Mood:  celebratory

Wow! Are they sure rushing the holiday season already or what?! I have never seen so many commercials and they all started a few days before Halloween. We have yet to even start a new month without tons of commercials. Seems Christmas has become nothing more than a quick consumer sale. One thing I sure don't regret or miss is working during the holiday season and traveling. I can remember taking hours to get home from working with one of my reps or a client when typically it would take half that time. What I do miss is being around people. I miss socializing.

GP SUKS! WAIT! It also SUKS THE LIFE OUT OF YOU TOO! Amen!

It was another night of forced sleep. Forced meaning if I don't take my pain and nausea medication I would be up all night with pressure then vomiting. Thanks but no thanks I will take my medication! Honestly me and my friend both agree this new symptom due to my Idiopathic Gastroparesis causing severe intestinal problems has now led me to waves of nausea with vomiting. Now I just try to deal with it and take my zip lock bags with me wherever I go. Sorry Mr. Yellow puke pan but you must now stay home.

My friend still has a few other things to sell at his house. Mostly furniture. Its been a very slow process but with utilizing Craigslist and Classified ads it has now started to become a huge success as he gets down to the last of the furniture. Today we went over to his house as I braved the car ride full of the typical nausea, etc. At least I was able to venture out of my house-jail a bit. It was nice to have a change of scenery seeing I am back down again with another Hell-In-A-Jug treatment Tuesday next week so just a few days away. It was nice to see all the furniture today go to good homes. Sometimes in life we are too consumed with material things and fail to forget there are others out there who would be tickled pink to have something that one just takes for granted. Some items we just gave away including a few TVs. A gentleman who came with his daughter and her family to buy the kid's bedroom set told a story about last year during the holiday season when him and his wife went to look for a new tree. They were going to buy a new one for their home then donate their old tree that they took with them on the way to the store. When they arrived at the store and started looking around for a new tree they came upon a young woman and her two children who were there as well looking for a Christmas tree however had a very tight budget. He told us about how they overheard her talking to one of the children about wanting a large tree to have for Santa to leave gifts under this year so he offered the young woman the tree in their car. He said, "The woman and her two children were so happy you would think they just won the lottery. It was so nice to see them all smile and they were very touched! It felt great to give back to others."

What a VERY NICE STORY!

This came from a gentleman who as well went through his own battle and survived because his front car plate clearly stated, "Purple Heart & Veteran." Just amazing when life touches you when least expected isn't it? It sure does remind us we are not invincible and life is just far too short to not reach out and touch someones life. Its nice to touch a heart in a kindred way.

On our way back to my house we dropped off some donated items to the local Goodwill store. My friend only has a few more pieces of furniture left to sell. It was nice to be surrounded by genuine good people today. I was always a people person but sadly when you are sick your days are limited being out in public as well I have to be careful being around germs.

Tomorrow the new wheelchair ramp will start to be built. They will be at the house around 11am so I better force my body to sleep a bit earlier this evening. Crossing my fingers for a good night of rest! This week will mark the start of a new decade in my life. There's plenty of things left on my 'Bucket List' to complete no matter how many GP Monsters have to dag along for the ride. Even if by wheelchair!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 10:51 PM EST

Updated: November 6, 2011 11:56 PM EST

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Mood:  chillin'

I got some much needed rest the past few days even minus the Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment. Honestly I think my poor body is just exhausted so once I lay down and start watching TV I am out within the next few hours. The nausea still comes in waves along with the vomiting but only to be expected and I have a hunch (more like gut-no pun intended) that its here to stay so I better start finding ways to work around this new problem with my darn paralyzed intestines.

I am taking the maximum dose of my Zofran but it only helps to a certain degree so I needed something else to add to my medicine. PEPPERMINT! Peppermint is a natural way to ease up nausea a bit and if this gal can find any form of peppermint lately I am trying it! My friend is already tired of seeing peppermint through out the house and even smelling it, hahahaha! He said, "I never did care for peppermint and now I really can't stand it." I told him the benefits it has on nausea and he was even a bit taken back so now it has him thinking about peppermint on a completely different level. During my surgeries when I had severe nausea they would put some peppermint oil on a large piece of gauze and hold it under my nose to help ease the nausea. It worked wonders!

A cheap way to get some additional relief! PEPPERMINT!

With me not feeling well my friend and the animal gang have been working overtime around the house. We got a new big comfy recliner for the back bedroom in case I want to feel as if I am taking a little escape but seems the only ones who are getting the escape are Precious and Bear kitty. One would think it was bought just for them! Hahaha! What a life! What a life!

My friend took a few naps today as well in between my waves of nausea and vomiting. I was going nuts being stuck in the house so we attempted a few car rides but once we hit the road waves of nausea from my intestines would hit. DANG IT! I do my best to just deal with it but I don't like vomiting in the car. Especially with the puke pan. Today I vowed to do something about it! If I am to deal with and work around this new symptom I better find a more comforting way to get sick while out on the road. Sure it sounds gross but when you are dealing with Gastroparesis one has to get creative. AMEN!

Later this evening we attempted to get some more toiletries at the local Target store which is right by my house. I also needed a few others things I was running low on as far as fluids. I was also determined to find something other than that darn yellow puke pan. It seems to go wherever I go lately so while we were at the store I made my way to the garbage bag isle looking to see what I could find. Right in front of me were these new extra large Hefty zip lock freezer bags. Hmmmmm...THIS COULD WORK! Not only did it work but they come in handy and fit in the car glove compartment or side of the seat. It sure beats taking a large puke pan around with me! Now its not so obvious that I am dealing with vomiting and being sick. Now I can hide it a bit. BONUS! Its also a "zip lock" bag so need I say more? We placed a few in my friends car as well my own this way I always have them around me. Now I don't have to carry a huge obvious puke pan around with me ever again.

Nothing worse than me gagging or my friend after puking into a yellow open pan. I also don't have to hear him say, "My new car is going to smell!" Hahahaha! OH the new car owners! RIGHT? RIGHT! Now it won't bother me or bother him.

THANK YOU HEFTY! TALKING ABOUT A DIFFERENT WAY TO ZIP IT AND THROW IT AWAY! HAHAHAHA! Oh the things one finds joy in while living a life with Gastroparesis. CHEERS!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:35 PM EDT

Updated: November 6, 2011 12:49 AM EDT

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Mood:  don't ask

Nurse Blue has been great keeping a close eye on Mom. Now if only I can get her to hand me my puke pan. Hahahahaha! The fur kids sure do know when I am not feeling well as they keep close tabs on me and keep my feet warm too! So far they haven't left my side but only long enough to go outside and take a food break.

My friend got the chance to take a nice drive in his new car today. He's a proud owner of a new 2012 Cruize. I was never much for the color silver on a car and neither was he but actually I like the color on this car. It looks nice! He said it really drives smooth and is super excited! I'm very happy for him and he does so much to help me with things around the house and taking me to my doctor appointments that he sure does deserve something extra special!

I am still experiencing waves of pressure as the Drano tries to make its way through my intestines. The nausea also comes in strong waves. Zofran only provides me a temp fix and just when I think I will do ok with a few fudge pops or jello right back up later it comes. This too I know eventually will pass but if not I will do the best I can to work through this new Gastroparesis symptom. At least I am comforted to know once my weight dips under 105 pounds my doctor can place me on IV feedings to get my weight back up a bit. I am hoping we never have to use that type of treatment so I still force myself to consume fluids no matter how sick I feel. Luckily I don't have to endure another Hell-In-A-Jug treatment today. My doctor has me doing a second round instead next week-Tuesday this way my insides can catch a bit of a break.

I agree.

So its going to be a low-key weekend for this gal, my friend and the fur gang but we don't mind. There are plenty of 'Ghost Adventures' episodes to watch on TV and lots of Wii games to keep us busy. Maybe I need to have a Wii party?

HEY! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!

Don't forget to bring fudge pops with you! Hahahahaha!

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:08 PM EDT

Updated: November 4, 2011 11:36 PM EDT

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Mood:  not sure

Thank goodness for this blog seeing once I am able to get past this not so great time with my Gastroparesis I can at least look back and say, "If I got through that I can get through anything!" AMEN!

So I am still having vomiting and problems getting things to stay down my intestines. What I do need to start today is the ole Drano because the pressure and swelling is at its worse. My Gastroenterologist can't force me to do treatment today but him and his assistant as well the doctor on call this past weekend are all very concerned and feel I need to at least 'try.'

I agree.

Later this afternoon after my friend went up to sign papers on his new car I got my glasses, Hawaiian punch chaser, Worther's hard candy and the ole Hell-In-A-Jug together. IT'S TREATMENT TIME! Honestly I had no high expectations but at this point I will take any little relief I can get to avoid going back to the hospital. At least this jug didn't taste like plastic but it was a rather extra salty jug, UGGGG! So I set the stove timer and consumed my first glass then started finding things around the house to keep me busy. I did pretty good with the first few glasses then the third came right back up followed by the fourth, etc, etc, etc. Nothing quite like burning salt sensation through your nose. So I made it through half of a treatment that stayed down and the other came back up.

Looks like another Drano day "TAKE-TWO" tomorrow.

At this point I have to be prepared to face some unhappy news that this new symptom with my Idiopathic Gastroparesis might be permanent. So far its not looking too good but its better to face things head on then wait till its too late. There's nothing I can't overcome that I haven't already overcome. At least with the rain the wheelchair ramp was put on delay until next week-WHEW! With the way I have been feeling lately my body could use a week to try bouncing back a bit.

Here's to a night of no sleep and better days ahead...

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EDT

Updated: November 4, 2011 1:00 AM EDT

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Mood:  not sure

It was a rough night and rough morning. Once I finally was able to find a comfortable sleeping position the severe nausea would strike. This went on through out the night and then at 6am I woke up with horrible upper right pressure pain. Of course I didn't have my puke pan next to me or on my table next to my couchbed. DANGIT! I tired to text my roommate-ex but of course I might as well be texting the squirrels outside. At least they might had come in to rescue me and bring the puke pan to my side. So I tried to make it to the bathroom but sadly I didn't and instead had to utilize a Walgreen's plastic bag I had on the rolling cart next to me.

UGGGG!

At that point it didn't matter what it was because there was no way I could have made it to the bathroom in time. I was beat already from not sleeping most of the night and going into another day with vomiting and intestinal pressure that after wards I just passed out from exhaustion. This was until 12:30pm then the nausea came back to haunt me so I said, "FORGET IT ALREADY! I AM UP!" Honestly I do better standing and moving around a bit because once I lay or sit back down it hits me over and over again. I am trying to keep icepops down but of course they just seem to find their way right back up. Now I am in big trouble because my intestines in the process also need cleared. I am so swollen that I had to cut the waist on a pair of shorts I wear to lounge around the house.

THIS IS GETTING OLD!

My Gastroenterologist is scrambling to find me some sort or relief. I have taken the maximum dose of dissoluble Zofran that I can take on a daily basis but the quick fix doesn't seem to last. Once the medication wears off I am back up vomiting. My doctors are not sure if this might be a new symptom of my Gastroparesis I am experiencing, toxicity from things that need flushed out of my intestines, narrowed and fused upper right intestines or the combination of the above. What they do know is this is not normal for me. I have only vomited once over the past eight years with my Gastroparesis. That wasn't due to a flair up but from surgery.

KEY WORD: INTESTINES.

My doctors firmly believe this is going on from my paralyzed intestines and my gut also agrees. Most people when they vomit they are feeling it from their stomach. I feel a rush of pressure and then force from the upper right part of my intestines as contents push themselves back up. The acid has been horrific but as my doctor's assistant said, "With what has been coming back up its perfectly understandable."

I really need to do the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment tomorrow and my Gastroenterologist agrees. I was strongly advised to do my best but to be cautious with how often I vomit during treatment and let them know how I am doing seeing this is going to be touch and go.

Isn't Gastroparesis life just wonderful? NOT! Ask any patient and they will agree it never ends and with GP its one thing after another. Amen.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:40 PM EDT

Updated: November 3, 2011 2:22 AM EDT

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Mood:  loud

It's the final day for the monster gang before they head back to 'Monsterland.' So today is MY DAY to have a little fun with them, heeheeheehee! This is the day I look forward to as I put each head onto a different body then top them all off with Santa hats and silver tinsel scarves. Now no monster Xmas holiday would be complete without some music right? Right! CHECK! GOT IT!

Wow! For once I am not the patient lying in the bed, hahahaha! Oh it was all in good fun and the looks from others who drove or stopped by was priceless! They were confused then laughing then confused then laughing. Most just HAD to take their cameras out to take a few photos. Some even posed with their children for the future holiday card this season.

Talking about a SCARY card! YIKES!

Winter is just around the corner and so is this gals birthday. Now that is the SCARIEST thing of all! Let's just say I am not looking forward to this birthday as I ring in a new decade of my life. Honestly I would like to celebrate it quietly. If I could travel I would be celebrating someone on the coast but instead this year we must be a bit creative so my friend has a few ideas in mind. I can't wait to leave this city if even for a day.

With a new year means new changes. Sadly my Idiopathic Gastroparesis isn't getting any better and my doctor made that very clear not including my other specialists who have worked years trying to stop the slow decline with my condition. Unfortunately they never won. Neither did I. Today I gave things a bit more thought on the lack of support and being a bit distant from others. This of course not by my choice. After putting more stress on myself by hearing from others on 'FAKEBOOK-Facebook' on what I was being excluded from over and over again as I continue being left out of events or just ever day life something just has to end and not just my Facebook account. My physicians have been putting in their two cents to try and wake me up these past few months and it finally has worked. Maybe it was the combination of everything but I hit my limit and emotional limit. There has been enough things that have been going on to make me feel already dead and gone as I continue to be excluded. Honestly as one physician said, "Life is far too short and when one becomes sick it is when others join forces together helping the patient." I am not quite sure on my end because the only force I have seen lately is on the movie, 'The Empire Strikes Back.' HAHAHAHA!

OK. That was FUNNY!

So I have come to realize things just aren't going to change and although with my unique medical situation there isn't any reason to void someone out of your life and not be able to move past differences. I have far worse things to be angry about like, "NOT EATING." However in the same breath once again you can't force people to change and you can't force people to make amends or to include you in their lives. Its not up to me and I am not God. Today I decided its time to accept that although I wish things would go back how they used to be they won't and the way things look now they never will again either. Its time for me to look forward and not look back. I can try to rhyme and reason till the sun goes down but everyone is entitled to feel the way they do and at the end of the road when that loved one is gone its up to others to be ok with themselves by walking away from the person who was ill. That's not up to me. That's up to them.

"There is always something you can do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world I do think it's not asking too much for you to take time and help those around you who are hungry, naked, lonely and sick. You may not be able to save the world but you will share your heart with those in need and in return the world will thank you."

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EDT

Updated: November 3, 2011 11:08 PM EDT

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Mood:  sharp

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! BOO!

It's a day filled with frightful things! Not like being a Gastroparesis patient isn't frightful enough so us GP'ers really don't have that much left to be scared of...just the unknown with our never ending condition.

I started the day first scaring myself into another Facebook reality check! Yes...I am guilty for the third times a charm activating my already twice deleted account hoping that things have changed since my last attempt. More like hoping people have changed but guess what? They didn't the first, second and now the third time so you know what that means right? I deleted my account for good this evening. Give me an "A" for effort giving others a last chance but instead all I have seen is nothing more than self indulged individuals with a 'look at me! look at me!' attitude and life. I guess somethings never change and sometimes people don't either. Unless you are a soccer Mom or a PTA Mom or a Cheer Mom or a stay at home Mom you can just hang it up because people see you as less of a person if you don't fall or fit into their category. They really don't want to connect. This isn't the first you see because I lost many friends along the way not being a parent.

IT SUKS! GP SUKS!

So here I am with my fur kids whom I am very happy and proud of that truly show me what it is to be unconditionally loved deleting the last of my so called Facebook which turned out more to be a 'FAKEBOOK.' It also started getting to me emotionally which my treating specialists didn't find to be very healthy. I felt like I couldn't be me-sick but instead anytime I had a good moment I had to post photos almost freezing that moment in time. What I felt I couldn't post was the truth. Truth about what really my life has turned to be living as a Gastroparesis patient. At least I was able to allow others the time to learn about Gastroparesis and my unique journey but like most in this selfish world all most people sadly care about is themselves. If only we all took the time out from our own lives and walked in someone elses shoes for a change. Amen. Even with family members it really started waking me up. This might had been a blessing you see because maybe I need to realize who is really there for me and who isn't then walk away. I haven't spoken to either of my family on both sides minus a few in quite awhile. My support system in this city sadly doesn't consist of enough. My doctors still remain very confused and distraught on the lack of support.

So its time to SCARE MYSELF STRAIGHT!

After all it is Halloween! It's time to 'Trick Or Treat.' Trick was Facebook. Treat was this afternoon and later into the evening. Me and my friend decided to carve our own pumpkins and make our costumes this year. Its time to set myself straight too! What was I this year? Why a GP survivor. My friend? A walking GP billboard. How's that for awareness?! Usually my family every year has the annual family pumpkin carving but all this year everyone wants to do is carve themselves distance. That's ok though because I don't have any expectations and if you are terminally sick and others don't want to see you or at least make contact with you then pick up your shoes and as my doctors say and say it best, "Walk away." Bad enough dealing with being sick still today, vomiting last night and this afternoon then putting my game face on in time for Halloween. Last thing I need is stress or depression so I put a quick lid to it.

Time to move on.

It was fun carving pumpkins with my friend and its nice having someone around to always talk to. I don't feel so alone anymore and when I feel even a touch of depression they are there for me. They also do something else which is very, very important! They are a set of eyes for my specialists. They are able to give them all the feedback they need in order to see what type of help I am getting from family and friends around the house and also during treatments. Now let's just say no one can say, "It's just your opinion." No folks its the hard core reality and facts. I don't have much if hardly any support.

I am starting to see clearly now and on a roll waking up to reality and scaring myself straight! My own Gastroenterologist had some scaring of his own to do today. With my INSURANCE COMPANY! BOO! Seems once again they didn't want to cover a medication to help stop the vomiting because they said, "It's only really suppose to be used in a hospital setting." They also couldn't understand why I couldn't just take a pill. DUH! I HAVE GASTROPARESIS! So instead of ending up back at the hospital my doctor worked on getting the approval for most of the afternoon and by early this evening my friend was able to pick up my medication for me.

THANK GOODNESS! MAYBE SOME RELIEF!

It was just in time too seeing the nausea was almost at the point of no return and I really needed that hospital medication! I took one quick under the tongue dissolvable wafer then placed another one to the side to take later. My Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment is out of my system now which is creating more problems so its important I do my second treatment tomorrow or by Wednesday. Its tough seeing I only have my friend to be there for me during treatments. I have to work around their off days. Its tough when you don't have that help or support.

Around 5:30pm with only thirty minutes to spare before trick or treating began my friend helped me out getting the candy together as well SCARING others about GASTROPARESIS by getting Halloween themed education cards and pamphlets ready for those interested in some GP education. A local news station come out to the house Thursday to do an interview on the monsters as well learn more about Gastroparesis and my condition. Let's just say once again I SCARED MYSELF STRAIGHT! The interview not only aired on the same night I got extremely ill but once I saw myself on camera and how frail I looked and how sunken in my cheekbones were it was then I realized, "Hey! I don't look so good!" It wasn't a good reality check to say the least.

This evening the monster gang display outside as well some live characters scared more than 500 kids not counting those who were too scare to make it to the front porch to get candy and over an estimated 1,200 people. All within three hours. How do I know? We always keep track of the candy and I had 250 "I SCARE YOU TO ASK ABOUT GASTROPARESIS" website cards that were gone within the first forty minutes. It was a non stop action filled night as me and my friend rocked our GP Awareness shirts with even my own scary mask on. More like medical mask but this time even the kids accepted it without question. There were more scares and more laughs than I can count. My friend even said, "This is the most I have ever laughed I believe in my entire life!" I couldn't agree more which is why this year I got my old VHS recorder out and tripod then set it on the front porch. There is now over three hours full of action pack laughter for the entire year.

Well until next Halloween anyways...

You don't realize how much those scary guys bring so much joy to others until they pack it up for the year and head back to monsterland but I bet they sure do have some stories when they head back home to share, hahahahaha! I will sure miss all the smiles. I will sure miss all the laughter. Most of all I will sure miss having a little escape of my own to leave the reality of being sick. Now its time to see how well I do with reality.

BOO! More like BOOHOO!

At least now when I feel down and out, alone and depressed, sick and weak all I need to do is turn on the VCR/DVD player then put in the video from tonight. At least I know it will make me smile and maybe once again I can escape...

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EDT

Updated: November 1, 2011 4:10 AM EDT

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Mood:  down

One just can never, ever predict day to day, hour to hour or minute to minute living with wicked Gastroparesis. One day you are up then the next day you are down. This is the most UNPREDICTABLE medical condition I have not only personally seen, heard of but as well live it. Gastroparesis is enough to make one just want to jump onto the first plane and live their body at home. HAHAHAHA! Now if only that were possible!

This laptop gift has come in extremely handy lately seeing if I had to use the desktop at home there would be no blog...well at least the past few months. Now I am able to connect with everyone and allow them to stay connected to me by the touch of a keypad. (Did I just plug an advertisement for laptop computers?)

So here I am. I made it and I am still alive. BOY! Am I one heck of a very lucky gal! I tend to agree with all my specialists in saying, "You are a rare breed and a walking miracle." So I wasn't suppose to live past four years upon my initial severe Idiopathic Gastroparesis diagnosis but here I am four years later and still as stubborn as ever. I won't give up but darn its tough not to give in when you get hit with a wicked GP flair up from hell! I am in one right now as we speak.

About last night...Trying to get rest on the ole couchbed didn't work. Things got far worse and we ended up heading to the hospital around 2:30am. The pain was intolerable and I can take a lot but I met my limit. It was a mad rush with my family member trying to find my gym shoes as well getting some clothes together. As sick as I was honestly I told them, "I will just go in my sleep clothes and robe." I was sick! I was getting worse! This wasn't easing up. Once we got a change of extra clothes on me over my sleep attire we headed up to the local hospital. This was at the same time dealing with the pressure pain followed by sharp pain then turning cold and clammy. They kept asking me which hospital we should go to seeing there are two near my house but at this point I didn't care I just wasn't sure if I could make it there so the only words I could get out at that point was, "I don't care. Just get there. HURRY!"

BOY was it NOT a good ride! Once we hit another expressway ramp the twists and turns did it for me. It felt like the right side of my intestines was ready to come up and it did. The last time I can remember vomiting was after my last surgery three years ago due to the side affects of anesthesia. This time however the pressure wasn't coming directly from my stomach but instead the right side of my intestines. Once we made it over that ramp I started to get sick and sick and sick. I couldn't find the darn window button at first but once things got dizzy I finally figured it and said out loud, "I have to make it. I don't want to go like this. I won't go like this." Of course they didn't say anything and if they did it was quietly and I was too far out of it to hear. Its hard for others to see me sick. Its hard for them to accept a medical condition without a cure as my condition continues to quickly progress but you must accept things. Its important to accept an illness.

The drive seemed like forever but once we made it to the hospital and I was able to sit down in a wheelchair they whisked us back to a room. They are super quick when you are really sick at my local hospital as multiple hospital staff started asking questions, taking blood then running a line into my arm. This time I earned myself a double line of fluids seeing I was vomiting a lot and I still had yet to rehydrate from my last Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment. The ER doctor came in and introduced himself as we went over my symptoms then he started asking questions regarding my Gastroparesis and connected problems. To him it didn't seem like it was my apendix that needed to come out but that although I do two treatments to flush my intestines on a weekly basis it still isn't enough. I am still getting into trouble but this time things were making their way back up through the intestines and stomach. Not good. I had text my friend seeing I wasn't feeling well before they went to work and I wasn't able to answer my phone. I had to let them know I was at the hospital a family member drove me up making sure to let them know I was being treated. My friend not only got the message but was able to get someone to cover the other half of their shift and quickly made their way up to the hospital.

Remember what I said just the other day on a different blog? Gastroparesis patients don't like to be alone. NO ONE should have to suffer in silence but worse, "ALONE."

This was one time I sure didn't need nor want to be alone. I was guessing in my mind it could possibly be my apendix that needed to come out seeing that was the only thing so far that my GP hasn't destroyed but once again I was wrong. Very wrong. Seems my severe Idiopathic Gastroparesis gave me a very severe flair up. Not only that but the scans of my intestines show problems that my twice weekly treatment still isn't enough. I am still not able to be flushed out. I have some pretty nasty toxic stuff hanging out stuck in my intestines. This could as my GI doctor said today on the phone, "Make you very, very sick. It can also cause extreme vomiting as your body tries to rid things the opposite direction that we would like for them to go." So after a long morning in the hospital and an evil drive back home my friend stopped enough to allow me to once again get sick and then we finally made it home. My family member is just now trying to catch up with things regarding medical questions concerning my eight year battle but the ER doctors can only go in explaining things to a certain point. When you don't live it its hard to understand what us GP patients battle on a daily basis. I don't think they understands nor the rest of them but people have to take in things at their own pace.

It was a horrible night of uncomfortable rest, nausea, vomiting, pressure and waves of pain but I made it! It is a new day and I made it! That says a lot from a gal who has been through a lot. I have a long recovery ahead of me and today was no exception. I still can't hold down fluids but I am still trying. My doctors have been amazing as they work closely making sure to monitor things through out the day. I guess its up to my body to decide when this too shall pass. It will pass. Just on it's own time.

Back to reaching into my patience jar.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 9:15 PM EDT

Updated: October 30, 2011 10:48 PM EDT

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Mood:  down

All was calm on the water until a huge tidal wave came up out of nowhere!

WHAT THE HECK?!!

My friend had their moving sale today so unfortunately it was a 10am wake up call. I slept decent but not the best however I figure the sale is only a few days and we had a pre-sale yesterday in which he did really, really well! This gal also did good after bringing over items that I couldn't sell at my own garage sale last month. Let's just say a few hours turned into a pouring of people! Time flew by!! I figured we would do fairly well but I didn't expect as many people that showed up. WOW!! So today we were crossing our fingers for the same type of outcome. A very prosperous day! $$$$

With it being a morning wake up call I made sure to give my body an hour to get ready and the possibility of easing up the nausea a bit. My friend lives on the opposite side of town so it generally takes around 35 minutes to get there however this morning I hit every light at every major intersection. Once we got to his street the closer we made our way to his house the more cars we saw then a huge line of people from the front porch to the street! WOW!! This was not only a good day but he was able to sell more than half! <CLAPS! This isn't my first garage or moving sale set up but I must say it was the best I had seen and the area he lives in is perfect for sales! We started at 11:50am and closed the doors at 4pm. I was beat! My friend was exhausted too! I am still trying to work through my last treatment and the nausea started to slowly creep up on me before we headed back home. Maybe I just needed to rest seeing I am pushing the envelope so to speak being sick but life is short and my friend does so much helping me that the least I can do is offer help to them. Amen.

We got back to my house around 7pm after a long and tiring drive. It took a lot for both of us to keep our eyes open. I decided to only do a few things around the house and quickly lay down to give my body some much needed rest however once I did just that horrible pressure pain started building in the upper right side of my intestines. OH NO! NOT AGAIN! My friend had to be at work by 11pm so they left a bit after 10pm then the fun started! NOT. The pressure pain just kept getting worse to the point it was hard to even stand up so instead of just laying there waiting for something bad to happen I went to the bathroom and that was it. All down hill from there...

I ended up on the floor doubled over with horrible intestinal pressure, pain, sweats then nausea times 10. I had to call a family member and have them come over to help me some how make it to the couch. This of course required getting off the floor, out of the bathroom and back to the living room. Once they got to my house I didn't have much to say seeing I was in a world of pain and any little noise just seemed to amplify things. After around an hour we were finally able to get me up off the floor and slowly scoot our way back to my couchbed. It wasn't easy but the longer you sit with intestinal pressure and sharp pain the worse it becomes. I just wanted to find a good position to at least tolerate things a bit easier.

GOOD LUCK!

They stayed over hoping maybe things would calm down if I just rested or tried to catch a bit of sleep. That didn't happen and nor did the pain ease up followed by waves of unbearable pressure. This was the start of a V E R Y...LONG...N I G H T....

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:59 PM EDT

Updated: October 30, 2011 10:50 PM EDT

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Mood:  chatty

A great therapist of mine once said or more like said more than once to me over the past four years, "If people can't accept you sick then they are not worth having in your life. If people have nothing to offer you as far as support is concerned with a chronic condition then what do they really offer to your life?"

GREAT PHILOSOPHY!

So another HUGE light bulb has gone off in my head the past few weeks. Honestly I have even questioned the advice of others who are not sick nor ill with a chronic medical condition on how they would treat others when they themselves are treated unkindly. Their answer, "Show respect when respect is shown." And a few others said, "If someone treats you badly why would anyone owe it to treat them kindly?" One even said, "I was raised to show respect and in return demand nothing but respect."

WOW! GREAT ADVICE!

So today I was puzzled by someone questioning why anyone would hold a walk for awareness whether cancer, Gastroparesis or any other serious medical condition. Clearly unless someone walks in your shoes or along side with you in your own unique journey you will never, ever be able to persuade them to understand. You can't change the opinions of others. OK, so I do agree that if they really put all the money that is being raised for cancer over many decades wouldn't we all by now have some sort of cure? YES. What really people need to ask themselves is, "If we didn't raise money then there wouldn't be money. Maybe there is already a cure but if there was then no one would be raising money."

RIGHT? RIGHT.

Its surely not fair for anyone to suffer by the hands of any terminal condition and that holds true for those who suffer from Gastroparesis or any other medical condition. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO SUFFER. NO ONE. On the same note NO ONE should have to suffer alone and not have support. NO ONE.

Another part I have dealt with for many years being an Idiopathic Gastroparesis patient is dealing with the hard core facts of those around me not accepting me as sick. They refuse to get out of the boat in the sea of denial. Not THE NILE. DENIAL. The worse my condition becomes the more out of sight, out of mind they become. Not only is it very hurtful to myself but others who experience it around me. Honestly if someone can't accept you for who are you whether yesterday, today or tomorrow then you need to question first of all what the heck their problem is and second of all if it is fair to continue having them in your life. My own physicians say, "You must put limits to those type of relationships and not place any form of expectations on the individuals. If you do so you are only setting yourself up for hurt and additional stress you don't need."

 I SADLY AGREE.

So today I had another light bulb go off in my head and POOF! I am once again a changed gal.

Raising awareness for any condition is extremely important. With Gastroparesis and being a GP patient with a terminal diagnosis I take what I do to raise international awareness very seriously!

WITH OR WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF OTHERS. AMEN.

Posted by GastroparesisAwarenessCampaignOrg. at 11:58 PM EDT

Updated: October 29, 2011 1:29 AM EDT

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