Now Playing: Day 4602-FREE YOURSELF...MY JOURNEY
Topic: Babyblue Canine Epilepsy
It's been 4 days....
I finally had the courage to call Babyblue's veterinarian specialists office. That is... without hanging up, and getting upset.
I have replayed everything from last week, Friday...
I know her specialist will be able to answer some, if not all of my questions. The way she passed was past-the-point of anything I could had ever imagined. I couldn't even get Babyblue wrapped in a blanket to rush her to emergency care. Whether alone, touch her. They were the most violent seizures I have ever, and most likely, will ever experience. I can't imagine a person with her type of Epilepsy to even go through a touch of what I experienced with Babyblue. This went on for over 40 minutes.
I am still in shock, utter disbelief and horrified. Quiet. That is the new me that emerged after witnessing such a... there are no right words.
The past three nights, I have awaken with the images replaying in my head. What could I have done differently? What about using a pillow? A pillow. I couldn't even touch her, so would a pillow have even worked? All I could do was lay next to her feeling beyond helpless and let her know it was okay to let go. I was angry at God. With each horrifying minute... it really began to question my faith. I wanted it all to be a dream.
I promised my fur babies a new home. A new lease on life. A fresh start. Same as if I had human kids... I still feel as if I didn't do enough. Did I let her down?
Something within me, broke that day. I had enough. That means with anyone that does not bring me peace, positive energy. I did right by Blue and finally started closing any remaining doors. Sunday is my reflection day. I began by packing the rest of Eric's belongings and placed them outside of the garage door. I have more than enough reasons, over a decade's worth.
If you don't want to care for your own child. You won't be carrying for any fur babies. And you most certainly won't be with mine either. One would think, going through such great loss... it should automatically change people. But with life, we must remember, that some people never change. Heed the signs... close the door and walk away.
And just like that... life changed.
I've learned many lessons. Most importantly, that nothing stays the same. Life is short. It can change in an instant.
Me and Snoreo are now like two peas in a pod. He is every bit my clingy german shepherd shadow. Always by my side. He needs me now more than ever... and I need him.
Free Yourself...My Journey