Now Playing: Day 732-The Final Road To Survival
Someone asked me today, "Why don't you talk about things more often on the phone or in person regarding your medical situation?" My very honest answer, "After 8 years its like a broken record and even I like to take a break each day from GP life which is why I do one blog, once a day, vent how I feel and go on with the rest my life." Its not that I don't want to talk about it, I just don't do pity parties. I like my inner strength that has been built over the years. Its great to attend any doctors appointment and not literally have a melt down like most people would in my unique situation. I take my health very seriously and have high expectations from each one of my specialists. So far they have yet to let me down and have become a very strong support system.
Today I have one of two specialist appointments for the week. I made sure to schedule them once again towards the end of the week because most people would rather have a jump start on their weekend and not spend Friday in a doctors office. Not me though. I have Drano weekend to look forward to so the later in the week the better. Someone today made a comment to my friend-Caregiver that its crazy how someone can sleep until 3pm. Obviously the person who made that comment either A-Never experienced being truly sick B-Never knew what it was like to work third shift or C-Lived under a rock most of their lives. Hahahahaha! Seriously, who makes those type of comments even after reading my blog and who knows how many other blogs? I also was once again told that someone in my condition shouldn't be allowed to have children over my house. One word: HA! Are you serious and what type of person says such a thing? I tend to believe they needed a reality check and should had instead saved the side show comments and went with me to my Oncologist/Hematologist appointment this afternoon. They would had been awakened by the reality of one word: Life. There were many of those going through chemo today with their children by their side. I didn't see anyone saying they shouldn't have kids because they are sick or have to seek treatment. Instead it was a beautiful site called, "Caring."
One word to this individual: Support. Try it sometime for someone else instead of categorizing those who are sick and insisting its shameful for those who are ill to be allowed around children. Quite a few others around me are also wondering what is happening with society. What are people thinking? Answer: Twitter, Facebook and any other social networking site. They aren't thinking they are too busy typing. I always said I was born in the wrong era. Clearly back in the 30's is more my speed where people cared about people and not just about themselves. This blog is a way for me once a day to post about my life and a way for me to look back and reflect where I have been and be proud of where I am today.
How did my appointment turn out this afternoon? As expected but more! It was a very humbling experience not only for myself but also for my friend-Caregiver. He even found himself saying on the way home, "Your doctors aren't just doctors, they are like a second family. I have never seen doctors instead of shaking your hand actually reach out and give their patient a sincere hug. Until of course I met you. It still leaves me speechless." He not only likes my specialists but also has deep respect for each and every one of them. No miracles today. No cures. Just the facts and truth as medical technology allows. Some are meant for chemo and some are great prospects for treatment while others like myself are already doing harsh treatment on a weekly basis. It works although doesn't come without a host of side effects, some long term. I would never entertain the idea of chemo because I have far too many problems with my organs not functioning properly. What turned out to be an ER visit to make sure I didn't literally break my back in half or perforate a hole in my intestines turned out to be a blessing in disguise. So maybe other things were found by "accident" on tests done by the hospital but things are in early stages and very mild. I am hoping the same for my kidneys as I wrap up a very long week with a new specialist tomorrow.
After catching a few laughs with the nurse and my wonderful-multi talented Oncologist/Hematologist today he will still need for me to come back in three months. At least I will be able to give myself a much needed break. They will have to rescan and check my lymph nodes again for growth changes only as expected. I am ok with that because I never intended to be cured today. I only expected a great appointment and to learn more about my condition. Today answered many questions not just for myself but also for my doctors since we are a team. My other specialists will receive a report on today's visit from my Oncologist/Hematologist so they can continue connected the mysterious GP dots. I was given the "A-OK" to start back on the ole Drano aka Hell-In-A-Jug treatments this weekend seeing I sure don't need to become toxic. I was also told to finish up the new medication but always to remember, "If you can handle the pain without taken narcotics you will be much better off. We don't want to see you suffering but we don't want things to be made worse." This is exactly why "some" of us don't get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning because we are fighting pain and don't feel like making our conditions worse or becoming addicted to drugs.
Towards the end of my appointment my specialist was able to quickly answer questions regarding hair loss, nails not growing, low blood sugar and low blood pressure. I can take all the vitamins in the world but if your GI system can't properly digest or distribute them you are in theory wasting your time and money. I have taken the new vitamins for over a month and my hair has still yet to grow in a year and my nails keep breaking. If a normal person took what I have been taking they could be Rapunzel by now! Hahahaha! My doctors reply, "Expected. Your hair will continue coming out and not just due to treatments but mostly because of your Idiopathic Gastroparesis." Once again VALIDATION. The word I like most because it literally puts missing puzzle pieces together. Amen! As my specialist finished up the report for my doctors he mentioned key words, "To a normal person stress isn't good but for those who are sick it can be detrimental. I hope the next three months you can get out and enjoy life doing the best you can. You deserve true happiness." Instead of reaching for a hand shake he gave me a firm hug and said, "Your spirits are up and your in a good place." I agree! So maybe not medically but he meant mentally. I am a fighter and after given four years max to live with insides that don't work here I am 8 years later. How many people can say that? Those who are born survivors.
On our way out of the lab/chemo area to make my next appointment my friend-Caregiver commented on how each patient had someone there to support them. Sisters with Mothers. Grandparents with children. Friends with family. Fathers with parents. It was the most support he had ever seen as those today were clearly uniting together to beat the odds. To possibly save their own lives. If one would ever be humbled it was today. I walked out of that office today being thankful for the time I have here on Earth but also being more aware of my surroundings. I will fight for stress-free days because they are important with my condition. I vowed to my friend-Caregiver to be a happier person and to wear a smile more often no matter how cruel life or society can become. I must be more kind to me. Now is the time to find things in life that make me truly happy because we aren't promised tomorrow but those who are lucky enough like myself are proud to say I will fight another day.
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky." "God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him."
"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with him."