit here on out on a daily basis. I am going to make sure that those small bites are worth it! Hot fudge cake was sooooo worth it!

Today will be the last beautiful, crisp, cool, fall-like day in the summer for those like us in the country. Come tomorrow, its back to the heat and humidity. Just in time for 4th of July. UGGGG... But for now we are going to max out this beautiful day!

B-L-E-S-S-E-D


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 29, 2017 7:12 AM EDT
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June 27, 2017
Seas Or..Eas The Day...
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Day 2731-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

LORDIE! What a morning!

Rise N' Shine! Back across state lines for my first pain specialist appointment. Wayyyy too early! It's no wonder that instead of my sweatshirt saying, "Seas The day." Maybe it should had said, "Eas The Day."

Now we know why most of the patients who got called back before me ended up coming out half-tanked! Light me up like the BEST CHRISTMAS TREE EVER Johnny! HA! I may not be able to break down nor absorb solid forms of medication due to my gastroparesis. But when it comes to injections or IV...That's ALL she WROTE! I was LIT!!! Eric took one look at me on the car ride back home across state lines to my comfy couchbed waiting for me in Indiana and said, "Your eyes look like slivers of rice!" HA!

Yes indeed, I want to be able to function during the day minus darn tumor pain getting in my way. But HOLY CONNOLI!! We are most definitely going to be working on a different drug combination during my next visit! My pain specialist warned me that it might take 24 hours before I start feeling the benefits of the injection and IV medication. I sure the heck hope so! Maybe tomorrow will bring with it a bit more energy and a lot more alert...Me.

So much for doing much of anything today except taking it easy. We were able to at least take Snoreo up to the dog park this evening. A bit later once I got some seriously solid drug induced sleep. I attempted to paint. But it didn't last very long, a little over an hour before I had to call it quits with the paint brush. There is always tomorrow.

For now it's all about zzzzzz


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 29, 2017 7:14 AM EDT
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June 26, 2017
Painting Away Depression...One Paint Stroke At A Time~
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Day 2730-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

I have a HUGE project ahead of me!

A deadline projected for October 11th.

PROJECTED...HA! Did I just make a funny?.

Since we have to remain here in our home of many lemons. Why not continue finding ways to take all of these lemons and keep turning them into sweet lemonade! There are enough reasons to also try my best by painting away my depression. One stroke of the paint brush at a time.

Many paint brushes with various cans of coastal country colored paint. HGTV paint is a must! That is the only paint I will ever use after seeing the end results back in Ohio. You sometimes, not all of the time. Get what you pay for! HGTV Sherwin Williams paint not only saves you time due to needing less paint. But it coats the first time with so many super vibrant colors to choose from! It also comes with a money-back guarantee. Just bring the paint can back to Lowes and they will either switch it to another color or give you a full refund.

Did that just sound like a super BLOG PLUG?! Yep, it did.

So far, I am finishing up one of our three bedrooms while also working on the bathroom and hallway. This house has seen it's far share of damage over the years. Strange enough, by once again listing to the house. We have found a few answers with regards to prior foundation issues. It seems not only did the prior owners have a friend do some work on the basement before placing the house up for sale. But today we put the final mystery puzzle pieces together and realized why one of the bedrooms suffered so much damage. Damage that was carefully and meticulously hidden by the prior owners. There is a wall in the basement where support posts were installed which lifted the bedroom directly above it. This is clearly why there was so much hidden damage. The rest of the foundation issues we are finally coming to realize is due to the prior owners most definitely not taking care of the house. In more ways than one!

We know who will be continuing to work on all of these repairs. Making sweet lemonade... Why of course...US.

I plan on taking things one day at a time. During my good days. Physically. Thank goodness for lots of do-it-yourself videos available online! So far they have come in very handy for myself and Eric. While I am patching, painting and doing other repairs inside our home. Eric has been busy trying to finish installing our new garage door, outside. The prior garage door was not only installed incorrectly by the prior owners. But they also never used any type of support brackets for the garage and garage door opener. It's no wonder with such poor installation that the prior garage door literally snapped on us, in half! PFFFFF! This is why having a home warranty is so very important! Some of the hidden damage has been able to be claimed. While other damage continues to be our responsibility. $$$ We had anticipated to vacate the house, but we had no where else to go. We also have no time nor thousands upon thousands of dollars to hire an attorney. Even if we decided to proceed ahead and represent ourselves, Pro Se. At this point with my health. We just don't have the desire nor the time.

I view life differently than most. God watches and so does karma. I have far better things to do with the ending of my journey. Sitting inside a courtroom isn't one of them. Amen.

While I paint the evenings away...One stroke at a time. My supervisor, Snoreo has been taking it easy on the job. Since the passing of his best friend, Littleblue, he has horrible separation anxiety. Where we go...Snoreo now goes. Grieving is different for all of us. So is depression. Keeping busy is important for not only our physical health. But also for our overall well being.

By the time October 11th rolls around...You can certainly BET.

This house will be looking COASTAL COUNTRY!

YEEHAW


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 28, 2017 7:08 AM EDT
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June 25, 2017
Celebration Sunday~
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Day 2729-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Talking about a day of celebration!

How about this absolutely BEAUTIFUL weather!

Fall in the summer...LOVING IT!!

Today was a picture perfect day to spend outdoors. Enjoying the super amazing weather! An early afternoon walk along the river trails and then it was off to our local dog park! This most definitely is Snoreo's kind of weather. We sure wish that our beloved Littleblue would of had the chance to enjoy these cool temperatures in the summer while playing with her best friend, Snoreo. But we know that she is still with us in spirit. More ways than one and with signs all around us. If only the summer brought with it days like today. Clear skies, low humidity and crisp, cool temperatures.

On our way back to the car we actually stumbled upon a rock that was carefully placed on a tree. A special rock with a super cute smile! A message on a rock to be precise! "Smile You Are Loved." What a very nice idea to paint happy images with uplifting messages on various rocks then place them around the park. This was just what we both needed after such a devastating month and very difficult point in our lives.

The little things in life that bring the most joy~

Today was our second week of celebration Sunday. An evening dinner outside on our coastalporchella! Heeheeheehee...That is my new name for our coastal country themed porch. A perfect ending to the most beautiful day. There are so many reasons to be blessed. I happen to be enjoying one of them this evening. A relaxing dinner for two and many reasons to toast to life.

There is always a reason to celebrate!

CoastalporchellaCHEERS!


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 28, 2017 6:15 AM EDT
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June 24, 2017
Answers.
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Day 2728-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Today I was able to collect my thoughts and emotions long enough to finally call back our lead veterinarian.

It has taken me a few weeks to finally reach back out with regards to questions about our beloved Littleblue. Some questions, I most likely had already known the answer. While other questions might always remain a mystery. Isn't cancer pretty much just that...A mystery?.

We are thankful to had two separate teams of veterinarians who worked together with Littleblue's care. As well our dear friend and amazing surgeon, Dr. T. I am still in the disbelief-grieving stage with the loss of our Littleblue. It hasn't been easy coming to terms with the way she had passed as we quickly had to provide assistance. Helping her journey to heaven as quickly as possible. Maybe that is what haunts me the most. How she passed. The images of her looking up at me while taking in her last breath. It terrifies me. It haunts me every single day. There are not enough painting projects in our home to completely erase those memories. The images of such a sweet, beautiful, kind and most gentle soul suffering while we tried to desperately save her.

While talking on the phone to our veterinarian. There seems to be a lot that we both agreed on with regards to such an aggressive cancer. Littleblue's inability at the end to breathe on her own. Each time they attempted to slowly bring her out of the oxygen chamber. Things only got worse. Littleblue's health took such an abrupt and unexpected decline, that no matter what both veterinarian hospitals attempted to provide as far as a new treatment plan. Nothing seemed to work. Littleblue only kept getting worse. Hearing her cry in discomfort and pain while we were walking into the veterinarian hospital is a sound that I can't get out of my head. The sound of extreme distress as she so desperately struggled to breathe even while in the oxygen chamber. Dr. T gave our sweet and beautiful 10-year old fur child a second chance at life. 30 days prior to her passing. It is still hard to accept that she is no longer around. We accepted that something could had most definitely happened during or right after her emergency surgery 30 days ago to remove a malignant and very infected mammary tumor. But cancer has no rhyme nor reason. What we had anticipated was just the opposite of what took our Littleblue's life. The inability to breathe is not what we could had ever anticipated nor prepared ourselves for emotionally while holding her close to my side. Enough room for me to get as close to her as possible inside the oxygen chamber with her favorite stuffed animal, Mr. Zebra.

We never had the opportunity to allow her at least a day of freedom outside of the oxygen chamber. A day to spend with her fur siblings and human parents. A second chance outside of the oxygen chamber to just hug and hold her before quickly being called back home to heaven. We never got the opportunity to bring her home. Only after her passing so the rest of our fur children could understand and begin their own process of grieving. Cancer is not only unfair, but most definitely the most unkind, inhumane suffering of all. The path of cancer is still to this very day. Poorly understood and most definitely very unknown. The unpredictability. One day a patient can be fine. The next day they are gone. Is there a key to the cure? I most definitely believe so! I believe it is locked away under some sort of hidden vault. Far away and far underground. There has been far too much money plugged into cancer research not only from the government, but far too many foundations and organizations.

There is a cure. But not of this earth.

I have had quite a few emails from those whom are bravely battling ovarian cancer. Questions regarding my treatments, the overall symptoms I had been experiencing, post-treatment side effects and if mine was hereditary. I have received other emails, but will answer them either personal replies or on a separate blog at a later date.

As of January 2017, these are the facts based off of research of other late stage ovarian cancer cases. Information based off of other patients diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer. First off, I would like to say that only 15 percent of women diagnosed with ovarian cancer are based solely off of genetic factors. The most significant risk factor for ovarian cancer is an inherited genetic mutation in one or two genes. Breast cancer being gene 1-BRCA1 or breast cancer gene 2-BRCA2. Ovarian cancer is not looked upon as solely being passed down genetically. 15% of all patients are diagnosed with ovarian cancer genetically. Hereditary. The chances of acquiring ovarian cancer from a single microscopic cell during surgical removal of one or both ovaries? You have a far greater chance of winning the lottery a billion times over than ever being diagnosed with ovarian cancer by a single microscopic cell or single microscopic fragment left behind from a prior surgery. My chances have now made me 1 out of 13 in the world. Out of all the women in the world. That should explain the rare chances of ever taking a walk in my shoes. But that is not to say that patient #14 will not soon one day be the next to take a walk in my shoes. Anything is possible. It can happen, but it's extremely unlikely. Giving rare cancer research the ability to closely monitor my case allows for medical documentation to be available for the next patient. For my team of oncologists and other specialists. There was nothing to go by as far as medical documentation from the other 12 cases. There were no medical cases that provided any type of treatment plan, or the patient did not survive.

As far as symptoms. I had experienced far too many strange and quite odd symptoms to list, 5 years prior to scans and other medical imaging picking up what appeared to be another ovary with an odd looking mass. It took over 5 years before the reappearing ovarian mystery was solved by a medical professor and his colleagues. It literally took me 17 surgeons and 3 mayo clinics before the mystery was finally solved. All by my doing and being proactive as hell in search of an answer. This after realizing that an ovary that was removed and verified by documented pathology reports literally grew back from a single microscopic cell. It took literally 6 years until the only option that would work was presented to me in writing via a contract to waiver all medical liability in order to proceed ahead with very rare and quite experimental oncology treatments. Ovarian cancer is generally never treated with radiation therapy. The gold standard treatment is first a biopsy, then surgery to encase and remove the tumor(s) and lastly chemotherapy. Rarely do they use radiation and only for late stage ovarian cancer when there are no other options. Where surgery is no longer an option due to the size, malignancy and complications with an ovarian tumor(s). There were no surgical options nor any other possible options in my unique and quite rare case. We went for the highest chance possible of destroying the bad cells in hopes of completely disintegrating the tumors. But when one tumor becomes larger than the size of a softball and is hidden among your intestines and other organs. Radiation may not even be the answer. There are some forms of cancer that can never be defied. I may or may not have all of my answers. But for what I have gone through and what I have seen transpire with my own beloved Littleblue's cancer.

We are a long way from ever receiving the cure. A cure for cancer that to this very day is probably and most likely locked up somewhere under ground. Keep giving money and they will keep it hidden. Money that has been given for decades to cancer. There may never be a cure.

Answers. I may have some. But on this earth. I will never have all the answers that I have so desperately been searching and fighting for. 

If I were a comic strip....Wonder Woman

 


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 26, 2017 9:07 AM EDT
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June 23, 2017
OOPSIE!
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Day 2727-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)

 

Well...A big ole OOPSIE!

This entire week I have somehow been one day behind. I thought today was Thursday. Tomorrow...Friday. It's no wonder that we had to do a mad dash early this morning before missing my doctors appointments. Not one. But two. OOPSIE!

We had another round of some serious monsoon rain last night that lasted for over 15 hours. Of course, this meant another round of flash flood warnings that came across both of our phones through out the early morning into the late afternoon hours. Nothing quite like coming home to find the basement taking in water for the fourth time in less than 10 hours. Too much rain also equals some serious sink holes! We both didn't get much sleep. Today I was literally d-r-a-g-g-i-n-g... Try that on top of taking morphine to help with the pain so I can actually sleep. I was literally a walking zombie until early this evening when my body finally decided to wake the heck up!

I may not drink regular coffee, only decaf for this gal. But electrolyte water and other healthy organic juices really do the trick! As of right now. I am actually wide-awake! Ready to begin another round of nighttime painting. This evening I am going to attempt finishing the remaining two walls in the hallway. Then tomorrow is the start of both hallway closets and trim. I will be glad when the hallway is finally complete! I would much rather work on painting far larger areas of our home where I have more room to maneuver around with the paint brush and roller.

Today was round two of coming to terms with the past. Several years that had to be put aside for far more important issues. It's crazy how much I never came to terms with over the years. Especially with family. I have a lot of hurt and a lot of disappointment to overcome. My therapist appointment today dealt with finishing up on a long overdue cassette tape of an in-law that made a phone call to Eric's employer. I never really sat down and listened to the entire recorded conversation. A tape that was handed over to Eric for any future legal proceedings. A tape that should had never happened in the first place because as my therapist explained, "They had no business interfering in the family matter. Even as any sister or brother in law. That still serves no right on interfering with a family issue that is not their place to interfere." Listening to a taped conversation and hearing such disturbing things said about myself and our marriage was a lot to take in. I most likely will never be able to wrap my brain around the things that were said to Eric's employer. The most disturbing part were the lies, as well saying that my spouse married me for monetary reasons??. My disability benefits?!??. As if Eric had a hidden agenda?. WOW!! Eric had already listened to the entire recorded conversation when it happened. As for myself. It was a first and thankfully I chose to listen to the entire tape with my therapist. Trying to make some sort of sense out of any highly dysfunctional family is sometimes hard to make any type of sense. I would never interfere in the middle of any sister or brother in laws family matters. It would not be my place. Only the place between the sister or brother in law and their respectful party in their family. I am still in a bit of shock of the things that were misconstrued, lied and literally slander in every sense. That in law could had gotten Eric fired if it weren't for what was being said, being anything further from the truth. In my opinion, that was most likely their entire intent. Disappointed would be an understatement. As far as that tape. I was told to keep it and have a few copies made for future reference and to those who need a copy mailed to them. Parents.

Most would ask why bring up the past when it is clearly in the past. Well...I never had a chance to address things in a healthy sense. All I could do was scream so one could be heard that the stress of constant bickering was far too much for me to handle when I was going through oncology treatments and far more serious issues with my health. I have learned through great counseling that screaming out of desperation is far better than just holding back that absolute desperation of trying to get things to stop. That is how people have heart attacks. By holding emotions inside for a long time. Some folks...For years. The epitome of being at your wits end of constant family dysfunction that spiraled way past the point of out-of-control. With great counseling you also learn that having feelings and expressing your emotions is perfectly fine. It is OK! I have always been told the opposite. Out of sight and out of mind. Boy! Is that the wrong way to live! As if nothing bad happens. As if...Life doesn't happen. Not everything is good nor is everything positive. As my therapist expressed to us today. "How would we all learn if we didn't go through the bad experiences in life?"

Great point!  Well taken!

Did I mention that she is a blog reader? Yes, even a great therapist likes to keep in touch with their patients outside of their office. She finds expressing emotions through writing as a very healthy and quite therapeutic way to work through the past. As I have found out by many emails and comments regarding this blog. My story is not the only story out there in this world. If you think you are alone during any given point in your lifetime. YOU are not alone. YOU are never alone. Someone else is going through the exact same point in their own journey. Why not share and care along the way?. Amen. As she even made clear, if no names are mentioned and you are as well sharing many other stories. There is absolutely no wrong in blogging ones life or the lives of many others. It is quite therapeutic! Sure, some others may not agree. That is if you are one who assumes everything written is about you. Trust me by saying, blog entries are sharing from many stories.

Today I made another realization. That when sometimes you think that your team of treating doctors is complete. There is always room for another helping hand to help you with your journey. A helping hand to help make your journey as pain-free and functional as possible! My pain management is now being taken over by my new pain management specialist who promised me today that we will find a really great combination of what works best for me. Among still working with my gastroparesis and continued weight loss. I have to be careful of what I take since my immune system still remains extremely depleted and my body doesn't absorb many drugs the way they are intended to be made for pain. So far I am doing really well taking morphine in the evening to help with the pain along with getting some really solid sleep. The problem my other doctors have is trying to figure out some sort of medication to help manage the pain while I am awake. Without making me feel like a walking zombie. I have great faith that I am now in good hands with my new specialist! It might take him a little while, but I have a feeling that 24-hour pain relief is soon over the horizon!

That means more time to paintYAYYYY!

More time to paint and cut to the chase...My past. Allowing myself time to accept and make peace. Then closing those doors permanently as they need to be. That is one thing that we can all agree on! As far as that ridiculous tape. The one intended most likely to get Eric fired. But instead his employer asked for family to never call down at the county again. Handle family matters where they need to be handled. Outside of any place of employment or business. A lesson learned that it's never OK to interfere as any sister or brother in law in a matter that is not your business in the first place. Or as a parent once said, "They need to stay the hell out of it!" It will only be time before they too get to listen to that tape. I have no desire to ever hear it again. It makes me sick.

Another lesson learned and door closed forever more.

Well...Time to paint! Then time to relax with Snoreo via thanks to a kind neighbor for a very appropriate coastal country décor gift!

AnnaB


Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 12:01 AM EDT
Updated: June 24, 2017 1:33 AM EDT
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