Now Playing: Day 2735-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
Can you believe the progress so far that we have made on our house of hidden lemons?! Thanks to those parents. The insults have done nothing but light a huge fire under our feet! We are on a ROLL!
We are right on track with the projected date of October 11th, 2017 in order to completely have this house flipped UPSIDE-DOWN!
From lemons to sweet...Lemonade!
I won't lie, because it's been a hell of a lot of work! Time consuming and extremely expensive! We no longer have any type of medical assistance from medical grants nor parents. I have appreciated the support. But when the support in turn gets thrown back in my face. Same as a benefit that was held over a decade an a half ago that also got thrown back in my face. Now I am hearing from those who attend social gatherings, once again, saying that family is telling people I am not sick. UMMMMM?... Sorry, but medical records don't lie. I was a sick infant with some serious kidney, immunity issues from the beginning. Then records showing even further medical issues with regards to future reoccurring kidney problems, infections and major GI issues. The medical mysteries have all been officially solved. My disability attorneys went above and beyond in making sure that I received every single last medical document that ever existed, through out my entire lifetime. From an infant to now. Medical documents don't lie. I have them here for anyone to read if you ever doubt what you are hearing which is far from any sort of truth. To those whom continue sitting down listening to such ridiculous mere lies. I suggest that next time you either stand up, get up and walk away. Or... take the high road. Find yourself a different social group, social gathering or social setting to attend. As an adult, what I am going through can only be seen as a result of what should had been closely monitored. Specialists should had continued handling my health care and medical issues through out my entire lifetime. To the upmost level.
But you know what... That was then. This is now. I am still dealing with medical issues. But now I have the reigns! I have been unstoppable! I solved my own case by continue to NOT stop seeking answers or the care that I so much and so well deserve. It might had taken me almost 2 years. But it is possible to help yourself. I am living, breathing proof.
There has been a lot that has transpired over the years. For any parent to make fun or tell their adult child that they have no right to be angry is not a parent by any means. We all as children or even adult children have a right to express our emotions. I have said this time and time and time and time again. IT is not only OKAY. But beyond perfectly healthy! Those who have heart attacks as a result of bottling up stress, anger, sadness or other emotions. That is what happens when you do not allow yourself the right to your emotions. NO one is a robot. We all have a right to be angry, mad, upset and even sad. I have a right to go through all of the emotions. Having any parent(s) say otherwise is not only, not okay, but it's not healthy for any child or adult child. There has been a lot that has transpired over the past several years. I do not lie. I would not lie. Nor do I plan on lying. Having any parent tell you on the phone, while yelling, saying that they would rather go to hell. Than to ever apologize for any hurt that has transpired to a child or adult child... Well...I guess some things end up in hell?. I will take my no-apologies upstairs to heaven with me. And you know what? I am perfectly A-OK with that! I now have closure. And for that...I am thankful!
I have come to a critical crossroad in my life. We can all either choose in life to be happy. Or we can choose in life to repeat the same dead-end pattern. If you live within a highly toxic, unhealthy, dysfunctional family that spins you like a never-ending washing machine cycle, and you choose to continue living in that same spinning cycle. That is your choice. Yours alone. I choose to end the rest of my journey doing everything in my God-given power to be HAPPY. Cutting that final string. I choose to live the rest of my time here on earth solely based on one thing and one thing alone.
I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY!
July signifies a critical point in my life. A time for personal growth and change. A time to take all of that so well deserved happiness and finally set myself free from the highly combative, toxic, dysfunctional white sheep. Yes, FINALLY folks! This little ole black sheep finally saw the light! BAHHHHH! I choose the road of being undeniably, never-ending, all out cheerful road to being one thing. HAPPY!
A letter in the mail that had the one thing missing that I have been searching for... For years. Once again, went missing. An apology. What I have been searching for isn't money, it isn't fame, it isn't anything. But... An apology. For any family member who is searching for an apology from any family member clearly shouldn't be perceived as asking for too much. In order to move forward in life from hurt or pain we inflict upon one another. An apology is the one step that will and I PROMISE YOU, it WILL move your relationship forward. But it must be done so from the heart. If any family members or parents ever tell you on the phone that they would rather go to hell, than ever give you an apology. Then it's time to choose. Life is about choices. You can choose to be unhappy. Or you can choose to be HAPPY! Myself and Eric choose to no longer accept the constant insults, put-downs, slanderous and quite ridiculous ridicules that most black sheep take from family. We both also refuse to be a part of or connect with any one whom holds their unborn child, young children or adult children hostage from getting the chance to meet ALL of their family. What would God think about that? I don't remember seeing it written in the bible. Did you Tammy? "Thou shall keep your unborn and newborns, all children secretly away from your family. Thou shall never allow your child or children the privilege or human right to meet their family or extended family." No this isn't suppose to be silly. We are serious. This behavior is not only, not okay, but extremely and mentally disturbing. I have had my limit on hearing things from those whom attended holiday events, social gatherings, business ventures, vacations, weddings, and even those whom have read really nasty, horrible things that were not true about myself and my spouse. For any parent who chooses to sit there and allow your son, daughter whether alone they are an adult or not, to be talked down upon by others. Then choose to be part of the insulting put-downs. I don't know how any parent could ever consider that being a good parent. That ever happens to my stepson. You better bet I will be intervening with my foot. A good...great parent sticks up for their children. Whether that child is 10 years old or 100 years old. Being a parent means putting your child or children FIRST. There are no excuses. Being a good...NAH! A GREAT parent or parents means that you take care of your children first. Your grandchildren, great-grandchildren and any other children of any one else's children do not come first. Your child or children come first. I think in this day and age, most parents forget that very thing. If you choose to have children. You then choose to be a parent to that child or children to the very end. Until your last breath.
Calling your child names, belittling your child, yelling at your child as an adult child not only destroys your chance as a parent to ever have a normal relationship with your adult child. But that adult child will end up losing their respect. As a parent, you are instilling a sense of not being loved or worthy to your adult child. I don't care what age. Being a great parent means that you learn to hold your tongue if your child ever becomes sick or is wanting to share their emotions with you. Ovarian cancer robs the body of vital hormones. Imagine levels being completely depleted. Do you expect a patient to be happy 24/7?. Do you assume that a patient does not have the right to be angry, sad, upset or depressed?. It is perfectly....normal for all of the above per any respectable oncologist. As parents, respect your adult children by allowing them to go through the changes that come with cancer treatments. BEFORE, DURING, AFTER. Being a great parent means you come second. NOT FIRST. You are not the victim when it comes to a child who was born with a medical ailment that continued on into their adult life. Slandering an adult child, putting down an adult child, belittling names to an adult child does only one thing. It ruins the relationship between parents and their child or children. Talking poorly about a parent or parents in front of young children is another huge way to destroy any type of family. Making light, poking fun or misrepresenting a family member during their times of struggle says a lot about any family member or any parent who choose to do so.
I have seen a lot. I have seen my fair share. It's been a bit too much. Today I made a choice. I have spent far too many days, hours, weeks, months and years in the same constant toxic, highly dysfunctional battle of being the black sheep. If you laugh at a family member, poke fun at a family member or tell a family member that everyone in your family of white sheep has moved on with their lives and they don't care about the black sheep family member. As any sibling. If you tell another family member or sibling that they are stupid for thinking their family cares about them over and over again. As parents, if you ever tell an adult child whom is only asking for a mere apology in hopes of moving on from hurtful actions in the past and present that you would rather go to hell, than ever apologize to your adult child. Then sooner or later, you can only expect one thing. That child, will in time, move on.
Today I choose to be nothing but HAPPY! I choose to cut that final string that has been years in the making. It took three doctors that unfortunately could not get it through my level of stubbornness that it is time to move on. When you are the only black sheep, out of an entire group of white sheep, seeking therapeutic help and ways to work through the dysfunction in hopes of finding answers. Possible even, working through the problems. It will never work nor will things ever change. It has to be a white sheep wanting to work with the black sheep effort. Not a black sheep of one. I had to learn the hard way. After another knock down, drag down fight with words on the phone this evening which is extremely unhealthy. I have made the choice to finally set myself free.
That final string has been cut.
This month I will be changing my legal name. This is my choice and a choice that I have been carefully debating over the course of the past four years. I had filed a legal name change prior to presenting the request one final time to the courts this month. But I guess you can say that there was always a little part inside me that hoped for and wished for this black sheep to fit in. When I hear from those back in high school. Saying that I always sought to find some sort of place to fit in with all the white sheep. That hurt. To realize, that here I am now, as an adult. Still trying to fit in. Still dealing with highly combatable, highly dysfunctional, toxicity. Well... It's time for a change. A long, over due change in the making!
Nothing is easy in life. If you think it is or believe that struggles never happen. Then clearly you are just fooling yourself.
Happiness. PURE, undeniable TRUE HAPPINESS begins with one person and one person only.
Or if you are a parent and insist that myself and Eric went to a recent Gene Simmons concert or a Journey concert or any other concert for solely attention or sympathy. ?????? "People read your blog and think OH GOD what is she going to write next! They say horrible things about you. No one even knows who are you are anymore!" YOU are most definitely fooling yourself. Or you secretly are a huge fan of Gene Simmons. ???? IN which...Speaking of...He has decided to extent his mere 5 private concerts to now quite a few. Free tickets that a parent says WHILE yelling on the phone. "YOU GO TO THESE CONCERTS FOR ATTENTION!" I don't lie nor will I lie in saying that I like the band KISS and Gene Simmons put on an amazing show! DARN RIGHT! I loved being able to have the chance to take amazing photos to share on this blog and having a once-in-a-lifetime chance to sing onstage. If wanting to live happy and having opportunities to see some absolutely amazing concerts in person, front row, means attention. Well then... BRING ON MORE ATTENTION CONCERTS! WOO~HOO!! But I will say that a week prior to my final scan and not being able to celebrate myself and my spouses anniversary. There are those like Deborah whom work hard to make others happy. There are also those like our friends whom paid over $450.00 per ticket, front row, to join together as a group to celebrate this place we call, "LIFE."
I suggest you do some soul searching and find some happiness of your own. As for this gal, this woman...
I choose to be HAPPY!