Mood: not sure
Now Playing: Day 4161-FREE YOURSELF...MY JOURNEY
Topic: Post Surgical First Look
What word should I use to describe how I felt. Taking my first look in the mirror at what used to be my face.
Horrified? Alarmed? Frightened?
When surgeons try to explain how brutal of a surgery you are about to endure... believe them. There was no way, I could had prepared myself. To no longer recognize myself in the mirror. Post surgical reality of still a long ways off to some sort of normalcy.
What we do know, is a bit further extent of maximum radiation treatments that did extensive damage to surrounding organs. That was 5 years ago and I am still paying for it. The easy part is knowing you can still live, survive with 1 kidney. I will continue dealing with those hurdles as they come.
Honesty, means the reality that it's far easier to accept internal damage. What people cannot see. Having to look at a person you no longer recognize, that is looking back at you in the mirror? An extremely humbling experience to understand that what doesn't kill you, can permanently change you.
It will be a few weeks before they get labs back on the abnormal bone growths. Jaw resection takes time to heal. It all depends on how quickly my body can heal. I was forewarned that the structure, appearance of my face will go through many changes during recovery. Not for the better.
I'm still in the beginning shock phase of disbelief. Not recognizing myself in the mirror is horrifying.
I have my first of many video appointments with my specialists starting next week. I also have my first consultation online with my cosmetic surgical group. It all just feels like a really bad dream.
I know in the end, there is a lot to gain from this hellish experience. There is some sort of wisdom to be had, when it all makes sense.
Free Yourself...My Journey
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