Mood:
irritatedNow Playing: Day 706-The Final Road To Survival
Maybe instead of all these vitamins that might had been a great idea that obviously aren't working I should instead just take some of this left over Miracle Gro and drink it! Hahahaha! Heck, it might get my hair and nails to start growing again! Yes, I am still taking everything at least until they are gone but at this point since I see nor feel any change I highly doubt I will try them again. I used to do liquid vitamins a few years ago and back then I even gave up because it didn't help matters. At least I give myself some credit for trying again.
Today is time to give up and give in. I am going on three days with limited rest trying to deal with this spinal pain. I have finally hit my limit! I am beat and the pain feels like a knife stuck in my lower back. It is great I have a high tolerance for pain but something isn't quite right. I can't get comfortable. I can't sit down. I can't stand up without hunching or leaning over. I can't even go to the bathroom without the pain sheering down my left leg. I called my Neurologist but they can't work me in until early next week but they feel since things are getting worse and not better its time to get checked out. 
I have used enough IcyHot, Activon, heat wraps, ice packs, Aspercreme and Tylenol that still here I am with the same gnarling pain.
It might had been a good thing my friend was off work today since his off days rotate. I couldn't do much whether alone put on my shoes. I can't bend more than a few inches without my back locking up. At least I live in a city with way too many Urgent Care facilities and hospitals but even a short drive turned out to be a nightmare! The bumps hurt like a son of a gun and I was getting furious! I am also extremely tired but something isn't quite right and my gut is never wrong. So after an hour wait, lengthy medical review, tests and two xrays later the feared news soon became reality. If you remember last June I found out I had lost three discs in my back and had a slight fracture. I also was told I have spinal degenerative disease, spinal spinosis and osteoarthritis. I did see my Neurologist and another specialist only to be told surgery options were out of the question because the damage to my lumbar part of my spine were far too severe. The damage had already been done. I was told once again things would progress-funny same diagnosis with my Idiopathic Gastroparesis-but who would had guessed things would take such a drastic turn in less than a year? Not I nor my friend so we were both a bit taken back with the news.
It seems my poor spine since losing the gel discs between the vertebra bones has gotten worse. I now have pretty much lost all my lumbar discs and the once small fracture has also gotten worse. I ended up as well with a spinal sprain and broken back-nice term to say sorry but BOY YOU ARE SCREWED! The doctor couldn't even look at us with the news but only said, "I don't know what to do for the pain. I have no suggests for sleeping position because you have such extensive damage to your spine and back. I understand they can not risk surgery due to your pre existing conditions but the pain isn't going anywhere anytime soon." He was surprised I was still walking after looking at the tests and xrays. I think that made all three of us. Its still strange to image that is my spine! I said the same thing after my GI nightmare surgery four years ago and here I am saying those same words again. "Is that my body?"
A normal spine would be nice then I wouldn't be faced with knowing I will be wheelchair bound by the end of the year or sooner. It would be nice to have a normal GI tract and organs so at least I could eat to my hearts content and take some of this bad news out on a half gallon of ice cream. Instead I took the news like a pro and nodded my head understanding that once again things aren't in my favor. For now all they could do is find a way to get the blood flowing to my damaged spine with three different medications. The problem now is the medications can cause reactions with the Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatments but right now I can't even sit on the toilet to urinate without wanting to climb the walls so how could I endure treatment to start with?
Once we got home with the bad news and another round of reports to give to my specialists I told my friend how much I will miss biking. Something I loved to do but life is full of changes. Especially when you are sick. I am in fear now of waking up not being able to feel my legs. I already have no sensation on the lower left side of my spine. I guess if things are going to end up with me being wheelchair bound at least I had a good past 10 months. Always savor the day! Live life to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow may bring.
This evening me and my friend shared quite a few laughs. Anything at this point to keep my mind off the pain and more bad news. Tomorrow is a new day and I am just hoping it starts off with me standing up on my feet. Amen.
surprised
The temperatures are still in the mid 80's but hopefully things will change by this weekend. At least they are saying so but with weather you can never predict the unpredictable. The kitty gang have been enjoying the afternoon sun upstairs in their huge cat tree. Since the large bedroom window is facing the backyard and woods they all sit there and watch the birds and squirrels all day. Boy, they still have an easy life don't they?.
My friend is even starting to grow tired of the unnecessary stress and drama. What people don't understand is the responsibility placed on those who take on the caregiver roll. Not only do they have to protect the person physically but also mentally. My friend might had not been there once but he vows to never have it happen again. My condition at this present time requires someone staying with me. There is no way I could do it alone. My two other friends I keep in close contact with here in the city. They are very aware of my Gastroparesis and are ready when needed to step in when things get to the point that I need extra help.
d'oh
Where else but Ohio can you have snow then the next week summer weather and 85 degrees? 
I got some beautiful red roses today and a very nice card in honor of my GP anniversary from a dear friend. Thank you sooooooooo much! You made my day and brought a huge smile to my face. Its nice to know there are people out there who still treat you as the person you once were before becoming sick. I sure wish they could be a lesson for others. Amen. I have had a few old friends come out the woodwork over the past six months. I like to call them the "Houdini Friends." Those who disappear as quickly as they pop up in and out of your life. Maybe it was a guilty conscience or just curiosity that made them magically appear like nothing happened but a lesson learned as I resort back to watching who I trust. I have had enough hurt in my life and I don't need "Houdini Friends" that come and go when they please. Instead I should take that time and invest it in my real ones. Those who continue accepting me at face value even while being sick. A friend of mine I have known over the past 22 years gave me a few words of wisdom, "If they weren't there for you when things got tough then how in the world can they be there for you now? Look at the once again disappearing act and quit setting yourself up to get hurt." Great advice and once again lesson learned! 
quizzical
It was the dreaded day! Another day dealing with my teeth. Another dentist appointment. UGGG! So far this year I am on 2 dental repairs due to my GP and darn Hell-In-A-Jug treatments literally eating away at the enamel. Thank goodness though that they were able to work me in later this afternoon so that gave me time to catch up on some much needed rest.
So after two hours and three teeth later I can now take a short break for a few weeks before heading back so he can repair another tooth and anything else that might be going on. Thank goodness for a break!
At least its easy to tell what part of the refrigerator is mine. Hahahahaha! I only take up the lower shelf which is enough room for all my liquids. Its literally going to be a Slimfast way of life whether I like it or not. Gatorade has been very hard to consume on a daily basis although I know its important seeing I lose so many electrolytes during my weekly treatments. Gatorade makes me severely nauseated and now since Slimfast changed their formulation I have to literally water down half the bottle. What does work with Gastroparesis I guess is the question?..
special
I have lost family. I have lost friends. I have lost a spouse. What I have not lost is my pride and will to live. That is something my GP will never, ever take away from me. Today I celebrate 8 years of LIFE. Thank you everyone for your supportive and loving words of encouragement today and through out the years. Gastroparesis has indeed opened my eyes to the world and what it means to care. Kindness comes from those you least expect but in the end you realize who was there for you all along. 
lucky
It's St. Patrick's & luck of the Irish day! 
Once I finally got some GP relief it wasn't till 3pm by the time I woke up. The animal gang were ready to run in the backyard and take out some of their energy. I didn't see any leprechauns outside nor a pot of gold but I am still alive and that to me is priceless! Amen! I am determined to keep up with the holiday tradition and head out later to celebrate the lucky day. Maybe as well Lady Luck might be on our side since my friend had a few extra greens$$ and wanted to head out to the casino. It takes a bit now to get my body motivated so I wasn't sure by the time I took a shower and got dressed if I would have enough energy to spare for this evening but you only live once and I wasn't going to dare pass up celebrating St. Patrick's day!
The fur kids had on their holiday festive attire and greeted us at the front door. They are so used to their Mom being home that now they wait on the couch looking out the window to greet me once I return. That is true dedication! The rest of the evening I decided to have a movie night and RELAX....Cheers to having a great St. Paddy's Day!
happy
If this St. Patrick's day weekend turns out anywhere close to the shade of green like the summer-like grass quickly growing outside (due to this crazy weather) then its going to be one LUCKY WEEKEND!
lazy
I slept horrible! Between the treatment getting stuck inside my intestines, Littleblue bouncing back and forth between the couch and the floor, sweats and the monsoon rain it was a sleepless night. The only positive thing was since the storms produced some serious high winds, hail and lightening most lost their electric. This means my dentist appointment will once again need to be moved to next week. Good news for me because I only got around four hours of sleep and wasn't physically in any way, shape or form capable of dealing with dental work today. Its already been such a hectic week that it might be better to wait things out a few days. I don't have any pain but that's only because of the extensive nerve damage from my GP. 
My friend has a new project on their hands since buying a large piece of gym equipment last week. The equipment just arrived Monday and since hes being putting it together solo we both realized the directions that say it takes 2-3 hours has now turned into 4-5 hours. Oreo and Pumpkin have been busy playing Supervisor but today its been more like sleeping on the job. Hahahaha!
Hes hoping to have it finished by this weekend so my GP room can be back to normal. Gym memberships anymore are so expensive with all sorts of hidden fees that its smarter to buy your own equipment. Its also nice to work out in the privacy of your own home and be able to watch what you like on TV. I sure do miss working out but mostly connecting with people-society. With my spine a mess and dealing with numerous GP problems the best I can do is walk. Its nice having the small park right in front of the house but looks like the rest of the week I might have to just settle for my treadmill. That is if I can catch a break with the Hell-In-A-Jug side effects. By that time I might be due for my next treatment. GEES!!
don't ask
Here we go again and again and again...
My friend has also gotten involved stepping in to speak on my behalf regarding new legislation to put a stop to Ohio Dog Auctions which will stop Puppy Mills. Sad when people lose the meaning of life and treat animals cruelly. 
celebratory
I already miss my snow. Sigh...The flowers are all blooming and the way things are going the grass might need to be cut by next weekend. YIKES! Soon everyone will have their pools open. This might be by next weekend so get your rafts out! I'll bring the Drano. Hahahahaha! Dranotini's for everyone!....
