Now Playing: Day 544-The Final Road To Survival
This 'was' a day of Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug however when even just a littleeeee touch of stress dances into my life on treatment day it changes things. It also changes treatment day seeing the side effects drinking this 'YOU KNOW WHAT' can be deadly if you mix it with stress. I was honestly adamant about drinking it this afternoon. This was obviously before the stress.
This was also therapy day. I am finally able to actually 'go' to see my therapist instead of him having to do my therapy over the phone due to being sick or feeling horrific after treatment. The appointment wasn't until 4pm but the stress hit me before my appointment. GEES! I thought maybe after my appointment I would feel better which I did. That was until a 'second' round of stress came knocking at my door. GEES!!!! So instead of drinking the Drano I had to place the jug of dynamite aside till tomorrow. Of course I am not feeling too hot because my intestines need to be treated. The risks vs benefits of already being stressed out today then adding more internal stress by the treatment just isn't worth the risk.
This too shall pass then tomorrow this Drano too shall pass! Hahahaha!
Me and my therapist went over the new situation with my back when reality it isn't so 'new' after all. In fact I had some red flag warnings at the beginning of the year when I told my doctor I had problems getting out of the car when running errands or my legs going numb. Little did I most likely know was my discs in my lower part of my back were gone and the bones were ready to collapse. Sure I had symptoms, maybe more than a few however my doctors already have their hands full with my unique medical situation. They have enough already on their hands with me but now we just added another problem.
Once I got home I had a chance again to really give some careful thought into the problem with my back and fracture. I also got a phone call from my other specialist who suggested I look into the surgical procedure online before my appointment on October 20th. What I didn't plan on seeing was just how extensive it would be rebuilding my spine and placing spacers, rods, stints, etc. NO WAY! After an hour reading about the surgery and seeing videos not to mention the long recovery process there is just no way in heck I could handle any surgery whether alone a BACK SURGERY! The problem once again is my pre-existing hellish condition called 'Idiopathic Gastroparesis.' The other problem is my body is too exhausted to be put through any further surgical procedures. I told my doctor today that honestly I didn't feel I could go through any surgery no matter how serious things are going on internally. Even if it paralyzes me from the waist down this includes my back.
I guess you could say this evening I made the answer for myself.
I wasn't sure as I told my therapist if even seeing the Neuro surgeon would be such a great idea next week because I already know they are not comfortable with things going on as well with my Idiopathic Gastroparesis. Its a catch 22. I have to keep moving and stay mobile due to my paralyzed organs however now with the compression fracture and back problems staying active will only make things worse. Darn if I do and darn if I don't. Some people do better 'not knowing.' This gal does better knowing exactly what evil medical monster I am fighting. It might not be good news and if things don't get repaired with my back sooner than later I am looking at the near future in a wheelchair. If anything out of this sad situation I told my doctor today, "I guess it could be worse. Things could be worse. Instead of my lumbar it could be problems with my neck that would paralyze me far worse than just losing the ability to walk." My therapist just shook his head and tried to smile. He said, "Some people are just born to battle and find strength within. You just do better knowing what is going on with your body while most don't want to know. Its amazing strength you have, its a blessing."
I couldn't agree with him more!
So here I am facing another battle in my near future. I just hope to be able to cross off a few more 'Bucket List' wishes off my list before its too late but if not when there is a will there will ALWAYS BE A WAY'! Amen.