Now Playing: Day 709-The Final Road To Survival
I literally ate my last words with a dear friend of mine last night by saying, "If this pain continues another day I will be right back in the hospital." Not only did I jinx myself but it came true.
Around midnight the pain got unbearable and I hit my limit. I contacted my friend-Caregiver and they were able to use some personal time from work in order to come home and take me up to the ER. The ride in the car was horrible and I couldn't get comfortable. I tend to go with my gut and it has never yet to fail me. At least the hospital isn't too far away so once my friend-Caregiver pulled up to the driveway I grabbed my cane and out the door we went.
This surely seemed like a full moon night because luck was not on my side. They took me back within five minutes into a room and started an IV line and fluids. The nurse went over my medical history and prior surgeries. They said, "Boy, do you have some bad luck!" Hahahaha! No lie there! Once they took my vitals and six vials of blood the doctor came into the room. The pain is now on day five and he was very glad I came up to the hospital. The next part of the examination started to turn for the worst. I literally was shaking and trembling in the hospital bed. My friend-Caregiver now became WIDE AWAKE when I was told I will most likely end up in surgery today. It seems I have something really bad going wrong. Not only that but once the tests came back and my catscan all the years of family comparing my Idiopathic Gastroparesis to those with cancer literally got rammed down my throat. I always couldn't understand why people compared my condition to cancer. Not only is it a disgrace to me but the person I am being compared to because every medical condition is totally different. A midnight trip to the ER ended up going into the morning hours. I like to say it was the second worst experience since being diagnosed over the last seven years. The worst experience was after my last surgery when everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong.
I was only released because they felt at this point their surgical team could not perform surgery due to problems not being able to be fixed. Both of my kidneys are equally losing function and came up on the catscan not looking to be in the best of shape. I had worse news after being told there were lymph node problems with two different types of lymph nodes that only those with Lymphoma/Leukemia get so instead of surgery I was directed to go to my specialists Monday. Sigh... The pain I was told would not get any better and most likely worse. I was given various options to help 'maybe' control things but it wasn't a promise and it could make my Idiopathic Gastroparesis worse so I decided to just grin and bear it. Sigh... The spinal issues? Least of my worries now. The Hell-In-A-Jug treatments? On hold and another least of my worries. So after getting back to the house which I was extremely thankful for after many prayers in the emergency room it was already 8am. Not only was I mentally and physically drained but so was my friend-Caregiver.
There is a lot going on as I face a stressful week ahead deciding what I do and do not want to be told. I always said, "I do better knowing than not knowing" but even I am not sure if I want to find out more about this monster. The kidney problems are a result of my Gastroparesis progressing. The lymph node issues are a result also of my Gastroparesis progressing and causing further complications which had the catscan picking up posterior intestinal and abdominal problems. My friend-Caregiver was advised to watch me very carefully over the next 24 hours and any signs of vomiting, nausea, bleeding, worsening of pain or fever to take me back up to the hospital. Not that this isn't hell enough and stressful enough to deal with but now add some disheartening communication from people who know my family.
Here We Go Again...
To some this isn't the place to do an apology but since there are so many people involved right now I wanted to personally apologize for everyones actions. Over the past four days I have been flagged regarding some disturbing behavior. I do understand those who are contacting me are very concerned that the stress will jeopardize my current condition as they are looking out for my best interest. Some feel it is their responsibility to watch my back as they continue showing their concern regarding actions by my family. I personally do not condone this behavior and completely understand every ones concerns. It is also concerning my specialists who work extremely hard keeping me out of trouble and alive.
My friend-Caregivers family has taken it upon himself to step up and help me out. It is a very noble thing for anyone to do. Those who interfere with the mental and physical health of a person who is sick is not only placing stress on the patient, Caregiver but also the patients specialists. The stress is causing me further harm. I do not agree with anyone who feels causing stress is justified no matter what the circumstances. This has continued for a very long time and now with my condition progressing it has made others step up to the plate. Some of the actions are being observed by others who find it very disturbing. What is harming me is now provoking them.
I don't understand why anyone especially family would use others as a scapegoat for their lack of support for another member who is sick. Some of the things I am being told are just down right cruel and inhumane.
"How do you feel about your son living with a woman that is so sick that she can't get out of bed."
Instead of being supportive I am now dealing with guess what? More stress.
I want to personally apologize to those who have been put into the middle of lack of family support issues that should have never been put in the middle in the first place. I want to apologize to my friend-Caregiver and his family. The biggest problem I have with this ridiculous behavior is once again not only putting me down but anyone else who is chronic or terminally ill and has kids.
Lesson: Do not act like this because the universe does not tolerate taunting, tormenting or hurting those who are already down and are sick. Again I want to sincerely apologize. Although I can not stop the actions of others sadly I feel this behavior will never stop as my condition progresses. Surely if someone can take the time to be inhumane they can take additional time to prove to others they are human.