Mood:
d'ohNow Playing: Day 850-The Final Road To Survival
I am rotating with the season and so is my sleep. "We" didn't get to sleep until 6am. Me-because I was having a bad GP moment. Eric-because his body is so used to working third shift that he wasn't tired.
My heating pad and heat wraps have sure been put to the test lately and I hope they continue so I don't have to go back to feeling like a Zombie on pain medication. Not that getting to sleep at 6am isn't bad enough but at 9:00am I woke up in a huge sweat. I got up and went to the bathroom only to see the same darn abdominal rash I have been experiencing over the past few years. Since my Oncologist/Hematologist wanted me to take a few pictures and call his office next time I got the same rash I did both. After we got off the phone I was advised to take my blood pressure, temperature, blood sugar and peak flow-measuring my lung capacity. Since the rash was still present as well the sweats and chills he had me see my other doctor who is closer to my house. So....FINALLY today they were able to figure out these strange rashes which are tied to my compromised immune system. Since most of your immunity is based in your intestines and mine no longer work you can experience flair-ups or as he said, "Disturbances-Red flags" that your body is in battle mode and what is happening on your insides can actually show on the outside. 
Rash. Another dear fellow GP friend is also experiencing the same problem but she gets hers after consuming Magnesium-Citrate/clean outs. I am getting them during and after in no specific order but at least now I have an answer to the strange pop up rashes. So far they seem isolated to only the abdominal area but I was told if they spread I would need to head to the hospital. Hey! I have had far, far, far enough ER visits in my lifetime so hopefully it will never get to that point. For now I was told once again to not do treatment until tomorrow. I was also advised to continue using ice packs through out the day and was given an anti-inflammatory drug. Much like the other rashes it will resolve once my internal battle calms down.
Since we didn't get much sleep today once we did lay back down and my cell phone alarm went off it was already 4:25pm. GEES! Talking about a wasted day! It could had been a short non-productive day but instead we both kept busy so my mind could be free. Eric finished staining the side patio and started working on the front porch. I opted for some projects inside the house and by the time we were both finished it was already 8:30pm. Not bad for a short day. Hahahaha! At least Mr. Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug got another break but it can't last long enough. Tomorrow is a new day, a new doctors appointment and another round of treatment. Well at least hopefully one out of two won't be bad!
lyrical
This evening I finally felt comfortable enough to go back to the local park. Once we pulled up and started making our way to the side walk we were greeted by two feather friends. Frank & Mike. My how fast they have grown! It was so nice to see them along with the other geese. I still feel horrible that they could not rescue and rehabilitate Miss Goose but I know she is no longer in pain. Eric says, "That one single goose the other day was her finally flying free because you let her live again." I hope she is watching over the baby rabbits too in a safer place called, "Heaven."
chillin'
It would only be for 4 weeks but heck! 4 weeks would give this gal enough of a break to revamp/recharge my tired body and brain. My doctors also agree that I really need to clear my head and maybe that will help the horrible anxiety caused by this cities relentless stress. For now they don't think its a good idea flying but when it comes to driving they are leaving that decision up to me. We would have to stop every hour and walk around so my spine doesn't lock up but I really should give this amazing offer from my dear friend some serious consideration! Eric has plenty of vacation time and we could bring the fur kids. Two of his friends in the city said they would come over and watch the kitty gang. We could even leave early if need be because I highly doubt I could stay the entire four weeks. Maybe one if I am lucky! Gabe left the offer on the table and said, "Its all yours if you want to get away because I think you both really need a break."
AMEN! AMEN!
Xoxoxoxo 
down
This is going to be a short blog for today... Just feeling drained out, stressed out, anxiety overload and B L A H... It might be a good thing I have two appointments this week and one is a new doctor who will help to get my head back on straight and better control the horrible anxiety attacks that seem to be taking over my life. They believe there was a significant trigger that started the attacks almost two weeks ago and sadly they haven't let up. The new medication for my seizures is suppose to calm down brain activity which helps control seizures but of course, "No Dice!"
Today was a very close day to finally bid farewell to the rest of my fragile hair but instead I decided to give it a few more weeks. Hair is hair and I have been losing so much due to not being able to absorb nutrients properly through out the years on top of the side affects with treatment that I doubt it will bother me much. When its time "I" will decide and make that final decision not the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug. We both vowed this evening to never allow anyone who doesn't believe I am sick or doubts my condition to ever be welcome in our home. I have felt this way for quite some time but finally I have decided the time has come to quit providing endless FACTS and instead exclude those who feel the need to put their blinders on. Yes! it does infuriate my specialists and rightfully so however I don't have time to keep providing facts and trying to explain my unique medical condition over and over again to anyone who refuses to listen. I am tired of wasting my time and I don't have time to waste on nonsense when I could be doing something else instead that makes me happy not upset. AMEN.
sad
It must be how life works but DARN sometimes it just isn't fair and I even start to question my faith...
The first part of my NOT AT ALL good of a day was receiving a phone call from the Ranger station at our local park. If you recall we have been feeding an injured female goose while walking at the park over the past few weeks and they were going to have a rescue group come to get her some help. INSTEAD the call turned into my first of many SAD events today. The Sergeant explained that the goose was injured as we had been telling them the past few weeks however once they got a closer look the female goose was also getting very lethargic and couldn't walk any longer or eat. She also couldn't get into the water. The worse part was seeing kids while walking who should know better (including their parents) tormenting the poor goose by throwing rocks or running after her. Trust me by saying for weeks it had been testing my own patience and I played "KID COP" more than my fair share of times. They had a few naturalists who work for the county also look at the goose as well talking things through with a couple of other animal experts. Sadly they had to come to the decision to put her down due to her suffering. 
S A D....
I LOST IT!!!! 
Being so upset I took a pair of pink gloves and picked up the mangled bodies of the babies then went inside because I remembered I had a little Angel box that was small enough to place them in. What I didn't realize until an hour later was that this same Angel box had a little Angel on it sitting next to two rabbits. Eric found that very ironic. Since we had wood left over from the shelter he made yesterday I took two pieces and made a cross and painted it sky blue. I kept the two baby bunnies by my side in that Angel box until later in the evening when the sun started to set. It was time to say goodbye and I picked some pretty colorful wildflowers and placed them along with the Mom's fur and some hay to protect them. I left it up to me when to bury them seeing this was a very emotional and sad day but I knew the time had come and I kissed the tiny box small enough to hold in the palm of my hand and said goodbye. It wasn't easy in fact I cried, cried and cried again. Its hard when your sick and you lose everything. Not all at once but over time. It wears on your heart and your soul. Life sometimes isn't fair and it can be extremely cruel. 
One hour you are up! The next hour you are down! Only with Gastroparesis can you be fine one second then in the ER the next. It's no wonder I can't predict anything and forget planning ahead anymore. It doesn't exist.
Once I was finally able to catch a break with the pain Eric took the fur kids out for a walk at the park and on his way back he found a cute little nest of baby rabbits but in a bad spot-the front yard under a small bush. Since he knows my deep love for all wildlife he quickly headed up to the local hardware store and bought some wood to make a protective area for the babies. There are two baby rabbits but they don't have their eyes open just yet so they must be only days old. I love animals and always have my entire life. They are the only things that seem to bring me happiness anymore since I am limited being sick. I can't wait to watch them grow up and finally be on their own. After a nightmarish 24 hours I sure needed a reason to smile and they made my day!
happy
We have finally be able to catch up on some much needed rain the past few weeks although its still very dry and the bushes in the front are already dropping their leaves. What hasn't been starving are all the darn weeds this year. GEEZ! Once you cut them back it seems only days later they return with avengeance. Sometimes I have a "denial moment" and believe maybe, just maybe it was all a bad dream and I am normal again. Its in these moments and lapse of thinking that tend to always get me into trouble. 
Ten minutes into "thinking" I could help with the yard work wearing my trusty mask and dark sunglasses instead turned into me about passing out in the backyard instead of helping to clean it up. NOTE TO SELF: NOT TOO SMART! It was a good thing my better half was outside with me and noticed my face turning bright red. Needless to say there won't be anymore bright ideas or lapse of judgment for this gal. That's the hard part living with a medical condition that is not only ruthless but you can never determine one minute from the next. My brain still wants desperately to be normal but my body begs to differ. Same with yesterday and sitting for way too long because last night my spine was suffering the consequences and so were my intestines. Today is all about keeping my body moving without having a heat stroke. DUH ON ME!
By the time we were all ready to head home there were only three cars left in the parking lot. OURS. Hahahahaha! You know us VAMPIREEEEEEEEES......We tend to be awake at night and sleep during the day. Hey! that's life. My LIFE for ya! We both had a nice time but all good things must come to an end and this gal was EXHAUSTED! Once we got back home my better half did all the night time chores getting my couchbed ready and taking the fur kids outside for one last walk. Needless to say there won't be any sheep counting tonight!ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ........ 
hug me
Most people dread Mondays but not this gal! 
that I have only seen twice and a little Barbie Angel girl that is going to grow up to be a beautiful princess.
I couldn't had planned a better visit! Eric said, DITTO!!