Mood:
luckyNow Playing: Day 806-The Final Road To Survival
Today was one of those days when you let the winds pick you up and take you some where you haven't been in years. After almost a decade for me it was:
FISHING! WOOHOA!! My doctors continue to be adamant by saying, "Things are progressing and getting worse. Your insides are slowly becoming toxic and there is no turning back. The temporary bandaids are no longer working." Today also made me realize what my specialists are seeing during scans which is one huge megacolon that has not only stopped working but has stretched and is applying pressure to my lungs. My intestines are so darn inflamed I am now feeling the shortness of breath more frequently. I also noticed in some photos taken this afternoon at the lake the severe inflammation it is causing around my abdominal area. Did it finally scare me? Yes. A bit.
So after getting some bad news that this surgery will mostly likely become a 3 stage process that will be discussed with me this coming Friday I finally realized that just talking about life is too short isn't enough. Now I am literally scrambling to do what I love the most. Being around water is one of them. Ahhhh....There is nothing quite like hearing waves hit the shore, even if its not the ocean but instead a really huge and nice lake.
Call me, "SUPER SPONTANEOUS" now because if there is anything I want to do I am willing to run a risk to do so and if that means going way-WAY outside my comfort zone then so be it. AMEN! Eric knows how much I miss being near the water and since right now we must wait to find out the next step towards surgery we can't head down south right now. I wouldn't be able to drive with my deteriorating spine however I would risk it all and fly if it meant seeing the ocean one last time. You ever have that feeling that things aren't looking so good with your health? I have had a rude reality check lately with my specialists and of course today after my first fishing trip in years I found myself taking more frequent breaks in order to catch my breath.
DARN GP!
The lake was only a 15 minute drive from our house. I hadn't been there in over 10 years. So many things had changed but it still remained crystal clean and the water was perfect! They added a few new docks, picnic tables, gazebos and new walking trails. Not only is this a great place to fish but could even be a new place to walk. It wasn't even five minutes once we found a spot with lots of shade that two malard ducks made their way up to us.
Do they know I will feed them or what?! Eric said, "Ok, Wildlife Mom I guess they know you have a stash of bread with you. How they know though I have no idea?.." Hahahaha! They just "know." Since it was only 82 degrees today with lots of wind and little humidity we stayed for a little over two hours with lots of breaks in between so my back didn't lock up. Thank goodness for the walking trails. Eric spent more time messing with his fishing pole and changing out the floater and weights.
Hahahaha! Let's just say the last time these fishing poles were used was in Florida on a pontoon boat out in the middle of the ocean. The reel was full of sand so his pole kept locking up on him so it was smart to bring two extra fishing poles. I used the one I bought on my last trip down south so it was smooth sailing for me although the only thing that was biting at the lake was the ducks and geese who were eating the loaf of bread I brought with us. Who cares though because I had a great time! I forgot what fun it was fishing and how relaxing too!
To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes strength. 
We had plenty of shaded places at the lake to fish so I didn't get overheated or burnt. The sun was behind us so my head didn't suffer and we brought plenty of fluids and "what if" medication. All in all it was a perfect day and it sure brought back some fond memories. It was an emotional evening when even this gal started to finally fully understand the seriousness of my fragile health. Maybe I can visit Florida again one day soon. Maybe together as family we can visit the coast again for one last time by putting our differences aside before its too late. I still hold onto hope because in my life that's all I have left... 
To smile when the only thing you want to do is cry takes bravery.
To act happy & laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes courage.
To be joyous when the only good news is the best of the bad news takes support.
To be there & help others through the roughest times in life takes love.
not sure
What would the wildlife gang do without me? OK. Maybe not have an endless supply of food or their new treat Cheerios. Hahahaha! Eric got the squirrelie (new word) scared out of him this afternoon when he went outside to get something from the garage and the squirrel gang greeted him on the front porch. Hahahaha! What can I say? It was past their feeding time and since darn GP kept me up with pain until 8am I didn't get up until 3pm. It was way past their feeding time so they were pretty upset. Sooner or later they might learn how to ring the doorbell. Hahahahaha!
I sure do miss a "normal" life but what can you do sometimes?.. John of course had to really round off my evening by sending me super jealous photos of the beautiful ocean that I love and truly miss. Sure...I have lakes here in the area but its not the same as the ocean and coastline. He had dinner with friends at a huge marina diner with an amazing view! SO JEALOUS! Of course he said, "Once you all get moved out west I promise to come pick you up and take you to all the big hangouts and the best beaches."
happy
*From 1969 to 1974, Davis played housekeeper Alice Nelson in The Brady Bunch television series. Since then, she has returned to take part in various Brady Bunch TV movies, including The Brady Girls Get Married (1981) and A Very Brady Christmas (1988). She also reprised her role as Alice Nelson in two Brady Bunch spin-off television series: The Brady Brides (1981) and The Bradys (1990). Davis has appeared in a number of Brady Bunch reunion projects, most recently TV Land's The Brady Bunch 35th Anniversary Reunion Special: Still Brady After All These Years. The Brady Bunch was awarded the TV Land Pop Culture Award on the 5th annual TV Land Awards. Davis and other cast members accepted the award, and she received a standing ovation. 
down
Wow! Do I have a super Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug hangover from hell!! I think Oreo is even having a sympathy day for me but at least one of us gets to rest. Forget about sleeping all day for this gal because I need to keep moving. It was a S-L-O -W day but heck! at least I did it and even with a smile on my face. Half-smile that is. Hahahahaha! The worst part of the darn weekly treatments is now I have to follow them up with the rest of the injections. Its like getting hit in the AS* twice! OUCH.
Someone even wrote to GP Rocky last week saying, "Your diary reminds me of Anne Frank because you both are to the point and brutally honest." I certainly agree because you can't get more honest when the bathroom becomes your second best friend. 
Hee,hee,hee,hee...
I guess we will just have to wait and see... With no mold issues anymore from the monsoon rain we had in May and foundation repairs coming close to an end its enough to make us both JUMP FOR JOY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Eric said today, "'After everything is finally finished next month we might start getting bored because we are so used to having things to do." He might want to stop while he is ahead because when you live in a house there are "always" things to do. Hahahahaha!
I know my dear friend John would be super excited because that means we would only be a 2 hour drive away from where he lives in California. Life is always changing and life is also short so if you feel the winds of change its important sometimes to see where the winds might take you in the process.
quizzical
"Most" people get to clear their minds and set them free by taking trips. Then there are those people like myself who can't travel and must unravel life's great mysteries without catching a break.
I always said I would cut my own hair when it came time but maybe I should put that trust into my hairstylist since she totally understands my unique situation and the inevitable.
So with it being treatment day I can only say there wasn't much of anything else planned once the first glass was consumed. At least John has been having a blast getting used to his new life out west. He even got to meet one of his favorite legendary singers yesterday. I am so happy for him! He's planning a trip back to his old stomping grounds in September to come visit me. I can't wait!!
d'oh
After getting home around 4:15am we were greeted by Littleblue and Oreo followed by some very bad kitties. Rule #1-NEVER fill both food bowls all the way to the top no matter how long you are going to be gone. Pumpkin the "Alpha" kitty decided to gorge himself so the other kitties couldn't get any food then ended up with a MASSIVE angry stomach and intestines. There was trails of puke and poo through out the house greeting us which turned into an hour clean up. GEES! Once we both sat down it was almost 5:30am and I was getting delirious from being so exhausted. We both literally laughed ourselves to sleep. Hahahaha!
Forget treatment this afternoon and forget treatment this evening. I don't want to end up back at the hospital so this time I listened to my gut and put the Hell-In-A-Jug to the side for the next 24 hours. Hopefully I will be able to do it tomorrow but only time will tell. More like my body will tell me when its OK. This is typical of the hellish treatment because you never know when it is or isn't safe.
After taking our day trip Eric now wants to save up for a bigger trip. WHO IS HE FOOLING?! I said, "Where? a larger mansion?" Hahahaha! I can't drive more than 1.5 hours. I can't sleep in a normal bad. I can't eat. I can't be in the heat for too long. Call me a "Gremlin" since we both have similar qualities and can only come out at night. Hahahaha! Eric said, "It was a good idea although I don't know how we would get there so even I have my GP denial moments." DITTO! Sadly he isn't alone because I know of some people who have known me for decades and they still sometimes don't "get it." Hahahahaha! Instead of heading to the beach we decided to once again bring the beach to us. Now not only do I have an adult sandbox on the back porch (darn neighbors recently cut all my shade but lets not go there again...) full of sand but we put all the seashells I have collected over the years from various parts of the coast around the flower beds and landscaping. 
PRICELESS! 
chillin'
We have both been not only mentally but physically exhausted lately and since winding down from list after list of things to do it was the perfect time to get away for a day. "Day" meaning since I can't sleep on a mattress because it causes me severe intestinal pain there is no spending the night. I haven't been able to take a "normal" trip in over 8 years but instead have learned to compromise for day trips. I did get to sleep a bit early last night so I was more than ready around 12pm to get up, get dressed and hit the road! The mansion is only a little over an hour away so just enough time not to aggraviate my spine too much. Anything over 1.5 hours and the pain game begins. It was another hot and humid day but a good one for driving with the a/c on. We arrived a hour and 10 minutes later so plenty of time to check out our room and hit the local casino to see if Lady Luck was on our side. Let's just say, "She was!" 2 hours and almost $400.00 later we said, "Thank you Belterra resort and casino" then headed back to the mansion. Hahahaha!
The bed was huge and super comfy although instead of sitting on I wish I could had laid on it. This time we stayed in the only large suite on the main floor compared to our last stay upstairs in the three room suite. "Haunted suite" more like. I don't get too spooked or scared anymore. Gastroparesis can do that to a person over time because there is nothing scarier than a GP flair up or serious complications. AMEN. We brought our EVP recorder, video camera and a regular flash camera. 
Eric of course was a bit spooked out once we caught actual voices on the EVP recorder through out the mansion and an image of a robed person out near the gazebo behind the mansion. Since the mansion was built in the late 1800's its not too surprising to catch spirits still roaming the grounds, in fact the owners of the mansion are used to it. Seems others who have stayed through out the years agree after Eric read diary entrees from those who have stayed in the same suite.
Wow! we had been having some great weather and same with last night in the mid 70's "however" once I woke up this afternoon and let the dogs outside I just knew this was going to be a crazy day.
Once I let the fur kids in from the backyard five minutes later I heard Eric whisper, "Hey, come here real quietly!" As I came into the dining room I saw what appeared to be a large mountain lion or goat standing on top of the glass dining room table. What I quickly realized after taking a double look was Littleblue standing on top of the dining room table eating the rest of the cats can food. SAYYYYYYYYYY WHAT?!!!!!! Yes. It took me 10 second after picking up my jaw off the floor to ask her what the heck she was doing or more like thinking. WOW! This is a priceless photo and for those who ask, "Is she part Wolf?" I tend to think maybe "Yes" because its far from a small jump to get onto the table. I honestly didn't believe Eric the other day when he put the trash outside then came back into the house only to be greeted by Littleblue standing on top of the dining room table. 
Blame it on the extreme temperature changes or maybe even the upcoming full moon since she really might be part Wolf-Werewolf that is! Hahahahaha...
Let's just say the rest of our check out experience was sugar, spice and everything nice!
Eric got gifts from the fur kids and a new Cincinnati Reds #1 Dad shirt along with a few cards. He was happy as well to be able to sleep in today. The rain moved in early this morning so at least we won't have to do any outdoor watering to the flower beds. This is a day for the Dads to relax and take it easy. We had family over later this afternoon for a very nice visit then it was off for me to get some walking in before the sun started to set.
It also helps my stomach and intestinal pain due to my Idiopathic Gastroparesis. Its one crazy GP life that involves trying to do my best to keep moving and allowing gravity to help along the way. Some days I am so beat I have to literally push myself to walk but if I don't there is no sleeping. Hopefully I can make it two days in a row catching up on rest because my body can surely use it. 
bright
This is what happens doing two treatments in a row. One Hell-In-A-Jug is enough to make your hair fall out but doing back to back treatments was bound to cause additional hair loss. GEES! I'm not sure how I still have any hair left on my head but the hair fairy must had blessed me when I was born. AMEN!
It was crowded and that would be an understatement but at least they remodeled since my last visit so there was plenty of booths to sit. The food didn't change much however like it really mattered to me anyway being on liquids. What I did notice was the menu now has a calorie and fat content grid next to each item so parents can actually see what their children are eating. We ordered a large half cheese and half pepperoni pizza in which little Erik only had one slice due to being too excited with all the games. Hahahaha! At least Hubby has plenty of left overs for work since I won't allow any left over pizza at the house because I can't eat it and its too darn tempting for this gal. At least my GP allowed for some play time with Erik and trying a few games. Hey, adults can still be kids at heart! We all had a nice time but after two hours of kids screaming and crying I was more than ready to head back home to some peace and quiet. Little Erik had a really nice time seeing it was his first trip to Chuck E. Cheese but I have a hunch it won't be the last. 
Hee,hee,hee,hee....
WHEW! That was a mouth full all in one sentence wasn't it?) I can now say, "Shame" on anyone who uses their children as a pawn during any petty argument. "Shame" on those who use the word 'adoption' lightly because what people don't realize is the toll it takes on the individual standing on the receiving end. Looks like I have another battle on my hands. Realizing I am worthy of being a Mom after all but now having to get over the fear due to the ignorance of others.