Mood:
not sureNow Playing: Day 840-The Final Road To Survival
Here we go again folks....Nothing more ANNOYING than having to once again prove to others that I am SICK. The best part of proving this FACTUAL information is when the courts keep records of your SSD hearing. The down side is the continued mental anguish and overwhelming stress once again that I have to endure due to others. More like, "Lack of education and awareness." What I "should" be doing instead is focusing on my health which is #1 priority but instead I am once again having to dig up my past in which I found it literally came full circle. How so you may ask? In the pile of records from my attorney I came across some medical records in which I was told I "might" want to look at when I have some time. Time? Plenty of it seeing I don't get out much when your drinking Drano then battling the aftermath for the next five days. What I came across was not only shocking but extremely sad FACTS. Fact-I was not just a sick infant but a sick adolescent. Fact-I had GI disturbances through out my entire life. Now finally the surgeons FACTS had finally made sense! The questions that still remained unanswered are where is the biopsy reports and where are the specialist reports since I would had been referred to a GI specialist as a child?... Right? Ummm?... Could had things been prevented decades ago? Answer-possibly. Its not a mystery any further wondering how nerves in my GI organs had mysterious just stopped working. Between medical reports that dated back as a young child on top of the list of my severe GI problems per FACTUAL SSD reports have finally started to make sense for not just my doctors but most importantly ME. I have been sick all of my life and sick means the GI road/path that progressed now into my adulthood.
After reading through a third of my records all Eric could do was highlight the damning facts and hug me. Its horrible enough to once again be accused from Aliens (Since I have to wait to figure out next week what names I can say or plural content) but also once again having to defend myself with FACTS amidst just finding out I was born into this world as a sick child and there are missing puzzle pieces yet to be explained. Why didn't anyone let my specialists know the extend of constant GI problems through out the course of my life? The rest of the day left me feeling nothing but B L A N K. The saddest part is maybe I wasn't made aware of my childhood being sick?.. Trust me, I remember some but most is buried behind closed doors in my brain. I'm not sure at this point with the relentless stress that continues in this city if its a good idea to continue reading the rest of the medical records so instead others are going to read the rest through out the week. S I G H...
If anything good to come out of this nightmare is that now all 17 specialists have factual proof not just a "feeling" that my GI problems started decades ago and they always said, "There is no turning back." Its no wonder surgeries never worked and my condition continued to progress out of control which now involves numerous organs. It might be good God made a fighter when he made me because the weak would had already caved in a long time ago!
FACTS for any one who wants to challenge once again that I am not sick because I am SICK of defending myself on FACTS:
The claimant has the following severe impairments: bowel dysmotility disorder, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic abdominal pain, depressive disorder, hypotension, syncope with migraines, cervical and lumbar spine degenerative disease/changes, Idiopathic Gastroparesis, chronic pain, seizures, trouble sleeping and worsening of issues of chronic pain and gastrointestinal issues, which can be "very" distressing.
The claimant's gastrointestinal tract does not function properly. Further, the claimant is limited to eating only certain soups and liquid foods and is down from a beginning weight of 170 pounds to 117 pounds on March 26, 2010.
FACT: Now I am down to 108 pounds after my intestines are cleared with Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug on a two jugs per week treatment basis.
Last FACT in order to defend myself from those in the city who doubt I am sick: The undersigned finds that SANTA CLAUS (Since I have to wait a week in order to find out if I can use the word JOESMOO) is well qualified to render an opinion as to the severity of the claimant's condition. SANTA CLAUS'S opinion is strongly supported by the evidence from the treating sources, and is consistent with the objective and other evidence of record. SANTA CLAUS also referenced treating source records in the file (ARM LENGTH) dated from April 2008 which report that the claimant has had multiple medical issues for which she has undergone a series of several studies and treatments, including recent referral for a second opinion from a specialist in another state (Exhibit 47F). UPDATE-Make that three clinics.
(For those who don't know, they don't hand out SSD for free. The Social Security Act does state in one of a few FACTS that disability or a combination of impairments can be expected to result in death.)
So....After two seizures within the past five days there are now two doctors appointments for this coming week along with a new temporary (my doctors are hoping) specialist who will be desperately helping me to control the anxiety attacks I have been experiencing for the past week due to hellish stress. This of course isn't from my Idiopathic Gastroparesis or connected problems. My "Hero", "Caregiver", "Stronger-Half" and "Baton-Handler" is still standing strong and holding his ground (make that my ground too). Yes, no one knows quite how he does it but guess what? He does and for that he deserves an award of high honor! AMEN!! We have been receiving an overwhelming out reach of support this weekend from friends and GP family in and out of state. Thank you to those who have stopped by to bring homemade goodies and for this gal the amazing homemade cream soups!! YUMMMMMM! Diane, (since she gave me permission to use her name and would rather not be called Mrs. Santa Claus) let's just say I am keeping the recipe! Thank you also to my loving and supportive "Caregiver-Hero-Supporter's" friends around the city and at work who stand strong by our side offering endless support. It goes to show you there ARE STILL GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD and thank the Good Lord for that! 
quizzical
This is going to be an educational blog this evening folks so get out your pencils and pens.
celebratory
hug me
d'oh
Oh well....All I can do is continue doing the best I can do and at least my specialists totally understand! They don't want to go the tube or IV route seeing my compromised immune system couldn't handle any line infections. That would only make things a million times worse for me and for them! Lately I am just flat out TIRED but its only to be expected. Friends were over today and even commented on the fact I didn't look so good. Maybe since I see myself in the mirror everyday I don't see the changes as much unlike others who don't see me on a daily basis. I still respect their honesty because I can't deny the fact that if my insides are changing and not for the better my outer appearance will also in time suffer. Thank goodness for hair care products, wigs and make up but sometimes you can't always hide the bags and darkness under your eyes.
chillin'
Campbell's healthy choice low sodium cream soups now taste more like watersoup with a hint of flavor. I tried tomato the past few days which takes me 2-3 days just to consume one can seeing I have to add so much water that one can now becomes two. It honestly has about 5% tomato taste and 95% water. I was given the heads up to attempt my next treatment tomorrow seeing today I wasn't feeling well with the constant intermitten pain followed by severe fatigue and darn seizure aura. I'm not used to taking more than one nap through out the day but let's be honest by saying my body is officially B E A T!
At least I was able to do some walking later this afternoon followed by a final walk with Eric and the fur kids this evening. Any little bit of help from gravity counts for us GP'ers.
My GP Angel Eliana got a late birthday gift from her ole GP Auntie Aunt today via mail. I am so glad she really loves her rainbow wall maker. TOO CUTE! I told her Mom this evening that if Eliana wakes up and finds a pot of gold in her room then this gal is getting one for herself! Hee,hee,hee...Eric thinks it would be a great idea to buy one for little Erik although I have a hunch I will be making the most use of it. Anything to soothe the soul during bad GP days and who doesn't love rainbows?!
It's a HUGE relief for both of us!! The new white stones also match the seashells I have around the landscaping from prior years vacationing down south in Florida. I can't wait for fall to enjoy our homemade sandbox in the backyard we made last year.
Hopefully by then the temperatures will be much cooler and the honeysuckle bushes the neighbors butchered way too far back will be taller for some much needed shade. I also can't forget another reason why I love fall because it means plenty of relaxing evenings by the firepit. A H H H H...
One of my friends here in the city has been enjoying some down time with his Son taking in a few local Red's games. It would be great to join them but he totally understands I just can't do the heat with my Gastroparesis. The last time I did see a game was when I went with his amazing family and I remember having a blast! This of course was yearsss ago. Oh...the things I sure miss doing before I was sick...It can be down right depressing if you let it and frustrating as all heck too! I am sure many other patients can relate with the lack of energy and complete change of life. Its overwhelming at times but I still do my best to find other things in life to enjoy like watching my new wildlife kid outside. Yes, instead of Mr. Groundhog we officially named him "Mr. Happy" today because no matter how bad of a day you might be having just seeing this cute and huge ball of fur is enough to make you smile. Mr. Happy is getting so used to us and his daily feedings of Cheerios and Carrots that this afternoon he came within 8 feet without even flenching. Now that is TRUST! Since he lives in the front of the house we make sure to keep Oreo and Littleblue on a leash when letting them outside. When they play in the backyard we first do a complete walk around before letting them out just in case Mr. Happy is chomping on the grass. 
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vegas lucky
Gastroparesis should have another name called, "RUSSIAN ROULETTE." If this darn weekly Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment had a name it would be called, "RUSSIAN ROULETTE THE EXTENDED VERSION." 
Yes, she is still in Mommy-Mode which now makes her stuffed animal puppies 2 weeks old as of today. Hee,hee,hee...Shes still cute as ever and also continues to help her own Mom from thinking about the constant pain of her twisted organs by staying closely to my side. 
down
Brian and his family came in town Thursday evening but of course when I make plans in advance they never turn out as expected. At least they were able to enjoy the Reds game that I could only "wish" I attended. This was a great weekend to go out and catch a much needed break but with Gastroparesis always expect the unexpected. I guess this time around I choose the optimistic route and I was sadly disappointed. Tomorrow they head back home down south to Texas. Brian hopes we can visit within the year but right now what he doesn't know is I am still trying to test "any" long distance trip just in a car. I try to keep certain aspects of my various limitations due to my unique medical condition to a minimum when it comes to friends. I learned from those around the city just like the ole female friends that when I was honest in what I experience medically I was only then poked fun of so now I have my guards back up. 
On a day when I would had rather just stayed on my couchbed instead involved lots of walking in order to continue getting this FLIPPIN treatment moving. Eric is already starting to get exhausted from the constant walking and so is my poor body. My brain is the only thing that keeps me moving and motivated. Must be the Angels that surround me telling me to not give up. I'm glad my brain continues to listen. This doesn't stand for a VIP parking spot that allows medical patients to park close. Today it stands for: VIP-VERY IRRITATED PATIENT. 
LONG LIFE RIDE! AMEN WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!!
Today after a few rude awakenings I have decided to pass the baton onto my dear Hubby who gladly said, "NO problem!" Let's just say I have a big enough battle on my hands being sick and dealing with the constant changes due to my Idiopathic Gastroparesis in which none are positive. I don't have time to keep holding up the walls built by others who are trying to take me down. Take for instance old female friends here in the city that I haven't seen in over 13 years who some how take enjoyment in making "fun" of me on the ole never ending gossip site, "Facebook." Yes, the same social network that to this day I say is, "Trouble waiting to happen." I am guilty of recently re-activating my page in order for Eric to stay in touch with those who would need to know if something would ever happen to me. It has also come in handy keeping others updated on the 3rd annual "United GP Walk" however... Unfortunately its also a damning place to find out about those so called female friends from years ago who instead of recently caring about my well being only added onto the wall by making a mockery of me and my health. The one I have been holding up until day. Now the baton has been handed off along with the wall. 
Once we parked and walked near the lake here came the little ones as they quickly waddled their way towards our feet. What a priceless life event to experience two orphaned ducks working past their struggles in order to find acceptance by other feathered friends. Sometimes the best things in life you truly can't buy. AMEN!