Mood:
brightNow Playing: Day 656-The Final Road To Survival
Today is the first day of dusting myself off and getting back up on my feet. Time to get back to square 1 and taking care of who's most important. Number #1. Me. There are a few unfinished projects around the house and I am determined as ever to get them completed before spring. Lately it seems spring is already here as the temperatures go from the 30's to the 60's. My spring tulips are already starting to come up. YIKES! Quite a few of my friends in the city are sick. Mostly allergy related but a few others are fighting the stomach virus and that is the last thing this gal needs! Amen.
Today I had the first of two doctor appointments for the week. I am going on a little over two weeks with post concussion syndrome. I have yet to get over the waves of nausea and vomiting. I still get horrible head pressure pain that comes in waves almost like walking in a fog. I have also been having one heck of time dealing with these darn seizures. I try not to allow them to get the best of me but sometimes it gets tough especially when I have them two in a row. My doctor is only down the street and once I woke up I figured this might be a better day. I felt safe enough to drive since it was just a short drive from my house. My appointment was at 4pm however my doctor is pretty popular and runs a bit behind. Once me and my friend got back into a room it was a little after 5pm but my doctor is worth the wait! The nurse went over a few recent tests and ran my vitals. I am slowly getting better at checking my blood pressure and sugar levels through out the day. I am doing half of the ole Drano treatment today and will finish the other half tomorrow. I still don't feel safe doing the entire treatment at once seeing it causes horrible side effects.
We waited around ten minutes before my doctor came in the room. He is always nice in apologizing for the wait. I have been seeing him a bit over eight years now and he knows my unique medical case inside and out. Its a huge relief knowing I have complete trust and faith in my amazing team of specialists. He went over all of my current medications then we discussed all of the tests I had done at the hospital. I am still dealing with the post concussion syndrome which can linger for months. Since I already have other existing medical problems it will take me longer to fully recover than someone who doesn't have the same issues. Since I am now having at least 3-4 days of nausea and vomiting a week its quite obvious I am still dealing with the post concussion on top of my Gastroparesis. We also added a new word to the equation called: MS. I have been through various testing for MS through out the past year by my specialists. MS doesn't have a specific test but a range of tests that are done over a period of months to a year based on symptoms. I have been watched by my specialists for over a year now and I have displayed every symptom minus one. Vagus nerve lesions can also be a sign of MS. I guess we all learn something new everyday. All these head issues finally all make sense as well my immune system doing some quite odd things over the past three years. I started having seizure problems almost four years ago and I always thought there was a possibility over the years I might end up with Parkinson's as a complication due to my Idiopathic Gastroparesis. Strange enough I really didn't think of MS as a complication from my Gastroparesis but I wasn't that educated as well on it. Like I said, we all learn something new every day. For now my doctors goal is to get the head issues and flair ups under control. This means taking lots of medication that this gal isn't used to. I went from two to eight. I have a list now to follow while doing my best keeping up with everything. They still need to run blood work time to time seeing where my immune system is and how close I am of putting the flair ups to sleep.
After a very informative appointment I was once again reminded by my doctor that he can't fix me. He can't cure me. No one can. What they can do is their best to help ease symptoms this way the flair-ups can subside hopefully a bit quicker! I told him as long as he can put a temporary bandaid on and allow me a few days of freedom a week I am happy! The post concussion syndrome from the concussion will have to ride itself out. I know my limits as well when its safe to or not to drive. If I run into problems I must pick up the phone and call someone to come get me and my car. So its another part of life I need to work on by altering things a bit but its not like I haven't done it before. Its all in your attitude. Attitude can make or break you.
Once we left my doctors office we stopped and ran a few errands. I got my game face back on. I made peace and acceptance that sometimes in life things are the way they are and I have to make the most of my good days. Amen. The large list of medication will take a bit to get used to but once things ease up on various levels they can cut a few back here and there. Most are to be taken on a temporary basis because as all my doctors as well myself have learned over the years is one thing: Less is truly more!Doctor's appointment visit #1 down and one more to go.
"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person's determination." 
celebratory
d'oh
I woke up around 10am after going to bed around 4am. I had the worst headache with nausea as soon as I laid down on my couchbed. Once 10am hit the darn sun started coming through the towels hanging over the curtains which fired my head pressure right back up again. By 10:30am I started having tremors in my legs then a seizure came on. Seizures are scary no matter when they strike or how bad the intensity. I do my best not to panic which can only prolong the seizure and make it far worse. Forget trying to pick up a phone and call someone. Hahahaha! NICE TRY but NOT happening! During a seizure that is the last thing you are thinking about and your only concern is holding on for dear life and praying the son of a gun gets over with soon! I also worry if I will wake up and not know where the heck I am at. That has only happened once when my ex lived at the house. It was scary waking up not knowing where you are or who is sitting next to you. Never ask a person questions during a seizure because we can't talk. 
The worst part of today was having two seizures within an hour apart from each other. The second one is always the real kicker because it makes your entire body sore and its hard to move your arms and legs.Your face also goes numb. This time at least someone was over the house when it came on and noticed my body shaking under the couchbed covers. I am very fortunate I came out of that one with no ramifications. Afterwards I was exhausted but too scared to go back to sleep. Thank you Mr. Valium for doing the trick within 15 minutes. WHEW!
Did I just make a funny? "Head Start" on things? Hahahaha!
not sure
It's been one strange day! Is this Friday the 13th or did the UFO's final visit planet earth and invade human life-more like human minds?... I have been beyond stressed out and it sure didn't help my head or GP issues. I also learned today that its not safe nor too smart playing your own doctor and deciding when its OK to drive when you are still recovering from a concussion and having a bad day to start with. DUH! Live and learn. By the time it was 11pm I wasn't sure what happened to the day but I did learn a very valuable lesson about being cautious when putting trust in others. Another live and learn lesson but isn't that what life is all about anyways? Lessons learned?..
Once me and my friend got up around 2:30pm we thought maybe Pumpkin kitty got ahold of some Drano of his own! WOW! What a MESS! It has to be the medication and for now I will be holding off on it for a few days. Mostly for his sake but also my friend said for his too! Hahahaha! Talking about POO-POO Kitty! He left a mess from one end of the house to another. We were both shocked! This new shampooer machine already paid for itself ten fold!
After cleaning up the last of the mess it took us over two hours. Nothing like waking up to that kind of nightmare. It wasn't too smart of an idea for me to keep bending and stooping because once this evening hit the head pressure started getting the best of me then quickly followed by waves of nausea and vomiting. One step ahead and now two steps back. At least I see my specialist Tuesday and after getting an email regarding my three hospital visits I have a few questions about my tests and cat scan. I realize that sometimes our doctors feel things are best left unsaid in fear that maybe the patient has enough on their plate already to deal with however...I do better 'knowing.' Guess I will find out more come next week at the appointment.
Wow! February is less than a week away! Valentine's Day is not too far behind either so that means only one thing: CHOCOLATE! YUMMY! For now I will settle on the beautiful flowers I got this week that make the living room smell like spring. I would rather smell it in flowers than having it early like today's temperatures. Just nuts! One good thing about being stuck at home recovering is I don't have to worry about being out in public catching all the viruses going around. Amen. Littleblue and Oreo are sporting their new Valentine heart bandannas. They are too cute!
chillin'
Today is another house project day and since the monsoon rain has let up for a bit the basement wall needs re-caulked and temporarily patched. It won't be until mid spring the way things are going before the ground is dry enough to repair the walls correctly. For now its like placing another band-aid over and over again. I "tried" to put up a new curtain rod in the spare bedroom today but dang it! I gave up once I realized the rod needs to be moved. This was after I already put up the hooks. GEES! Looks like that project will have to wait until tomorrow.
The furniture re-staining is now officially completed! The last piece was finished today then everything was placed back in order. Its like brand new! The furniture is over 40 years old and made of solid, sturdy wood. Not like they make things now which is super cheap! I think this furniture could last another 40+ years and hopefully can go another five years before having to be re-stained again. I enjoy being productive and it helps keep my mind busy. 
Today in the mail I got some wonderful cards and a very nice Angel ornament gift. I also got some beautiful flowers delivered yesterday. Thank you everyone for all your support and kind words during my recovery process. It truly means a lot and goes to show there are still kindred hearts and amazing people in this world and I am so glad to have all of you as part of my life.
As a dear friend of mine always tells me, "It ain't over till the fat lady sings!" At this point she will be singing for a very, very long time because this gal has a lot of fight and spunk still left in her. That's with or without hair too! Hahahaha! 
amorous
At least I have found a way on my own to finish the rest of the furniture re-staining project. This way I have the entire upstairs bedroom to lock myself in from the rest of the world. It was also nice to escape the confinements of the ole couchbed and television. There was still three pieces of furniture left to stain and polish. I took my time and spent all day completing everything. It felt great to be productive again regardless if I had to take numerous bathroom breaks to get sick. The furniture looks almost brand new again! The wood was pretty dry so the dark stain took quickly. Between the new comforter set and the beautiful newly polished furniture it looks good enough to sleep in the bedroom again!
Sounds like a great idea but the last time I was able to sleep in a bed without getting sick was over four years ago. I must now sleep elevated on a firm surface thus having my ole couchbed.
As I lay here once again on the ole couchbed surrounded by my water, Slimfast and other tasty GP liquid diet yummy drinks (being sarcastic) I question what the heck came over some of these parents on a few of these reality television shows?...
Me and my friend just finished watching the most hilarious show of them all which is bad television at its finest! "Toddlers and Tiaras." Reality isn't really reality anymore. Its more like scripted television where the producers decide once the tape is cut in the editing room just how they will present you to the rest of the viewing world. Nothing quite like watching parents live their dreams out through hair clip ons, false eyelashes, flipper-fake teeth, spray on tans and enough Aqua Net that if someone lit a match we would all blow up! Hahahaha! I remember way back in the day when beauty pageants didn't involve parents standing behind the judges motioning each move their child should make. I tend to think anyone who has a video recorder at these glitz beauty pageants also must hold a top rated U Tube video channel. I get more of a kick watching the parents who act like maybe they need to be in the 2-6 year old group instead of the actual child. Hahahaha!
The best part is when the child doesn't hold up to their parents expectations and walk away with the average $500-$1,000 top prize, although mind you it costs almost the same amount just to enter into these pageants. I think maybe they need to give the parents a Monster energy drink and a dozen of pixie sticks first before announcing the grand supreme prize winners. Surely it would make for the best television of all! Hahahaha! Come on? Making a child lose weight when they are only 8 years old or how about only having children for the sake of putting them into beauty pageants? I think some these parents should had instead invested into Mattel and build a Barbie house and bought a Barbie corvette and then hit the road aka solo. Its sad to imagine the consequences and self esteem issues these children will grow up having from being forced into a distorted pageant world by their parents living their lives through them. Sure isn't what it used to be back in the day but boy! is it extremely fun guilty pleasure watching these parents behave like children!
On a more productive note...My friend started re-staining furniture in the spare bedroom. The furniture was handed down to me and the last time it had a good refinishing was years ago. I did my best to help assist with polishing the parts that were eye level. Anything besides watching television is a blessing! Amen. We also baked some cupcakes. I never was too much into cake or cupcakes. I always preferred the icing. It takes a lot of sugar anymore to keep my levels up. Same goes for staying hydrated increasing my fluids due to low blood pressure associated with my Gastroparesis. At least I can say I am getting better at monitoring both and that's a good thing! 
lazy
I had my Hell-In-A-Jug ready as well my Hawaiian punch chaser to start the treatment around 3:30pm. After doing a touch more walking and things around the house than compared to yesterday it all went downhill from there. My head started pounding then the horrible pressure began to work from the right side of my head through my ears then down to my neck. Next of course is motion sickness then vomiting. When I attempted to take a shower later this evening I got quite dizzy so it was a quick one then back to my ole couchbed to rest with ice packs. With my blood pressure running low I made a smart decision not to do treatment today because it does cause cardiac side affects. Its not a safe idea right now so unfortunately Drano has to wait.
There are a few house projects that need to be done around the house. So far my friend has been doing most of them. Of course I am limited due to the concussion so its been very frustrating to say the least! Let's just say I am NOT liking all the restrictions I now have in my life but just praying recovery is sooner than eight weeks before I go nuts! Hahahaha! I do have my wheelchair at home so maybe my specialist will allow me to at least go out to the mall or somewhere close to my home by next weekend just to get a change of scenery. I know...It's called patience and I am quickly running out. Some would say I would make a great contestant on the show 'Big Brother!' Me stuck in a house? No problem! I could win it seeing isn't that what I have been doing already most of my Gastroparesis life? Amen.
A friend of mine who doesn't have Gastroparesis but another chronic condition mentioned to me how hard it is dating and finding a companion. They said, "Why don't they have a dating site for those who are disabled? A way to connect with those of the opposite sex who also suffer from a disability?" Hmmmm....I honestly thought that was a very good point and a great idea too! Its hard dating when you get older but add a chronic or terminal condition to the mix? Forget it! Seems you have to hide whats going on internally especially if you can disguise it externally. Marriage isn't what it used to be years ago. I believe when you take those vows and sign that marriage certificate and its says, "Till death do us part" that it be taken seriously and there is no getting out of the marriage. Instead you have to work through your problems and differences. I don't believe in divorce however I find myself in that exact position. I believe if there is a problem by golly it can be fixed. Sadly its when one spouse fails to work together and communicate is when they also fail the marriage. I don't believe in anyone who says it was both parties fault that the marriage ended. That isn't the case because there is always that one person who doesn't want to work on keeping their vows. Do I believe in spousal support? Yes I do unless both parties make equal in salary. If not then the lesser spouse should be granted temporary financial support. I guess I needed to be born in the 30's or 40's when there was rarely such a thing heard of as a divorce. Now marriage comes with a 50% divorce rate so some how, somewhere, something went way wrong.
down
It's now been officially a week since I got my concussion and I am going nuts being stuck at home! I am also going nuts with all this resting on my couchbed. I am shocked that the number pad on my satellite dish remote haven't come off yet from all the channel surfing! Hahahaha! Once I get up to walk around every other hour I am finding myself looking for anything to do. Anything at all even if it is or isn't productive. Just anything besides watching television. I lost track how many times I have walked around the house today saying, " I am BORED!" I tend to think I am also driving my friend nuts and sure bet they were glad to go to work today! Hahahaha! 
Oreo is doing about the same. He still has seizures and I do my best making sure he is safe and comfortable. That is the nice part about being home with a sick fur kid. I can't see me being anywhere else knowing he might have a seizure and no one was there for him. Cuddles kitty is still waiting for someone to come home that officially moved the rest of their belongings out this past weekend. I feel horrible for the fur kids because 13 years is such a long time to be used to the same faces around the house.
Me and my friend have been doing our best to help them readjust to the changes but its still been tough. I remember this same person telling me a few years ago that those who walk away and leave someone who is sick is a weak person. Now I question if they realized when the going got tough they too also got going?.. Sadly they are not the only ones in my life who have done the recent disappearing act. The words: "Abandoned" and "Neglected" seem to fit. Some question how anyone can leave someone who clearly needs help and how their guilt and subconscious don't eat them alive or at night when they sleep?.. I now find myself with all my guards up with little trust and faith in anyone within the area. Rightfully so because I refuse to get hurt again. I have been questioning whether its a good idea to remain in this city due to all the negativity and bad memories that lurk around me. My parents live here and honestly that is pretty much the only thing that keeps me grounded. I do have a handful of very loyal, loving and compassionate friends who always accepted me for me whether I am normal or sick. My friend suggested this afternoon that once I make a full recovery from the concussion that we go out with a few of his friends. It was a great idea but I told him I don't trust anyone around here and don't feel comfortable meeting anyone new. If I moved to a different state I could at least have a fresh start on a clean slate. I could be me without being judged. I would also keep my medical condition hidden behind physician doors or online. 
Sometimes I just wish I was me again without Gastroparesis. For such a poorly understood GI disorder that fails to get the much needed research money from federal grants it can sure leave behind a very destructive path physically and emotionally. Amen. 
February can't get here soon enough so I can say "BYE BYE" to this hellish first month of the year. Once I fully recover I can't wait to just take one night out on the town, even if only for a few hours. AMEN! I tried to talk my way around maybe taking a 'small' car ride if my friend drove however my doctor quickly shot that idea down as well the hospital physicians. Heck, it was worth a try! Need any sewing done? I might be your gal! Need any taxes done? I might be your gal but I can't promise they will be done right and Uncle Sam won't be knocking at your door later this year. Hahahaha! Just blame it on the head gal! Me! 