Mood:  happy

WHOAHOA! We are all back on dry land today!

This was of course after waking up at 3pm. Thank goodness Littleblue is our new alarm clock and howls when she needs to go outside because if not I could literally sleep all day. This body is beat but I still must remember to keep moving because gravity is the only thing I got left on my side. I assume if I wanted to just lay my cards down I could easily do so but I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Once my friend woke up they were one step ahead and made sure to check on the basement for any more leaks or standing water. So far so good! The weatherman was WAY OFF today with the forecast. So much for partly cloudy skies. Instead we added a third day of rain, rain and more rain. It might take us a month to dry out. Where the heck is the snow? My friend said, "I could just stay home all day." Me? I can only handle so much being stuck in my house-jail and I was determined to get out! I don't have the luxury to lay around and watch TV all day unless I want to end up right back at the hospital. NO THANKS!

We had a birthday this week at the house. It was Oreo's 13th birthday! To me he will always be my puppy. Oreo is such a affectionate fur kid and is also very generous especially when it comes to his birthday gifts. Seems it must be a Husky thing with Littleblue. What's his is hers and what's hers....Is hers! Hahahaha! Oreo got all sorts of new toys, treats and a sporty blue collar. What's a birthday when you can't share it with the rest of the gang? Even those who were a bit stingy...Like Littleblue, heeheeheehee!

Once I talked my friend into going out to run a few errands and get some groceries we headed out the door. My friend takes their dinner-breakfast to work seeing they are on third shift. They used to just buy something but he even admitted having home cooked meals to take is not only cheaper but he feels healthier. I love cooking and don't mind making meals. Its fun to create new recipes or even tinker a bit with existing ones.

We did stop by my friends house so they could pick up their mail. To most people they have no idea what he gives up in order to stay at my house and help me during weekly treatments. I tend to think he deserves all the Christmas gifts this year and should be placed on top of Santa's SUPER NICE LIST! He did change from second to third shift so it does limit spending time with his son however if only I was healthier we could all do more activities together. Its a very sad situation but we tend not to dwell on things that are beyond our control. I just hope one day I can repay all the favors he has done for me. He has given up a lot in order to be here and help out around the house. Its a very selfless thing he is doing and if only others in this world could follow in his footsteps. Hopefully he can be an example for all. I told him this evening how much I appreciated everything he has done for me and most of the time without even asking. It takes a very strong person to accept a terminal condition and be around someone who has many limitations in their life. We find things to do around my disability and although sometimes it can be a challenge we never fail to find laughter.

Well off to figure out this new compact video camera my friend bought as an early Xmas gift. This way he said, "Now your family will always have happy memories of you to hold close to their heart."

 Touching...

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:47 PM EST

Updated: December 8, 2011 3:24 AM EST

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Mood:  lyrical

Grab your oars! Its time to row, row, row the boat gently down the stairs...Turn around and bend back down there is water everywhere! HAHAHAHA! Darn, did I miss my calling being a sound writer years ago or what?

Maybe I should instead sing the song, "Rain, Rain Go Away, Come Again Another Day!" It has rained two days straight. The ground was already soaked so we sure didn't need more rain. I think snow would had been a heck of a lot safer and especially for those like us who live in older homes. Not to say newer homes aren't also having problems with cracked foundations due to all this rain. When it rains like this which is now twice so far this year I tend to worry. First concern of course is the basement. Second is making sure all the drains outside are clear of any leaves since we have lots of trees on the property. When I woke up around 3pm and my friend went downstairs to clean the litter pans out and empty the dehumidifier there was no water on the floor. When I got out of the shower around 4:30pm for some reason I decided to double check the basement. THANK GOODNESS! Once I made it to the last step I heard as if someone left the faucet on. AHOY MATE! WATER AHEAD!

No folks, that isn't someone peeing. Its water gushing out from a hole in the wall from pressure on the other side building up. YIKES! After experiencing a few problems with the ole sump pump last summer I have become a flood pro. No need to freak out but first find something for the water to go in besides the floor. Second start making some phone calls. Third make sure everyone puts their thinking caps on before we float away, hahahaha! After a few hours and lots of clean up I am happy to say for now we are back on dry land until the great hole in the wall mystery is solved. What a mess!

My friend did a wonderful job cleaning up the water as well keeping calm, cool and collective. The old me would had hit the fan and flipped out but nah! You can't freak out on things that are in the hands of Mother Nature. Let's just say I am sure we are not the only house on the street or block to have some issues with foundation problems or flooding in the basement. Hopefully we will have a very long dry spell. In the meantime we are utilizing fans and the dehumidifier to dry things up.

Once we finished and put our oars away I decided it might be a good time to shift focus. Why not start making the traditional holiday buckeye candies? GREAT IDEA! Not only is it a multi-step process but a wonderful way to shift focus on something more pleasant. Once I got all the bowls together I turned on holiday music and rolled away on the buckeyes. I make them every year. This might be the 9th year? Honestly I lost track. Its fun to make homemade goodies for others. I might not be able to personally enjoy them but I get the same satisfaction watching others enjoy my cooking. In fact I cook more now than before I got sick with Idiopathic Gastroparesis. Personally I enjoy the smells of the season and it doesn't always require having to eat. You can also find various holiday scented candles around my house. One has to be creative when life suddenly stops evolving around one important part of living which is eating food. This year so far I have made around sixty buckeyes which will be placed into individual holiday containers for family and friends. If I can't gain weight by golly hopefully someone else can for me. Might sound bad but I have done all I can to gain weight and failed. Keeping my weight safe not to go under 105 pounds is a huge feat but so far so good. With it being the flu season if anyone is sick I must be safe to wait until they are 100 percent better. Its just not worth my health nor being stuck in the hospital again for the holidays.

Day three after my Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment and I am feeling the exhaustion. With my friend having rotating days off with their job it might be safer to do my next treatment when they are home. This way when I get sick I won't be alone. I also feel safer with someone here. My specialists would completely agree! So looks like I will be consuming the second liquid dynamite in a jug Wednesday. Its important for me to get on some type of routine but its hard! Very hard! If any little things throws off the schedule then I have to hold off another day. Nuts planning my life out around a jug of poison isn't it?

Hopefully tomorrow will be a much drier day! I am SO READY to get out of my house-jail. AMEN!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: December 6, 2011 1:31 AM EST

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Mood:  down

3:10pm and I finally woke up! If this keeps up I might not be getting to sleep till 7am and then waking up just long enough for an hour of sunlight, hahahaha! Not that my seizures wouldn't mind seeing excessive light will always remain one very strong trigger. My friend said they don't mind because they don't get home until 7:30am.

I am on the soon to be down side of Drano. I call the next day, "DRANO HANGOVER DAY." Nothing like waking up with a wicked headache and spending half of your sleep time in the bathroom. They make chemo available through an IV so why in the world they can't make this nasty toxic chlorine the same way is beyond me. Could you imagine having to drink chemo treatments? If you can't then I can. My doctors insist the poison I have to consume is worse because as they said, "You are literally consuming it." I dare not know the extent of damage I am enduring each week that might last the rest of my lifetime. Not to compare chemo to Drano seeing you can't because they are totally different although in both cases the object is to rid the bad out of your body but sadly both take away the good with it. GEES!

The Bengals played the Steelers today. The Bengals literally got walked on, maybe RAN OVER instead. Once I turned the TV on in the living room I could hear my friend also turn on their television. I laughed as I saw the score. It got awfully quiet in the house. I should had placed a bet on this game seeing hands down I would had won! Its not unusual every time our home team gets cocky they end up blowing it. Not the first nor the last. Of course I had to sport my Steelers hoodie all day. We even ran up to the local store so I could grab a few things. Needless to say no one said a word. Even those wearing their Bengals gear. I guess they saw the game today too! I am usually not one for sports but I like to tease my friend and its fun! We both like to taunt each other,hahahaha!

Instead of enduring the effects of Drano today I should had been on an evening flight to NYC. I was invited to be on a segment with Anderson Cooper's show on CNN. So life happens and some things only happen once in a lifetime. Sadly at the wrong time! They contacted me Saturday regarding my unique story. It would had been an honor to discuss my diet and for once put Gastroparesis right smack on the map and in the public eye. HOWEVER I couldn't promise I could make a flight in such short notice. I couldn't find anyone either on short notice to fly out with me. It would had been great to meet Anderson Cooper seeing I am a huge fan and love his shows on CNN. It would had been also nice to fly again and with it being an evening flight less than two hours it would had been a perfect time to beat my fear and face the sound of music. I honestly starting thinking of ways to make it to the studio deadline of 12:30pm Monday however it would be just way too much on my poor body. Even I have to set boundaries. With life being so short I asked my friend if maybe I would regret my decision in not going. He said, "I promise there will be other opportunties and when its the right one it will all work out." I am still a bit bummed. Its not every day when you get rare opportunities like this one but I am still honored that I was considered and my unique life was taken seriously.

So the rest of the day you can guess what I did and where I was at...Testing toilet paper, hahahahaha! Charmin is so old school isn't it? Hahahahaha!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:57 PM EST

Updated: December 5, 2011 3:41 AM EST

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Mood:  d'oh

DRANO DAY!!

Its the long overdue Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug day. Although I can't stand drinking this foul stuff it sure beats ending back in the hospital with a partial or full obstruction. I did my best to sleep in today. I didn't get to bed until 5:30am. My sleep time seems to be between 5-6am. Yes, us VAMPIRES evolve around the seasons, hahahaha! I don't want to rely on pain medication in order to get rest. I have seen first hand living with someone who was addicted to pain medication what it can do. It literally changes a person and not for the best. Some say I might even be a bit scared of medication from seeing the consequences of those who abused the same drugs that should help me to live a higher quality of life. I don't feel like being another statistic to the problem of drug abuse. With my severe Gastroparesis pills just seem to sit in my intestines anyways so whats the point?

Thanks but no thanks.

Once I got up it was 3pm. My friend seems to also be on the same crazy sleep schedule seeing they were also just getting up. I should had started my treatment at 2pm but I can't predict my sleep anymore so I figured once I got up and started moving around I would get my jug of dynamite together. Tomorrow the Bengals play the Steelers-my favorite team so I decided to send them a bit of early luck by wearing my new hoodie. My friend despises the Steelers so let's just say they were not too happy with me wearing the team logo but its Drano day so sometimes you just have to let things slide, hahahaha!

Rain is on its way for later this evening and will continue through out the next few days. I sure wish it was snow! LOVE SNOW! Since I need to keep busy moving around during treatment we decided to put up some holiday lights outside as well my inflatable M&M character. Call me the "M&M Queen" but even the M&M queen gets tired of M&M's. Please no more! If I see one more M&M I will scream! It's important for me to keep my weight up and sugar dissolves but I can only handle so much candy. Even I am getting tired of chocolate. Its time to take a bit of a break and with me juicing my fruits and vegetables on a daily basis maybe I won't have to worry so much about coming off the chocolate. I am mixing a few things again in a cup of brew again with decaf coffee hoping maybe it might work but so far no luck. I don't mind drinking the decaf coffee though seeing I use Smartwater not tap water. It does help keep me hydrated. While I was enjoying my last glass of Drano my friend got the rest of the lights together which ended up being the last thing on the holiday "to do" list.

WHOAHOA! THREE WEEKS OF NOW RELAXING!

Now we can both sit back and take in the holiday season and maybe some festivities. I have yet to go see the Holiday In Lights show at our local Zoo. The last time I went was when I first got diagnosed with my Gastroparesis. Maybe now we can take our time and get out to enjoy some Christmas activities. The only thing left is finishing up some holiday cards and making the traditional candy buckeyes for family and friends. Its so nice having help around the holidays! It sure made things a million times less stressful too! AMEN!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: December 5, 2011 2:45 AM EST

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Mood:  d'oh

What a crazy sleep pattern I am on lately! I can't sleep then when I do go to sleep I can't get up. My body is all out of whack and the darn vomiting is also driving me nuts. Its now a mandatory part of going to bed routine placing peppermint oil on a piece of paper towel on my cart. This allows the smell to be right next to me on the couch bed. My friend said they came in this morning and when he went to check on me since Mr. Puke pan was back out he couldn't tell if I was breathing or not.

YIKES!

He said my breathing is so shallow when I am sleeping that it scares him sometimes so he makes sure to check and see how I am doing before he goes to sleep. This morning when he got in a 9am he did the exact same thing and sure enough I was breathing shallow so with that being said we both agreed to hold off another day on the darn Drano seeing it already affects your cardiac rhythm and with my blood pressure running low it might be safer to hold off. This is of course ANOTHER DAY and trust me my intestines are screaming for mercy too!

This evening I decided to hit a few stores getting the last of my Xmas gifts. I went to one side of town with a family member and my friend went to the other side of town, hahahaha! This way we don't run into each other in case someone is buying the other one a gift but I don't care for Kohl's and he was heading there first. I prefer JcPenney's so I guess we can say I just plugged another free blog advertisement, hahahaha! The sales this year they had online were incredible for JcPenney's while Kohl's was the same sales they always have going on. Since I checked out things online last night we only spent an hour there then headed to the mall right down the street so I could try to find a holiday dress or outfit. My clothes from last year don't fit anymore. I only have the one size 1 jeans that do fit and I found a size 0 today but darn they fit odd. At least I did have some luck and found a really cute skirt and sweater in a size small-juniors department. Its tough finding clothes that fit. Its not easy when your small and sure isn't when your heavy either. I have seen both sides of the scale in my lifetime. One isn't any easier than the other, that's for sure!

Once we got back my friend already beat us home. He was watching a movie and eating a french bread pizza. YUM!!!! DARNIT! I am mentally hungry but I know better with all this nausea and vomiting. Instead I chose to drink a watered down Slimfast and a small cookie. Healthy huh?! I figure I will have to down the ole Drano first thing tomorrow so heck with it! Either the cookie will come back up later or I flush it out tomorrow. One way or another by golly I will at least enjoy the taste of a small cookie.

BearKitty is my pillow buddy. Littleblue is my sleeping buddy but she likes to sleep keeping my feet warm. Crystalblue would do the exact same thing. They are like my second shadow. Its nice waking up to the fur kids watching over me. SantaPaws will surely be extra nice to them this year. They already got a few gifts under their tree. Just like kids, they know when its Christmas! This evening I wrapped up the last of the gifts. Thank you LadyGaga. How nice was she to do that?! Heeheeheehee!

Well off to wrap then r e l a x for this gal...CHEERS!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: December 3, 2011 4:51 AM EST

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Mood:  incredulous

What a busy, busy day! No time for anymore teeth to fall out although if any did I would just gum my way through the day, hahahaha!

I got up the usual time around 2:30pm. This was after going to bed at 5:45am due from a not so bright idea consuming a bit of my friends rice. DUH! Do I ever learn? I wasn't too happy getting Mr. Puke pan back out but until I put my head on straight maybe one day I will learn. Heck with the darn Slimfast way of life and honestly since they changed formula the new stuff tastes nasty, gritty and just like Boost or Ensure. Now I have to water it down seeing its too thick of a consistency and makes me nauseated. They also changed from cans to this sleek new plastic bottle. Now it only stays cold for around 10 minutes compared to when it was in a can you could promise yourself at least an hour. Things could be worse though...They could discontinue the entire line, YIKES! I got a free coupon for any variety so I am going to try the ole powder high protein Slimfast in a blender again. Keep you posted on the results!

With it being a day full of errands I forgot to get my tests repeated for kidney function. GEES! I guess I will have to call my doctors office tomorrow although at this point why do I need to know about more organs not working properly? In my mind, "It Is What It Is" so why bother? I assume I will leave that up to my doctors but will explain my concern seeing my teeth, vomiting and running behind on the Drano treatments is already enough for me to worry about. Amen. Personal issues at home, can't forget that one too!

When life gets too stressful its a must to clear your mind and escape house-jail for awhile and today was the day! My friend had quite a few things to do as well finish up some holiday shopping. I also had a list of errands to run so we made it a team event. A very successful team because by the time we got back home he had just enough time to unwind for a bit, eat dinner, take a shower, get dressed then he head back to babysit the bad guys again down at the jail. What did I do this evening? Wrapped more gifts while Littleblue took a nap, wrote out bills, got holiday cards together and then finished some wash.

What I would had "liked" to do before I got my couchbed together this evening was treat myself to one of the gifts. All 5 pounds worth! Hahahaha! I don't call this a "WHITMAN'S SAMPLER" I call it my next ER visit waiting to happen!

OK. I did wrap it and placed it under the tree but boy oh boy! was it TEMPTING! Could you imagine the story to the ER doctors and my Gastroenterologist?! "Yes, I was going to give the 5 pound box of candy away as a Christmas gift. It was my every intention but instead I had an attack then POOF! here I am at the hospital waiting to have my stomach pumped!" Maybe I could just blame it on PMS? Hahahaha! It sounded good anyways...

Off to brush my teeth and get my Hell-In-A-Jug ingredients together for tomorrow. Its going to literally be the start of a DYNAMITE WEEKEND! CHEERS!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: December 2, 2011 4:24 AM EST

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Mood:  chillin'

It was one of those days when I had a little bit of this and a little bit of that on my schedule. What I SHOULD had was my treatment! Now I am once again another day behind. GEES! I had every intention to start my Hell-In-A-Jug at 2pm today but guess what? Life called and said, "Sorry but I am the driver today. Things will just have to wait." So at 9:30am the doorbell rang. Seems the delivery drivers for the new refrigerator were four hours ahead of schedule. YIKES! Talking about not being prepared seeing nothing was emptied out of the old refrigerator yet so me and my friend were both half out of it still trying to rush getting things together. Even the fur gang were confused being woke up at the crack of dawn. They are used to our sleep schedule now so they were a bit cranky, heeheeheehee!

I must admit though it sure feels great to have the old refrigerator out of the house and this nice new one in its place! The new one is a bit larger than the old one so plenty of room. With the other one starting to go out and over heating it had me nervous in fear it would catch on fire/ Thank goodness I have one less thing to worry about now on my already full plate. Thank you Hugh for getting the new refrigerator super fast! We truly appreciate it! Once me and my friend reorganized the freezer and changed around the shelves we loaded the rest of the groceries back in and then headed to sleep.

When I woke back up it was 2:30pm. My friend is almost on the same sleeping schedule as I am but he works third shift so any extra sleep he can get is always a good thing! I was going to maybe attempt the ole Drano but after the dental work yesterday it left me with a very sore mouth and red gums. Add some super strength liquid chlorinated salt water to the mix and you can forget it! No way is it worth risking additional infections and my friend agree by saying, "I think it is safer to wait at least a day to allow things to calm back down before placing more trauma to your body."

I couldn't agree with him more.

The past week I haven't endured too much intestinal pain but heck! I don't feel nerves in my teeth or spine anymore either so I shouldn't be too shocked that maybe other nerves are already dead or dying. Its part of the progression with Gastroparesis. No organ is ever safe. Amen! I am still dealing with the nausea but not as frequent with the vomiting. I only assume that is because I am forgetting to take in enough meal supplement drinks the past few days. The stress with my ex moving out and leaving me high and dry isn't helping matters but I am doing the best I can to keep my head above water. I worry more about the poor fur kids. The kittygang will be staying with me at the house that they have lived at for the past 8 years . He won't allow me to keep Oreo and Littleblue here all the time and wants to have them three days out of the week. To me it just isn't a good idea seeing Oreo will be 13 years old next month and the stress could kill him. Littleblue is still young and only three years old but is used to sleeping with Bearkitty by her side. The transition of going back and forth isn't healthy for humans whether alone fur kids that need stability. Try to reason with someone who wasn't even going to give me a month notice and just bail out on me in two weeks?...Might as well forget it. The stress that I know they will go through is already stressing me the heck out and I sure don't need that with my Idiopathic Gastroparesis complications I am experiencing.

I think it should be made mandatory that anyone who wants to just try and up leave a marriage should have to by law file for divorce. This way there isn't unnecessary stress involved on anyone. Especially those who are sick. Amen. If someone can easily walk away from a marriage then they can easily walk into a court house and file for divorce. In my personal opinion there is just no excuse unless you can't work and are permanently disabled. If the shoe was on the other foot and I was the one pulling the same thing I surely wouldn't put my animal kids through stress by taking them away from their surroundings. I have no problem with my ex visiting or taking them for the day but when it comes to staying over its just not healthy and way too confusing for them. They are used to home not being shoveled back and forth from one house to another.

If you are reading this and have human kids then consider my fur kids the same. My medical condition took away my ability to have children of my own. My fur gang are my kids and I treat them as such. I can't help my intestines strangled the rest of my reproductive organs. I would have been just as great as a Mom to human children as I am to the fur gang. Life just sure isn't fair sometimes is it?

My niece will finely be home with her newborn son Braylen Thursday. I am sure she can't wait to get out of the hospital seeing its no place to get any sleep. Hopefully she will have help with the baby so she can catch up on some rest. He sure does have lots of hair although we are known to be the hair family. I just lost most of mine one jug at a time, hahahahaha!

I have been doing a bit better this time around with the birth of the newest member of the family. Much better than last time seeing it sunk me into baby depression all over again. Its still hard though and I have had more than my fair share of times holding back the tears of just losing it. I still have a huge void in my heart not being able to have children of my own. That void never goes away because majority of society has children. They have families. I don't but I have my fur kids and I love them just the same. I do fine with older children but when it comes to newborns FORGET IT! I freak out and want to run for the hills! Call it protecting my feelings and I don't feel like dancing back into a deep baby depression again although its very easy to do so. I can handle my medical condition seeing I didn't ask to be sick and it wasn't by my hands. It was though my choice years ago to not have children and wait. For that I consider it my fault because there were ways for me to have children by either IVF or adoption. I waited far too late and I got worse with my Idiopathic Gastroparesis. I blame myself.however I would never blame myself for being sick. I didn't choose to have paralyzed organs. It just happened.

So this evening instead of allowing the stress from everything win me over I decided instead to turn on my favorite holiday CD and wrap some Christmas gifts to put under the tree. So I might not have children to help me but the fur kids sure didn't mind. They were great company as each of them took a spot near Mom on the couch. Some things even my condition can't take away. Amen.

“One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised.”

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: December 1, 2011 5:39 AM EST

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Mood:  celebratory

Guess what it did today?

IT SNOWED!!!!

Yes, snow...beautiful snow...wonderful snow...I LOVE THE SNOW!

I also call it Angel kisses from heaven when they gently land on your face. So maybe it wasn't a good day but it ended on a beautiful note being lucky enough to see our first snow of the season.

The new refrigerator was to arrive today between 12-3pm. I had to head back to the dentist and leave the house by 3:30pm. I set my cell phone alarm although I was up before it went off. There was a voicemail from the delivery driver that they would be at the house by 1pm. That however turned into 2:30pm. Darnit! That could had been a few extra hours of sleep but I did need to take a shower before my dentist appointment seeing me and my friend had lots of errands to run today. Once we both got up and took care of the usual house chores the delivery drivers were at the door but once they came inside the house to set up the new refrigerator it was too wide. Gees! Three inches too wide actually seeing it would stick out pretty far and would be easy to walk right into it on your way to the bathroom or back bedrooms. Looks like another one will be delivered again tomorrow. We made sure to unplug the old refrigerator before leaving the house seeing the fan near the compressor doesn't work anymore.

As my friend was finishing up giving the delivery driver some information I finished getting ready. This included having to run the vacuum again seeing my hair is still coming out. Not only do I have to vacuum once I put leave in condition on but as well after blow drying and styling it. I tend to think I have more hair on the floor than on my head lately. Its tempting to just be done with it but I guess I am holding on a bit longer. If I am to donate it I might as well forget it seeing if I continue waiting there won't be any hair left to donate. Pretty sad when I went to get a new thing of hair styling creme at my local hair salon and one of the hairdressers stops me to let me know about a new hair product for thinning hair. SIGH...I guess it is pretty noticeable now. Once I got back to the car I told my friend what the woman said to me. I am very close to "WIG TIME!" At least I can be that SPICY REDHEAD for Christmas after all, heeheeheeheehee! Between my Idiopathic Gastroparesis and constant damage from the ole Drano treatments it was bound to happen. Sooner now than later.

At least we were able to cross off one errand on the way to my dentist's office. Right on time at 4pm and they were on time too! No need to introduce me to anyone who works there anymore seeing they now know me by name. I told my dentist, "I am here so much maybe we all should had drawn names for Christmas gifts, hahahaha!" One has to always find humor in every day life with a terminal condition. Laughter is very important and my dentist always takes part in the humor. He makes all the dental work at least a bit more tolerable and we always have joke exchanges. Soon I might find myself a VIP parking spot. Why not? I earned it! So it was the same ole song and dance. I won't bore you once again on details but let's just say not only did my one tooth just start breaking apart but I had more decay going on that wasn't there before. DARN DRANO! It is still eating away at my enamel and obviously it doesn't plan on stopping. All the juicing of fruits and vegetables are also staining the heck out of my teeth which doesn't help matters but as my dentist agreed with me by saying, "What can you do? It's part of your medical condition." Its a shame my teeth are being destroyed and its now a constant battle saving them but at least I have one amazing dentist determined to be there for me every step of the way.

So after a few hours I once again got my poor suffering teeth rebuilt and they scheduled me in at the first of the year to take care of a few other problems. At least I get a small break from dental work. Amen! I said goodbye to everyone and wished them "Happy Holidays" hoping to not see them again until next year. Trust me I didn't cross my fingers or knock on any wood on the way out either, hahahaha! My friend once again was very patient with me in the waiting room. Its just part of my crazy life and he realizes its not my fault I am sick but at the same time never complains. Support is critically important in my unique situation! Sadly I am limited and don't have enough.

By the time we left the dentists office it was 6pm and already dark outside. There was still a few more stops to make on the way home. It didn't matter I couldn't talk right or my mouth was swollen. I have been through worse and learned to turn off that care button today not being concerned what others think. I did have a few stares but who cares. Need I really explain why my mouth was swollen to everyone? Is it really their business? No and no again. I am good with wearing the old horse blinds out in public. I guess I have learned quickly months ago when I had to start using the cane. If I have issues now with what others think of me then I will have HUGE PROBLEMS when I have no hair or wheelchair bound. I have learned to check my ego at the door. It took awhile but I am finally there. If only I could change something else but that requires changing others and I am no Houdini. It would also require me to find the most expensive pair of binoculars but honestly I don't think that would do any good either. Sadly some are so far behind with my medical condition that when I look behind me I can't even see them anymore. Almost nine years is a very, very long time to catch up when others refused to accept ones condition from the get go. Even if you cut that time in half in order for them to catch up its still too late. Its asking for the impossible but that's where the word "acceptance" comes into play. You have to learn to put those feelings behind you. I am still learning and every day its been a learning process.

On our way home I had to stop to take in the first snowflakes of the season! HOW NEAT IS THAT?!! I think I am the only one I know who LOVES LOVES LOVES SNOW! Its so peaceful and beautiful falling down from Heaven. When it lands on your hair and face its like kisses from Angels. That is what I call the pretty white flakes. I paused as if life stood still and smiled. Its just what I needed to end the start of a bad week. Maybe even God knows we all could use a bit of happiness in our lives. To me its the things money can't buy.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: November 30, 2011 3:26 AM EST

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Mood:  don't ask

So much for having a good start of the week! So much for sticking to some sort of routine today and doing my Hell-In-A-Jug treatment tomorrow. So much for the start of FINALLY having some sort of GREAT holiday season. All was well until...

BIGFOOT STOMPED ON MY HOLI&DAY!

Holi meaning holiday. Day meaning my entire flippin day!

My day from hell literally started at 8:15am when the electric went off and scared the bejeepers out of me seeing I sleep with a fan on high-of course aiming against me and the sound machine set on white noise. Consider it a cross between a really bad snow storm that met an jet taking off the runway. Hahahahaha! Yes! enough to wake anyone up! My friend was home and trying to figure out why the bathroom lights weren't working but I knew the electric had went off so I headed down to the basement seeing now the sump pump backup system alarm was going off. Talking about LOUD! We both got the flashlight out while trying to figure out why the Watchdog alarm on the pump was still beeping. The back up pump wasn't working either so a flooded basement was soon on its way. I went upstairs to call the electric company and they said it could be up to 11am before repairs in my area were completed. I headed back downstairs where my friend was listening to see if the back up pump would work then finally some good news! The electric came back on and the main system started working again! THANK GOODNESS! So one thing to do: Get the sump pump rechecked.

Second problem started this weekend when we both noticed as well my ex-roommate-spouse that the refrigerator was running hot. Of course my ex couldn't tell me this instead me and my friend-caregiver/helper found out the hard way by burning our fingers while attempting to open the refrigerator door. If you touch the surface near the handles its very hot! Hmmmm....My Dad came over to look at it last night and said the fan isn't working on the compressor. GEES! Talking about not so good luck! While the electric was off it did cool the coils but once it came back on it was a matter of five minutes before it started running hot again. Looks like a new refrigerator will soon be in the picture this week! I wonder if Santa will have the elves take it through the chimney or door? Heeheeheeheehee! With all the rain I assume they can just use some water skis to bring it into the house.

Third issue was after we both finally decided to get some sleep which only lasted for a few hours someone rang the doorbell then knocked the rang the doorbell then knocked again. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! We both pretended not to hear it but obviously this person wasn't going anywhere so my friend got up to answer the door. Standing with a piece of mail was a very angry postal woman delivery driver. She not only went off on him but did so for around fifteen minutes! Seems after eight years of delivering the wrong mail over and over again as well spending time on her personal cell phone while delivering mail not only did we complain but others must had did the same. Boy was she one angry postal employee! You know that saying, "GOING POSTAL?!" This lady literally gave it a whole new meaning. Between my friend just getting home from work at 7:30am and dealing with the electric being out we were both half out of it. Luckily I was laying on my couchbed right next to the door he had open as the post office delivery driver went on and on about how she has to redeliver mail that says, "Wrong address. Please pay closer attention, etc." When someone delivers mail to the wrong addresses over eight years it gets old. I guess others felt the same way especially when a driver delivered the same piece of mail to the wrong address twice in three days. She took ever bit of anger inside her out on my friend who by the way is a deputy sheriff. Good thing he got the door because my new birthday resolutions might had went right out the door. Trust me by saying, "Mrs. Postal Post Delivery driver, I have far more things in life to be angry or bitter about than someone calling to say you keep delivering the wrong mail." The biggest mistake was taking out anger on a customer. The second mistake was on a sheriff.

Fourth part of Monday from hell? Spending two hours on the phone with various divisions of the United States Post Office. Me and my friend had to repeat the crazy Postal Post delivery driver story over and over and over and over again. I doubt once she cooled off she regretted doing something so outrageous! Remember as one of the local inspectors said on the phone, "The postal service is so in the hole right now it would take a lot to pull someone off a route or fire them. Regardless if what she did was shocking."

Hmmmmmmmm.......And I thought as customers our mail should be handled with care and safely delivered. YIKES!

So we ended that part of hell day up in the air. Who knows what will happen to the crazy delivery driver but I can tell you one thing, according to her branch Supervisor, "If you don't want her to deliver your mail anymore after the menacing and threats you will have to get a P.O. box because we won't be pulling her off the route. It's a sonority thing." SAY WHAT?!?! This is the same woman who is afraid of sunflowers with bees in them so they had to be cut back years ago as well was afraid to leave a package on the porch because the dogs were behind the door with it locked. She also assumed a white zombie man dressed up for Halloween was actually her! YES! Now you see what I mean by saying, "I have seen the best and worst in people over the years. Mostly the worst." I sure hope I don't end up checking my mail anytime soon and it comes out and cuts me as I reach in to grab it! Hahahahaha!

Ok. Last and final part of my Monday from hell...

I am not "told" but overheard my ex-roommate-spouse saying he was moving to a house. I actually confronted my ex-spouse-roommate regarding the overheard conversation that later was told to me by someone else. Yes, he is moving and only gave me a two week notice. Seems instead of taking money he has that should be spent filing for divorce after I tried on five occasions and on SSD and permanently disabled I can't afford $4,500-$8,000 on filing he decided to go ahead and put it towards a rent-lease to own property. More like had it planned obviously for quite sometime because once I questioned the information which I found out was true I was told he's just waiting till the last of updates are finished. He will be moving out and into his new home in two weeks. UPDATE: He now said he will be moving January 1st seeing he doesn't want to pay for two places at once so why not stick it to me a month later instead? SURE! WHY NOT?!

SAY WHAT??????!!!!!!!!!

Have we come to a day and age where one seeks fun doing hurtful things over and over again to those who are sick? Since when is it OK for someone to play judge on their own? Instead of filing for divorce he decided to instead spend the money on a new home and furniture to fill it. Leaving me SOL/high and dry. My friend moving into the house was just a "temp" basis not a permanent thing. Now I am not only stressed by being sick, teeth coming out, treatments making me worse but the cherry on top is a boot up my you know what from my ex-spouse-roommate.

Here we are again folks. Another battle for this gal to endure on her own. Don't you just love being on egg shells while walking on nails? I don't understand how life can throw me more BS but guess what? IT DID! So much for any sleep and relaxing. Now I must find a way to cool my jets down and go back to square one-survival. I assume most would say if I can fight for my life over eight years while doing it alone I can surely take on this next battle. You are right but for crying out loud! I am sick & tired of all these never ending battles. Can't anything ever come easy for once? (I am starting to sound like Charlie Brown.)

So this evening as me and my friend put our thinking caps on I told him, "Hey look! I am looking around the room as I face my next great fight and I don't see anyone. Where is all my support? Where is all the help? Why do I feel no one cares and I am always fighting alone? Where's my backbone?" He looked at me and smiled then said, "Here I am and here we are. Me and the fur gang will help you. We will never leave you." I smiled and said, "Thank you." I don't know where I would be or what I would do without his help and my fur kids." LOST or maybe GONE.

Later this evening as I "tried" to express my feelings as advised by my specialists to someone on the phone (seeing GP and stress is like fuel to fire) I was only told, "There are people in life going through far worse than what you are going through." WRONG THING TO SAY. I am not sure why anyone uses that analogy anymore? No one wants to hear that. They want feedback and help. Not feel as if they are being belittled for something they didn't do. Like being hurt...again. Please! If you find that person or person(s) could you please have them give me a call? At least maybe then we can compare notes and help each other. I was also told I haven't been that sick...well as sick as I am now the almost entire nine years. UMMMM...Last time I looked I have YET to get a break from BEING SICK. Wrong thing to say #2. Once again I found myself helpless and not getting support until my cell phone messenger went off and I read a message from my dear friend Kevin. "Sometimes in life you just have to learn not to let things get to you. You have to switch that don't care switch on and say FORGET IT and move on." Focus on helping yourself because sadly in this day and age most people won't do the same for you." AMEN.

I end this day when BIGFOOT STOMPED ON MY HOLI&DAY with at least a brighter note. 

Life doesn't stop. Life keeps moving. Sadly some will breathe their last breath of life and some will breathe in their first. Remember to treat others as they would do unto you. People don't need help when they are dying. They need help while they are living. Life is short and no matter how much crap is put on your plate learn to look past it. You can't change how people act but you can change how you react. Amen.

Welcome to the new world Braylen Michael! 10:41pm. 7 pounds 11 ounces and 21 inches. You sure made your great Aunt smile today and for that I thank you!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: November 29, 2011 1:43 AM EST

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Mood:  lyrical

What do you get with rain, rain and more rain? A great day to sleep!

I have been doing my best to self-motivate with the change in season but its tough. Lately I have to set cell phone alarm reminders just to make sure I take in extra fluids and walk since gravity will always be my best friend. Ten hours of sleep last night was enough although I could had used a few more. Maybe this coming week after my dentist appointment and treatment Tuesday I can catch a few extra zzz's. Well that's in between getting the oil changed in my car and having the refrigerator checked out seeing the fan doesn't seem to be working properly thus its running a bit hot. Looks like this might be a busy week ahead for this gal. Sadly not one for relaxing and taking it easy.

No puking today but lots of nausea. I accidentally put a bit TOO MUCH peppermint on a piece of cloth next to me last night before I went to sleep. Not only did it start bothering me but when my friend came home from work around 7:30am he said it was like walking into a wall of peppermint. Hahahaha! I literally woke up as if I was eating peppermint all night I could taste it. WOW! Is that peppermint oil strong but it did help ease up the nausea and also opened up my sinuses. I think it did the same for my friend too! Hahahaha!Now if I can only find some sort of dental superglue to hold my teeth together. Wouldn't that be nice and so much cheaper than dental procedures that will never, ever end. My friend said I should ask my dentist tomorrow about some sort of additional discount seeing the damage from the ole Hell-In-A-Jug aka Drano won't be stopping anytime soon because I have a lifetime of treatments ahead of me which means a lifetime of saving my teeth too! Surely since I am a VIP dental customer he can offer me some sort of discount plan. I guess I will find out tomorrow come drill time.

If only I could find a dental insurance company that would take me on but I might as well forget that seeing no one is going to cover me with the treatments I am enduring. AMEN. Amazing how the medical community and research companies can find drugs for more common serious conditions with less short or long term side effects but can't even find a medication besides liquid dynamite to flush the intestines out. GEES! I couldn't even find research online with the long term effects drinking this salt water nightmare. Once again it doesn't exist. I tend to think I am just in a category all my own.

So between the darn stuff causing hair loss and my teeth to literally fall out let's just say enough is enough but where to begin? Easier said than done. I have lately resorted back to picking up a few OTC-over the counter medications again hoping to mix this and a bit of that to ease up having to drink this stuff every week but so far no dice. No luck. Sometimes you just have to accept things the way they are and deal with them the best you can and I know exactly how to do it!

ENDING THE EVENING WITH A ROUND OF COUNTRY DANCE & THE MICHAEL JACKSON EXPERIENCE GAME ON Wii! WHOAHOA!

My friend was a bit apprehensive with me playing along tonight seeing within the first few dance rounds you could literally hear bone popping or doing something in my lower back-lumbar. Yes! I remember I have no discs left as well a few fractures but life is short and if I am to end up in a wheelchair sooner or later I might as well do it while enjoying myself. I would rather have it happen this way dancing myself there then it just "happening." I don't have much as far as nerves left so I don't feel the pain nor damage same with my teeth but I must remember it is happening. So there are a lot of things going on internally and some like my teeth externally in this crazy GP life of mine but if I am to go down at least I will go down laughing and smiling all the way! AMEN.

Don't walk too far away Mr. Cane. I will be seeing you soon. Like tomorrow! Hahahahaha!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EST

Updated: November 28, 2011 2:44 AM EST

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