Mood:
sharpNow Playing: Day 627-The Final Road To Survival
OH HECK NO! I REFUSE to start this new year off on the wrong foot. I am lacing up my boxing gloves ready to fight off any evil that walks into my life or is already in it. This is the year for change. I am not asking. I am DEMANDING it!
There is nothing more powerful than surrounding yourself with strong people. I have already teamed myself up with someone who sadly enough is dealing with the exact same crazy stuff going on in their life. Maybe we are separated brother and sister by birth? Not sure but every bit of information we share is a mirrored image of one hellish past year. Mine a bit longer but still this is a great way to stick to our guns helping each other through the battle. Not only do they have an addict in their family but deal with others who believe he is the reason for the person to choose a road of drugs, lying, stealing and manipulation. Just sad isn't it? The only problem is these same people who point fingers at the one who is stuck dealing with the addict don't live with it. If they do come around I bet they don't stay long enough to see how damaging the addicts behavior can affect others who live in the same house with them.
Trust me its not pretty folks!
I personally have been called every name in the book as well other things I can't say online. I always remember its the disease talking however I also believe the person still knows what comes out of their mouth and can control it. I have had personal belongs stolen, medication stolen, prescriptions stolen and money that I saved from busting my chops on my SSD disability case for two years only to see it POOF! GONE! If anyone believes that someone who suffers from any medical condition causes someone to behave like this has literally fell off their rocker! I recently watched a puppy get tossed across the floor which only God knows how I kept my COOL! Let's just say if that happens again I doubt I will just stand there. I am not the gal who will sit back and watch bad things happen to anything that is living and breathing. I have my fight mode on and so far over the last forty eight hours I have contacted a local gym on taking self defense classes and boxing. Thanks to the person who lead me into the right direction. You know who you are and I do thank you. YES! What little energy I have left through out the week after treatments will now be put to great use! Some say I am in survivor mode. Yes, you could call it that but I like to say I am tired of the crap! I have seen the damage first hand that addicts can do leaving nothing but a trail of devastation behind them. And I thought Gastroparesis was evil?!
I was led to a organization and support group with people like myself who want to put a stop to the violence. Come on now, a year is enough but this has gotten way out of hand. How anyone can just sit back and walk away or act like nothing is happening is a coward in my book! If I had the money I would had already personally got the individual the extreme help they needed. Once they got clean and their lives back on track I am sure they would be shocked how they treated everyone around them. My specialists say, "It would be a rude awakening and seriously doubt the individual would want to go back to living such a self destructive life." I couldn't agree with them more. All this crap can only cause me to have more problems medically and I am sure it has rapidly progressed my condition. Heck with losing my hair, I am just glad I haven't lost my marbles! I have been functioning with the skeletons holding this secret in my closet the past year or so and I am sick of it. I am DONE WITH IT! This was also done with only three people who were strong enough to be by my side through out the ordeal. Sad isn't it?
So I guess you could say instead of taking the unhealthy route I am taking the 'healthy' route and venting. I am pissed! I am so angry I lost a great deal of my life to someones addictions. Sure, I can't take back the time but I can put a handle on my future and seize MY days here on out. Amen.
You know the bully syndrome right? Its when someone tries to manipulate those they feel are weaker than themselves. Ever watch the show on MTV called, "Bully Beatdown?" I feel instead of the court system which is only there to serve the guilty we just take those in the world who act like idiots and place them in a cage in front of the innocent and those who are victims and personally serve them a memorable punishment. I don't believe in jails. I believe in treating others like they treat you. The great USA might be great but try pulling some of the crap like raping, beating, robbing, stealing and murdering in another country and you are lucky to even see a court room. There are countries where they make sure the punishment fits the crime. I respect that!
If I hear one more time I can't take care of myself....Its the biggest line of crap I have ever heard! Hmmmm...If I can't take care of myself how the heck do I take care of a house, fur kids, finances then on top of it take care of others on top of being sick?! This isn't disability, this is hell folks. Yes, I am very upset! I don't cry a river I get things resolved and maybe I brushed off things a bit too long. On one hand I do take full responsibility of any behavior enabling someones addictions. I will be the first to admit maybe there were times when I knew I should had done this or should had done that but when you remember someone for the wonderful, kind hearted person they used to be you sometimes let things slide. What I shouldn't had let slide was my self respect and pride. Amen.
I am a Gastroparesis patient who deserves nothing but full support from everyone around me and that also includes protecting me from any bullying or unwanted stress. I can only hope this blog serves to show those who are going through the exact same thing I am as well a friend of mine that you don't deserve to be treated this way. You are better than that and sometimes you just have to know when to place both feet firmly down on the ground. People can only be pushed so far until one day they push back. I don't stand for domestic violence in any way, shape or form. Sadly I know someone else who also needs to place both feet firmly down and get their self respect back. You can't change people or tell them what to do but I want to be a POSITIVE EXAMPLE and ROLE MODEL not a pushover. If you can relate to any part of this blog I pray you too find the support and help you need to start making changes for YOU. Trust me by saying life is far too short. Make them now. Make them today. Not later.
“God places the heaviest burden on those who can carry its weight.”
The fur kids are still on antibiotics and although not 100% better they are at least eating a bit of canned food. I have to fill a bowl up with milk or water and bring it to them hoping they will at least drink a bit. Oreo still isn't drinking that much which has me a bit worried. If it continues by tomorrow evening I will have to take him back to the vet Wednesday. If anything at least the can food has water in it to help keep them hydrated. Jingles puppy is slowly getting back to himself. He is full of tons of energy running back and forth room to room. He still likes to eat laying down which I assume might just be called 'lazy' instead of being sick. Hahaha! 
I have never played the 'SICK CARD' and I am tired of hearing my illness as an excuse for someone who has addiction problems. I am tired of hearing I, they, we, she, he can't help them when there are plenty of options out there to choose from. Its sad when everyone stands back and watches someone slowly decline and refuse to help the person. I did all I can at the same time being called every name in the book and put through more stress than one should ever have to go through in a lifetime. I have to use the 'SICK CARD' with this because guess what? I am sick. I have Gastroparesis but also dealing with inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.
don't ask
If this is what I have to look forward to in 2012 then I might as well pack it up and head to GP Island for the remainder of the year. AMEN!
Later this evening I had to deal with more stress on top of being sick. Not like this is anything new. I feel like I am starting the same ole crap as I did last year. One huge never ending circle and told myself this just has to stop! I have to take care of myself and my health. I don't have time to deal with stress. I won't tolerate it anymore! Sick or not its just not worth the energy. I have learned you will never win any arguments either when someone is an addict. Thank goodness my living situation will be changing later this month. You can lead the horse to water but you can't make them drink. I hope to God I never have to deal with another person who is an addict for the rest of my life but if for some freak chance I do things will be different. I don't have it in me to put up with the level of things I have over the past year. My friend said, "I don't know how you do it or did it for so long but you have more patience then anyone I have ever seen." He babysits those who are addicts down at the county jail and sees first hand what they can do to everyone around them. Its a sad situation but until the person realizes they have a problem and want to get help you can't help them. I am fortunate to have a great therapist who has been working with me to arm myself with common knowledge and a list of what NOT to do living with an addict. He himself has treated addicts for over twenty years but because of the huge toll they take on family, friends and loved ones he no longer treats them. Sometimes like today I meet my limit, especially when I am not feeling well but I am glad to quickly overcome the anger and get back on track. You will never win an argument with anyone under the influence so as my specialists tell me you must learn to mentally and emotionally check yourself out from the individual. 
celebratory
We got tickets last month for a Michael Jackson tribute show at a casino in Indiana. Its only about a twenty minute drive so it wasn't too far but WOW was it crowded!! Once we got there I was already starting to get a bit tired. Its been a long past few days and although it always feels great getting out of the house and blending in with society it sadly doesn't take too long before the ole GP drains my energy. We did stay for a little over two hours. At least long enough to ring in the New Year. Funny thing was when I asked my friend what time it was seeing I had to make a bathroom trip he said I had ten minutes before it turned midnight. His cell phone clock must has been a bit off seeing once I went into the bathroom and sat down I heard loud music and horns, etc. I quickly went to wash my hands and overheard a few other people said, "Wow! we only have fifteen seconds left before the New Year!" Let's just say it was the fastest sprint out of the bathroom I ever did! LOOK OUT NIKE! Hahahaha! 
on fire
The day after treatment has turned into a day from HELL! I am beyond hungover from the darn Drano with a smashing headache. This treatment of course hit me neurologically. Seems you just can't determine jug to jug what each toxic poison mix contains.
Once we got to the vet we didn't have to wait too long and they re-examined Jingles who is still battling kennel cough and a virus. He is slowly getting better but its important to bathe him once they are coming down off their virus. It helps to rid any bacteria on their skin too! Let's just say I am BEAT and now we must go home and bathe him on top of finishing up loads of wash. No pun intended! GEES! Jingles was a little beastly handful on the way to the vet but after getting his second round of puppy shots he was out like a light on the way home laid back down for a nap once we got through the front door. 
Once we arrived at the clinic they let us in and took Oreo back right away. The veterinarian came back in to explain why Oreo is so sick and declined so quickly. With him being 13 years old he can't fight off infections and viruses like younger fur kids. Its very similar to my fragile immune system and having to be super cautious around anyone who is sick. I catch things super fast and so can Oreo. He was running a 102.5 fever so definitely up from just earlier this afternoon. They had to give us more antibiotics then explained with the tremors, seizures and poor Oreo being so sick its touch and go. My nerves as well my friends were shot! The only good thing is the kitty gang can't get canine viruses so they are in the clear but Littleblue can catch the same viruses since they are airborne so we must watch her very closely. For now they want us to wait 48 hours to see if Oreo's body can bounce back from the virus since it is just now in the active stage. As far as seizures they can't do much because they are very common in older pets. 
d'oh
Yes! Everyone is invited and all you need to do is bring your own favorite chaser and I will provide the rest! You can drink as much as you want! Need to drop a few pants or dress sizes before the holiday weekend? No problem! I have enough jugs for everyone! Hahahahaha!
I am hoping to have a low key day tomorrow and just catch up on my Jersey Shore DVDs then later on watch my friend TRY to beat my Asteroids record on the old school Atari game. Hahahaha! This evening I turned over the game three times in a row with a 100,000 score!
Am I good or what?! I warned him that back in the day Asteroids was MY GAME! 
This evening I got the ole Hell-In-A-Jug together and my chaser glass. I had a few takers over at the house however they passed on any Dranotini's. Maybe next time although I did let them know I had plenty to share! Even some to go! Within three hours I dropped a few pants sizes and brain cells to boot Hahahaha! Just part of the ole Drano side affects. My goal is hoping by Saturday I will be bounced back enough to go out for the New Years Eve festivities if even for a few hours. Until then I just have to play things by ear in my typical GP life. Sunday I have a few more glasses of the nasty stuff to toss back. I split this treatment in half because I don't want my angry insides to feel more like fire than they already have been. 
Only time will tell...
surprised
I haven't had too much luck yet taking medication to help cool the stomach fire off so my GI doctor called in a new medicine today hoping maybe to hit a few things at once. Donnatal. The only downside with this medication are the side effects such as knocking you out like a light and slowing things down a bit TOO MUCH. Like I need more slow organs or how about a dependency to barbiturates? UMMMM...NOT! Why in the world with all the billions upon billions of dollars pharma companies can't create medication without tons of side affects? You try to fix one problem but then end up creating ten more. It makes me a bit hesitant to take any new drug but I do need to calm my angry insides down including the waves of nausea and vomiting. I have tried this same medication years ago to no avail and it didn't resolve my problems either. If we are dealing with intestinal ulcers its going to take more than just this medication to fix the problem. I also am on a clear bland diet. 
With it only being a few days away until my next Hell-In-A-Jug treatment I am keeping close tabs on all the new medication as well existing ones. Everyone has been asking what plans I have for the upcoming New Years Eve. My response is same as any other day, "I have to play things by ear. It all depends on how I am feeling and if my Idiopathic Gastroparesis will let me out of the house to play." Hahahahaha! Well at least I was lucky enough to get out of the house for a bit this afternoon. Two days in a row being house-jailed is enough to drive anyone nuts but at least my fur kids keep me busy. They are the best!
Off to watch Jersey Shore season 1 on DVD. So far I got through disc one and now close to finishing up disc two. WHOAHOA! Things that make a GP gal happy! Hahahaha!
8am and I FINALLY went to sleep! WHEW! Maybe this is just part of sleeping with the rest of the VAMPIRES...BOO! Hahahaha! I have officially caught up with my friends third shift sleep schedule but not by choice seeing this sure can't be healthy for my tired body. I am still dealing with vomiting but crossing my fingers the new medication will help with the burning and stomach pain. Only time will tell.
With trying to keep up on every little medical thing going on inside my body I clearly forgot about the large cyst I have on my chest. My hospital didn't forget. Friday they sent me a letter reminding me since I had a large cyst that was picked up last year on a mammogram-same time I had the breast cancer scare I now need for them to do a yearly check. GEES! I can't even hardly keep up with treatments and the constant pills I am taking to help boost my damaged immune system. Now I must pencil in another scare into my crazy GP life. So instead I added it to the kitchen cabinet "To Do" list, this way I don't forget. Seems anymore I have numerous "To Do" lists. Hahahahaha! 
So after four hours of house chores and playing holiday clean up I decided to have a Jersey Shore series marathon. Just one of many great gifts I got for Christmas. I already played my old school Atari system last night. WOW! Can we say it sure brought back many fond memories being young again and not having a care in the world! Ahhhh....Those were the days! When I saw the games Asteroids and Centipede I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD! Hahahahaha! 