Mood:  celebratory

With all the non-stop stress I am happy to say sorry folks who like to bring me down but guess what? I'm still ALIVE! WHOAHOA!

I should had been a Navy Seal. Heck! So far it seems I am already in training. Prepare for battle! Been there. Doing that. Hahahaha! So one might wonder how my spirits are still up even with all the crap going on around me. God loves a fighter and he sure does love me! We all have a purpose here on earth and let's just say my job is far from done. Amen.

After going to the county courthouse and receiving all the necessary paperwork to file a civil protection order against my ex's sibling I decided to take a day to reflect on everything. To go over the entire situation. It also gave me time to speak to the judge's magistrate and assistant. Today I spoke to the local and county Sheriff's department regarding the attempted assault. 'Attempted' because I wasn't under the influence of anything unlike his sibling who was under the influence of quite a few things. I won't be allowing anyone to ever again try to force their way into my property after being asked numerous times to leave. What I found out was I have been able to protect myself, my life and my fur kids over several times now. 

It's called the act of "Self Defense."

You don't have to be assaulted in order to protect yourself. Verbal assault which puts a person in fear of their life also allows you to protect yourself. No one gets arrested for protecting themselves and with a prior incident report a page long let's just say that soon to be EX Sister In Law is extremely lucky! After the county looked into this individuals background a bit further it certainly explained how my ex ended up with all their drug and alcohol addiction problems. They learned the behavior as well the violent temper first hand from their own family. I honestly am still a bit shocked and taken back finding out all the repeated history of arrests. One should learn from their past mistakes and grow up to be a better person not create a longer rap sheet like his sibling. To make a long story short I tend to believe his siblings actions will not be the first nor the last. I might have my local and county departments behind me but for now at least I am 100% educated on my rights to defend and protect my life as well my beloved fur kids.

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE COLORFUL FRIENDS!

I like to call my little friends M O P. I won't tell you what the initials stand for, I rather you guess but certain you can figure it out. When you are sick and in no position to be lunged at nor threatened with violence you have to get some type of support and back up. Have a game plan. Sure wish I had both prior to last weekends ridiculous act of someone being way out of control and NUTS! Being told by the law and the court system that regardless the scenario and you are sick as well injured you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself. Period. I couldn't agree with them more and honestly I have had just about enough, no wait! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH of walking on egg shells. No one should have to live a life of fear due to some nut job extended family member nor an addict who mind you will never be clean or sober. They just lead everyone to believe they are for the sake of once again manipulating. Those who fall for the stories are just as if not more foolish looking than the addict.

Now I have my own personal stash of M O P S because one can never be too prepared to protect themselves. Amen. Miss pink M O P stays by my side indoors while her cousin blue M O P stays in another location and their cousin dark blue M O P in a special secret hiding spot. A dear friend of mine was very, very proud of me today for taking action and finally saying NO to being a door mat for violent and aggressive behavior. They have recently taught their own son about sticking up for themselves after being picked on by a bully at school. He said, "You can just never be too certain with people in this world. There are a lot of nuts out there and you always have the right to protect yourself when you are being threatened. This also goes for children because as parents we can't always be there for them." As a very concerned Father he has no problems confronting the school nor the bully's parents but at the same time let's just say his son finally stuck up for himself and justice was served!

It's a very long process going through the court system these days seeing most are just too overwhelmed to handle cases. You might wait days or even weeks before justice is even served. In my decision to become my own form of justice I eliminated the trips back and forth to the county court house as well wasting precious and valuable time. Something I won't be wasting on some raging idiotic lunatic soon to be ex Sister in law with a long history of  breaking the law. Amen. Now if she comes near me again and decides to be brave or feeling a bit lucky that day I promise you I won't be sitting back and taking it. I might be sick but I am not without strength and I am far from stupid.

Fear nothing. Fear no one.

So for now I told the judge's office I will hold onto the paperwork but at the same time I will do what needs to be done in the name of self defense. They agreed as well the local and county Sheriff's department. 'If' and that's a huge 'if' this happens again the individual or individuals will be arrested on the spot. It will be the last and final incident report that will be taken. Guess we all run out of the 'Get Out Of Jail Free' passes sooner or later. Back fractures or not I refuse to ever again live in fear.

Today has been a pretty low key mellow day as I continue making necessary changes placing lines in the sand. I have boundaries and they must now be respected. I will take nothing less. I have suffered far enough medically and I have suffered far more by others off the wall behavior. If those seek the help they need to educate themselves on my condition and how to support me I have no problem allowing them back into my life but you can't change people. Its up to those to 'want' to change. For now I will be alright and just fine taking care of me, myself and I along with my fur gang. No one said Gastroparesis was easy but WOW! no one told me it would be this tough dealing with stress created by others on top of being sick either. WHEW!

CHEERS TO THE POWER OF ONE! If I can make it and survived this long by golly anyone can do it! AMEN!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 10:43 PM EST

Updated: January 12, 2012 12:15 AM EST

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Mood:  chillin'

FINALLY! I can relax and sit back on my couchbed and blog! You have no idea how much I now look forward to blogging! You know why? I am finding it an amazing way to vent and de-stress...It's also a very helpful way for me to keep up with my progress whether it be medically or personally. I also enjoy writing! Its liberating being able to literally throw myself into something besides a dentist chair. Hahahaha!

Speaking of throwing yourself into a chair!...

I like to call this little part of my blog the "Oprah Couch Session." Call it coming clean if you will of any questions out there in my city regarding my health or other false information being thrown out for the world to see or hear. If you can't hear it from the horses mouth then why take it from its tail end? Hahahaha! Just call me "KimEd!" So here we go. I am going to take these one at a time so there are no further false rumors out there to make me roll in my grave later down on the road. We are talking much, much later down the road of course!...I also would rather set the record straight now than later because I honestly have had my limit of stress as my final boundaries are set in the sand.

So if you haven't read it here coming directly from me and you are hearing it via a third party then guess what folks? It isn't true and sorry but you have been dooped. Ready? I am.

1. When a 'friend' contacts you on emails or information which was private information based off of feelings then turns around and back-stabs you sharing private emails then maybe this isn't a friend to start with but a drama starter. Funny how a 'friend' would play both sides isn't it? When the emails are based off my feelings of non-support and 'feeling' abandoned then guess what? Those are 'my' feelings and I am entitled to such without being thrown stones.
2. I have done my best to make contact with friends from my past on a few occasions. The same friends who left me high and dry once I got sick and diagnosed with Gastroparesis. Let's just say after trying more than a few times and giving information they request but in turn still not contacting me then I got the 'hint' maybe they were just using it the same way as saying 'hi!' to someone out in public. Small talk if you will but honestly no resentment or bad feelings because I extended a second hand out and if its not given back at least at the end of the day I can say I tried.
3. I am not on a list of medication as some say out in the city. I take my Drano treatments when I am not under stress and one nausea medication as needed. Tums (occasionally) for acid and Beltonna for intestinal ulcers which didn't work so that leaves me with three medications. Not sure where some think I am taking pain meds or a list of other prescriptions?. I don't even take seizure medication because mine are due to the vagus nerve damage associated with my GP so they didn't work and when I did I was only on them for a week at a time just long enough for my doctors to say, "NEXT!"  Come on now. You are accusing someone who lives and will be prior 'lived' with a drug addict. Its scary enough seeing someone become Jekyll and Hyde when a pin drops so why in the world would I want to take any medication to start with? Sure, my doctors are very compassionate and rightfully so with my terminal condition but as I tell them and I am telling you now I REFUSE to take any pain medication. I would rather suffer with the pain and deal with it. Guess what? I have and I still do. Do you count holistic Peppermint Oil as a drug too? If so I guess I am guilty of applying it on a piece of paper towel at night to help ease nausea by breathing it in. No. You can't get high off of it either so might as well shoot that rumor down too if it tries to surface. Hahaha! Medication case closed.
4. Doctors, specialists, surgeons, etc can NOT disclose or share any personal information of a patients by law. This includes even if you pay them to be your doctor at your business. They can get sued and their license taken away. Let's just say any specialist who has only seen you two to three times has absolutely no clue about your own 'unique' condition unless they have at least treated you for over a year as well have any and all prior records from all your specialists. My team of 16 specialists whom all treat at least one organ not to forget my dentist who cares for my teeth that makes 17 have been seeing me as their patient for over 8 years now. That makes them experts in knowing my 'unique' medical condition. They are a team and work together as a team to give me the highest quality of care available. My friend has been attending various appointments for quite sometime as well my ex did too so let's just say specialists are not dumb. They can see through things and when it is extremely important for a patient in my case to have support its in the records. Records and emergency room visits speak for themselves as well when my ex had attitude and was hungry so wanted to leave and rush the treating doctor. Or when my ex told my doctors about the lack of support he saw for years or by telling me I couldn't be at home when my condition deteriorates due to 'some' would place me in a nursing home or care facility. That didn't go over so well! Same goes for questions that are or aren't being asked. One should also be an expect at my condition if they are supporting me and are first of all around me enough to even know about Gastroparesis. You can read about a medical condition online all you want but each patient based on the severity and connected problems are going to be different. Like I said and will say it again, "Unless you are here with me and have been at the doctors appointments with me let the doctors play doctor and try not to have a doctor badge on without the degree." When those who go with me at my appointments are telling someone facts its because they are real facts. Anything else, coming from anyone else is just made up crap. If you believe it then get out of my Oprah audience because you clearly belong on the Jerry Springer show. No, my prior medical conditions of having a reaction to a herbal supplement 11 years ago with a temporary superficial clot in my left arm, etc doesn't qualify for having Gastroparesis. My specialists as well clinics who had all my files went over everything. Been there. Done that. No connections. If only it was that easy to figure out the great GP mystery! As far as my brain? Ask any of my doctors how smart I am or better yet ask friends who know me now or better yet I know! Ask SSD health professionals whom stated at my hearing that I am intelligent enough to hold two master degrees but sadly my body is in in no shape to hold any job. My two Neurologists told my ex, "Do you know how smart your wife is? Look here! Look at her brain on these tests and scans! See that? I know she's smart, she's got a great looking brain!" My other specialists always remark by saying, "I don't need to tell you everything, you are highly intelligent and smart enough you can figure it out and usually do before I can."  If having 'feeling's and venting them instead of holding them in then later blowing up makes you stupid and questions your cognitive health then I must be the dumbest person around! Hahahaha! Give me a break!
5. Was I dumb to put up with crap living with an addict? Yes. Did I give out too many "I forgive you cards?" Yep. Guilty as charged. Did I try to put a stop to things solo and without help from others who also got the wrath of the addictions? Yes. You can't win a war without your troops. I tried and tried my darnest but I got no where fast. Those who think enabling someones addictions will make the person stop are crazy! They look worse than the addict. Remember the addict has it easy, their actions even sober may never affect them. Its the innocent people who have to live with it that suffer ten fold. My GREAT and I will say GREAT Psychologist treated addicts on the side for a very long time and he stopped doing so and will not treat any addicts again. You know why? Because of the damage addicts do to everyone around them. If you want the best and highest quality of advice on the what to do or not to do for someone who has addictions talk to someone who treats or has treated them for over 15 years. Amen. How anyone can sympathize with an addict who would lie, cheat and steal from you over someone who is sick and suffering who didn't ask for their condition is heartless and obviously isn't thinking straight.
6. If you don't know how to act around or support someone who has a chronic or terminal condition regardless what it is then go see a therapist who specialists in terminal care and find out. I guarantee they will know first hand what you should do and what NOT to do. That includes not belittling the patient and causing them additional physical and emotional stress. Not everyone is built like the great wall of China being able to handle a tremendous amount of turmoil but I am. Don't patients have enough on their plate already? I think so! As far as if someone makes a critical decision to either help out or not and quickly decides they will NOT help out there is something wrong with that picture. In the end makes you wonder if they were punishing the patient for being sick. Its not a good feeling when someone refuses to accept the person you are today. Sick or not. If you can't accept someone at face value now then don't accept them at all. Remember we are not invincible we all one day will come down with something. How would you like to be treated? Just because someone may be GREAT at reaching out and helping others doesn't mean they treat those closest to them the same way.
7. We all have friends that maybe not everyone knows about. Different friends bring different things to the plate of life. Some may bring great advice while others offer humor. Some may be wise in making quick decisions while others offer support and compassion. I have been accused by some of not knowing him or her, etc. Maybe because you are not around me long enough to know or ask. I have many friends. I used to have far more friends in state than out of state. Now I have twice as many friends out of state than both combined but what you see is what you get. They except me at face-value. Take me or leave me. My blog is also real and not fictional. This is my life and my 'feelings.' Trust me this blog benefits me more than most would care to say but if over 86,000 readers can relate or connect with me in a way that helps them in their own life then I see nothing but positive by doing a daily journal about my crazy GP life. Amen.
8. Those who like to accuse me over and over again of being distorted about reality need to drink a few more pots of coffee in the morning. I am without a shadow of a doubt 110% fully aware of what I have medically and what I deal with personally. I am also fully aware of bad behavior and being falsely accused maliciously over fabricated crap. Reality is knowing when someone clearly needs to get help of their own and step out of the land of make believe. I have been eyes wideeeee open folks all eight years and 10 months of medical suffering. I don't need to video tape it. I have a darn good memory like a library so if you doubt my common sense then ask me a question. I am sure to have a quick and honest answer for you.
9. Try not to compare ones medical condition to another. You can't. That's like comparing apples to oranges. Anyone who uses that same analogy over and over again only shows others the lack of compassion they truly have for the person who is sick.
10. When you constantly belittle someone countless times you are bound to get a back fire reaction which might include someone taking their tone of voice up a few notches. You know why? Because maybe you are not really listening and they grew tired of repeating themselves. Patients have feelings too and we are not made of stone. Same goes for any human being.
11. You will quickly find out about those later on in life who were fortunately enough to leave a legacy behind and foot prints in the sand. This gal never took the Gastroparesis bull by the horns fighting for years raising Gastroparesis Awareness without great cause! I find anyone who questions my compassion for helping other patients who suffer in silence or reaching out to assist their family, friends or loved ones very disheartening. There is no shame in the power of loving others out there in the world. I don't need nor did I even need to profit by being a good person. I would rather die broken knowing I gave it my all no matter how sick I was to help someone than in the end to die and be judged by how much money I made or how many toys I had. Respect isn't based off of Uncle Sam its based off of those who were always real to the end and fought for what they believed was right. That includes fighting for yourself. That's TRUE RESPECT!
12. There comes a time in every ones life when relentless stress can start causing extreme harm to someone internally. You can be the strongest bull in the China shop mentally but human organs can only take so much physically. For those who feel my medical condition might kill them because they can not handle seeing me sick then it is best for now you not see me. Its sad to have to part with those we love but it never was my intention to cause anyone including family stress by being sick. I guess in a strange way in the end I am protecting their lives by putting my own on the line. Until everyone sits down with someone who specializes in treating chronic and terminal patients that can assist the tension that continues to build I must for now go my own separate way. I won't disallow anyone when my time comes to be by my bedside nor put limits on who passes by my coffin when Heaven calls but I just for once wanted to be as real as one can get. I am not dead yet so please don't talk of me as in 'past' tense. The only thing that kills is hope. This was long overdue and I can only take full responsibility of not being upfront with my feelings for years and thinking it was 'ok' to bottle them up because it wasn't. I will take this time in front of over 86,000 readers and apologize for any hell that my condition has caused my parents and my Sister as well their children. Being human means you can accept when you are right and even when your wrong. Being human also means you are sincere when you say your sorry. Its sad that I can't be that person you all once knew years ago. All I can be now is me. 

This Oprah couch session went wayyyyyy past the one hour time limit...Heck! Where were the commercials? Time to give Oreo his medication and call it a night. OOPS! I mean a morning. There are other chess pieces just waiting to be moved this week and remember time waits for no one. Amen.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 11, 2012 7:51 PM EST

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Mood:  d'oh

Wow! Is this week going to be all over the place! I have been changing this and rearranging that into the early evening hours. Just when I 'thought' I had a game plan today it once again got shot down.

There wasn't much sleep for this gal last night seeing poor Oreo still isn't feel well with seizures. He had one at 10:30am that woke me up then he was disoriented stumbling to stand up so once he come to I had him sleep next to me on the couch bed. This way I could keep a close eye on him. The seizures are very scary for him as well what follows which is extreme disorientation. His blood work is still out pending and until that comes back its touch and go. Jingles isn't helping matters but he can't help it since hes still a puppy. Littleblue is still nursing her hedgehogs playing Mom to the gang. So much for a two week ordeal. We are now going on three weeks.

Once I got up and started moving around doing the normal house chore routine I went to let Jingles outside. He seems to be getting sick again and coughing up thick yellow mucus with constant coughing. Of course this is a sign of a secondary or rebound infection. I already had plans to file some paperwork down at the county court but instead I had to change plans and call the animal care center near my house to have Jingles checked out. This is the third round of antibiotics so something must be going on but my gut was saying more like maybe the current medication isn't strong enough. My friend has plans to take his son to dinner after school so thankfully it was early enough in the afternoon to have Jingles checked out. Its hard to balance everything going on at the house but when there's a will there is a way and I always seem to find it!

I would rather have someone home at all times with Oreo seeing he isn't doing good with the seizures. He has two more days on his antibiotics so I felt it might be best to call his veterinarian to let her know about his seizure and tremors this morning. He is also very anxious and scared. Before we left to take Jingles down the vet he snapped at me and growled then went after Jingles. One must remember when you have seizures just like animals they go through stages. Before, during and after the seizure. It isn't Oreo's fault because he doesn't really understand what he is doing but I don't think having Jingles around right now is such a great idea but I will let both veterinarians work together and give the final say in a game plan.

My friend has the day off so thankfully he was able to go with me. We are slowly talking again after his brain funk not protecting me against my ex's crazy sibling. I don't forgive or forget that easily and I do have my guards up but its only natural. I think anyone would and once he proves to me I can trust him again I remain an Army of one. The veterinarian was fully aware of Jingles being sick so they had us bring him up around 4pm. We were placed right away in a room and they did a physical exam and went over all of Jingles shots and medication. They looked into prior medication he was taking and I found out this was one very, very sick little guy since he was eight weeks old. Maybe sooner. I guess you can say I earned my 'Fur Kid Wings' with Jingles. Heeheeheehee! Once the veterinarian listened to his lungs Jingles started coughing horribly again. The poor guy is still sick and the medication he was placed on two days ago just isn't strong enough. They placed Jingles on a new stronger antibiotic same as what Littleblue and Oreo were put to prevent any secondary infections. They also prescribed Jingles a cough suppressant that has a sedative this way he rests. Being such a energetic puppy he isn't getting enough rest so hes not giving his immune system a break. He can go and go and go and go! I don't remember any of the fur kids having this much energy. WOW!

The veterinarian was very concerned with the other fur kids at home seeing they can rebound the same infection and virus then pass it around again. YIKES! With Oreo also being 13 years old the stress of the puppy isn't helping his seizures because over the past three days they have gotten worse. Oreo is having different type of seizures so it makes it twice as hard for the veterinarians to get things under control. "IF they can get them under control." When the blood work comes back then they will have a better understanding of Oreo's medical condition.

Once we got home my friend put Jingles in the backyard and I went inside to check on Oreo. He isn't acting like himself and started having the tremors within ten minutes of being in the house. He is scared to be alone and will follow you everywhere. I was to go to dinner with my friend and his son but felt it was important for someone to be home for Oreo. It was a very smart decision because Oreo later on walked into the dining room chairs, tried to hide in my closet and under the kitchen drawer. Nothing like Oreo would ever, ever do and when he went outside it seemed as if he wasn't sure where he was at. I did call his veterinarian again seeing I didn't have my cell phone on when they called earlier. Around 9:00pm after I finished up disinfecting the entire house and cleaning up a bit Oreo's veterinarian called. They decided to stat his blood work due to the more frequent seizures and changes. The veterinarian explained the blood work showed no organ failure or organ infections so they are certainly leaning towards a lesion or brain tumor. They do offer cat scans but the downside is regardless of either they can not do surgery or cure the problem which is causing Oreo to be very, very sick. The veterinarian was extremely informative and went over everything to be expected. We also discussed Oreo's behavior and what I should be looking out for during his seizures this way I know when its important to take him there asap! They called in some compassionate care medication so Oreo can sleep and if he is having pain he can be more comfortable. Poor Oreo does nothing but pace the floors and follow us around everywhere. He is very affectionate but as told because he is scared and sick due to the seizures and neurological trauma. My CrystalblueAngel had seizures before she went to Heaven and it was extremely hard watching her suffer. I sure wish our fur kids could talk but for now I need to keep him comfortable in a calm, quiet and 'safe' environment.

This all makes me wonder the other night when that nut was over the house outside in a psychotic rage while Oreo was also outside if that made his medical situation worse...Seems to me if stress makes my GP worse and others who have chronic or terminal medical conditions it can certainly do the same to fur kids. It really makes me infuriated! My back is still not 100% and I had to cancel my GI appointment for Thursday since things had to be all rearranged this week and I still have to fit in the second half of my treatment. GEES! My Gastroenterologist is very understanding and worked me into next week, same day and same time. Tomorrow I have a court appointment to put a quick stop to that nut trying to assault me for no reason then I will be taking a further step in another direction right after that so I won't be tolerating something like that from ever happening again.

Sometimes I think I should had been born into the Mob life. At least when there is problems it doesn't take them forever to resolved them and they don't need the law to do it. They also have each others back no matter what. The law is for the guilty not the innocent that's why the guilty have a better life in jail or prison than people who are homeless. Truth. If I was a member of a Mob family I seriously doubt I would have any problems with being a human punching bag nor the stress that has come into this new so far 'hellish year 2012.' Maybe that's why I like the show 'The Mob Wives.' They have a problem it gets resolved then and there. People are up front and if they have an issue they deal with it head on.

For now I like 'Facebook' because if you ever want to know the TRUTH and real FACTS on someone just look them up! No one LIES on a Facebook wall and if and when they do I am always the first to know because society doesn't like liars or drama folks. People are as real as real can get when it comes to their personal life on Facebook. Maybe later this week I need to air out some truth on my blog. I will call it my own little Facebook since there seems to be some far out confusion from some folks in this stressful city regarding my condition. If you can't educate yourself and support someone who is sick then how can you preach truth on something you have absolutely no clue about. Amen.

Well that's for another day...Another blog...For now I have my fur kids, my health and my life to protect so I have no time for clueless people nor drama. My GP plate is already full enough.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:30 PM EST

Updated: January 10, 2012 1:18 AM EST

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Mood:  don't ask

Ahhhh...OK. Now I know why everyone has been acting scary! It's a full moon weekend! BOO! I guess this explains off the wall behavior. Sure...it all makes perfect sense now!

On a more serious note I got lots of support after last nights crazy, unnecessary and uncalled for chain of events. Thank goodness for friends who understand and can relate due to also living a part of my personal hell. Some in more ways than others but regardless I am still able to stick to my guns and keep both feet firmly on the ground. Consider it like a game of chess. One has to be careful before making any move. NEVER make a move off of emotion. Let all emotions ride out before making any logical steps. You will not only save yourself some time but additional stress.My friend apologized to me today in regards to not sticking up for me while having someone attempt to assault me. Honestly he said, "I don't know what I was thinking but I sure the heck wasn't thinking." It got to him all night and around 5am he confronted my ex about the entire incident that happened all because his puppy 'accidentally' got out of the house when he was walking Littleblue. Remember anyone who comes off drugs is bound to snap for no reason same goes for the sibling and whatever they were taking or under the influence of. Detoxing should be done under a controlled environment and never on your own cold turkey. Its a step down process. Not all at once. Lord only knows but it was CRAZY! My friend asked for my ex to apologize for coming after me and screaming when it wasn't my fault that his puppy 'accidentally' got out but I would never and don't hold my breath.

On top of the chain of events this is Drano treatment day and I still have a swollen back. Its important for me to walk around still due to my Idiopathic Gastroparesis but it doesn't come without the heavy price of constant pain. I have been through worse and I will just have to continue sucking up and dealing with it. I didn't sleep hardly at all last night into the morning and early afternoon. I got a few hours here and there in between the constant text messages and calls from very concerned out of state friends. At least they did talk me into some rational sense and helped me decide the next of many moves which will allow some peace back into my life. Its true! Unless you have lived it yourself or walked in someones shoes you will never know first hand what its like. They all know because they either have been through the same things or live it now. Consider it being a back bone for each other.

This evening once I could come down off between having the shakes and panic attacks I got my mind off of things and did some house chores as well tried my best to clean the car. Same car that sees the open road only twice a week if its lucky! Hahahaha! I didn't forget about the attempted assault last night. It hasn't left my mind. It won't leave my mind until I know justice has been served. I was reminded of my options and plan on taking them. It will be the first and the last time that incident will be happening. I also did a few other proactive things tonight in order to keep the peace. I had enough with stress and if others can't accept me as sick then you might as well not accept me at all. I have taken care of myself, this house and the fur gang for over eight years while being sick and I promise you even if I have to crawl I will be able to continue doing the same for the next eight years or sooner if God feels I finally deserve a peace of Heaven.

You know when it rains it pours and sometimes life just doesn't seem fair. So far I would like to call 2012 the year from hell. Hahahaha! If I need to continue playing the game of Battleship through out the rest of the year to put out all the fires then so be it. I have plenty of time!

With all the stress which should never have happened Oreo had another seizure late this evening. It scared the heck out of me but mostly my friend seeing Oreo was on his bed when it started. Once I came in he was shaking from head to toe and his eyes rolled back. I remembered the veterinarian telling me not to move him and just make sure he is warm and comfortable. Turn off all lights and any noise. We both remembered as we did our best to comfort Oreo. I can't stand with every breath in me seeing my fur kids sick. I know as well first hand all about seizures and they are scary! They also leave you feeling exhausted and disoriented. Oreo was taken to the vet emergency clinic once the seizure stopped. I spoke to the veterinarian seeing I couldn't go due to problems with my back and being in the bathroom. They ran blood work first to make sure there is no internal organ problems. If all comes back clear the vet said they might be dealing with a lesion or brain tumor. My heart just sank. We are taking things one day a time but for now I will fight to keep things as peaceful as possible in this house from here on out. The crazy person last night won't be around me for the rest of their life so that's one down.

I am learning that in life you take it one day and sometimes one hour at a time.

Thank you Kevin, Frances, Brian, John, Mike, AnnMarie, Jan and KimAngel for being the wonderful friends that you are! Thank you for being my rock and backbone when I have felt weak. Yes, it did good to cry it out last night but today is a new day and I got my game face back on! Love you all!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 9, 2012 2:22 AM EST

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Mood:  irritated

Ever lose faith in people? I have.

So much for this being the start of a stress-free weekend. I should had just caned or wheel-chaired my way out of the house tonight but instead some how I made my back much worse last night. It could had been from moving a box or just bending the wrong way. Regardless I figured late last night it would just 'go away' if I just took it easy and used some ice. Instead I didn't sleep well and couldn't get comfortable. The pressure pain was horrible trying to sit up and when I went to move it only got worse. When I looked in the mirror my entire lower back was swollen.  I think I bit my own tongue by not listening to my specialists and taking it easy. I had planned to go out this evening but instead got stuck once again inside my house-jail. At least the animal gang are enjoying having me home. So much for getting out once a week and with treatment tomorrow it doesn't look like I will be getting out to escape anytime soon. If I do it will only be to my local police department or county courthouse.

Did I say police and court?!...

Yes. I did. Seems after minding my own P's and Q's which one would think that would keep the peace I got hit with stress from HELL tonight! Here I was just resting on my couchbed and watching TV when my ex's sibling came over. Of course my friend got up because we weren't sure of the loud music outside and with my neighbor not home you just never know so he opened the door. Don't ask me why my ex's sibling was at the house seeing you know that little saying, "Out of sight, out of mind?" I live by that now and I am only concerned for myself. Once my ex went outside Jingles almost got out of the door behind him. At this point Oreo and Littleblue needed to go outside so my friend put their leashes on and opened the door. Once the door was open Jingles got out and he didn't stay in the yard either. OH NO! With my back being hurt I can't hardly walk to start with so I told my friend to give me their leashes and help my ex catch Jingles puppy. So one would THINK we were doing the right thing so Jingles puppy didn't get hit by a car but INSTEAD I hear my ex cursing up a storm trying to grab Jingles. My friend finally cornered Jingles and caught him but instead of 'thank you' he got a few choice words then the HELL started once again on me. Don't ask me how I got blamed for letting Jingles out when it was just an accident but remember when I said I won't be taking any ones crap anymore? I MEANT IT! My ex came into the house in a rage cursing and screaming at me. At the same time I told his sibling who was outside if they could leave because their brother was out of control but instead of helping to calm him down which normal people would do they came after me. Mouth, fists and all!

Let's be honest by saying anyone who has a drug or alcohol addiction problem you won't be winning any arguments nor reasoning. While I am hearing it from him I am hearing it from his sibling and things were getting NUTS! From minding my own business to once again being a punching bag I had to literally try to shut and lock the door on his sibling who was trying to grab and punch me all at the same time. YES! All this unnecessary stress and madness was going on while my friend of all people was just standing there. Call me crazy but I am not sure what he was thinking! He should had protected me by escorted the sibling off the property so they didn't cause me any further stress nor physical harm but...he didn't. My ex didn't help matters either by continuing to say they can come over and visit when they want. This was also going on while the sibling was still calling me every name under the sun while still reaching for the door and me. I am not sure what they were loaded or tanked on but I was just waiting for them to put their fists through the glass storm door. I wish they would had then maybe when they woke up the next day they would had realized how crazy they looked! I don't even talk to my ex's siblings nor family. I haven't in years so I am not sure why this sibling felt it was 'OK' to come after me like that. Its called aggravated menacing. 

I AM SOOOOOOOO TIRED OF IT!

This is getting old and got old a few years ago but folks we just took things to a different level tonight. Here I sit with absolutely no faith in people within this city. After having the local police here and having to visit another department I remain with both feet planted firmly on the ground and I won't be taking crap. I meant what I said. Luckily my ex got his sibling to leave the property by literally putting them into a choke hold and holding both their hands behind their back. This should had never happened to begin with and someone should had intervened. Instead I feel like once again I am protecting myself with an Army of one called, "ME." A few people had to come by an hour later making sure the fire got put out for good! After they left I had to once again go back up to the police department in the name of protecting me, myself and I.

If anyone thinks alcohol, drug and addiction problems aren't a huge problem and cause nothing but complete hell for innocent people involved you are sadly mistaken! I don't forgive anyone who just stands around and does nothing nor those who enable the behavior. If you can't be proactive and help someone then you are no one in my book. How can anyone feel good about themselves by just sitting back? I have dealt with it first hand and this evening it went to a level that was completely uncalled for! If I could had done things differently I would had let his sibling open the door and come after me this way at least I had my cane to defend myself and who knows with the medical hell I have been put through over the years just how much force would had behind the hand but its called, "Self defense." Instead once again I am finding myself desperately putting a lid on hell and its becoming exhausting fighting all these battles. I'm keeping my promise of self respect and that won't be changing anytime soon.

I told someone tonight if I don't come out of my house and I take a year off from everyone around this city its for my own sake so I can get some peace and quiet. I just have no faith in people within this city. I don't have faith in families either who have troubled individuals and refuse to help them. Its not 'can you' get treatment. It should be 'you will' get treatment. I am a living, breathing human example of people who become the victim and I am tired of it!

No, I won't be sitting back and letting this one slide. Life is short and I won't continue wasting it on petty people. Some say you must forgive the actions of others. I say even God knows you can only allow so much forgiveness! I tend to think he would agree with me by saying, "After three times enough is enough and I won't be forgiving but I will forget because some people no matter who they are just aren't worth your time."

Done.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 8, 2012 2:31 AM EST

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Mood:  chatty

I would had said, "Hopefully this is the start of many stress-free weekends," but no way on my watch! This is the start of ALL stress-free weekends as both feet remain firmly down on the ground. Stubborn is a good word and if so call me Queen Stubborn because there is only one me and I don't come with spare organ parts. There won't be any further stress or crap from anyone making my Gastroparesis take off like wildfire. I have enough medical problems going on with my Idiopathic GP and I don't need any more.

There is a new electrolyte water out on the market competing with SmartWater. For the past two years I have only used SmartWater when it comes to staying hydrated. The new water is called MetroElectro and after I checked the ingredients it has the same as SmartWater but the difference is the added nutrients such as zinc. I decided to buy four large bottles and give it a try. So far so good! I don't taste much of a difference with MetroElectro water compared with SmartWater but any added benefits I can get all the better! I plan on sticking with this water over the next four weeks pending if I do ok and it doesn't make me nauseated or cause any further GI problems. With Gastroparesis if something doesn't agree your body it will definitely let you know!

I had an appointment with Miss Clairol this afternoon. Although my hair is literally coming out in chunks I still have to deal with darn gray hairs! This of course will be temporary. Something I won't miss when I lose the rest of my hair is coloring it. Same goes with trying a zillion hair care products that all say one thing but I don't see a darn thing but a waste of money. I have used all the Biotin products out there on the market but nada-zip! Same goes with nutritional supplements. They never worked for me either. If all this waste of money really worked wouldn't I have a full head of hair again? EXACTLY! Instead I should had spent all that money on wigs that guarantee me hair on my head. Hahahahaha!

Jingles puppy has been off his antibiotics the past few days but this evening I could hear chest congestion starting up again. Looks like he will be going back to the vet this weekend for a second round of medication. Poor little guy! No wonder he wasn't been as energetic today. He even took a seat next to me before I laid down with the heating pad. I love puppies! They are just the cutest! Jingles is starting to develop a personality too and a darn fiesty one! Hahahaha! I tend to think he will be a very BIG BOY in a year. His feet are huge on top of having some very long legs. Littleblue and Oreo at least got to take a few walks to the park across the street today. This weather makes no sense! The temperature was around 65 degrees today and my spring flowers are starting to come up again! YIKES! If we don't start having more winter like weather I can only imagine how horrific allergies will be this coming spring and summer. Forget me stepping out of the house! I'm praying for SNOW! SNOW! and more SNOW!

My friend got his 'school photos' back. Hahahaha! OK. More like work photos. He tried to hide them from me seeing he doesn't like any of them so I had to choose a few for him. Since I already had a photo editor program same that magazines use I can tweak with backgrounds, etc. I decided to send him some chuckles while he was at work this evening and boy! were the photos FUNNY! I will have to post a few this weekend. We both laughed, laughed and laughed! So did his coworkers! Out of ten poses I liked two the best although he still insists he doesn't like either. That's men for ya! Hahaha!

With only one more free day before the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment me and my friend are going to try doing something tomorrow. This of course all depends on how I feel. I have to be super spontaneous being sick but he has always been very compassionate and totally understands! That's a 'TRUE' friend and support! There are a few places I want to go. Its been years since I have been able to dance again. If only for one song I will still be content. I also used to enjoy live local music and bands. Another "TO DO" on my list.

"You have to start living today for you!" Thank you Scott for that reminder, you certainly are right! Amen.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 7, 2012 2:34 AM EST

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Mood:  surprised

So far the water has been calm today! Between the unnecessary stress on top of rebounding from the ole Drano I am doing my best to get as much rest as possible. I have gotten nothing but broken sleep the past few days but only as expected.

I made sure to set my cell phone alarm last night for my doctor-therapist appointment today. Of course I was awake way before my alarm went off since Littleblue is still in her Mommy mode collecting stuffed animal hedgehog puppies all hours of the day and night. I expect this to only last maybe one more week. Its cute but at the same time I think I am just as exhausted as she is! Hahahaha! Oreo is doing a bit better although hes still very slow when moving around. I keep a close eye on him and Littleblue as well Jingles puppy. Oreo and Littleblue have another week of antibiotics then need to get rechecked. Jingles is finally finished with all his medication so he will be rechecked this week since he was the one who brought all the nasty germs and viruses home. He is a handful! It seems so long ago when Littleblue was 'little.' Jingles will give you a run for your money and then some! Hes hilarious when he goes into the run mode going round and round the couch, at least three to four laps then DONE! Oreo gets exhausted just from watching him! Hahahaha!

I had a team of support at my doctors appointment this afternoon. Honestly there was a lot to talk about since there is so much going on. Not just information from my therapist but as well help coming from a local Chief of police and a Woman helping Woman organization making sure I arm myself with information taking all the proper actions and moves I can in order to keep the peace in my life. Its been amazing all the support and I once again feel like the strong, confident take no BS gal I used to be before getting sick with Idiopathic Gastroparesis. Change will take time but I refuse to turn back! I'm grateful as well getting insight from someone who also has a family member who is an addict. This week has started a chain reaction setting boundaries with others. I also had to cut ties. Its not easy but in order for others to respect me I have to first respect myself. I am not dead yet so I refuse to be treated as such. I didn't ask to be sick. Especially with such a rare and unknown GI condition like Gastroparesis. I can't help nor change that some might see me as already dead or refuse to accept the new me. My condition won't be going anyway anytime soon. Take it or leave it. More like take me or leave me. I am just tired of the crap and rude behavior from others.

Sometimes you just have to set boundaries and demand respect. If it doesn't work the first time then like a broken record those boundaries will be repeated over and over again. Right now I don't trust many people around this area. I can count on one hand how many I do trust. Pretty sad isn't it? Its called being burned a bit too many times.

While facing change for the BETTER I am also juggling a few changes with my Gastroparesis. Like hair loss caused by mal-absorption syndrome. (Mal-absorption syndrome is defined as the body’s inability to absorb the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients it needs from food. Nutritional deficiencies may be experienced by an individual with malabsorption syndrome, even if the diet is healthy or nutritional supplements are taken. The disorder stems from impaired digestion, or from the inability to absorb nutrients into the bloodstream from the small intestine)

In other words, "I am running out of hair!" I don't see any new hair regrowth either. My doctors have run every test under the sun but no luck! It just comes back to the same thing-Idiopathic Gastroparesis complications-poor absorption. The last few weeks I have come to the understanding that I just need to embrace wigs. Have fun with them! Not consider them as a horrible reminder of my condition. Its not like back in the day when wigs were rare and not many people wore them. Now you will find lots of celebrities wearing a variety of wigs. My first time out in public with one on was New Years eve. I sported a long blond two tone look. I took some of my Christmas money and bought another one today which is almost the same color of my natural hair now but with dark red high lights and side bangs. Next venture out I plan on wearing my latest wig. It might take a bit but no need to cry over something I can't change and hair I won't be getting back.

One thing I got scolded on today was not using my cane as instructed by my specialists. Yes, I don't feel the pain of bone on bone with my lower lumbar but its important for me to use the cane to support my spine that has shifted on top of not having any discs left and fractures. I told my therapist today in front of everyone that I admit to letting my ego get in the way. It bothers me the looks I get out in public when all I really want when I do get out of the house is to be able to fit in with the rest of society. I don't want to wear the "LOOK AT ME! I AM SICK BADGE." My therapist also got on me about not using the wheelchair and giving my back a break as instructed. He said, "Think of it as a leg or sports related injury." I guess I could try that but most important I BETTER start listening to my doctors instructions. I don't want to be paralyzed from the waist down sooner than expected but at the same time I need to remember my spine is shifted and damaged. I feel like I have so much on my plate already that I don't know where to begin. I haven't even set up the hospital test yet to have the cyst rechecked in my chest. GEES!

One thing at a time...

I am doing good keeping up with the Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatments so maybe per every ones suggestion I take my wall calender in the kitchen and put it to good use! This way I am not feeling overwhelmed nor forgetting important reminders. The next appointment is with my GI doctor regarding medication, intestinal ulcers (which in my opinion are mainly being caused by the darn Hell-In-A-Jug and stress), Drano treatments, home care and support. At least I am starting to take the necessary steps to finally put a LID on the stress part!

Two days of Drano freedom left so my friend suggested once a week if I am feeling well enough we get out to escape a bit. I couldn't agree with them more! CHEERS to better days ahead in 2012!!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 6, 2012 3:13 AM EST

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Mood:  energetic

Ever lose yourself? Ever lose your self respect and dignity along with it? I did when I got diagnosed with Idiopathic Gastroparesis as it weakened my ability to think clearly thus becoming a weak person that I didn't like. Some how, some where and some day though when you least expect a button gets pushed and you find that strong person again.

WELCOME BACK MY FIERY FRIEND!

With a little help of some wonderful strong supportive people over the past three days I have done nothing but make positive changes and slowly refill my self respect right back where it should had been all along. AMEN! Like my sign, I am a scorpion in the corner just waiting to sting. I won't be taking anymore crap from anyone. It has caused me enough emotional stress and physical harm that it isn't worth it anymore. Some how I don't think I really needed to start taking self defense or boxing classes. I have enough fire in me now that I fear nothing and no one. Now remember...I haven't been punched or pushed 'yet' but at this point what I have been through as well seen anything is possible and let me tell you, "This gal is READY!" I know my limits and I know my boundaries and I might not have an Army standing behind me in this state but I have an Army of one called 'MYSELF' and she is one pissed off person!

Let's just say all the lying, screaming, cursing, yelling, belittling and being aggressive towards myself and any living creature has pushed my final button and warn my patience thin. Everyone has their limits. I will do whatever it takes to keep peace in my life. I was like this before I got sick and everyone respected me. I lost my respect somehow along the GP journey. Now I FINALLY HAVE IT BACK! Thank you to those who are my strength. Those who are strong and got me back on the right track!

Fear not because I am not alone. My friend had to recently take the bull by the horns and their life back with it too. Good for HIM! With a family who sided with the person who stole, lied, cheated, manipulated and conned everyone he sadly had to finally cut ties leaving just a few by his side. The tremendous amount of stress it was causing him when he was the one that had to deal with the addict was enough. He finally found the strength to push back and find some peace again for himself. I respect when others respect themselves. No one knows what its like to live with someone who has addictions unless they live with it. You can do the blame game all you want but being sick doesn't excuse someone to become an addict, theft or lier. I guess you can say he crossed the fine line in the sand and left the non supportive people behind. You gotta do what you gotta do in life to be happy! When people don't support you and protect you what good are they? They aren't.

I see my amazing therapist tomorrow armed with a team of support also accompanied by support. No. This fire won't be put out anytime soon. I go to bed with one eye open and wake up the same way. I am VERY alert to my surroundings and rightfully so. Even with all this crap going on I still have to do my treatments-no pun intended and just finished one up last night. Life doesn't stop for no one and neither does the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug either. Maybe now that I have learned to respect myself again others will learn to respect me back and not use me as a pushover or rug to walk on. If you want to push just expect to be pushed back. I take my health very seriously and won't be allowing anyone to take precious time off my hands anymore. Amen.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 5, 2012 3:20 AM EST

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Mood:  sharp

OH HECK NO! I REFUSE to start this new year off on the wrong foot. I am lacing up my boxing gloves ready to fight off any evil that walks into my life or is already in it. This is the year for change. I am not asking. I am DEMANDING it!

There is nothing more powerful than surrounding yourself with strong people. I have already teamed myself up with someone who sadly enough is dealing with the exact same crazy stuff going on in their life. Maybe we are separated brother and sister by birth? Not sure but every bit of information we share is a mirrored image of one hellish past year. Mine a bit longer but still this is a great way to stick to our guns helping each other through the battle. Not only do they have an addict in their family but deal with others who believe he is the reason for the person to choose a road of drugs, lying, stealing and manipulation. Just sad isn't it? The only problem is these same people who point fingers at the one who is stuck dealing with the addict don't live with it. If they do come around I bet they don't stay long enough to see how damaging the addicts behavior can affect others who live in the same house with them.

Trust me its not pretty folks!

I personally have been called every name in the book as well other things I can't say online. I always remember its the disease talking however I also believe the person still knows what comes out of their mouth and can control it. I have had personal belongs stolen, medication stolen, prescriptions stolen and money that I saved from busting my chops on my SSD disability case for two years only to see it POOF! GONE! If anyone believes that someone who suffers from any medical condition causes someone to behave like this has literally fell off their rocker! I recently watched a puppy get tossed across the floor which only God knows how I kept my COOL! Let's just say if that happens again I doubt I will just stand there. I am not the gal who will sit back and watch bad things happen to anything that is living and breathing. I have my fight mode on and so far over the last forty eight hours I have contacted a local gym on taking self defense classes and boxing. Thanks to the person who lead me into the right direction. You know who you are and I do thank you. YES! What little energy I have left through out the week after treatments will now be put to great use! Some say I am in survivor mode. Yes, you could call it that but I like to say I am tired of the crap! I have seen the damage first hand that addicts can do leaving nothing but a trail of devastation behind them. And I thought Gastroparesis was evil?!

I was led to a organization and support group with people like myself who want to put a stop to the violence. Come on now, a year is enough but this has gotten way out of hand. How anyone can just sit back and walk away or act like nothing is happening is a coward in my book! If I had the money I would had already personally got the individual the extreme help they needed. Once they got clean and their lives back on track I am sure they would be shocked how they treated everyone around them. My specialists say, "It would be a rude awakening and seriously doubt the individual would want to go back to living such a self destructive life." I couldn't agree with them more. All this crap can only cause me to have more problems medically and I am sure it has rapidly progressed my condition. Heck with losing my hair, I am just glad I haven't lost my marbles! I have been functioning with the skeletons holding this secret in my closet the past year or so and I am sick of it. I am DONE WITH IT! This was also done with only three people who were strong enough to be by my side through out the ordeal. Sad isn't it?

So I guess you could say instead of taking the unhealthy route I am taking the 'healthy' route and venting. I am pissed! I am so angry I lost a great deal of my life to someones addictions. Sure, I can't take back the time but I can put a handle on my future and seize MY days here on out. Amen.

You know the bully syndrome right? Its when someone tries to manipulate those they feel are weaker than themselves. Ever watch the show on MTV called, "Bully Beatdown?" I feel instead of the court system which is only there to serve the guilty we just take those in the world who act like idiots and place them in a cage in front of the innocent and those who are victims and personally serve them a memorable punishment. I don't believe in jails. I believe in treating others like they treat you. The great USA might be great but try pulling some of the crap like raping, beating, robbing, stealing and murdering in another country and you are lucky to even see a court room. There are countries where they make sure the punishment fits the crime. I respect that!

If I hear one more time I can't take care of myself....Its the biggest line of crap I have ever heard! Hmmmm...If I can't take care of myself how the heck do I take care of a house, fur kids, finances then on top of it take care of others on top of being sick?! This isn't disability, this is hell folks. Yes, I am very upset! I don't cry a river I get things resolved and maybe I brushed off things a bit too long. On one hand I do take full responsibility of any behavior enabling someones addictions. I will be the first to admit maybe there were times when I knew I should had done this or should had done that but when you remember someone for the wonderful, kind hearted person they used to be you sometimes let things slide. What I shouldn't had let slide was my self respect and pride. Amen.

I am a Gastroparesis patient who deserves nothing but full support from everyone around me and that also includes protecting me from any bullying or unwanted stress. I can only hope this blog serves to show those who are going through the exact same thing I am as well a friend of mine that you don't deserve to be treated this way. You are better than that and sometimes you just have to know when to place both feet firmly down on the ground. People can only be pushed so far until one day they push back. I don't stand for domestic violence in any way, shape or form. Sadly I know someone else who also needs to place both feet firmly down and get their self respect back. You can't change people or tell them what to do but I want to be a POSITIVE EXAMPLE and ROLE MODEL not a pushover. If you can relate to any part of this blog I pray you too find the support and help you need to start making changes for YOU. Trust me by saying life is far too short. Make them now. Make them today. Not later.

“God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight.”

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:40 PM EST

Updated: January 5, 2012 2:11 AM EST

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Mood:  sharp

It's the start of a new day. That's whats great about life. You can leave a bad day in the past and start off a new one on a clean slate!

Finally the holiday decorations are all put away. Honestly I doubt I will put up that many decorations next year and maybe just resort to a few trees and lights around the fireplace. Its just too exhausting and takes up way too much time! I feel like the holidays anymore are nothing but a mere hassle. I vow next year if others want to celebrate the festive season with me they will need to either drive or fly down south to the coast. I am aiming a personal goal of mine to have a peaceful Christmas next year. Once me and my friend put the last of the boxes back downstairs in the basement I could feel a huge sigh of relief come over me. 

The fur kids are still on antibiotics and although not 100% better they are at least eating a bit of canned food. I have to fill a bowl up with milk or water and bring it to them hoping they will at least drink a bit. Oreo still isn't drinking that much which has me a bit worried. If it continues by tomorrow evening I will have to take him back to the vet Wednesday. If anything at least the can food has water in it to help keep them hydrated. Jingles puppy is slowly getting back to himself. He is full of tons of energy running back and forth room to room. He still likes to eat laying down which I assume might just be called 'lazy' instead of being sick. Hahaha!

What we did have today was SNOW!!! BEAUTIFUL SNOW! I was so happy seeing all the pretty white flakes coming down that it truly made my day! Maybe God said, "This gal finally needs a bit of joy in her life!" Amen! Its even cold now and feeling more like winter. I sure wish this could last year round. Yes, I am living in the wrong state. Maybe Alaska or high on top of a mountain in Colorado might suit me better! Winter air just smells so much better because you don't have the humidity nor all the allergens in the air. Hopefully they are expecting us to have a lot more snow through the rest of the winter. One can only hope!

I decided today that this is going to be a changed year. I am so tired of going in circles over and over again. The same ole song and dance needs a different tune! Of course I will need lots of support and some help with my changes. Today I took the first step and it felt great! Its sad to say but when you deal with someone who has addictions their behavior can turn into emotional abuse, some may also call it domestic violence. It doesn't have to be physical either but mental. Its just all part of the addiction. Thankfully I will be getting the help I need to remain a strong person and stand my ground. Its never OK to take emotional abuse from anyone. I am not sure why I ever did to start with but its in the past and today is the present. I can't keep looking back when what I really need to do is look ahead. Yes, this is a blog about a Gastroparesis patient and this part holds true. Sometimes when one is sick people around the person who becomes an addict blames the individual who is sick for the addicts behavior. This is where the blame game starts when in all actuality maybe an intervention should had been done to help the person who has the addiction problems. Its easy to turn a blind eye to what goes on behind closed doors but honestly who finds their behavior OK when they know their own behavior isn't right to start with? Amen.

I have never played the 'SICK CARD' and I am tired of hearing my illness as an excuse for someone who has addiction problems. I am tired of hearing I, they, we, she, he can't help them when there are plenty of options out there to choose from. Its sad when everyone stands back and watches someone slowly decline and refuse to help the person. I did all I can at the same time being called every name in the book and put through more stress than one should ever have to go through in a lifetime. I have to use the 'SICK CARD' with this because guess what? I am sick. I have Gastroparesis but also dealing with inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.

Sorry but I don't find sitting back and watching someone who is sick deal with more stress without doing something about it OK. Sometimes I feel like when people don't understand something then go educate yourself and learn!

"People who struggle with addictive behaviors are often in denial about their situation or are unwilling to seek treatment. Often they don't recognize the negative effects their behavior has on themselves and others. It's not your fault and anyone who accepts or enables an addicts behavior is completely unacceptable. They aren't the solution, instead they also become the problem"

Thank goodness for this blog because I am able to read the changes that have been taken place in my life over the past few years. Not just what Gastroparesis does health wise but how weak it used to make me feel and being vulnerable as a punching bag for others. But not anymore. The same ole song and dance has finally ended and I will continue seeking all the help I need to keep it that way.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: January 3, 2012 2:07 AM EST

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