Mood:
chillin'Now Playing: Day 822-The Final Road To Survival
FINALLY! After dealing with the non-stop family stress for two days in a row even after they were told I HAVE to do treatment I was finally able to play Drano catch up today.
THERE IS A GOD!
I didn't need to have a plane pick me up and take me to GP Island I just needed to know I have thousands of people who have my back and love me enough to protect and direct us both in the right direction. THANK YOU!! Eric also said, "THANK YOU AND THE SHELL FINALLY GOT AWAY FROM THE NUTS." Hee,hee,hee,hee...
One of my best buddies in the city also got a bit inspired by me finally taking the bull by the horns that he too started on a new journey letting go of someone who hurt him and his Son in the past. He told me, "Like yourself it was a long time coming but when its the right time you just know." I am very proud of him and together we continue to support one another on our new life journey without the stress, without the constant harassment but instead with open eyes and a lot more wisdom! CHEERS TO THAT!! It takes time to heal when you are constantly being bullied by family and when its been going on for years it can also take years to recover. I sure hope my dear friend and his Son are in a much better place emotionally and in time they can be at peace again.
I have taken a second step today in my healing process. I now belong to a grief support group that helps people cope with the loss of family. Some members have lost family due to death, incarceration and abandonment. It wasn't just the support group learning that I am far from alone but also by the outpouring of those around me who over the past few days have shared their own stories of family walking away and turning their backs. I have mentioned quite a few times on my blog that I should had been born in the 30's or 40's when family used to act like family. In this new turn of the century it seems family no longer consists of blood but instead are made up of strangers who love you unconditionally and whether you know it or not no matter what they will ALWAYS have your back. AMEN.
The first word of advice the past few days from friends, GP family and the grief support group was to do the best I can of getting away from the past. Putting all the reminders of hurt to the side so I can let my soul finally heal. Let's just say we took their advice this afternoon and Eric helped me clean out things that were reminders of those in my life who are now part of my past who have hurt me for many years, belittled me, bullied me, chastised me, harmed me, threatened me and my health. Once I am finished of getting rid of all the reminders can I then continue taking steps to peace and happiness. We don't plan on taking them out west but keeping all the bad memories left here in Ohio where they belong. I have wasted many years of my life that I will never get back on hoping family would change but what I should had done was change myself a long time ago by walking away. Its going to take time but each step will make a huge difference.
I still have my Will, Power Of Attorney and other legal issues that will need to also change. Most wouldn't think to ask themselves if they were in an emergency situation would they want the same people who have caused them stress and harm to be by their side? What about at your own funeral? I have found out today through guidance that I have the right to make those decisions in life and even after death.
Let's just say for now I need to handle this second step making the appropriate changes proceeding forward to better days. Stress-FREE! CHEERS to a great first start today-Day 1!!
"Never, never be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well-being of a person or animal is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way. -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
celebratory
If anything "good" came out of this Freddy Kruger nightmare is I am BLESSED to be alive because as stated by a health professional this afternoon, "The stress could had killed you." AMEN! Now for once I can go back to writing about life with Gastroparesis and my NEW LIFE flying solo with Eric, my fur kids and all my amazing, kind, compassionate, loving and supportive friends who have always been like family to me. Thank you to those who have always had my back and to God who made me who I am today, "A FIGHTER."
bright
Why thank you Mr. Deer and wildlife gang. I am sure the peaches were just TASTY as can be! Hee,hee,hee... The peach tree is now officially peach-less. The only ones who will be getting any homemade peach pie are the wildlife who either ate them or saved them for baking. Hahahaha! Eric was shocked because as of yesterday we at least had half of the peaches still left on the tree. This evening it was an official peach BUST. Oh well... Glad at least someone got to enjoy them and it gives me reason to "not" blow my liquid diet.
Since this was another beautiful and less hot/humid day we had additional work done on the new gutters. Hopefully the rain will hold off for a few more days so they can continue finishing things up. Its been a longgggggg time comin! The new wildflower beds have been taking off and we have all sorts of new colorful blooms. I haven't seen too many butterflies this year but maybe with the flowers starting to bloom we might start seeing more. Wildflowers also attract hummingbirds. BONUS! 
Once the sun started to set we got the car loaded up and headed to the park. The baby ducks are doing amazing and even have a few other older Malard babies who took them under their wings. The other four adult male white ducks have been hanging around them and even the injured female goose. It was nice to see they all accept one another. The female goose seems to be getting around a bit better although she still suffers from an injured leg due to people leaving fishing line around the park grounds. She must had gotten caught in it but we are hoping soon enough either the park Rangers get her help or she is able to slowly bite the rest of the line off her leg. She has to hop around but is doing the best she can while being injured. There has been quite a few times we have come across young kids throwing rocks or tormenting her. Call it a "SPECIAL DISABLED BOND" because although I might not be one of the wildlife I am still human and understand first hand what its like for people to torment and try to hurt you when you are already down. People should raise their children and start them off young on how to respect the wildlife, not try to hurt them. Eric says they need "Kid-Cops" because I would be a great one! I told him if they ever came up with such a thing I would be the FIRST in LINE! AMEN! I have policed more kids at the park than what I would like to say who are left unattended trying to harm wildlife while their parents who clearly don't know how to watch their kids nor maybe should had thought first about having any sit back and don't do a darn thing. Once I speak up I have yet to see anyone take over. Maybe I am a "Kid-Cop" already and just don't know it but all it takes is one time for the menacing kids to understand me and I get my point across. I don't take people tormenting people and I sure won't take people tormenting animals. You can't feel sorry for anyone young or old who gets bit due to their actions and sheer ignorance. People have a right to defend themselves when sick or injured and so do the animals. I sure won't be the first to offer assistance when we finally see someone get bit but I will be the first in line by saying, "I told you so." 
sharp
Here we are once again waiting to see how many fur babies Littleblue will be having this time around.... After her last heat she had 10 hedgehog puppies. So far she has 11 various stuffed animal fur babies and its only been two days! Hee,hee,hee,hee... No. We aren't talking real puppies but don't tell Littleblue that because if you ask her she will tell you otherwise. She is too cute and such a good Mommy to her stuffed animal fur babies. Very protective too!
We were suppose to get rain today but instead we got clouds and wind. The good part was the wind helped cool things down. We finally were also able to walk at the park later this evening to check up on the baby Malard and white duck. Once Eric pulled the car up to park I looked down by the lake and saw both of the baby ducks laying near the other ducks and geese. Isn't wildlife amazing that when babies are abandoned by their family others will take over and protect them? We were both beyond RELIEVED to see them being accepted and even better was when we went to feed them. They must had learned to eat bread from watching the adult ducks. Thank goodness they are doing really good and I can't wait to visit them again.
don't ask
What most don't understand about the ramifications of stress is the consequences it can leave on a fragile body. Ask my insides just what stress can do after getting only four hours of sleep from family causing more unnecessary stress then having sugar levels spike within a short time. We let things go until my sugar readings kept getting higher into the 170's along with feeling dizzy and the sweats. My doctors have already warned me on numerous occasions to stay away from any stress because it can unravel the hard work they are doing to keep me out of trouble. I guess it takes having just one organ act up to actual heed the warnings. Eric also got a first hand look today at what stress can do to a body that is already fighting enough battles. 
After a sleepless-night, long afternoon getting checked out and finally having doctors sit down not "asking" but telling me "The stress will have to stop and those causing stress will need to stay out of your life before the stress ends up becoming your demise," we came home a heck of a lot smarter and wiser. Eric of course had a few other family battles to attend while I layed down on the couch to finally rest. Needless to say I am B E A T! I slept until 11:45pm and here I am right back up again. Instead of only checking my blood sugar once a day I will now need to check it three times a day. My doctors are always concerned when my body throws out of no where a new symptom. Prior medical records show a minimum warning when one of my organs stop working. I need my pancreas in order to survive so I take this "NO stress" warning EXTREMELY seriously. Eric has grown tired of the relentless stress and rightfully so which has him also taking the necessary means to make it stop once and for all. 
not sure
Here comes the HOT HOT HOT weekend! Bring on the snow I say! Even the kitty gang must be thinking the same thing after waking up to find their holiday snowman cat nip toy next to my sandals. Hahahahaha! Littleblue and Bear kitty have been doing some bonding time during the day since its far too hot outdoors to play in the backyard. Eric gave Littleblue her bath this afternoon but instead maybe Littleblue was giving him a bath. She doesn't mind the bath however she likes drinking the water from the nozzle when you are trying to rinse her off. It typically takes until the next day for her undercoat to be completely dry. With this heat maybe we just need to let her run-dry outside.
This is the first time since the monsoon rains in May that I was happy to have the sound of rain wake me up. We not only need rain desperately but it also helps cool things off a bit outside. They are calling for 100+ degree days until Sunday. UGGGG! Its going to be a very long upcoming weekend and hopefully the heat and humidity won't put a halt to the gutter and drain work being done around the house. We really need to get things finished and finally wrapped up soon. VERY SOON!
I had an appointment with my doctor this afternoon in hopes of finding some sort of relief from the lung pressure due to my darn intestines. Depending on what type of symptoms need to be managed depends on which specialist I have to see in order to be treated. At least my doctor's office today is only around the corner from my house so we could also run some errands. My doctor was running an hour behind but he is worth the wait! He is very thorough and understanding to what I go through on a daily basis. Of course its difficult to treat my symptoms and sadly my doctors have to get very creative! They have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders handling my care but they always do their best with what medical technology has to offer. With Gastroparesis and my connected problems sadly it isn't much but at least they "try" and give 110%. We went over my surgeon appointment or what I like to call, "Dis-appointment." After my specialists have dug deeper into my past as an infant they are all getting a better understanding and clearer picture of a GI lifetime of problems. My doctor said, "Sometimes the best surgeons in the world are those who know when not to perform surgery. You have now seen four surgeons and clinics who have went over your unique medical situation. Sadly surgery will not help you. I am not sure if it ever did but things continued to progress. At this point you are dealing with a huge problem, Gastroparesis & a toxic/mega colon. The colon is stretching and applying pressure so right now we need to focus on what we possibly can do to help but its not a promise." Reality is hard to face and so are the facts. For now my doctor has me taking a few new medications, inhalers and an emergency inhaler. He isn't sure how long I will have to continue taking them because with my body only time will tell. He was delighted to hear I got married and found someone who truly accepts me for "Me." He said, "Support is very important when you are battling an illness for the rest of your life. You only need one strong person to be by your side." We went over a few other tests then he got my prescriptions and other sample medication together for me to try in case the other drugs don't work.
Yesterday was BearKittys 14th birthday. Since we had company over and I was limited on energy we decided to instead celebrate this evening. Eric laughs at the gang seeing he said, "They sure do know when its their birthday. They act just like kids, even playing with their toys after the celebrating is done." Cuddles also got to enjoy Bear's new toys while Precious and Pumpkin helped finish off some can cat food. Oreo is the last to celebrate a birthday this year. He will turn 14 in December. Hopefully there will be many, many more birthday celebrations for all the fur gang to come!
on fire
This one heck of a HOT 4th of July! 98 degrees>no way! More like 108. You don't need to light any fireworks. All you need to do is stand outside and the heat will light them for you. GEES!
Well...it sounded good anyways.
The heat has not only zapped my limited energy but also Oreo's. He has been doing his fair share lately of lounging around the house. Littleblue only lasts around 5 minutes outside. This is going to be one crazy hot summer! The only time they got to wear their Independence day bandannas was indoors today. Littleblue has so much fur that it makes her way too hot. Oreo doesn't mind though, he likes to be dressed up. Hee,hee,hee,hee...
Since I only have two more treatment-free days left before I have to do it allllllllllllllllllll flippin over again I was determined as ever this evening to get out of the house! Tomorrow I see my doctor so they can start me on some strong meds to possibly help ease my intestines being so inflamed and putting pressure on my lungs. I can only handle so many times waking up not being able to breathe and same with during the day. We did make it up to the park this evening around 9pm however it was still super humid outside. Its tough being stuck in the house during the time of year when you are suppose to be enjoying outdoor activities. Its no wonder I love fall & winter because I finally get to be outdoors after being stuck inside half of the year. AMEN.
I do receive occasional letters and emails from those who "assume" I am hiding a secret bout of depression. Even more fascinating are those who "assume" my demise won't be Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug, blood vessel rupture or bowel perforation but instead by the hands of this "assumed" depression. To quickly answer those letters and emails:
Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn. That is how my night of sleep sound goes and so does when you try to get back to sleep only to have the electricity turn off. 
Eric has been doing more than his fair share around the house including all the yard work. Its been way too hot for this gal so now Eric has taken over. The spring flowers that bloomed late this year finally need cut back so the wildflower seeds can start taking off. I assume due to the excessive heat some of the new flowerbeds aren't doing so great. Hopefully the rest of summer won't stay like this but I have a hunch we have only just begun. With the high humidity the mosquitoes have been quite a treat! Just ask Eric who was only outside for 2 hours and got over 11 mosquito bites. We use Deep Wood Off products however these must be SUPER mosquitoes this year! YIKES!!
Things are slowly getting worse and its not fun waking up in the middle of the night feeling like you are being choked. Worse is when it hits me out of no where through out the day. Today was one of them. For now they have me using a nebulizer to see if it might help until I see my Specialist Thursday to get put on stronger meds. I like to call them, "The GOOD STUFF!" 
With it being so hot and humid outdoors its been a challenge walking. I don't mind walking indoors but I prefer walking outside at the local park. Lately we have realized after 8:45pm is a good time to head to the park. This evening it was a bit cooler outside while making our way around the lake. Also since we now walk later in the evening the other wildlife are more active. We first saw a huge Raccoon then quickly followed by a family of Malard ducks with her 9 babies. They were too CUTE! They were also hungry which made feeding them tricky with other Malard ducks standing nearby. The parents stood close guard over their babies but boy! did they mean business if any other ducks took the bread that the babies were eating. One little baby even went after an adult who came too close to the others. Talking about a little feather spit-fire! Hee,hee,hee,hee.... It was a sight to see indeed!
The sweats and fever have continued on and off through out the day which leads me to believe either the treatment is playing with my immune system or visa versa. Regardless after contacting my Oncologist/Hematologist's assistant this afternoon it was strongly advised I keep my appointment for next week. My doctor needs to rescan and check my lymph nodes every three months and I am due so I guess there is no way getting out of this one. 
Part of not throwing in the towel just yet includes building onto my GP oasis here at home. Since the tidings of bad news last week its important to make my home as safe as possible. This also includes the air quality. We are on our way of wrapping up months of house repairs due to the May monsoon rains and floods so the next step this week is to make sure the mold is also finally under control. Since we added new dehumidifiers on all three levels we have also noticed less water in the machines which means drier air in the house and hopefully no mold. We had James and Josh from Advanced Air Technologies come to our home today to clean out all the main lines in our furnace, air ducts and vents. They also checked on any mold issues that might be hiding inside the air ducts that can't be seen with a naked eye. It took them almost three hours and after wards they showed us what was picked up through out the house using a high quality filtration machine and vacuum system. Let's just say having a home 102 years old means lots of dirt the machine picked up but luckily for them no ghosts! Hahahahaha... Well we didn't see any but that doesn't mean they didn't take any home with them. Hee,hee,hee... James and Josh did a great job and I am happy to say between the latest air quality tests, mold interventions and today's air duct, vent and furnace system cleaning we are finally free of any scary mold! WOOHOA!! Now that IS reason to celebrate!
Its been more than a few days since I was able to walk at our local park and feed the ducks and geese. Being stuck indoors most of the time is enough to drive anyone nuts so we decided to take the wheelchair and head there this evening. 8:45pm is a great time to walk at the park seeing the sun is starting to go down which means less sunlight and heat. There is also a nice breeze around the lake and less people to stare at the masked gal-me. I am still getting used to it and wheelchairs strangely draw less attention than masks. Not quite sure why that is? Usually children are mostly the ones who stare and do the double takes but this evening I found myself doing my own double take. I haven't bounced back completely from this last treatment so I didn't make it that far around the lake but once we started to head back to the parking lot I locked eyes with a young girl who was around 9 years old. She was in a large bike stroller which wasn't what caught my attention. It was what was in the back of the stroller that did. Her Mom was using the large bike stroller so she had enough room for her daughter and the oxygen tank. It was obvious she too suffered from a medical condition and disability. We both had something in common. We shared masks. As we passed one another we locked eyes. She smiled and I smiled back. It almost made me cry. Not because it was sad but because for once I felt excepted by a child who did understand. Her Angelic smile made my day and one I will never forget.