Now Playing: Day 564-The Final Road To Survival
HAPPY HALLOWEEN! BOO!
It's a day filled with frightful things! Not like being a Gastroparesis patient isn't frightful enough so us GP'ers really don't have that much left to be scared of...just the unknown with our never ending condition.
I started the day first scaring myself into another Facebook reality check! Yes...I am guilty for the third times a charm activating my already twice deleted account hoping that things have changed since my last attempt. More like hoping people have changed but guess what? They didn't the first, second and now the third time so you know what that means right? I deleted my account for good this evening. Give me an "A" for effort giving others a last chance but instead all I have seen is nothing more than self indulged individuals with a 'look at me! look at me!' attitude and life. I guess somethings never change and sometimes people don't either. Unless you are a soccer Mom or a PTA Mom or a Cheer Mom or a stay at home Mom you can just hang it up because people see you as less of a person if you don't fall or fit into their category. They really don't want to connect. This isn't the first you see because I lost many friends along the way not being a parent.
IT SUKS! GP SUKS!
So here I am with my fur kids whom I am very happy and proud of that truly show me what it is to be unconditionally loved deleting the last of my so called Facebook which turned out more to be a 'FAKEBOOK.' It also started getting to me emotionally which my treating specialists didn't find to be very healthy. I felt like I couldn't be me-sick but instead anytime I had a good moment I had to post photos almost freezing that moment in time. What I felt I couldn't post was the truth. Truth about what really my life has turned to be living as a Gastroparesis patient. At least I was able to allow others the time to learn about Gastroparesis and my unique journey but like most in this selfish world all most people sadly care about is themselves. If only we all took the time out from our own lives and walked in someone elses shoes for a change. Amen. Even with family members it really started waking me up. This might had been a blessing you see because maybe I need to realize who is really there for me and who isn't then walk away. I haven't spoken to either of my family on both sides minus a few in quite awhile. My support system in this city sadly doesn't consist of enough. My doctors still remain very confused and distraught on the lack of support.
So its time to SCARE MYSELF STRAIGHT!
After all it is Halloween! It's time to 'Trick Or Treat.' Trick was Facebook. Treat was this afternoon and later into the evening. Me and my friend decided to carve our own pumpkins and make our costumes this year. Its time to set myself straight too! What was I this year? Why a GP survivor. My friend? A walking GP billboard. How's that for awareness?! Usually my family every year has the annual family pumpkin carving but all this year everyone wants to do is carve themselves distance. That's ok though because I don't have any expectations and if you are terminally sick and others don't want to see you or at least make contact with you then pick up your shoes and as my doctors say and say it best, "Walk away." Bad enough dealing with being sick still today, vomiting last night and this afternoon then putting my game face on in time for Halloween. Last thing I need is stress or depression so I put a quick lid to it.
Time to move on. It was fun carving pumpkins with my friend and its nice having someone around to always talk to. I don't feel so alone anymore and when I feel even a touch of depression they are there for me. They also do something else which is very, very important! They are a set of eyes for my specialists. They are able to give them all the feedback they need in order to see what type of help I am getting from family and friends around the house and also during treatments. Now let's just say no one can say, "It's just your opinion." No folks its the hard core reality and facts. I don't have much if hardly any support.
It was fun carving pumpkins with my friend and its nice having someone around to always talk to. I don't feel so alone anymore and when I feel even a touch of depression they are there for me. They also do something else which is very, very important! They are a set of eyes for my specialists. They are able to give them all the feedback they need in order to see what type of help I am getting from family and friends around the house and also during treatments. Now let's just say no one can say, "It's just your opinion." No folks its the hard core reality and facts. I don't have much if hardly any support.
I am starting to see clearly now and on a roll waking up to reality and scaring myself straight! My own Gastroenterologist had some scaring of his own to do today. With my INSURANCE COMPANY! BOO! Seems once again they didn't want to cover a medication to help stop the vomiting because they said, "It's only really suppose to be used in a hospital setting." They also couldn't understand why I couldn't just take a pill. DUH! I HAVE GASTROPARESIS! So instead of ending up back at the hospital my doctor worked on getting the approval for most of the afternoon and by early this evening my friend was able to pick up my medication for me.
THANK GOODNESS! MAYBE SOME RELIEF!
It was just in time too seeing the nausea was almost at the point of no return and I really needed that hospital medication! I took one quick under the tongue dissolvable wafer then placed another one to the side to take later. My Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatment is out of my system now which is creating more problems so its important I do my second treatment tomorrow or by Wednesday. Its tough seeing I only have my friend to be there for me during treatments. I have to work around their off days. Its tough when you don't have that help or support.
Around 5:30pm with only thirty minutes to spare before trick or treating began my friend helped me out getting the candy together as well SCARING others about GASTROPARESIS by getting Halloween themed education cards and pamphlets ready for those interested in some GP education. A local news station come out to the house Thursday to do an interview on the monsters as well learn more about Gastroparesis and my condition. Let's just say once again I SCARED MYSELF STRAIGHT! The interview not only aired on the same night I got extremely ill but once I saw myself on camera and how frail I looked and how sunken in my cheekbones were it was then I realized, "Hey! I don't look so good!" It wasn't a good reality check to say the least.
This evening the monster gang display outside as well some live characters scared more than 500 kids not counting those who were too scare to make it to the front porch to get candy and over an estimated 1,200 people. All within three hours. How do I know? We always keep track of the candy and I had 250 "I SCARE YOU TO ASK ABOUT GASTROPARESIS" website cards that were gone within the first forty minutes. It was a non stop action filled night as me and my friend rocked our GP Awareness shirts with even my own scary mask on. More like medical mask but this time even the kids accepted it without question. There were more scares and more laughs than I can count. My friend even said, "This is the most I have ever laughed I believe in my entire life!" I couldn't agree more which is why this year I got my old VHS recorder out and tripod then set it on the front porch. There is now over three hours full of action pack laughter for the entire year.
Well until next Halloween anyways...
You don't realize how much those scary guys bring so much joy to others until they pack it up for the year and head back to monsterland but I bet they sure do have some stories when they head back home to share, hahahahaha! I will sure miss all the smiles. I will sure miss all the laughter. Most of all I will sure miss having a little escape of my own to leave the reality of being sick. Now its time to see how well I do with reality.
BOO! More like BOOHOO!
At least now when I feel down and out, alone and depressed, sick and weak all I need to do is turn on the VCR/DVD player then put in the video from tonight. At least I know it will make me smile and maybe once again I can escape...