Mood:
happyNow Playing: Day 2625-Next GP Chapter... Turning Lemons Into Lemonade :)
SNOW!
OMG!! Can you BELIEVE IT?!
SNOW... BEAUTIFUL SNOW... WONDERFUL SNOW...
I L O V E... SNOW!!!!
LOVE~LOVE~LOVE~LOVE
It isn't even 
St. Patrick's Day, but today most certainly still felt like one very lucky day! Inside and outside!
This morning, I got my long awaited phone call in order to schedule a final procedure this week. It's been officially one year since my dental journey began and as of this week. I will finally have my NEW SMILE! YAYYYYY! I don't think anyone, except of course Eric, will truly understand how much this gal had to go through in hopes of finally having a complete smile again. It's been far too long with way too many surgical and dental procedures later, but it's finally here! The time has almost arrived! As of this week...
I WILL BE ABLE TO SMILE AGAIN! WOO~HOO!! YAYYYY!!!
The tumors may have done their fair share of damage over the past few years. Especially with new tumors found over the past 12 months, even a lower jaw tumor that took 2 separate surgical procedures to remove and unfortunately most of my lower teeth with it. I have once again not only survived, but I will finally be able to have a normal, happy, glowing SMILE! It's been a long time coming, but good things really do come to those who wait! My news might not seem like much to some folks and maybe that is because I don't take anything in life for granted. Not even my smile. I have far more respect for life by the challenges and struggles I have endured. In the end... I have not only become stronger, but I have become more appreciative for the little things in life.
The little things... THAT is what makes ME the absolute HAPPIEST! 
AMEN!
Today was a day to just relax in front of the window. Looking out at the little things in life that mean the most. The most beautiful white snowflakes slowly falling from the sky. The quietness of the world, while all was calm, as the snow continued for the remainder of the evening. These are the times that I am thankful to be alive. I don't have any regrets in my life nor would I ever change a thing. Even illness has it's own unique silver lining. It changes you and mostly... For the better. I am a far better person for the changes, challenges and all of the ups and downs.
Thank you Mother Nature for such a BEAUTIFUL SNOWY day in the country. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end this winter season. Appropriately... Angel Kisses from Heaven...
SNOW
lucky
I couldn't agree more! I know it will be a long shot, because let's face it... Anything and I mean, a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g can happen while on the road for 3 hours driving to the concert, 3 hours driving back home from the concert and even possibly, during the concert. That's life. I have to take risks from time to time in order to continue living, not just mere existing. No, not all the time, but this is a HUGE exception to the concert rule for this gal! Eric left the decision up to my doctors. Now that I have my doctors blessings, he is leaving the decision up to me. More so... My body. Now we must wait a little bit longer, actually the day before the concert in order to see how I am feeling. Internally. Mentally? You know this gal will be READY! I just hope my body will follow my mindset, onto the road and OFF we GO! 
We still have some planning ahead of us. Even a same-day road trip to the concert will take some careful pre-planning. We already have some great fur Angels taking care of Littleblue and Snoreo until we get back from the concert. Since we only expect to be gone a maximum of 9 hours, things should be fine with our fur children under watchful eyes, good hands and those with gentle hearts. I can no longer take long drives in either of our vehicles due to needing room to lay down when the nausea and pain get to be a bit too much. Thanks to Kyle at our local rental car company, the same super comfy SUV will be ours to drive for the concert. YAYYYY! Extra room, big comfy heated seats and other 'must-haves' should help make our same-day road trip a lot more comfortable! A lot more safe too! 
WOO~HOO!!! 
hug me
Time to take Littleblue for her tumor recheck. Of course, we didn't expect to have much, if any positive news. That is because Littleblue is now starting to show signs of pain. Her tumor has grown a lot since just her last recheck. Not good. It's heart breaking when our fur children become ill. Worse when it is a condition that has no cure. Cancer.
Poor Snoreo. It's like the roles have now reversed for Littleblue. She was the great big Sis for Oreo when he was very sick and reaching the end of his courageous battle. Littleblue had no one to play with for a few years while Oreo's health continued to quickly decline. Now it's Snoreo playing little Brother to his playmate, Littleblue that can no longer play. We do our best to run Snoreo's energy out at the local dog park, walks along the river trails and lots of toys that fill a huge plastic tote at home. No matter what we do, Snoreo can sense Littleblue is sick and that makes all of us very sad. 
Animals have a sense about them to know when something isn't quite right. Same goes for when one of their fur siblings become sick just as when Littleblue was there for Oreo. 
care of themselves or even others. I have yet to ever be let down by one of my beloved fur children. I receive nothing, but unconditional love from all of them. They have been here for me, more than most humans have been here for me. Sorry, but it's a fact. I know people who treat animals like a new pair of shoes. A few years go by... Then they find something new or cuter or bigger or whatever the reason to just rid a pet like a pair of shoes. These are the same folks and TRUST ME... I KNOW! The same kind of folks that treat animals the same way as they treat people in their own lives. At their discretion. At their disposal. It's no wonder that my passion for all of God's creatures, both big and small, is something that will never stop while I am here on the face of this earth. I believe my love for all animals, especially my fur children, will even go on in the after life. Until then... I will continue loving, spoiling and even caring for my beloved fur children when they become sick and start the end of their own journey. Back home to Heaven. Crossing the Rainbow Bridge. Love should never waiver, regardless if human, animal or any other living, breathing form of life. 
IS LOVE. 
special
I know... I might catch a few opinions from a few opinionated folks or two. I might also catch a few WHAT-WHAT-WHAT or two.. What happened one unexpected evening this week is not only still amazing to us and a few connected others, but it's even more amazing when you have visuals and videos to go along with it!
I might have to back the story up a bit. Actually, a little over a year ago. When a very odd turn of events and changes within the air started occurring at random times of the day. I still consider what I am able to do, A gift. A gift that started at a very young age. I can remember back then not knowing what the heck was going on as I laid in my bed and would literally not only feel, but see those present whom only wanted to relay a message. Sometimes, what I experienced wasn't very pleasant. As a young child, the gift not only was frightening, but made going to sleep virtually impossible! 
There were times that I literally would pull the sheets and blanket over my head in hopes that whomever was visiting me that evening, would see me covered up and leave me the heck alone! YEA RIGHT! It never happened, but instead it only made those even more persistent in visiting me with various messages. For decades, I hid my gift in fear that others might not believe me, but also due to the messages that were being relayed were so vivid. Some even, down right frightening! No worries for those who decide to continue reading. I am not crazy, I am not delusional and I have not lost my marbles. HAHAHAHAHA! Over the decades of trying to make sense of my gift. Those who I have not only reached out to internationally, but those who I have literally sat down with to make sense of things regarding my gift. I have met with pastors, priests and even a few who also started at a young age with their own gift. I was told, "You have a very special gift that you were given. Never be afraid to connect." Recently, just over the past year, my gift has not only gotten stronger, but I have helped assist in a few unsolved cases. This of course, not by my decision, but solely by those who have lost their life in such a senseless way. 
As a young child, I would hear a parent come home from work as a very dark shadow would quickly follow behind, up the stairs and slowly into my room. There were times that the darkness would fill up the entire room and paralyze me in fear. Some might call it, "Sleep paralysis." The problem with that theory, is that I was always awake for the same not so pleasant visits from many whom later in life I had come to realize. They only wanted an apology for dying so tragically. I always wanted to let the person know what I was not only feeling, but seeing for many years, but once again... Fear of not being believed, stopped me. Over the past decade, I have not only embraced my gift of connecting with those who have a message to relay from Heaven, but I have also made sense of those dark shadow messages that kept me frozen in fear. This is very hard to say, but I understand why those who served in the Vietnam war remain in absolute silence about their experience. Having not just one, but many souls that lost their lives, all at once, visit me as a young child is something that I will never forget. It can't be easy for either side. Those in front of the enemy line and those behind the enemy line. All I could do was listen and help them make peace of something so tragic that made no sense to these lost souls. 
During my teenage years, I began dating a guy named, Steve. I actually dated him for many years. He didn't go to my high school, but instead we met where I worked at a shoe store part-time after school and during summer break. We clicked instantly and so did my bond with his entire family. I had a very close bond with his Mother that lasted for years, until God called her back home to Heaven. Back then, I had also experienced loss within my own family. I not only was able to connect with Grandparents after their passing, but some even told me their exact location of where they were being buried. I remember telling my parents during the ride to the cemetery my Grandfathers exact location where he was being buried. Mind you, I should had not known this information, but only knew after my Grandfather had relayed the information to me. A few days after his passing. I can still remember my parents facial expressions of pure disbelief. I honestly could never make sense of why my Grandfather would share the information of his exact burial site with me, but only later would I make sense of everything. I wasn't sure if my family would understand my gift, or even accept it, but my boyfriend back in high school sure did! His beloved Mother had been bravely battling cancer for years, even before we had met. I watched her go from a super bubbly, quite happy, yet still fighting with everything she had left inside her. To a very quiet woman, yet still an amazing parent, wife and blessing to everyone who got to know her through the years. I was blessed after her passing to not only be visited by her, but to know she was once again happy, energetic and at peace in Heaven. I still visit with her during the Christmas season and place flowers on her grave. My boyfriend was very aware of my gift back then, even now decades later, as we still remain in touch.
The dime... Ahhhhh....Yes... I found them at the craziest of times. Papa Joe's children still find them as his way of still connecting with his loved ones. Even in Heaven, there is a way of communicating. The day I reached out to his son, was the day before Christmas Eve. A day I will never forget nor his son. It was tough trying to explain everything that had transpired over the course of almost a year, but I would had never changed a thing. Papa Joe's messages had far greater significance than I would had ever known. One connection with the son led to connecting with others within his family. The messages aren't just in connection with missing puzzle pieces to such a tragic, senseless death, but his messages are as well of love. A deep love for his family and friends. A message to let them know that I am never very far as he holds a very special place for everyone in his heart. As the movie that still to this very day, plays out with each visit from Papa Joe. I now relay those messages to his loved ones. Those in turn, get relayed to those involved in possibly helping to solve his case. 
During our last vacation, down south. As we were entering the airport after parking our car, I got a different kind of message. There was a car parked in front of the airport terminal door where you go to pick up passsengers. Outside of the car stood two woman. A woman assisting an elderly lady out of her wheelchair as she gave the woman a huge, loving embrace. I saw everything unfold very quickly and a stern message from a loved one, in which, I was not sure who they were, but the message was loud and clear. "Don't leave her! Please don't leave her!" It still haunts me. The image of this woman that I now know was her Mother that she was helping out of the wheelchair. Visiting her Mom out of state and a last embrace between both. A mother and a child. After the elderly woman's passing. She came to me one night, out of the blue. It completely freaked me out! I had a chance to relay a very important message. "Don't leave her! Please don't leave!" I was so afraid of their reactions to what I would possibly be telling them. I regret not giving that message, but I am thankful to know that she is happy in Heaven. Still with her daughter, just in a different way. Our spirit never dies with our body. Our spirit still lives on. Our spirit still remains.
A gift.
So... As I continue my life with a special gift. I have finally shared my gift with I am sure, some who will find it either weird, odd, skeptical or whatever you want to call it. I didn't come forward on my blog for all to believe. I don't need vailidation from what I have been gifted with my entire life. I am only hoping to share some of my experiences with others. I most definitely believe not only do our loved ones have the ability to connect with us after death, but so do our fur children. Myself and Eric went to an historic bed and breakfast a little over a year ago with a quite amazing story we shared with the B&B owners. We not only felt the presence of a cat, but we actually were able to document it on video. The playful and quite curious cat made sure his presence was known. A stand high, happy tail and dancing shadows of a cat with a spirit much as alive today. As it was for many years in a place where he still remained. At home with his owners. 
Receiving image upon image, video upon video, as fast as I could send them. The connection? Real. I don't need equipment. My gift never was given to me by equipment, if anything, the equipment is only an option to use by those who have a message to relay. A means to connecting in a way that no one on the face of this earth will ever understand. The answer I believe remains in Heaven. That evening was a very special evening as two departed souls had finally reconnected. Not only was it a magically moment, but the beginning of this blog will finally make sense as the beginning now has a end. A very happy end. 
bright
Eric's visit to a new health food market meant coming home with a few new super healthy drinks for me to give a try... bai Antioxidant Infusion-Kula Watermelon and the latest, not sure about tasting the greatest, TSAMMA-Spinach+Kale+Watermelon.
Hahahahaha! I love bai Antioxidant Infusion water, but their newest addition to the line, 'Kula Watermelon' was a bit too much for my liking. There is just something not so right with mixing watermelon, white tea and vegetable juice which equaled a not so pleasant tasting water. Hmmmm.... My favorite bai Antioxidant water is still hands down, Maui Coconut Raspberry! I have no problem drinking my fair share, but I might have to pass on the next round of watermelon meets vegetable juice and white tea. 
up~ 
rushed
Yesterday's scans=a morning of feeling tired, achy and mighty cranky! 
Once Eric got home from work. The lack of sleep, achy and mighty cranky began! Heeheeheehee! 8am, out the door to pick up our car from the body shop and drop off the super comfy SUV rental. CHECK! Not only did the body shop do an outstanding job repairing the damage done to our car, but as well had it once again looking like NEW with a nice coat of polish! SHINY~ Next it was time to get back home, grab a 2 hour nap, literally, before the duct cleaning company were on their way. This all quickly followed by the construction company to once again, excess damage to our roof and foundation from this past weeks major storms, flooding and 70 mph winds that unfortunately also ripped off sections of our roof. The wind was so strong that it also caused further significant damage to an already unstable, unsafe foundation. I won't bore you with continued detail, but as a team of 2, we are doing everything in our power to find a temporary rental home. A rental by a private owner whom isn't crossing personal information, privacy boundary lines as those we have run across that had us quickly putting a halt to our rental home search. We have learned from our attorney. "Yes, there are boundaries, even as a private rental company or private property owner. No one can access banking or medical information without your knowledge or they can be held liable." We certainly feel a whole lot better now about continuing the process of finding a rental home and a heck of lot more educated on legal boundaries of what private owners and rental companies can demand when it comes to your private information. 
Since our home suffered a lot of damage from last weeks storms, flooding and high winds. We have a lot of claims on our home that are being reviewed by our insurance company, yet another one as of with today's damage found on our roof. Yep, it never ends when prior owners sell a home that should never been placed on the open market in the first place. Amen. NO ONE asks for a seller to lie on a disclosure and sell a house that is not safe for anyone to live inside nor even to place a tent outside the property. Saying such a thing to others without having your facts straight, without a folder we would gladly lend with civil and eco engineer facts and information regarding this property, among other contractor receipts and information, is not only silly, rude and distasteful, but is far from any sort of truth.
d'oh
This morning marks another 3-month rescan and labs. Another early morning drive back over the state line. Back to Ohio. OH'NO'HIO~Heeheeheehee!
My doctors usually have me scheduled first rescan of the day and then it's off for repeat labs. Its extremely important that we arrive on time, regardless of the early morning rush hour traffic. This morning we were actually 10 minutes ahead of schedule. Talking about very happy technicians that were able to take me back within a mere moment after getting registered at the front desk. This new year brings with it, a new change with our health insurance. Eric's insurance plan with the county has completely changed to an entirely different insurance provider. Our out-of-pocket primary care physician office visits are a bit cheaper, but our out-of-pocket for hospital testing and specialist office visits unfortunately went up a bit. Our prescription copays are now a little less expensive. Go figure, after the fact of us paying outrageous out-of-pocket costs over the past several months for my Marinol. Our new insurance had just recently approved coverage for the medication. A mere $15.00 out-of-pocket for a drug, that for some reason, is no longer working for me?. 
This rescan is by no means any sort remedy for any type of cure. My 3-month rescans does not change the fact that I am past the point of any further surgical options or medical treatments, as well... Any further experimental oncology treatments. I am given the option, as a patient, to continue the rescans as a means to know what I continue to battle. New symptoms that also arise since my prior rescan can also be handled, even sometimes like today, answered by my specialists. I understand that some folks do better not knowing nor want to know their fate. As for myself, the fighter within me remains determined as ever to continue knowing my battle. I want to know why things have changed as far as new symptoms and other changes since my last rescan. 
After the final scan, we were then whisked away to find out my results. We weren't surprised to quickly learn that nothing had changed as far as the tumors. Oncology treatments not only continue to show on the big imaging screens that they royally failed, but as well there was no miraculous miracle granted to me this morning. I remain going to my every 3-month rescans expecting nothing, but at least continuing to know my battle. Knowledge is the key to survival. Knowledge is power! 
It was extremely difficult for the technicians to not only find the tumors, but even radiology had a very hard time trying to at least get some sort of measurements via side view of the tumors. The problem is just as the many surgeons, clinics and even oncology had told myself and Eric, time and time again... "Your organs are literally stuck together and wrapped tightly around the tumors. The largest tumor was nearly impossible to even target during 3D radiation treatments. It seems like we treated everything, but our main targets." 9 months later, not only are things continuing to progress, but my intestines and surrounding organs are now showing signs of suffering greatly from the radiation. My organs are now more fused together than ever before with far more scar tissue that is only making matters worse. The reason we were told that the Marinol is no longer working is because things have gotten worse over time. The zero warning, out of nowhere nausea and painful vomiting is due to my intestines having very little passage for even fluids to transit in a safe manner. If the reality of being told to avoid all solid food as much as possible wasn't taken seriously before, then clearly I need no further warnings after this mornings scans. I was told how extremely important it now is to stick to a full liquid diet due to the high risks of fatal complications with my intestines having very little passage way for anything to pass. My already watered down full liquid diet must now become even further watered down so it can somehow manage to safely transit through many feet of bowel, intestines and other organs fused together. 
surprised
The Empire House was built in 1816 by a well known steamboat captain and owner Daniel Brown. The historic hotel is located along the banks of the Ohio River. The 
Empire House offers guests a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life by blending historic charm and modern convenience. The hotel actually has 3 floors with a porch that spans the entire length of the second floor. It was a perfect way to end the evening while relaxing on a few old wooden rocking chairs. Eric was so relaxed, that he actually ended up drifting asleep while I took a few photos of the barges going up and down the river. 
During the periods between 1817-1844. The second floor of the hotel served as the first home of the Masonic Lodge. It was later used for balls, club meetings and by the Tippecanoe Club which was found by President William Henry Harrison.
Since we stayed during the week. During the hotel's slow season. The owner, Marsha had our room already cleaned, sanitized and ready by the time we walked through the front door. I have to continue remaining, as far away from germs as possible. Marsha was not only very understanding, but extremely hospitable in accommodated us. We were not only taken back by the size of this gem of a historic beauty, but the inside as well did not disappoint! It wasn't overwhelming, but tastefully done as most of the original furniture still remains through out the hotel. We even got to see actual photos of the prior owner, Captain Daniel Brown and many others who occupied the building from long, long ago. It really was like time stood still! A walk back in the day... How life used to be... The good ole days. 
We had our choice of rooms, since with it being the slow season, we chose one of the first floor rooms. One of the first original rooms built back in the early 1800's with lots of antiques, a claw foot tub and even a few modern day conveniences such as a coffee maker, small refrigerator and even a television which never got touched. That was because our bed never got touched either. Talking about the thick feeling of history that surrounds you in an old hotel like the Empire House! Even stepping foot near the bed left a really uneasy feeling that we most definitely were not alone. Not in this hotel. Not in this room. Whomever was present, clearly did not want us in their bed or even near their bed. 
So crazy, that whomever owns that bed, we firmly believe still resides in that bed. Later the next morning, we casually asked Marsha if she knew who owned the bed in the room or if the bed was bought at an estate sale. We were told that the bed and other original contents of the historic property came with it when she bought the building. Minus an old sewing machine and a few other items located through out the hotel. I wasn't sure if the owner believed in such things that we had witnessed, however, we were actually very surprised to find out that we weren't the first ones to experience a very odd feeling of not being alone. We were told that others have had similar experiences, although not in that particular room, but within other areas of the historic hotel. 
The GOOD ole DAYS!
I predicted that no-way would I get out of not having to visit my dentists for another round of dental issues. Not that last years dental work, dental repairs and oral surgeries were enough to tip the ole wallet and checkbook, WAYY OVER! Looks like I got a mere 3 month break, this new year, in order to start back where I left off last year. Anything dental is downright expensive! Even with dental insurance that barely covers anything past the typical once or twice a year cleanings and x-rays. My dental costs go well beyond the point of any dental plan and it appears that this year will be no exception to the dental rule.
YAYYYYY!