Mood:
cheekyNow Playing: Day 858-The Final Road To Survival
WOW! What a fur mess we have on our hands with Littleblue! She is starting to shed really bad now with huge clumps of hair coming out. Its back to the daily ritual of evening raking and a handy vacuum. The only good part is that this means fall and winter is just around the corner. WOOHOA! Littleblue must wait until next week to see her groomer since the owners went on vacation. Boy! are they in for a real treat when they get back with Littleblue. YIKES!!
Since Eric's birthday is this Sunday and he will be 52
we decided to celebrate early by going out this evening. Mid week means less fuss and less crowds. I also have treatment in a few days which means 4 days of recovery so this weekend is definitely out of the question. We made sure to get most of the house chores done yesterday including some yard work. Eric started his birthday early by having an afternoon at my salon, hee,hee,hee,hee...I have been cutting his hair for awhile now along with a few friends of mine in the city. I just wish I could cut my own hair, of what I have left. Everyone says I do a far better job than any salon so maybe I went into the wrong profession growing up? Nah...I wouldn't change a thing and I loved my job as a regional DM-Team Leader for almost 15 years. I do enjoy cutting hair and I don't charge because its just nice seeing others happy and feeling good about themselves. That's what counts!
Outpatient therapy hasn't been going as planned. In fact after they have reviewed my prior records and recent tests they are very leery due to my "COMPLEX CASE." Funny, I have heard that more than a few times through out the years. Today was no exception. The only thing everyone can agree on with my unique medical situation-less is truly more. With the shifting of my spine, missing discs, bone to bone small fractures not including internal problems with organs that have become paralyzed and fused together they were honest by saying at this point they are hesitant to do any type of therapy. They feel I am doing good as one can with my full plate and that any type of therapy might actually cause me more harm than good.
S I G H...
No worries though because I have learned through out the years to expect the unexpected so when I get bad news I am not let down. "A" for effort and giving things a try but its just not in the cards for me. I was given extra refills on pain medications-strong narcotics just in case although they realize I don't like taking medicine because of the side effects due to my body not being able to absorb things properly. I was warned once again that they would rather not have me driving in which I replied by saying, "I only drive when I know its safe. If I have a bad tremor/seizure or head day I don't drive." Its not like I am driving state to state seeing everything I need is pretty much within a 5 mile radius of our house. Time will tell but I sure hope my specialists don't pull my license due to uncontrolled tremors and seizures because that would be HORRIFIC! Since fall and winter is almost here it means less sunlight so less head problems. At least we are all hoping. I was blasted on my weight and low body fat. They would like to see me around 125 pounds and 23% body fat. "LIKE" is the key word but I am just doing good holding at 109 pounds and if you can't eat but five things a day which are 95% watered down liquids what do they expect my body fat to be? It won't be high. OH well...Sometimes you can't expect everyone to understand a Gastroparesis life and that even means some medical professionals. Its always been trial and error in what I consume. I don't see that changing but I did promise to "try" some other products through the pharmaceutical reps. We will see how that goes...
After running a few errands, walking the fur kids and looking at a few more potential houses in Henderson it was already time to take a shower and get ready to head out for Eric's birthday celebration. I already ordered his gift online and know hes going to LOVE IT! Hopefully I will get my second wind as the evening continues because so far I am dragging. This is Eric's night so no room for bailing out or complaining. Suck it up and deal with it GP Monsters because there is no getting out of this night. CHEERS!!
celebratory
chillin'
Guess what time it is?...LITTLEBLUE SHEDDING TIME! uggggggggggg.....
Eric has been taking a few hours each day staining the front porch and ramp. It didn't seem like that big of a job but trust me it is! I have been helping but since I can't do that much stooping I can only assist with eye level pieces of wood that need to be stained. Thank goodness the weather has been cooperating but regardless even with additional help it will still be a 2 week project. No hurry though because fall is still a month away and its better that we take our time than to rush. The porch and ramp aren't going anywhere so all in good time... We are almost done with the first gallon of stain and looks like this project might call for two more by the time we are finished.
Its relaxing since the weather has been so nice but all that cool air sure makes one tired. I was OUT early last night-or more like this morning but I needed that solid sleep. My body and brain has been BEAT!
I have received some interesting news via phone today. Eric actually got to listen to it first on the answering machine. A publisher who is also a fellow GP'er has been an active reader of the blog. I was asked not to mention names or the company for obvious reasons however I am very flattered by the offer. This blog has been a way to provide myself some therapeutic relief and I am glad to hear its also done the same for many others. At this point we have not gone over all the details just yet but I am willing to let Eric look further into the offer since it will be his baby so to speak. This isn't the first publishing company to come forward, there have been four so far over the past 18 months. Eric has been doing a lot of the blog writing recently along with five other fellow GP'ers since lately spending over an hour online has been spiking my tremors. My specialists also agree on cutting down online time to see if it helps calm things down. They have all been super supportive in assisting me not just with the blog but also the Gastroparesis Awareness Campaign website. With the third annual "United GP Walk" just a few months away things will be busy so its been a blessing to have all the extra help!
d'oh
Thankfully when I got up around 7am I remembered to set my cell phone alarm but not like that mattered seeing some late night stress that "tries" to surround me in this city once again failed. Its like someone once told me, "After awhile the same behavior becomes so repetitive that you get used to it." If this was Vegas and a game of craps we would be multi-millionaires by now! Its been amazing the amount of support from everyone in order to help me move forward by making important changes in my life. Its hard when you still want to see the good in people. That continues to be my biggest problem. If I am to keep a blog about my life I would be lying to myself if I said it is filled with roses and candy cane lanes. Life doesn't work like that and if so we would all be living in a black & white world with no color to make things interesting. AMEN. Making a huge move out west has always been a dream of mine for when I am in my late 50's however I feel pushed by bad behavior of others in the name of keeping my sanity to make the move earlier so the constant stress doesn't literally kill me. Sad facts.
OH WELL...Live, learn, move forward and accept that sometimes no matter how many times you try, try, try to work things out sometimes things are unworkable.
Looks like the remainder of this evening will be filled with catching up on so many shows that are on the DVR that I might not have time to think about new hobbies. Hahahaha! The fur gang don't mind though because after Oreo's day at the doggie salon he is ready to CHILL OUT! Heeheeheehee...
The nice thing about living out in the desert is zero humidity and very, very cool evenings. With Las Vegas being just a 10 minute hop, skip and jump away it will also be nice with my VAMPIREEEEEEE lifestyle because everything is open 24/7. BONUS! It will be an all around perfect fit. AMEN! 
I would love a ranch style house. Lots of windows with big open floor plans have been nice to see for a change. With so many houses to look through I was mentally exhausted by 5pm so we both took a break. Eric has been working on staining the front porch and ramp this weekend. I expect it to take at least two weeks. Since the wood has yet to be stained it might take a double coat so thank goodness for having friends in the city offering to help. We were able to head up to our local park today so I can work this last treatment down my paralyzed insides. I have done my first of many steps learning to mentally tune out any stress which made a HUGE DIFFERENCE when it came to this treatment! Looks like I will have three good days for this upcoming week and just in time to celebrate all the positive life changes heading our way. WOOHOA!!
We have been getting so many kind cards, letters and gifts from my GP (Gastroparesis) family that I wanted to say this evening, "Thank you to everyone!" You are all super sweet and I am very blessed to have you in my life. Thank you GP Dad-Joe, GP Mom's Janet & Arline too for all your guidance and support. Thank you KimAngel and family for the beautiful frames and the fur kids gave a paws up on their treats. I finally got the last one filled this evening. We have one on the fireplace mantel and the other one hanging up in the dining room. They fit perfectly with the decor!
Hopefully with the move we will be in a perfect location out west to finally meet many of the GP family. Thank you once again to everyone for lifting my spirits and brightening our days! 
Xoxoxoxoxo
Yep, its that wonderful time again. DRANO TIME! UGGGG...
In between glasses of Drano I got out my paper and drew two separate columns then started weighing the pros and cons that are a must in order to make important life changes. After finishing I took a step back and thought to myself, "WOW!" On this side I have many negative things and this side I only have one positive thing. Not good! It all makes sense now when you step outside your own shoes and see what your stress/anxiety triggers have been for quite sometime. It didn't make me angry or upset but I felt a bit foolish because as told I have been enabling some very bad and inappropriate behavior. I must now make life changes in order to remove myself from the stress in the city until our big move out west. Thankfully no anxiety attacks today for this gal because when you know your triggers its important to do everything in your power to acknowledge them and then move on. 
If I can apply that same strength to other aspects of my life in order to finally have some peace then it will make a world of difference for #1-ME. 
chatty
We both were out like a light last night and slept HARD! Make that ALL of us because even Littleblue didn't want to get up once the cell phone alarm went off. Today is the last of my doctors appointments. WOOHOA! This week has been so crazy and UFO that I can't figure out what day we are on. It seems like we just ended the weekend and tomorrow is already Friday.
Talking about life making a full circle. Hahahaha! Once I finished filling out all the new patient forms (although I was far from new-maybe new since it has been 7 years since my last visit) they called me back to the room. It was the same doctor and the first words spoken were, "I made a full circle. I seen you almost 7 years to this date when you figured out the great medical mystery. Internally. If it wasn't for you flagging my doctors and surgeon they would had never known my stomach stopped working. After a few nuclear studies I was quickly diagnosed with Idiopathic Gastroparesis." His first reply was, "Wow, that is amazing! Well good to see you again!" 
It was a great and extremely informative first or more like second visit however it will be my last because he figured out this other great medical mystery. It didn't take him but under 2 hours to confirm that I don't have any mental problems but I am suffering from PTSD and anxiety attacks due to relentless stress caused by some around this city. Things had finally come to a boiling point and the body as well brain can only take so much. I honestly have been doing the right and healthy thing which is to separate myself from the drama and stress. In my unique medical situation it can be destructive and dangerous. Its also causing me to now constantly change my weekly treatments. Thank goodness I am smart enough not to do treatment when stress is knocking at my door, phone or email. Since we clearly know my triggers, the next step is to get my anxiety and stress under control. This might take awhile because you can't unravel years over night. Patience is a must and together we will come up with a game plan in order to not further jeopardize or risk my fragile health. 
I am rotating with the season and so is my sleep. "We" didn't get to sleep until 6am. Me-because I was having a bad GP moment. Eric-because his body is so used to working third shift that he wasn't tired. 
Rash. Another dear fellow GP friend is also experiencing the same problem but she gets hers after consuming Magnesium-Citrate/clean outs. I am getting them during and after in no specific order but at least now I have an answer to the strange pop up rashes. So far they seem isolated to only the abdominal area but I was told if they spread I would need to head to the hospital. Hey! I have had far, far, far enough ER visits in my lifetime so hopefully it will never get to that point. For now I was told once again to not do treatment until tomorrow. I was also advised to continue using ice packs through out the day and was given an anti-inflammatory drug. Much like the other rashes it will resolve once my internal battle calms down. 
Since we didn't get much sleep today once we did lay back down and my cell phone alarm went off it was already 4:25pm. GEES! Talking about a wasted day! It could had been a short non-productive day but instead we both kept busy so my mind could be free. Eric finished staining the side patio and started working on the front porch. I opted for some projects inside the house and by the time we were both finished it was already 8:30pm. Not bad for a short day. Hahahaha! At least Mr. Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug got another break but it can't last long enough. Tomorrow is a new day, a new doctors appointment and another round of treatment. Well at least hopefully one out of two won't be bad!
lyrical
This evening I finally felt comfortable enough to go back to the local park. Once we pulled up and started making our way to the side walk we were greeted by two feather friends. Frank & Mike. My how fast they have grown! It was so nice to see them along with the other geese. I still feel horrible that they could not rescue and rehabilitate Miss Goose but I know she is no longer in pain. Eric says, "That one single goose the other day was her finally flying free because you let her live again." I hope she is watching over the baby rabbits too in a safer place called, "Heaven."