Mood:
chillin'Now Playing: Day 773-The Final Road To Survival
Happiness to me is new emery boards and clothes that ACTUALLY fit! Its also finding a way to better darken my sleeping quarters so the spring/summer sunlight doesn't get the best of my head.
Cuddles kitty is doing a bit better each day. We still must keep a close eye on her in regards to her heart murmur. I can tell when it is bothering her because she hides in various parts of the house. Oreo has his moments with his seizures so we continue to do our best making his surroundings stress-free and comfortable. Since its been fairly nice outside and the temperatures haven't been too hot Oreo and Littleblue have been enjoying plenty of time running around in the backyard. Since Littleblue's summer coat is now fully grown in she gets tired easily. After ten to fifteen minutes outdoors she is ready to come back inside. Oreo has a day at the groomers scheduled for tomorrow so he can stay cool outdoors when the temperatures start to rise this weekend. At least the groomer can shave his hair super short but since Littleblue is a Husky hybrid her hair must stay long. If you cut her hair short it won't grow back so she only gets an occasional trim but plenty of baths.
Its been a tough time lately finding clothes that fit. I wear a size 2 in juniors and a small in tops. The average "healthy" woman is not a size 2 nor still has to shop in the juniors department but I have no choice. Same with my hair that is barely there... Soon I might have enough wigs to open a shop in my house, hahahaha!. Most department stores don't carry juniors size 2 in pants or jeans so I was very happy today to have FedEx deliver some clothes that my friend bought me as a late Mother's day gift. Guess what? They fit! Finally pants and jeans that are size 2 and new tops to boot! WOOHOA! Add onto that other little things such as new emery boards that now cut the time doing my nails in half. Thank goodness! Just a few things most people take for granted but to me they mean a lot.
Since I am getting horrible tremors and seizures with migraines lately my specialist suggested I make my sleeping quarters a bit darker. Not that having room darkening curtains with dark colored towels hung up at night aren't enough but now the sun is starting to beam into the back part of the house that lets in light through the dining room. Of course the dining room is right by the living room thus my sleeping quarters/couch bed.
The spring and summer sunlight also got to me around this time last year and usually makes my seizures worse. Arm tremors drove me nuts today so if I need to make the front part of the house darker then welcome to my new bat cave. BOO! Talking about literally sleeping with the VAMPIRES...My friend-Caregiver said this evening, "Wow! this is going to make the room so dark that I might have a hard time now waking up." Hahahaha! The things you must do being sick. Crazy isn't it?
My new surgeon called this afternoon and it seems we now have to set my appointment back a week which might be a good thing. Its been so crazy this month that waiting until early June might be a blessing in disguise to start working on the next step for my upcoming surgeries. This evening we finally made our way back to the local park so I could get some exercise. Boy did it feel great to get the heck out of the house! Sure, I got some more strange looks from my mask but its nice sometimes to be incognito. 
Who is that masked/sunglass woman anyways? Hahahaha! My joints and muscles are still sore and recovering from the last round of seizures so walking is a win-win for this gal. Hopefully I can catch a longer break and get back into some sort of routine but with Gastroparesis you don't live for tomorrow. You live for today.
"Courage, is knowing that something scares the hell out of you, but you do it anyways because you know it will change your life forever."
celebratory
As a Idiopathic Gastroparesis patient I have found through the years that when there is bad news ten times as much good news soon follows! What has been pouring into my mailbox, email and cell phone has been an amazing amount of support from those who have decided to step forward helping to raise Gastroparesis Awareness. This blog that I started over two years ago has not only been a way for me to express myself but also a means to help others understand the many ups and downs living a life with Gastroparesis. 
You can write it out, map it out and even plan it out but sometimes life doesn't always go as planned. 
With any bad day there is always a silver lining! My doctor called later this afternoon with my lab work for my kidneys. Luckily I won't have to see another new specialist to add to the current list of 18 and instead I will just have to follow up additional testing with my Nephrologist. My friend also upon getting the mail brought in a package filled with amazing news in the fight for Gastroparesis Awareness. Indeed the Gastroparesis Awareness Campaign Team and GP family should be very proud! 
bright
I have quickly come to realize that when people alter their outer appearance it also alters their soul.
In the world of pain and suffering, true heroes can be found...providing special comfort and relief. They choose to make a difference, regardless of the cost...always willing to help others in their grief.
not sure
It took me a few days but I am starting to wrap my hands around the inevitable medical changes I am soon to face. 
The peace I have is knowing there is an amazing team of 18 specialists who all give 110% of their heart and soul in order to help me live the best life I can and truly CARE! Besides my specialists there is a lot of work and support that will need to go into the step by step process before and after surgery. Either that external support system behind the scenes are "in" or "out." I hope to be pleasantly surprised although expecting the worst but hoping for the best. I still have faith that people can change but only time will tell. As for now my friend-Caregiver has his list of duties to make this as smooth as a process it can be without any stress involved. Its amazing when my doctors told us how much internal damage stress can cause a pre existing condition so this time I am listening and staying with the no-stress program. 
They are just the cutest! His own fur kid enjoys watching the gang outside playing during the day while Mom stands close by protecting them. He said, "One day they just appeared and have been hanging out every sense." Hopefully Mom will continue taking great care of her little ones and they will find a new home soon before the summer heat arrives.
With a ton of things weighing on my mind regarding the house, moving and major life changes I added another one that trumped the rest this afternoon. My specialists appointment went as expected but with one huge twist. It seems the "temporary bandaids" for my paralyzed intestines aren't working anymore. In fact things are progressing faster than expected which is leaving me more sick than I already was to start with. My mind is still in a fog from the appointment. The only thing I can say on my blog today is I will once again have to endure another major surgery. Todays news has also trumped the decision of moving this month. In fact for my health sake I will need to hold off on things until the first of July. My Gastroenterologist also had reports and letters from my other specialists including my Oncologist/Hematologist which clearly explained the severity of things and the need to start getting my body and mind ready for surgery. Maybe once I can wrap my brain around things over the next 24 hours I can explain to others in further detail but for now its time as my doctor said to take that stress level from all the way up to all the way back down. DITTO! 
One hour me and my friend-Caregiver are up then the next minute we are down. This is NUTS! The stress is off the charts and I am not sure how much more house drama I can take nor others adding to my stress. Surely I just need to learn to hit the ignore button and walk away from additional stress brought on by others. For now there are far more important things to worry about such as where to move, if I can move and whether or not my body will allow for a move. My friend's buddy at work has family who owns a construction company that has offered their heart, time and resources in trying to fix some of the home water damage issues from all the excessive rain we have endured the past few months. What we really need isn't a few people to help. What we need is a "TEAM!" 
The strange bruising which as of two months ago has a rhyme and reason due to my lymph nodes in fight mode is once again flaring up not that anyone should be surprised. Especially me. Can I do this huge move? Will it be safe? What if we stay at the house during repairs? Will it put me at further risk due to the hidden mold? Question after question after question have been filling my days along with the physical stress of constantly having to be on the go. Where is help when you need it? Too busy to care and too busy to lend a hand. That's where. Negative attitude? Sure. Who wouldn't with the situation going on? Not everyone can be a great actress and if so I guess you won't be seeing me on any soap operas or block buster movies anytime soon. Hahahahaha! I see my Gastroenterologist tomorrow and boy! do we have a lot to talk about. Maybe he can give me some insight on the boundaries that will need to be set being sick while trying to get past this unfortunate house situation. Amen. In the meantime if "help" can find us we are only a phone call away...
energetic
After one heck of a month and more madness to follow I decided this evening to treat myself to a much needed pedicure and massage. Not only was it a great idea but I had the entire salon to myself! Sooooo worth it!! Now my feet are once again happy and if they could talk I bet they said, "THANK GOD! I NEEDED THAT!" Hahahahaha!
My friend-Caregiver decided to stay at home and start mowing the grass because he knew I needed a huge break. When I got back home it was once again time to get back on my feet. It was also time to do another round of injections. Once I finish up this last box at least I can tell my Gastroenterologist I tried the entire prescription. Even the defective needles like tonight. YIKES! The needle fairy must had once again been looking out for me before I injected it into my stomach. 
Its just been another one of those days but not to fear eventually the end of stress will be here.
"When life knocks you down, you have 2 choices. To use the little strength you have left to fight your way back up, not knowing when or why you could be knocked back down again, or just stay down. I guess that is why we call it courage, the courage to stand back up when life gives you hundreds of reasons to stay down."
The fun never ends. Honestly I just need a mental and physical break! They said it takes a full year to overcome extreme hardship and I couldn't agree more. I don't have time for anything but digging myself out of this nightmare house and water damage/mold situation. Just when we think things can't get any worse they do! S I G H...One minute we are up then the next minute we are back down. I can't even remember the last time I took in fluids and my poor immune system is finally showing signs of stress. This evening I noticed lots of bruising all over my body. Like I said and I will say it again, "This can't be good on someone normal and I can't imagine what its doing internally to my tired body." 
So after another extremely long day getting no where fast and more than a million things to do on a full plate with a tired body I am lucky to had finally sat down to rest by 3am. If anything good to come out of this day was a huge air purifier system, three cans of Lysol and the will to survive. AMEN!